Your Heroin's LiveJournal Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Your Heroin [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

"...i don't wanna die yet..." [25 Feb 2003|06:56pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Radiohead- -How To Disappear Completely ] All of you: Stop treating me like I'm keeling over, on my death bed, and that any moment could be my last one. Just stop. I'm not dying, I just want some downtime to myself. So Mom, even though you never read this, stop it. And you especially, you know who you are, just stop treating me like I'm going to die at any instant. I'm not saying be mean to me either; just treat me the way you always have, however it was. I'm still alive and I'm still a person. Just... enough. Thank you.

HELL FUCKING YES! [23 Feb 2003|07:35pm] [ mood | relieved ] I AM BACK! IT TOOK ME THREE HOURS, PLUS HOLD TIME, WITH TIME WARNER CABLE TO GET MY MODEM BACK AND RUNNING! BUT, HERE I AM, FEELING MUCH LESS TENSE, AND I AM BACK! BOO-THE-FUCK-YA! (lol, and he's not even online!) Oh yeah, and before I forget, a great big old FUCK YOU. Yeah, you know who you are. FUCK YOU. Now, to majorly defrag my computer. Ugh.

"Now ask me why..." [22 Feb 2003|03:35am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Sade- -King of Sorrow ] I went to Dox tonight. Turned out to be a date - Joe paid. Good band called The Nerve!. Got their demo. Chillaxed with Joe. Came back to the block at midnight. Didn't have to be home until 12:30. Walked around Staten Island for an hour. Talked. Opened up to each other. We have our own spot on top of a hill that overlooks the entire Island. It's only ours. I don't even know how to get there. We left. Joe dropped me off. Got in at 1:30. Here I am. I have not slept in two days. I am tired. Jake's tomorrow. Waking up at 11. It is late. I need rest. Caktapusss at L'amour tomorrow night. Opening for Otep. I'm going to pass out on the couch at L'amour. Pray I don't get attacked. Goodnight moon. Comments: 5 yums - eat me.

LOL [21 Feb 2003|06:41am] [ mood | busy ] [ music | Lovage- -Stroker Ace ] It's so light out. And I just finished my conversation with Joe. Neither of us wanted to go, but since he's really Italian, I didn't want him to get his ass kicked by his dad and he didn't want to either. So now it's 15 to 7 in the AM and I'm not tired. Perhaps I'll do some homework. Yes, I think I shall. Last night (or a few hours ago) Matt, Joe, and myself ventured out at 9 to get a cake for Kurt Cobain's birthday. We lit candles, sang, and watched Unplugged. Matt left at 11:30, and Joe and I watched some other videos and made a night out of it. I got home at 1:30 AM and spoke to Anna about her date. Tonight I am going to the L'amour of Staten Island called Dockstreet, or Docs. I'll probably wind up referring to it as Dox or something like that. Joe's pretty psyched about introducing me to some of his friends there and I'm psyched about meeting them. And it's really cool because he's taller than I am when I wear my stackers. We were talking about how we were probably going to pass out at Dox because we didn't get enough sleep. Eh, I'll be all right. I think it's just him and myself who are going. Fine by me, he's a cool guy. He's one of those guys, like Jake, who you can be friends with, just relax and chill with, stay up late and watch television with. He's fun and my mom likes him so it's good. She doesn't think he's some crappy white Staten Island trash, like the other idiots on my block. Off to work I go! Goodmorning all! Comments: eat me.

Whoa. [19 Feb 2003|05:19am] [ mood | excited ] Okay, so other than recent discussions with Elias, that 5 hour+ conversation with Joe that just ended... wow. That was just a wonderful conversation. He seems like a male me. We kept saying the same things at the same time, it was great! We have so much in common and I'm so glad I met him. I really really am. In a few hours, Anna will be here and we're having a nice bonding day in my freezing cold house, because a pipe froze and broke, causing my garage to be flooded. Fun. Then after Anna and I have our bonding day, I'm going to Joe's in my pajamas and we're going to watch Howard Stern. It's going to become a nightly ritual! Aaaaah, I made a fri-end, I made a fri-end! Woooooooo! Goodnight all! Comments: eat me.

