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Thursday, December 19th, 2002
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9:47 pm - Japanese food is always good, even if you eat it alone!
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I'm somehow coherant after only two hours of sleep. Go figure.
I went out to Asuka for a meal today, alone. At first, I felt strange sitting in the dimmed restaurant, by myself at a table, no one else around because I went for dinner in the afternoon. I burnt my tongue on the miso soup, and almost made myself sick by eating so much of my meal. My waiter recognized me because I eat at Asuka so often, and he asked where 'my green-haired friend' happened to be that day, then proceeded to chat me up. I was amused.
After I ate, I drove the short distance to the mall to meet  nothardcore properly, and I had fun talking to him for about 15 minutes, before too many people swarmed the store, and I had to leave to go to my Beatles final, anyway.
Wow. I studied for maybe a total of 15 minutes, and I ACED that final. I was amazed at how easy I found it to be, and I haven't gone to the class since the start of November. Before the final, our professor talked for an hour about the Beatles' lives after the breakup, and I was ready to KILL the guy next to me because he WOULDN'T FUCKING SHUT UP about not taking the test right away. He sat there, muttering stuff like, 'Ok, just START the test!' and his friends kept on shushing him. Ugh, I was about ready to tell him off, but then the test began and I finished straight off. I didn't want to waste my breath on him, anyway.
I'm meeting kashi tomorrow! She's in Indiana now, and she just gave me a call. I'll be driving up to Mike's grandparents' place at around noon tomorrow, and we'll be heading to Indianapolis to check out the Stevie Nicks dress! Yay! After that, we're not sure what we're going to do, but fun times will definitely be had! I'm bringing the digicam, of course, so those pictures will be up when I get home on Saturday night.
Things have been really good. I smiled goofily when my Beatles professor played BOTH "Mother Nature's Son" and "Long Long Long" during the listening part, just thinking about things. I like where things are going.
current mood: content
current music: Beatles - Honey Don't
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| Wednesday, December 18th, 2002
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9:59 am - And so it goes...
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I left my room last night fully aware that something was going to happen.
We watched the extended version of "The Fellowship of the Ring" after ordering a few drinks, arms around each other, feeling totally comfortable with this new element to our relationsihp. At 5am he showed me his records, and at 6am I showed him my drawings.
His eyes are so blue. I've never been with a blue-eyed boy before.
current mood: happy
current music: nothing
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| Tuesday, December 17th, 2002
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2:44 pm - 8 days until my birthday!
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Wow.
My birthday's in a little over a week.
I always forget about my birthday, up until about a week beforehand.
I'm going to be 22.
WOAH.
current mood: shocked
current music: nothing
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4:25 am - ZWAN. Need I say more?
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I saw Zwan tonight.
We left Bloomington at around 1, and arrived in Columbus, Ohio at around 5. After driving around the ghetto of Columbus for a little bit, we found a parking spot at the side of the road, and walked to the venue to stand in line for two hours. We talked to a few people in line next to us, and we enjoyed a little 'The Royal Philharmonic plays the Music of Radiohead' from a nearby car. Yes, it was really that horrifying. When the sun set, we became really cold, and I was happy when they finally let us in the club.
The opening act, Blue Karma, kicked a fair amount of ass, but I really couldn't wait to see Zwan. I couldn't wait to see Billy right in front of me, and when they came on stage, I just stared. I absorbed every song, watched Billy, Jimmy, and the other members' faces and expressions throughout the show. I don't know many of their songs yet, but I just stood in awe as they played them. I pushed myself up to the third row, covered in sweat and pushed up against the people around me who loved Zwan as much as I did. I love shows, and I love the mixture of sweat, beer, and cigarette smoke that comes with a general admission ticket. After two encores, nearly two hours after their set started, Zwan stepped off the stage, and Scott and I set off to find the car.
We found our way out of Columbus eventually, and we stopped at a Steak and Shake at the Indiana border at 2am. To stay awake, we stopped at a gas station and I bought Chewy Sprees, also known as 'crack in a cylinder'. Yeah, I became tired. I finally arrived back in my dorm at a little after 4, and here I am now, shocked and amazed that I saw Zwan tonight.
I'm psyched about the album. January 28 is marked on my calendar
current mood: !!!!!
current music: nothing
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| Sunday, December 15th, 2002
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11:00 pm - I'm halfway coherant, at least...
