Date:	2002-05-05 21:06
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	travis- as you are

wow.. so now i dont have to go to the webpage to update this badboy..... how convenient- or am i just dense?

Date:	2002-05-05 20:22
Subject:	24 hours til pedro!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic
Music:	afi- total immortal

I am 0-20% Ghetto



I don't even know what ghetto is? Fuckin Preppy. I better hop in my beamer - head for the hood and get some chicken, watermelon, and neports.

as jay would say: "that's it right there"

so i figure it's about 24 hours until pedro the lion at the theatre of living arts on south st in philly tomorrow... this is going to be the best thing next to seeing radiohead on april 17, 1998 at radiocity music hall in new york..

i am so excited.

if anyone never hears from me again, it's because i went on tour with pedro and damien jurado.. you've been warned!

Date:	2002-05-03 13:43
Subject:	you'll be a memory
Security:	Public
Mood:	nerdy
Music:	underoath- when the sun sleeps

has anyone checked out UNDEROATH yet? they are this awesome up and coming hardcore band.. amazing lyrics and the lead singer's vocals are outrageous.. but that's just my little opinion :)

today is gorgeous.. i wish everyday could be like today, it's stunning!! someone come spend it with meee....

all i need is 20 bucks.
anyone got an extra 20 dollars to spare? didn't think so..

ok so, let me see if i can go get my logs done for my PS236 class and then i'll be all set..

only one final to study for so far... one 5 page paper to write for religion... 5 one page papers to write for religion, too... i think that's it..

off to do some schoolwizzork....

Date:	2002-05-02 20:24
Subject:	when you shine like a sun, you seem the only one.. my only friend
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	bush- inflatable

what is going on here people? when and how did my life become such a stress factory? just like i told deb, i have a million and five things to do (AS ALWAYS) and a million and six reasons not to do them.. it's because i put shit off, i know this... but must i suffer this stress constantly?

would the drama brigade please step the fuck off and outta my life.. seriously.. i have a shitload of stuff to do, i'll gladly assign each and every one of you something off that list so you can finally HAVE A FUCKING LIFE... is it that *boring* for them that must simply discuss other people's lives.. no.. actually, i am convinced they are discussing fictious people's lives. the way they make shit up i wonder who the hell they are really talking about half the time b/c it sure ain't me! agghh!! i refuse to let people get to me anymore.. i never let it happen until recently and i won't allow it to continue any further..

phew.. now that that's all outta my system then i can go outside for a smoke and then finish my letters for class tomorrow and maybe get some slizzeep.. HA! imagine THAT!

and as for YOU mr. notis... money doesn't grow on trees you hisedic piece of shit.. therefore if you call me one more time and if you're lucky enough for me to be the one to pick up the damn phone, you can bet you are going to hang up the phone in tears b/c i'll have finally put you in your place. there.

someone explain to me this group of 4 black female singers in this video on M2 swaying their maternal hips to indian hip hop sounding music while singing about how her man makes her scream and turns her pages? no.. you know what, if you have an explanation.. keep it to your self for fear that i may vomit if there is any reasoning behind this mess.

Date:	2002-04-30 09:23
Subject:	everything's cool in the mind of a gangsta cuz gangsta ass niggas think *deep*
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	damn it feels good to be a gangsta- ?

time to help out with the bake sale for the tennis team at 9 FUCKIN 30 AM!!

jill you izzowe me lady..

lol.. this should be good...free cuppycakes :)

Date:	2002-04-25 19:13
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy
Music:	eels- ps you rock my world