To tell or not to tell? Eh, eventually. [19 Feb 2003|12:48am] [ mood | happy ] I hung out at Joe's tonight. I met these two asshole kids - the ones who called me "Freak" as I walked down the block, back when I used to leave my house occasionally to go to the store. I was making so much fun of them and I had everyone rolling. They're such idiots. And pretty racist too! Thank gosh no one really hangs out with them. Joe is so cool, I love hanging out with him. And he only lives about 4 houses away, so I can tell we're going to be spending a lot of time together, watching movies in our pajamas, and possibly having sleep overs. Kind of like Jake and I, just that there's more between Jake and I because we know each other longer, we love each other, and we've shared so much between us. We had a fling, didn't speak, dated, broke up, didn't speak, and here we are, best friends. I could never replace him and I'd never want to. But Joe is so fucking cool. Like, he's just so much fun to be around and makes you feel really comfortable. He told me he'd show me all these places this way I can know my way around the place I've been living for over a year. Lol, it's kind of pathetic that I know NOTHING here, and that until yesterday, knew no one here. He plays guitar, listens to a wide variety of music that I do, goes to the same shows that I do, and has a lot of the same opinions as I do. He appreciates music like Bob Dylan, The Beatles, The Doors, Zepp, etc. And he has a blue iBook! It's courtesy of his school. They give all the students in certain grades free iBooks to use as long as they're in the school. And it's a public school too so that's pretty cool. I like hanging out with him and everyone else. Alana (the only girl) is really nice and she's happy that she met another female. Perhaps this won't be so bad afterall. However, I'd still prefer to live in Brooklyn than Staten Island any day. Comments: eat me.

I swear, I am so gorgeous right now. (And I refuse to clean up!) [16 Feb 2003|12:56am] [ mood | better ] ...and that's how you obtain a solution for a problem that seems unresolvable! (Thank you Dancey [for easing it] & Shmelias [for getting me through and curing me].) Comments: 9 yums - eat me.

[15 Feb 2003|08:39pm] I'd love to have just one person truly say, "Do you need to talk? I promise I'll listen and help as best as I can."

Valentine's Day [15 Feb 2003|02:45am] [ mood | content ] [ music | The Juliana Theory - Love - Trance ] Disclaimer: This entry contains happy, sappy, lovey, dovey writing. If such literature induces depression, vomiting, suicidal thoughts, anger, et cetera, please do not read the following. Thank you. - - - - - - - Valentine's Day started off so good. My mom woke me up telling me that Adam was on his way and that the stuff for my room came. I jumped out of bed, all excited-like, and we put on my pretty comforter with the pillow shams. My vanity table (which matches my bed!) and my end tables are in the boxes (still) and will be put together later. I prepared Adam's gift and got into the shower 5 minutes before he arrived. Not good, seeing as how my shortest shower ever was 20 minutes long. I emerge, eventually, clothe myself, and greet Adam. We talk for a bit, watch television, and to my surprise I find that Comedy Central is rerunning an old episode of SNL in which Mariah Carey is the guest performer!! AAAH YESSS! So, yes, I am in bliss watching her perform. ::Sigheth:: I cannot wait to see her in concert. I will cry my big ol' eyes out the whole time. Anywho, my black vinyl dress has arrived! I try it on and it looks stunning. I am so in love with this dress. My boobs look a bit lost in it, though, but the dress is gorgeous. It's longer in the back, laces down the back, and is tight and loose exactly where it should be. Oh, I love this dress! Now, just for a place to wear it. Heh. We exchange our gifts. I open up his card, which looks like one of those cute-type-of-funny Hallmark cartoon cards, but it's really a card he made for me. When I saw my name on the cover, then I realized. The cover has two figures, a male and a female, who are supposed to be representations of us. It says, "To the love of my life... my dearest Maegan, this year I figured out the best gift of all to give you..." He is standing with his hands behind his back, holding a gift, and gleaming with pride. I am standing there, looking hopeful, smiling, and a thought bubble is over my head with bunnies, hearts, kitties, and teddy bears. Open the card and it says, "MY STILL BEATING HEART!" LMAO! There's Adam standing with his eyes x-ed out, his shirt open, his chest cut open and bloody, and he's holding a knife in his hand. There's me standing there, my eyes are all big, and I'm holding a present that says, "pump, pump" with blood spots all over. I was laughing for a good half hour. And he wrote me this beautiful poem that's taped inside. I started to cry. They were the sweetest words I've ever read. He also got me this snowglobe with these two little kids inside, and the girl is kissing the boy on the cheek. He said it made him think of me because I always bought him those blank-inside cards with the black and white photographs of children on the cover. That, and he knows how much I adore snowglobes. And at the bottom, there's a knob that you turn for it to play a melody. It's so sweet! Eeeeeeeee! And yeah, I got him some gifts too. We hung out for the rest of the night until he had to leave. :( I wish he could have stayed over and we'd fall asleep in my new, big, comfy bed. He called me when he arrived home to assure me he was in safe. Then we talked for about an hour. The show "Inside the Actor's Studio" did a special on The Simpsons. He has all the actors on and when the host asked questions, they'd respond in that characters voice. They also repeated some gag lines and showed rare "couch gags." Homer had the Mmmmmm-board and he was given things to say "mmmmm" about. I didn't watch, but I listened from over the phone. It was pretty cute. Sleep, now. Happy Valentine's Day to all! Comments: 1 yum - eat me.

