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mood |
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I am unreachable |
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music |
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Jesse Cook - Fall At Your Feet |
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I have determined that love can only complicate everything more. More than it's worth?
No sex. No lust. No love?
Sometimes I get a pain in my ovary section, and it makes me wonder if the egg thing just exploded.
Yes, but love. All you need is love? But there is many different types of love. While I sit and wait for one love to call me, and I sit there, tears streaming down my face, I neglect other's I love. Care, a true friend of mine. I apologize, I'm sorry, forgive me, I'm sorry, how can I make it up to you?
Love is a bitch. It's an excuse for fuck ups, just like being under the influence of something. It controls. Controls, sucks in, and when you think things are better, then they just get worse. And it only gets worse and the bad happens more and more often.
Commitments, commitments, I don't want anymore commitments. I'm going for a job interview tomorrow. But I do not want commitments. *smack*
I had a good experience in the library. I sat down and read a magazine, UTNE, which had the line of being an 'alternative' magazine. I quoth, "... spend an afternoon concentrating on the flavour of grapes," and "Instead of always listening to music, play it. Instead of looking at art, make it. If you are a news junkie, try a media fast, or create your own magazine. Live directly. Be bold. Leave that human-made world behind occasionally. Play outside. Get in water. Go barefoot."
I really appreciate the grape quote. I shall have to do that sometime.
Kellium sang a song for me. He wrote it. It was so sweet. He wants us to be happy together. It's just getting more and more complicated. Yes. I think, time apart may help. I just want him to come back to me in the end.
Interview/try out thing for a film 'bout vampires. Hurrah. If I get the part, I shall be some sort of fortune teller. Hurrah. Very nice director and co-director, if that is what he was. Which reminds me.
There was this man who kept walking in and out of Second Cup, and would whistle each time he walked in, and nod his head at us. And we started getting weirded out, because he did this at least 3 times. And every time the door would open, we would look, because we were waiting for the other possible actor to show up. Creepy. Kind of interesting though.
I was sitting at Portage Place Mall, waiting to be picked up, and some drunken man came and sat next to me and poked me in the shoulder. "Gotta smoke?" "No, I don't smoke." "Bweoiuwefhs Ozzy Osbourne sdfloisdf weiflskf..." "I'm sorry?" "Wsdfoiusd sdfoj weolksl fosjdokjs wewexcou..." "I'm sorry?" "... gotta really big hard on right now..." *Oh dear god* "Tndmfnpsdfo weorlksd weorsd you single?" "No." "Wah not?" "Because I have a boyfriend." "Lookit over there... wewriouw vooiulwer ousdoiu" and then he walked off. Made me very sad. Very scared too. He also said Ozzy Osbourne in there somewhere, but I haven't the faintest idea what that meant. Where he poked me in the shoulder still burns, although he just tapped me.
Yesterday, I had a really good walk with Alex. Long talk. All sorts of things. Shan't comment, but very good. GRAMAPHONE!
After seeing Alex, went back to CYM. On the bus ride there, some guy smiled at me, said "I like your hair", and then smiled again and walked off the bus. Wee. Anywhoo, CYM, enjoyed it muchly. I met two girls, one named Becca whom was very excited to meet me, and gave me a big hug when I walked in. Her sister Hannah, although quieter, also hugged me hello. So nice. Had a talk with Kelly, fell asleep far too soon.
Some girl walked by me just before my father picked me up at the mall today. And she was dressed very interestingly, reminded me somewhat of the Indian culture. A sari, is it called? Something the women wrap around themselves. And very interesting pants, with little beads on them. And I felt compelled to watch her. And she seemed to do the same. And we both smiled at each other.
The neglect, the pain, everything... I'm a confused person. And I should be more in tune with others needs. And what I need. Life is just being distracting. And complicated. Let's all go live on a farm or in a forest together. Or in one big house. Because then it would make everything so much better. 'cept for the friends of mine that don't get along.
and I'm more than willing to offer myself
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happy
accomplished
loved
relieved