ahhh.. whattami gonna do tonight? hey lis.. thanks for calling me back there pal about the club. (i might go to this club around here just for $1 drinks and kicks but she hasn't called me back about the guest list yet... appears her phone is convienently turned off as well) so maybe ill go hang out with nat, robyn, and the north brunswick kids at the diner up there. robyn wants to meet nat's friend and i hope they hit it off! even if robyn does have a bf and all.. shhh... hey- she's young, fun, and on the run! more power to dat lady! lol robyn.. but anyways, BIG THANKS TO JESSEY for getting my pic on my LJ.. finally i feel more complete and accepted by everyone who actually knows me on here- all 2 people.. that's ok though. like bill said, i shouldn't write for other people but for myself and that's good advice! and bill, i'm still workin' on the kerrang buddy, don't think i forgot ok? ok.
so i think it's 11 more days til pedro the lion! and god AM I PSYCHED AS SHIT! this is gonna be so beautiful.. anyone who knows ptl like me will understand. seriously i have been missing out on like every awesome show i have ever wanted to go see lately, actually this past entire year.. i'm not blaming anyone for it either, it's my fault i know that. it's just that i haven't been too enthusiastic about some stuff lately and i'm not sure why but i think i may have a few clues..
so whatever i do tonight i'm sure i'll have a good time either way.. what i'd really like to do is get some new clothes at the mall or something. the shit i have is starting to get a little loose on me and not like that's a bad thing or anything, but i want mah shit ta fit ya know?

Date:	2002-04-18 13:13
Subject:	dream a little dream
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	hatebreed- before dishonour

i had this dream where i was at my school i think and i went somewhere inside i think my dorm where there was this picnic table. i sat down and the person sitting across from me was jamie jasta (sp?) from hatebreed. he looked real little. so anyway, i was like "well if it isn't mr. jamie jasta (sp?)" and he goes "no, i want to be called by my other name" (i cant remember what he wanted his new name to be) and i was like "oh, sorry.. so how's it going?" and jamie goes "well it's awesome being on tour and all but you never call me anymore. when are we gonna hang out?" and i was like "yeah, im real sorry, ive been busy with school and such. what are you doing tonight?" and jamie says "nothin, just gonna chill.. wanna hang out?" and then i look over to the end of the table across from me and it was none other than jonathan davis from korn and he looked mad skinny. all of a sudden jd pulls me down to the other side of the table and gets this weird smile on his face and goes "aww, you don't love me anymore.. i miss you" and i casually replied "yeah i know, i was just telling jamie that i've been really busy with school" and jd was like "well, our new album sucks a dick, don't you think so?" and i was like "actually, yeah.. but don't you guys have enough albums already" and jd agrees and then i hear my room getting buzzed from the front desk in the lobby of my dorm downstairs and i go to the desk and ask who buzzed me and why and everything and someone goes "you have 5 min. to turn in your paper that was due monday" so i ran like hell to the computer lab and finish my shit just in time and i look out the window and there go two tourbuses pulling away and i'm like "great" and then i woke up...

FUCKING WEIRD

oh god.. my nasal cavities are filled to capacity with snots! it hurrts.. just when i think i shook my sinus infection, the bastard sneeks right up behind me in the middle of a presentation.. go away!!!! pleeeeease.. i don't deserve this, really.

so at 4 i am going tanning and FUCK YA'LL NIGGAZ who don't approve.. i am not about to sit outside in 90 degree heat to sweat my ass off for a tan... and it IS the holes in the ozone layer that has brought about this god forsaken heat wave. it's never 90 degrees in april EVER unless you are in the pits of a brazilian rainforest.

and a quote of the day from my favorite movie: best in show..
Buck Laughlin: "Let me tell ya, if you're wearin' an outfit like that in my neighborhood, you better be a hotel doorman! He's havin' fun with his dog!" (special thanks to natalie for that one)

Date:	2002-04-17 10:15
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	phantom planet- california

why.. why must it be so scorching hot outside?? why?? it's april! ok, enough ranting on the weather. it's not like it's listening anyway.. and i guess it could be worse..
anyway today my schedule is as follows: 12- lunch, 2- class, 4- tanning (yes, tanning), 5- dinner, 6- telecounseling. then i must, must, MUST do the paper.. no, i haven't done it yet and i already have my lame excuse all set to go, just hope it works! i gotta get jumpin' in the shower now but here's a little something i came across yesterday that alisa linked me to.. check it out, it's kinda cool.. except i don't know how to do html and put an actual link in here so copy and paste is just gonna hafta work for now.. http://www.colorgenics.com have fun!!