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It took me FOURTEEN HOURS to drive back to Indiana today. It usually takes me SIXTEEN. I'm PSYCHED that I made the drive shorter!
I'm a tired Aubrey.
BUT I'M SEEING ZWAN TOMORROW!!!
Sleep is good.
current mood: tiiired
current music: Dandy Warhols - The Dandy Warhols' TV Theme
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12:47 am - My day, in brief
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12:00pm: Went to work.
4:15pm: Was released from work, earlier than scheduled but much later than anticipated.
5:00pm:
(Yeah, it's a haircut, if you couldn't tell from the picture...)
6:30pm: Home from the mall, ate a quick dinner of pizza with the parents and little cousins.
7:00pm: Arrived late to the 'mini Christmas party' at MHC. Received many kickass gifts, including a Harry Potter postcard book and nifty pens. Watched a few Christmas movies, such as A Charlie Brown Christmas and How The Grinch Stole Christmas, complete with ghetto 80's commercials.
10:00pm: Hang out in feyfanatic's room for a bit. Receive lots of clippings from old Rolling Stones about Smashing Pumpkins, Blur, Radiohead, and REM. I found a quote I love in one of the SP articles, which will be posted at a later date.
11:30pm: SNL with Al Gore, need I say more?
12:30am: Drive home to hurriedly pack, in hopes that nothing will be forgotten.
1:00am: SLEEP.
6:00am: Get up, drive to Bloomington, estimated arrival time 10:00pm. That disappoints me.
Today has been one huge blur. I haven't been this crazy in ages, I swear!
I'll be back in Indiana tomorrow. w007!
current mood: hectic
current music: nothing
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| Saturday, December 14th, 2002
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11:23 am - Random thoughts of the moment...
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- Wow, I really need a haircut.
- I had a random dream about zrith meeting a certain friend of his from the Northampton area, and that the meeting went well.
- I'm watching my cat chase a mouse out in the snow, and he just caught it. I love having a window that faces the backyard.
- I hope my supervisor remembers to let me out at 3 or 4 today.
- Tonight should be fun, as should my week in Bloomington.
- I'm a nerd.
current mood: anticipatory
current music: Ladytron - Discotraxx
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1:47 am - Christmas survey
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I'm finally getting around to doing this Christmas survey, and everyone knows that I LOVE CHRISTMAS! (Right, feyfanatic?)
About the tree...
1. When do you put up the Christmas tree? The weekend after Thanksgiving, usually the Friday after, actually. My family's all about Christmas, and we decorate the house the day after Thanksgiving as well.
2. Real or fake? We have a real tree in our family room, and a fake one in the living room. And I, of course, have a fake tree in my room :).
3. Lights? What color? On the real tree, we have colored lights, and in the living room, we use white lights. I use colored lights on my tree too. I like both types of lights, but I can't stand blinking lights. I don't know why.
4. Garland? Gold garland on the family room tree, silver in the living room, and silver on mine. I hate gold, so I avoid putting anything gold on my tree!
5. Theme or no theme? No theme for either my tree or the family room tree, but the living room tree's all decorated in blue and silver metallic. I love that tree, it's the one I get to decorate every year!
6. What kind of topper? A star from our former babysitter in the family room, and an angel in the living room. I don't have a topper on my little tree, unfortunately!
7. What's your favorite ornament? I like these little apple ornaments that my mom has on the family room tree, because they're older than I am! I like all the beaded ornaments my mom and I made this past month too, because they look beautiful. I love homemade ornaments most of all.
8. What does your tree skirt look like? My mom made the one in the family room years and years ago, out of one of those felt kits or something. It's of a winter scene. We just have a cheap one for the tree in the living room, and I don't remember what it looks like.
9. Where do you put your tree? We put a tree in the family room, so you can see it from the window. We also put a tree in front of the huge window in the living room, so that people can see it while they drive by.
10. Who decorates the tree? Everyone but Carrie, usually. I decorate a few trees myself, actually, because I love to decorate the tree!
11. What's "under" the tree? Nothing's under any of them yet, but on Christmas Eve we'll put all our presents to each other under them, and then on Christmas Day our presents will be under the tree, grouped for each of us.
12. Do you put candy canes on your tree? We put them on the family room tree, and when we want one, we take it off the tree and eat it!