The Juliana Theory as of 2-11-03 [15 Feb 2003|02:18am] [ mood | content ] Adam and I arrived to the show and proceeded to wait on the line. The line wasn't too long. We got there at 5:30. The doors opened at 7:45. We made friends with some nice girls in front of us and joked about all the crying people we would see at the concert. At some point, we went to the pizza store due to hunger pains. I got a calzone; he got a pineapple slice and a sausage slice. We go back to waiting and continue to freeze. Dave Attel was having a signing for his new CD and DVD at Virgin Megastore in Times Square and we were talking about the possibility of him coming to the concert and making fun of the crying females, taking pictures and such. It'd be such a riot. We finally go inside, check our stuff, and prepare to go inside on the floor. People are so packed together and a few get hit when the doors to the room open. Adam and I establish our standing spaces and I go to buy myself a The Juliana Theory hoodie. Ahhh, it's so comfy and soft and I love it. First band goes on, Vendetta Red, sucks. Second band goes on, Fiction Plain, sucks, but the singer is wearing the original Nirvana shirt so that's cool. Third band goes on, Something Corporate, sucks except for the opening song and the only song I know/enjoy by them. The fans for this band are awful. Everyone was packed so closely and tightly. I was not able to breathe or move or do anything. Adam and I got separated at one point and he was holding on to me so strongly. I did like, however, that the singer played the piano. There were crowd surfers which are just plain ANNOYING, some of which who kicked me in the head a few times, and then the singer set the piano on fire and jumped on the keys. They got off the stage, thankfully. Half of the crowd left, thankfully. Then, finally, the moment I have been waiting three years for: The Juliana Theory! Aaaaah!! I am standing right up on the barricade with my new friend, Josh, and we are talking about our favorite songs. Just then, up goes the screen and they open with "If I Told You This Was Killing Me..." and we went insane!! We started singing to each other and we were just so damn excited! Then they played "To The Tune Of 5000 Screaming Children" and that was just so good! I don't remember all of the set list, but when I talk to Josh (which will hopefully be soon) I will ask him, because he caught one of the set lists. Since there are 3 Joshes in The Juliana Theory, Josh and I would occasionally scream out, "Yeah JOSHES!!!! WOOOO!" I kept screaming, "I love you BRETT!" They played a few songs off the new album like: Congratulations, Everything, Do You Believe Me?, Trance, and (I think it was the new version of) Into The Dark. They played Rainy Day Song and AAAAH! I started jumping up and down, singing and dancing, I was so excited. That's SUCH a feel-good song. They played "Is Patience Still Waiting" and a small mosh pit opened up. That was pretty amusing. They left the stage for a few minutes and came out to do an encore. They did an acoustic version of "August In Bethany," in which Adam and I shared this deep, immense, intimate osculation. It was perfect. Right at the part of, "...don't go, don't go, you said you wouldn't, you said you couldn't, don't go, you said as I walked out your door, don't go, don't go, your eyes they see through, my soul..." It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. After that, they closed with "Constellation," in which Josh and I kept yelling, "And I wanna be SELFIIIIISH! And I wanna be SELFIIIISH! You're my everything!" What a great set. After they left, Josh Fielder and Brett Detar went back onto the stage to get some things. I got Fielder's attention and asked if I could have his towel. He and Brett came off stage and handed it to me. They took pictures and signed my ticket stub. I went out to the merchandise booth and Josh Kosker signed my stub as well as Josh Walters. I took pictures and Aaaaah, what nice guys! Adam and I got our stuff, met my new friend Josh outside, and we waited for the members to come outside because he hadn't met them yet. Brett came out, signed a poster for me and Beth, and I asked him to say Beth's name (a request from her). He said it, and my friend Josh suggested Brett call her. I asked him and he agreed. She didn't answer her cell phone so he left her a message which said something like, "Hi Beth, this is Brett from The Juliana Theory. No really, it is. I'm serious. I just wanted to say hi and tell you that we're coming around again in April and we hope to see you there. I'll be looking for you. Take care." He said that he was going to go hang out with Napalm Death because they just had a concert that night too. That was the funniest thing ever. Walters came out, got autographs. Fielder came out, got autographs. Kosker came out, got autographs. We asked him to find Chad because we hadn't met him yet. He went to go look for him but couldn't find him. He wasn't even on the bus! Strange. Adam offered to be their new bassist. That'd be cool. Adam and I headed home. I passed out as soon as I got to his house. Sleep was finally had, at last. Going to sleep with Adam, waking up with Adam, seeing The Juliana Theory: what a great night. Too bad the next day resulted in a horrid illness. Was it worth it? YES. Comments: eat me.