Date:	2002-04-15 20:47
Subject:	"such an afwful tragic night though i've only done what's right"
Security:	Public
Mood:	numb
Music:	pedro the lion- eye on the finish line

the words to my life can only be described in this song.
i recommend anyone download it to get the full effect.

such an awful tragic night

though i've only done what's right.

but even with my conscience clear

i can't help this flood of tears.



i've got my eye on the finish line...



though i've been striving for the good

i will be misunderstood.

even my own darling dear

misconstrued what was so clear.


given the time i think he would have understood

that it was for the greater good.

said i will meet him in a mansion in the sky

leaving this wicked world behind.




strange that it should end this way.

but martyrs never have a say.

Date:	2002-04-12 09:43
Subject:	"sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well"
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	far- live to tell (madonna cover)

this week was so incredibly fun.. i slept here everynight- can you believe it?? it sounds crazy but i finally feel like i have had a college experience here.. i actually did some work, i hung out with my friends, went out everynight, and had a fuckin blast! college is so awesome and for anyone who can't experience it for financial reasons, i suggest you get a loan b/c this is awesome.. and the crazy part about all of this is that i am second semester sophmore and the semester ends may 15th for good. then it's home. then it's summer. and who knows what the summer holds for me, but in all truth, i'd rather be here b/c i feel like i'm on vacation while learning a few things. granted school sucks sometimes but SO DOES EVERYTHING IN LIFE at one point or another..
anyway, i really gotta get my ass to ticketmaster for PtL tix for may 5th.. i cannot WAIT for this show. it is definately going to be the show of the year for me.. fuck surf and skate. i've seen all those bands already. now's my chance to see pedro, this is definately once in a lifetime since it seems jade tree doesn't allow their bands to leave the west coast for shit.. or at least pedro for that matter.. oh god it's gonna be so amazing.. david bazan here i come! and you better be ready! the man is amazing but certainly i choose to worship the music, not the musician although it's rather difficult at times.. if anyone out there knows who the hell pedro the lion is and can relate, contact me, we'll tawk! :)

rainbows.. they're neither rain nor bows- discuss!

so today i have class 1115-145 then work 5-830. i dont normally work on fridays but ok, just this once right? riiiight.. i know she'll sucker me in for another friday b4 the semester's over but i could use the money so it's cool... it's yucky out.. 50 degrees and cloudy, come out sunshine even if i will be in the coolest class on campus for the next 3 hrs..ahem.

Date:	2002-04-11 17:04
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	hyper
Music:	afi- total immortal

today was fun as hell.. i didn't go to both of my classes which probably wasn't such a smart idea but that's IT, no more, it's the LAST TIME i'm gonna miss any classes.. it's just that well, today was sooooo beautiful and i wasn't about to sit in some shitty classes that i don't even need to graduate. so nat, robyn, and i went to lunch here at school, then decided we were gonna forfeit our classes like asses and go out. we went to sam's first to get my check, then the bank to cizza$$h it, then to starbucks to see if my friend john was working. the mousey-lookin guy said he might be working at the other starbucks in raintree so i checked there and they 'never heard of him'. so i was like, fuck this! we went to my old, first place of employment- hallmark creations.. that fuckin' place has not changed for shit.. in fact it's even more disorganized and messy than when i worked there 4 years ago. this girl nicole i used to work there with was there, she's now a manager after having been fired twice.. i guess that's what it takes to get ahead these days. it used to be one would have to sleep their way to the top, now it's shoplift til you drop and rise up the corporate ladder. eat your heart out to the glass ceiling theory! she let me and robyn steal kiss kiss bears and j-lo sunglasses.. i got to keep the glasses of course and might i say i look quite the boriqua! i think i may be able to pull them off though somehow without looking too trendy, imagine that!
after hallmark, or actually before that, nat got her hair cut at this place i go to to get my streaks done and then we went to visit mah momma at her office. hopefully her and my dad drop off my car tonight so i can make it to work tomorrow at 5.
then we come back to school after stopping at walmart to get robyn some hairdye and me some frizz ease by john freida. on the way we stopped at the exxon station to get me some stoges and nat was adjusting her rear view mirror for whatever reason and out of the nowhere.. you guessed it- the little bugger popped right off the fuckin windshield! great!! so we got superglue and put it back.. god knows if its still holding by now.. but my fingers are caked with superglue.. anyone know any remedies for that kind of situation other than peeling it off bc it hurrrrts!
carolyn called me to hang out tonight but i already made these plans with rob and jizzil to go to the party thing and now i dunno if i wanna go.. i havent chilled with carolyn and ian in a long time, kinda miss those punk asses.. i'll hafta see what happens.