( Oh, there's more! )
current mood: good
current music: New Order - 60 mph
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| Friday, December 13th, 2002
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9:21 pm - The light that passes through me now...
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So, I couldn't get tomorrow off. I will, however, be leaving work early, so that I can do homework and write out cards and do all that fun stuff. Never again will I leave all these things until the last minute!
I felt sad at noon when I started my shift, because I thought too much about the things I needed to do here in Massachusetts before I left for Indiana. I just wanted to leave during the first hour of work, and I just cut myself down in my mind, thinking I was too weak and unable to do anything for myself. However, I somehow changed my mind, and stopped thinking about all those negative thoughts, and I became my usual happy self. I even started dancing around to the cheesy Christmas music, throwing around boxes and talking to my coworkers. It is a really fun place to work, I give it that much.
I'm going to write out some Christmas cards today, and tomorrow after work I'm going to go to the mall and buy some Christmas presents. I'll also get that blasted reading done one of these days. I just need to get all my reading done before the end of the semester, next Friday.
Shit. I have a week left. This is nuts!
current mood: happy
current music: Guided By Voices - Glad Girls
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10:59 am - So much work, so little time...
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I was supposed to get up at 9:30 this morning, but instead I woke up at 10:30. I'm so lazy. I need to do that reading so I can stop worrying about it. I'm going so far as to bringing my reading into work with me, so that I can read some of it during my half hour break. It's so pathetic. And then, I need to type up all the notes for it, and write up the Christmas cards for my friends at Mount Holyoke.
People I'm sending cards out to: I'm sorry, I'm not sure when you'll be getting your cards, because I'm not sure where or when I will be sending them out. I'm hoping you'll get them before Christmas, but I'm not going to make that promise. I feel like the most horrible person in the world because I haven't gotten cards or presents for ANYONE'S birthdays during the past few months, and I've been at home for about a month and I STILL didn't get Christmas cards written. Leave it to me to leave everything to the last minute.
Ok. I NEED to do a little bit of reading before work. I NEED to get this done.
current mood: anxious
current music: nothing
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| Thursday, December 12th, 2002
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10:58 pm - Emotional outburst
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I'M GOING FUCKING INSANE AT HOME AND I REALLY REALLY NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I GET ANY WORSE.
Ahem.
Yeah, I've spent more than enough time at home, it seems. I just want to GET OUT OF HERE and get on with my life. I hate feeling so alone and isolated. I needed the alone and isolation time at first, but now, I feel too alone. I miss Indiana, I miss my friends, and I even miss doing my schoolwork. It's so sad.
I'm glad I'm like this now. I'm glad I don't feel the opposite way, that I want to stay here forever. I'm glad I want to return to the semblance of a life I've built for myself out in Indiana.
Ah. Nothing like a sudden burst of emotion to make you feel better.
current mood: better
current music: nothing
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8:02 pm - Tired and stressed
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I'm tired and stressed and I still have a ton of homework to do before Sunday. I'm going to need to take Saturday off from work so I can write out my Christmas cards and do the present thing and whatnot, and to finish my homework when I'm not feeling drop-dead tired.
I'm tired and stressing out, and being home is NOT supposed to be doing that to me.
I think I'm going to need Saturday off anyway, just because my MHC friends are having their Christmas party on Saturday night, and I have to wake up early on Sunday morning to start the drive to Bloomington. If I work, I won't be able to get to the party until later on in the night, which means that I'd probably stay later. I don't want to do that, because I need to go to bed by at least 10 to get up for 4am on Sunday.
I feel so weak for having to take a day off from work so soon, when I started only this week. It's not like I'm on the permanent schedule or anything, and it's not like I'm going to be there for long, but I still feel terrible about it.
Argh. I work tomorrow 12-7, and I'm finally getting trained on the cash registers. Tomorrow should be interesting because of that, and hopefully that will be my last day of work before I go back to B-town. Whew.
Oh yeah, yesterday I received a Christmas card from allegria, and today I received both a Christmas card and a birthday card from kashi! Thanks so much, you guys! I love you both!
Ok. Time to get started on my history reading. I hope I can get all this done by Sunday, even with the day off on Saturday. Here's to trying, at least...
current mood: stressed
current music: nothing
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| Wednesday, December 11th, 2002
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1:21 pm - In a world where hope's enslaved...