Sick and tired. [13 Feb 2003|02:03pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | The Juliana Theory- -Rainy Day Song (this was SO good live!) ] First class was fine. I am fine. Jake was not in attendance. I become worried. The day rolls onto the next class. I am called down to the dean's office. I am told that Beth is unable to attend the concert tonight due to a family emergency. I am also told to not go to her house after school because no one will be there. Now I am left stranded. What do I do? Panic. A multitude of questions arise: Is Beth OK? What if something serious happened? How will I get home? Will I go to the concert? Is Beth still in school? How is she feeling? Will I be able to get home? Will my mom be upset? Yes, it may seem like something minute to the rest of you, but when you are placed in a situation as such, it seems to have a different effect on you. On top of all this, I am becoming more and more ill. The nose gets stuffier, the throat gets drier, the head gets heavier, and so on. I go back to class with a pass of course, but before that, I wait around Evil's psychology class, hoping that her guidance counselor was wrong and that she is, in fact, in school. I wait and wait and wait for her. I greet Josh with a smile, hand him his card, and continue to wait for her. She doesn't show. I am now 10 minutes late to a class that is right around the corner. Wonderful. I hear it from her and just try to tune it out. The day continues on. I go back down to Mr. Weiss' office due to another 2 phone calls I received during psychology. My mother called to inform me that Adam would be attending. Not great. It's just not the same to go with someone who isn't as into it as you are, but regardless, I was able to go. I calm down a little, but still feel as tense and as stressed as fuck. And so it goes. I get out of school, head to Adam's, Beth has my clothing for the next day, we somehow figure out how to get my clothing back, and head to the show. First we stop off at Virgin Megastore where Adam buys the new Nick Cave album and I buy the new The Juliana Theory album. I have a strange feeling I will not enjoy. I called Jake and he has slight strep throat. =\ Adam and I strike up conversations with friendly people. We go check our coats. I buy a The Juliana Theory hoodie and am in love. ( The_show_was_great! ) Wacky Wednesday. I get into school, shortly after my first class, I see that I was not cast into Skin of Our Teeth. This does not upset me, for I knew well before I had auditioned that I wouldn't be cast at all. The directors do not know my face, name (Mr. Ellman knows it vaguely), acting strengths, dedication, etc. It hurts for a moment but then I quickly recover. I had predicted the outcome and I was proven correct. What hurt more, however, was not seeing a certain few peoples' names up on the cast/callback list. It hurt much more to see that than it did to not see my name. I leave in the middle of my second class, feeling extremely ill. Headache, throatache, earache, eyeache, everythingache. It was bad. I slept the entire day, and while it did feel good, it's so depressing to just sleep the day away. I call Beth, who had about 4386508645 consecutive orgasms over the phone when I tell her about the show, and who professes her love to me because I got her a signed poster and had Brett Detar (the singer/sometimes guitarist) leave her a voicemail. I speak to Adam. I miss him already. Today. Sick. Tired. Achy. No good. Very bad day. I'm awake. I'm not feeling better. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I have two tests tomorrow. I will not be attending school. Adam offered to venture out to Staten Island to see me. I am so in love. I am so in pain. I do not enjoy being sick. Comments: eat me.