Date:	2002-04-11 01:24
Subject:	"it's getting hard to tell where 'what i am' ends and 'what they're making me' begins"
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	eels- climbing up to the moon

so if it's not one thing it's another... i tell you.. NEVER A DULL MOMENT around here for me. i revealed my most inner secret to that person and it appears its been an ongoing discussion for a while now.. super.. i feel real comfortable and content.. anyone have a blunt?
so, today and tonight were awesome.. i had a drink with robyn, christine, and sarah vright (sp?) whom i never really chilled with before and she seemed to take me as completely hilarious which is nice to hear once in a while.. it's been quite frequent lately that i make someone laugh and that makes me feel AWESOME! :) then i came upstairs and nat decided she did wanna go to applebees and since she hates that place, i knew i had to take advantage of the moment.. so we went. on the way there, we see robyn and sal driving on rte 9.. on the way to, where else?, applebees! so we get there and get out of the car and who do we see? none other than jarret from our abnormal psych class.. mind you he was there with his buddies LAST NIGHT just like us.. so two nights in a row at applebees.. hot stuff. if i don't have a coronary from blocked arteries this week, then it'll definately be next. so we all sit down, at the same table, and who do i see across the way? none other than regina rohena.. mah girl from gcc.. i call her beyonce and tell her to holla back! fortunately she knows im kidding and doesn't take it as a racial remark or something like that. she's good company, especially after she's had a few of those drinks she was drinking, i forget what they are called but they looked pretty tasty. long story short, applebees was a good time had by all.. lol.. yeah it was fun :) i need fun.. sober fun.. good, clean times. so then i come back to the dorm and since i stole the entire apple-shaped wire basket filled with those sweet starlight mints and decided to leave a trail from the car to the dorm entrance.. real cute... buuuuuuuut.. before that, we thought we saw nat's friend's van's windows all fogged up and if her friend and her fiance were in there.. you know.. so we pulled up behind it and she flashed her brights right into the back window 5-0 style.. no one was in there, turned out the windows were just mad dirty. ok so back to the dorm entrance.. as soon as i walk up, leeann informs me that kasana has been looking for me- apparently she is back for a visit after leaving last semester to go to a college in connecticut to be with her gf.. and she's looking for me.. GREAT. so i find out she's in christine's room (maybe i shouldnt be using names in this thing.. too lizzate) so i knock and they're both in their beds and i go over to kasana to say hi and next thing i know she pulls me down onto the damn bed and starts stroking my hair! what the g.d. is going on?? damn girls cant keep they hands offa me apparently.. sheeet. so uh after that i left and went to my room and the phone rings and its kasana asking me to chill tomorrow... how do you say, "BUSY.. for LIFE" in ebonics? kidding on the latter but still.. enough already! dont you have a gf??
ok im done now, robitussin is kicking in and my cough is easing up, time for bed.. i hope.

