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[17 Aug 2004|07:47pm] |
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sometimes i wish someone was in love with me. it doesnt have to be someone i love. it would just be nice to be loved. im weird.
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| soo pointless but i HAVE to post it. hehe. |
[12 Aug 2004|02:04pm] |
im trying to pretend im not hurt. and that i didn't put myself out for rejection again. im trying to hide the fact that i feel anything for anyone. its so much easier to be happy when surrounded by happy people who don't require you to invest any emotion into them. spending a majority of my free time depressed and alone has conditioned me to feel depressed as soon as im alone. no matter how well my day is going. i hate getting lost in my twisted thoughts on the world and my negative perception of reality. *sigh*
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[12 Aug 2004|09:04am] |
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My first lj cut... just for amber. ( photography )
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[06 Aug 2004|02:55am] |
god why do all people seem so weird. why do i expect everyone to be like me? why is it so hard for me to relate to anyone? i can't even relate to my best/only friend anymore and thats just devastating.
Jesse and Quinton stopped by yesterday to talk to Joshua. It was good to see them. I can appreciate them much more now that I only see them once every two or three months. hehe. Jesse bought me teryaki yum yum. They are exactly the same as I left them. Quinton was being cute and I said I helped him develop thick skin. And he no longer lets shit talkers get to him. Im so glad I could make fun of him and help him at the same time.
Photography is wonderful. I made the coolest picture ever this week. I wish I had a scanner. I need to scan them to impress all my internet friends.
Sometimes I really hate lj and myspace. Its made being on the internet for hours cool and trendy. I've been doing this since I was 13 and ALWAYS made fun of. The real reason I hate it is I use the internet to hide myself from all the really cute social trendy kids. As to not feel rejected because im not really cute and social and trendy.
I hate Amber's guts.
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[02 Aug 2004|10:24pm] |
I wish I had more friends who went to school. I don't know If I want to transfer to Cornish this Spring or wait until Fall. I hate making decsions. Im so bad at it. My new medication gives me a caffine feelin' buzz. I love it. I hope it doesn't go away. =)
I seriously had the best day ever. I woke up before my alarm clock. Danced around my room, put on cute clothes, had a detailed conversation with Toby about how much I love him, PUT MAKE UP ON, AND was early to class. I did just as well as I thought I did on my Psych test I got back. (which was *good* for me because this class is hardcore 47/55) Then i spent fucking 4 and a half hours in the dark room today. I <3 photography and I <3 our lab tech. My creative dark room assignment is going to kick ass. Then I went to work and Miss Carrie and Cameron were back from their two week long vacation which was good because I missed them. My kids were all being super hyper brats because its monday but it was ok because I had the energy today to keep up with them even with out a quad latte. (was that the longest sentence ever? hehe)
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| quick update |
[22 Jul 2004|11:17am] |
here i am doing a fast update so all you complainers can shut your damn mouths! ooook just kidding we all know i love to talk about myself.
so today in photography i discovered, accidentally, a new trick since i don't have the photograph online im not going to get into detail. but you can take my word its fucking badass. im one bad mammajamma WHAT?
so photography is the shit im going to get nothing less than a 3.8 out of the class for sure which is rad because my gpas done nothing but drop since my first quarter. i HAVE to keep it above a 3.0 or i WILL DIE! oh yes i will. psych however isnt going so well. its a fun class and my teachers awesome but his tests are super hard. school is fun.
cornish will be more fun. my goal is start this spring... yeahhhhhhhh wish me luck!
i love everything red. especially roses. and yes your rose smells like poopoopoo
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[13 Jul 2004|08:36am] |
so its come to this...
the only time i update is when im sitting at school advoiding my work.
soooo going to school is fun. i love it. im miserable without it. so why can't i study as much as i would like to? i need some answers. i just did horribly on my psych unit test because i had to go out and fuck around sunday afternoon/night instead of staying home and i had to go on a job interview for a job i don't even think i want. im lame. i wish i was as responsible as i like to think i am.
i think im going to hate the new people coming into my life. i already hate the ones who are here. i hate having asshole friends but not wanting to let go of them because i hate letting go of relationships good or bad.
in a perfect dream world i'dd be starting cornish this fall and i'dd be meeting people who are serious about going to school and serious about a career in art. then atleast i would have something in common. i *can't* find anything in common with anyone anymore. everyones into buying cute clothes and looking as trendy and cool as possible, or going to shows and spending *all* their money on it. im not hatin... i think thats rad if thats what they're into.
i really wish i had more student friends, but im shy and i can't make friends at school i count on bailey to introduce me to all my friends. and me and bailey definatly don't look for the same thing in a friend. i would be more motivated if i had more people in my life with goals similar to mine. i know they are out there i see hundreds of them daily.
i count on my art classes to raise my gpa, how sad is that?!?!?!?
i feel alone, and im totally ok with it. for now.
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| depression is living |
[13 Jun 2004|01:00am] |
i love the attention
im glad you adore
the stupid things
i have in store
so i gave you my heart
and nothing more
to find it left
behind on the floor
whats your damage
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