I need sleep. [10 Feb 2003|01:58am] I like writing my own cards. I hate using the words of other people to express my thoughts. I also like my signature. Doors open for The Juliana Theory concert begins in 17.75 hours. I am so excited. Also, happy 18th milestone to thejoshu. Comments: 2 yums - eat me.

All I can say is... [09 Feb 2003|06:57pm] [ mood | rejected ] [ music | Radiohead- -No Surprises ] I think I'd be a million times more confident and happier had I decided to attend school in Nevada and not New York. I would want to bring Adam and a select few friends with me, however. But, had I just went straight to Nevada, there would be no Adam and I wouldn't know any of the people I know now, with the exclusion of friends from junior high. Perhaps it would have been better that way, but I'm unsure. I suppose I shall never know. My mother didn't ask me how my audition went. She wasn't in the least bit concerned. She did yell, though, and tell me how horrid of a child I am for making her wait 10 minutes. Like I've said before, she will get hers. I noticed something: Over-exposure is the solution to a problem concerning fear. I am NOW an official card-bearing member of The Josh Sucher Fan Club. Congratulations to me... and about 30 or 40 other people. Comments: 10 yums - eat me.

Brief recap of the night. [07 Feb 2003|09:42pm] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | People laughing, talking, bonding ] Laura bruised me. I'm in love with Zoe's braces. Natalie bit me so hard. Sara, Zoe, and I bonded immensely. Natalie bonded with us as well, eventually. Sara from Long Island is pissed off at me because ONE time I didn't give her advice because Jake was crying to me on the phone, threatening to kill himself. And she even told me it was OK if I helped him, not like I need her approval. Natalie fell in the snow so much. Rob and Zoe are dating, unless she doesn't remember in the morning. Rob is absolutely hilarious. Jake spelled Laura's name against the wall. Jake and Laura made a porno in the park; everyone gathered around. Stuff was buried in the snow. We are at Rob's now. I made an ass out of myself to probably Josh and definitely Beth. I'm sleeping at Jake's and we're heading over there eventually. Um, what else, what else... Jake and Laura made babies; we all watched that as well. They made more babies. Eventually, we stopped watching. Zoe is one of the coolest freshman EVER. Poor Fat Pete. He's all alone. :( My head hurts from laughing so much. The week after next (when we have that week off), I'm going to hang out with these people so much. It'll be great. I didn't see Adam today, I guess he didn't feel like showing up. That's fine with me, because I'm having a lot of fun here with good company. Things are good, Jake is happy, and I love Buster. I feel like Anna is mad at me, though I haven't spoken to her since B-Band and all was well then. ::shrug:: Jake said I look Chinese. I don't think so. Anywho, I'm off. We're watching Jerkass and then going to go to Jake's. YEY! :) Have a great weekend all! Comments: eat me.

Tired. [07 Feb 2003|10:10am] I'm in school. I was in my first class for 5 minutes and then it ended. My mom almost had a heart attack driving in the however-many inches of snow today. I am tired. And that entry has been up long enough. I look and feel dead. Hanging out with Jake today. That is going to be cool. Sleeping over Jake's tonight. That is going to be even cooler. Major thanks to Chloe for finding her entry I spoke of in my previous entry: http://www.livejournal.com/users/whydavid/day/2002/07/08 I'm too lazy to link it. Copy and paste. Comments: 2 yums - eat me.

Chloe's words. [07 Feb 2003|12:44am] There was something Chloe once said about teenagers today and the constant incorporation of a Radiohead song or two into their days, which, in turn, is intended to sum up their lives. It fits perfectly now. Thank you, Chloe. (If entry is found, I'll link it.) Comments: 8 yums - eat me.