Date:	2002-04-10 13:22
Subject:	"we hope your rules and wisdom choke you"
Security:	Public
Mood:	giggly
Music:	radiohead- exit music for a film

so today is suuchh a beautiful day out.. and here i am in farley with alisa playing around on the puter.. what a waste. oh well, more beautiful days will come wherst (?) i will take full advantage and maybe go for a walk or some shit.. havent done that in years.
i am feeling so fuckin giddy today? alisa is crackin me up... im gonna go have a smizzoke..

so that's it. i took my second abnormal psych test, probably bombed it considering me and 3 of my friends crammed like fiends for an hour right before we took it. cramming seems to work pretty well for me, however, although in conjunction with about a week's worth of real studying obtains a more optimal result. (one can probably conclude i've been doing schoolwork after that intelligent statement). so now i have this big paper due on monday, it has been extended a week mind you, that was assigned back in like january. of course i wait til the last minute to do such enormous projects and since it's tuesday night, i probably won't start till sunday late afternoon. my friend jill just said "you're always busy, always doing something".. pretty ironic ain't it? i think so. very.
i can't believe it was like 800 degrees out today.. i really can not stand the heat to tell you the truth. i haven't worn real shorts in like 3 years b/c i refuse to expose myself that much. and a bathing suit? i don't even own one. that's a whole other entry..
so tonight i am gonna chill with robyn and jill. we just went to the liquor store and bought 2 bud 40's and a bottle of sour apple pucker liquor stuff. i don't drink so this should be interesting. i only had two thingies today, i don't think that should interfere with the alcohol.. and since i don't know anyone to ask who would know what the hell i'm talking about, it looks like i'm just gonna hafta wing it..
i'll be sure to update what exactly goes on with that situation later since i'm sure i'll wanna look back at this entry when i'm lying in a hospital bed with catheters and iv tubes branching out all over the place from alcohol/thingie poisoning.. haha. actually, that's probably not too funny..
and now it's time for robyn to get here... let the games begin!!

Date:	2002-04-09 11:01
Subject:	"i thought i'd drop you easily, but that was not to be"
Security:	Public
Mood:	pensive
Music:	failure- stuck on you

your verse got trapped inside my head.. over and over again.
you played yourself to death in me.

stuck on you til the end of time.
i'm too tired to fight your rhyme.

you've got me paralyzed.

you're everywhere inside my room.
even when i'm alone i hear your melodrone.

you're everywhere inside of me.

Date:	2002-04-08 20:04
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited
Music:	pixies- where is my mind

my fingers hurt like hell from biting my nails too much.. CHRIST!! this simply won't be a long enough entry to update my life, but i can do it tomorrow when i am in less pain. i just took a shower and i'm feelin pretty clean, time for a night of fun with some kids around here at school.. i kinda need this break from the whole amboy situation which certainly appears to be coming to a close. all's well that ends well right? off to a night of friggin fun!! for once!! finaalllyyy!!

Date:	2002-04-06 11:21
Subject:	"trying to forget you.. this time it won't be as hard"
Security:	Public
Mood:	peaceful
Music:	pedro the lion- how much more

another saturday, another 1230-830 shift, and then another typical saturday night- oh well. doesn't sound like it might be that bad except work is definately gonna be busy as shit since the weather is yucky, but i'll deal with it. my nose is quite stuffy and my throat is beginning to hurt, i may be getting sick but let's hope not. i have waaaaaay too much shit to do for school and i cannot afford to miss any more classes. i've already wasted ridiculous amounts of time spending it with a certain person who now appears to not give a shit about me. good thing i realize this now before i go any further in my life making the same mistakes over and over- that's the realization i've come to after what happened these past few days.. and it's a damn good one. it allowed me to realize that i've fucked up but i still have time to change and move on with things, with certainty that i can.

Date:	2002-04-05 00:47
Subject:	not for such as you and i
Security:	Public
Mood:	exhausted
Music:	the smiths- i know it's over

i can feel the soil falling over my head... ill climb into an empty bed, oh well, enough said. i know its over, still, i claim i dont know where else i can go..
i know it's over even if it never really began, but it my heart it felt so real.

if you're so clever, then why are you on your own tonight?
if you're so very entertaining, then why are you on your own tonight?
if you're so very good looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?

because love is so natural and unreal, but not for such as you and i

Date:	2002-04-05 00:45
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	discontent
Music:	travis- the humpty dumpty love song

All of the king's horses
And all of the kings men
Couldn't put my heart back together again

All of the physicians and mathematicians too
Failed to stop my heart from breaking in two