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At the end of September of 2000, I received "Dosage" by Collective Soul in the mail from BMG, which I had belonged to at the time. One night, after a particularly emotional night that involved talking to Nate both on IM and on the phone, I played the entire CD for the first time, through all the songs.
I loved it. I wrote in my paper journal as I listened, and my insites on the initial listen of the CD were recorded forever between the black pages of the book. I sat there, at my desk in 106 Mead, marveling at "Tremble For My Beloved", remembering spending days in the produce back room during "Heavy" and "Run", as Dan would always play the CD while working, and crying the first time I heard "Not the One". In a spur of emotions, I looked up the lyrics in the book that came with the CD, and wrote the lyrics in my journal.
I waltzed around you
Seven times
Only to become
A melody you never sang
I'm not the one
Oh I'm not the one
Clouds of thought you
Filter through
Never to reason
While patiently your world
Still bleeds
Who shall be the one?
Oh I'm not the one
For this reason, "Dosage" holds a lot of good memories for me, and why I viciously defend it whenever people say it's a bad album. I disagree, because to me, a good album makes you feel things, and this one has made me feel a whole gamut of emotions.
current mood: warm
current music: Collective Soul - Run
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| Tuesday, December 10th, 2002
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10:08 pm - 'Cause you've seen me, I've got my magic pie...
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I'll have my way
in my own time
I'll have my say
my star will shine
Words I still live by, even now...
current mood: pretty good
current music: Oasis - Magic Pie
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8:17 pm - First day of work
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Geeky moment at work today:
Me (glancing at the cash register monitor): DUDE! They're running LINUX on the registers!!
Supervisor and cashier at the register: Whaa? (confused looks ensue)
Me: You know, the operating system...?
Supervisor and cashier at the register: *more confused looks*
I thought that was noteworthy.
So, my first day of work wasn't bad at all. I HATE the black Town and Country shirt that I thought I had to wear for work, but when I arrived I saw the other cashiers wearing nice sweaters and the like, so I figure on Thursday I can wear a sweater and be cool like that.
But wow, the amount of money people spend on alcohol! I had to box and bag a few $200 and $300 orders, and one was even $600! I couldn't believe it! Someone bought a bottle of apple Pucker, and it brought back memories of the shots of Pucker and Midori I did a loooong time ago, the second time in my life that I got sort of drunk. I take shots of odd alcoholic beverages, such as the shots of gin and lemon juice that I took with Nate and Adam in August before Adam left for Japan. But look at me, going off the subject. People spend way too much on alcohol!
Something I found surprising was the fact that I was older than most of the people working with me. The two guys I worked with during the day were only 18 and 19, and I worked with a girl that looked around my age. Both the guys gave me funny looks when I told them I went to school in Indiana, and I laughed when one of the guys told me he was into 'hippie music'. I'm glad my coworkers seem cool, because that always makes work more bearable.
I don't think I'll ever be able to work in retail again for prolonged periods of time, but I can stand it for just a few weeks, to make some extra cash. I think this job will turn out decently. Now, I can't wait to learn the cash registers, which I think I'll be doing when I go back to work on Thursday. Hopefully it won't be bad.
current mood: full
current music: nothing
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6:54 pm - ZWAN ZWAN ZWAN!
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Before I write about my first day of work, I have something MUCH more exciting to write about.
I'M SEEING ZWAN NEXT MONDAY!!!!!!!
Scott and I are going over to Columbus, Ohio to check out the show, which is on Monday night at 6, I believe. It's a 4 hour drive, but trust me, it will DEFINITELY be worth it. Tickets were only 15 bucks, so that makes me even more excited!!
This won't make up for me not seeing the Pumpkins in concert, but it will be damn close. This, along with meeting up with kashi next Friday, will make my week in Bloomington complete. *grin*
current mood: excitedhappy!!
current music: Tom practicing his guitar
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| Monday, December 9th, 2002
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9:58 pm - I'm not a music nerd at all...
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When my brother went out to my car to get the CD player, I asked him to bring in the tape case to the tape I finally got to play in my car, so that I could type up the list for my reference. Yeah, it's called "My Funky Tape", and I recorded it sometime during the summer of 1998 I figure, as I have some songs from "Parklife" on it, and I bought that during the summer of 1998 sometime. I remember I bought that and "Modern Life Is Rubbish" at the same time.