Riboflavin. [06 Feb 2003|12:41am] [ mood | satisfied ] [ music | Adam and I laughing at Dave Attel ] I think this cycle will be like pulling teeth for me. I took a nap at 8:30 and planned on waking up at 9. I even set my new alarm clock (care of Adam) for 9 to wake me up! I woke up at 10:30 and began my homework at 11. I finished in an hour and a half and I'm now on the phone with Adam. It's so hard to not fall asleep when my new bed is so gorgeous and comfy. I just ordered these end tables and this bench for the foot of my bed; they are coming soon. The next part I'm getting is my comforter, which looks uber soft and warm. I'm getting all those pillows too. Then will come the valence, but not the drapes, for they look too much like those of a kitchen. I'm going to find ones that match a color in the roses and make it look real nice. I saw a picture of something done in a similar way with totally different designs and colors. Ahh yes! And last but not least, my new vinyl dress that laces down the back. That's coming in a few weeks, probably along with my comforter. Finally, I'm going to have a room that looks like a room and not a big empty space. :) Today was a nice day. Well, decent. I kind of sort of helped Jake a little bit, with a major thanks to Moon Child (Rob). English was good, theatre was good (turns out I have much more confidence than I seem to have. I have a lot actually, according to the teacher.), psychology was decent (I think I may have ruined Fight Club for the few people who sat near me that hadn't seen it already. Sorry!), Karesse and I made plans to hang out over vacation and watch movies for our project, and I stood up to Ass Crack Nigga today (as I was lounging on the floor outside.) He finally left, after many times of saying, "Go away," and making the same gesture in the case of him not understanding English. I don't like those type of Russian people. Not all Russians, just him and his "posse." It was amusing at the time, however. Jake laughed a lot, Danielle did as well, I even laughed a bit. Ass Crack Nigga laughed when I told him to go back to the courtyard and attempt to learn some English while he's there, if possible. Crew was good today. Did a lot of drilling. I'm getting better at it! No bad feelings today. I already put in 7 hours. By the end of this week, I'm going to have 33.3% of my Crew requirements met. I'm definitely going to be putting in overtime. I like it so much! :) It counts as extracurricular AND I get an extra E on my report card, as well as stage experience! Ahh, Crew. Time for sleep. Goodnight all! P.S: Hope you're feeling better Laura! Comments: 4 yums - eat me.

Reflection. [04 Feb 2003|06:28pm] [ mood | passive ] [ music | Sade- -Kissing You ] One day, someone is going to do something itty bitty and tiny to me, something so minute that it won't deserve the severe response I provide. I won't be able to vouch for my actions and I'll feel terrible. All the angry words that were meant for others will be directed towards that one person. Right now, that's exactly how I feel. - - - - - - - Today started off decently and worked it way up to its current level of poorness. Some girl decided to throw out my bottle of water because it was on her desk and I was new. I have a sore throat. She said she didn't know, and I said it was fine and I'm happy. Doug's in my Spanish class. Eric is too. Vadim has a partner for the project. So does Kathy. No one considers me. Perhaps I'll work with Eric. That could be fun. Chemistry was nice. I like Ms. Stagliano. Jake is in my class and so is Elias. I sit in the back but I want to get my seat changed. There was Crew today. Jake might join. I hope he does. Elias said he's going to join, but later on this cycle. That will be good for me. Very good. I worked mostly in the Papp today, doing drilling things. I worked on Junior/Soph SING! with Benji and Vadim and learned some new things. And speaking of which, I'd like to address Liz. I felt your comment was very out of place. You could have said it without embarrassing me. The motivation you assumed was wrong and made me feel uncomfortable. I'm not upset but you could have waited, thought about what you were going to say before you said it, or not have said it at all. I stayed in Crew until half-past 5. I can do 30 hours easily. I already have 4.5 hours done and it's only my second day. The ride home was decent. I got one of those Ally McBeal type flashes in which she sees something that she wishes was there but actually isn't, which I've been getting so much more often lately. Or rather, mine aren't something I necessarily wish to have occur, but more of something my mind makes up and projects in front of my face. I saw myself punch my mother. Thinking about it now sounds horrible, but at the time, it seemed so right. She was just being her negligent self, not listening to anything I was saying, not caring, looking at all the pretty houses and cars she wants because she's never satisfied with what she has. And then I remembered something Ms. Septon said today. She's a decent teacher, but as a person, I don't much care for her. It made me think a lot and made me see that perhaps I need to research this if I'm serious enough. Maybe I am, I don't know. But now that I think even deeper, it takes away one of the things that makes a human being just that. The main law dehumanizes a person, not in a negative way, a positive way definitely, but I don't know if it can ever be reached. That's probably why it takes so long to get there. Ahh, it all makes sense now! Mom's making dinner. I'm not hungry. I don't get it. - - - - - - - And you. I know you don't care, but you could pretend like you do. For my sake anyhow. Or ease up a little bit. You make me feel like shit. - - - - - - - I am covered in skin. No one gets to come in. Pssh, I forgot I had this song.