One of these days, I'm going to make a list of approximately when I bought each and every one of my CDs, because for some reason that matters to me.
Anyway.
My Funky Tape, Summer 1998
Side One- Oasis - Hello
- The Yardbirds - Shapes of Things
- Smashing Pumpkins - In the Arms of Sleep
- The Byrds - Turn Turn Turn
- Smashing Pumpkins - Daphne Descends
- The Hollies - I'm Alive
- Hole - Plump
- Donovan - Catch the Wind
- Smashing Pumpkins - A Night Like This
- The Turtles - It Ain't Me Babe
- Sean Lennon - Mystery Juice
- The Byrds - Eight Miles High
- Smashing Pumpkins - Frail and Bedazzled
- The Mamas and the Papas - Monday Monday
- Blur - Badhead
- Jefferson Airplane - Somebody to Love
- Smashing Pumpkins - Today
- The Beatles - Why Don't We Do It In the Road? (first half)
Side Two- The Beatles - Why Don't We Do It In the Road? (second half)
- Blur - Stereotypes
- Oasis - Shakermaker
- David Cassidy - I Think I Love You (or is that the Partridge Family?)
- Sean Lennon - Home
- The Byrds - Mr. Tambourine Man
- Nirvana - Territorial Pissings
- Tommy James and the Shondells - Sweet Cherry Wine
- Oasis - (It's Good) To Be Free
- Donovan - Sunshine Superman
- Smashing Pumpkins - Perfect
- The Yardbirds - Heart Full of Soul
- Oasis - Some Might Say
- Simon and Garfunkel - Feelin' Groovy
- Smashing Pumpkins - Tear
- The Grass Roots - Midnight Confessions
- Blur - End of a Century
- Oasis - Swamp Song
More proof that I'm the hugest geek in the world...
current mood: rockin' out!
current music: Star Patrol - Isis O'Neill's Birthday
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5:02 pm - Vanilla CRACK!
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4:37 pm - But I may as well try and catch the wind...
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I had forgotten about this song, until I got a very special mix tape, from waaay back in 1998, to work in my car. It's a beautiful song.
In the chilly hours and minutes
Of uncertainty
I want to be
In the warm hold of your loving mind.
To feel you all around me
And to take your hand
Along the sand
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.
When sundown pales the sky
I wanna hide a while
Behind your smile
And everywhere I'd look, your eyes I'd find.
For me to love you now
Would be the sweetest thing,
T'would make me sing
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.
When rain has hung the leaves with tears
I want you near
To kill my fears
To help me to leave all my blues behind.
For standing in your heart
Is where I wanna be
And I long to be,
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.
current mood: wistful
current music: Donovan - Catch the Wind
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3:55 pm - I have too much fun with surveys sometimes...
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It's time for another survey, taken from fragilehearted and leenielikescake!
Name four bad habits you have:
1. drinking too much soda!
2. staying up too late
3. opening myself up to the wrong guys
4. laziness
Name four things that you wish you had:
1. more money
2. an apartment!
3. an endless supply of Vanilla Coke
4. Cadbury's Mini Eggs!
Name five scents you love:
1. vanilla
2. Yankee Candle's 'Christmas Wish' scent
3. my mom's chicken and broccoli
4. freshly baked goods
5. the salt air at the ocean
Name three people that know you the best:
1. Nate
2. Kelly
3. Linda
Name four things you'd never wear:
1. a thong
2. fake nails
3. those trendy jeans where the wrinkled parts are already faded (Linda, I agree! I hate those!)
4. bathing suits with the ruffle around the middle
Name four things you are thinking about now:
1. I start work tomorrow!
2. I had fun this weekend
3. I'm going to have fun in Bloomington next week!
4. I should do my homework...
Name four things that you have done today:
1. drove home from New Jersey
2. drank a Vanilla Coke
3. uploaded pictures!
4. ate chocolate
Name five bands/groups most people don't know you like:
1. Thursday
2. The White Stripes
3. Coldplay
4. VAST
5. Rancid
Name five drinks you regularly drink:
1. Vanilla Coke
2. cranberry juice
3. milk
4. water
5. Sprite
current mood: happy
current music: my mom fiddling with the TV
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