Ups and downs. [03 Feb 2003|07:16pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Third Eye Open- -The Patient ] I got into school and saw Beth. It felt so strange and unfamiliar, but I'm so happy that she's back. I saw Evil and she found my rubberband from the ( Lifehouse ) show! I was going crazy, looking for that, but I got it back! I got my report card; it's missing my Intro to Theatre grade from Ms. McCloskey, gotta get that fixed. So, with the change put in, I got straight G's (B's, 85's, whatever) with two E's (A's, 95's, whatever) and I'm currently arguing a G to become an E with one teacher. I definitely feel I should have received an E from her. Anyhow, First Class - English Humanities - Eli and Jake. Second Class - Sequential III Math (or Trigonometry for the Sara's) - Anna and this girl whose name I forgot. Third Class - Chemistry Lab (Opta) - Hung in the Chem office. *New Third Class - Spanish III - Not sure yet. Fourth Class - Global Humanities - Kathy, who I met on the stairs and was in tears, on her way home. She was pretty sick. =\ Fifth Class - Criminal Psychology - Karesse! Yey! (I was hoping for a different damn band and a different damn teacher but ehh, I have to take what I get. I'm glad Karesse is there with me though!) Sixth Class - Chemistry Lecture - Danielle. *New Sixth Class - Acting for Non-Actors. Don't know who is there yet. I REALLY didn't want to take this class. I wanted to keep Acting Studio with Mr. Ellman. I like Ms. McCloskey, but I like new teachers and new faces, always a new adventure. Dammit. Seventh Class - Human Sexuality - No one really. Mr. Obdyke will be my friend! LOL, this is going to be the best class all cycle. Eighth Class - Acting Studio - Some acquaintances here and there, nothing great. I really wanted to keep this class! Damn chemistry. Guh. *New Eighth Class - Chemistry Lab - Jake and Elias with Ms. Stagliano! Hooray! Ninth Class - Spanish III - Rob and Tiara. But sadly, no more. =\ *New Ninth Class - Chemistry Lecture - Jake and Elias with Ms. Stagliano! Hooray! No more Mr. Ayala and damn chemistry teachers with foreign accents I can't understand. No freakin' more! I joined Crew after school today. For those of you who don't know, Crew builds the scenery for the shows at Murrow, does lighting, sounds, etc. So, I'm going to be doing Crew unless I get into Skin Of Our Teeth, which I'm reading for the third time already. Let's hope something good happens there. I've decided I no longer want the role of Sabina, and I don't think I'd get that anyhow. Something small, but not too small. Perhaps the fortune teller? Eh, who knows. I'll be happy with whatever I get, if anything at all. I'm hiding my cherry-bomb pink hair (that no one noticed! And I predicted that on my way to school.) so my hair color looks natural. Also, I'm going to wear a pair of decent jeans that look like I have legs and not an overly baggy shirt. Sneakers, chap stick, possibly eyeliner. I'm willing to cut off the dyed hair if the part called for it. I'm all ready for this! Just got off the phone with my brother's girlfriend. We talked about my party and she's helping me a lot. We talked about college and her friend that went to NYU and works there now. We talked about her going back to college (University of Phoenix) via Internet. Sounds freaky but if it works, then it works. Enough typing. I'm tired. Going to chat with Elias some more, then read SOOT some more, and perhaps sleep. Food first, as always. I'm getting so fat. Comments: 1 yum - eat me.

::sigh:: So this is what I get for hanging out with "the guys." [02 Feb 2003|01:52pm] [ mood | energetic ] [ music | Audioslave - Like A Stone ] I'm here at Rob's house with Jake and Dave Fishler. They're watching interactive porn on mute as Rob plays guitar. I'm hoping that they'll stop soon. We just finished watching Appetite For Adventure: The Danny Movie, MTV Cribs with Dave, and Jerkass. Jerkass was the best thing ever because Rob got the crap kicked out of him. He got hit in the genitalia with a bowling ball (so hard that you could hear a crack!) and he fell flat on his back on skates. Now I'm being forced to listen to Adam Sandler's At A Medium Pace. I'm enjoying the social-ness. It's fun to hang out with "the guys." I'm not much of a girly-girl person, but a day with some cool girls isn't so bad. No work for me today, the boss said he didn't need me. That's FINE with me. :) Yesterday I went to Elias'. We rented Barbershop and bought $30 worth of junk food. Ate it ALL. Ho hos, gone. Oreos, gone. Mozzarella cheese, gone. Babybell cheese, gone. Tostitos, almost gone. Nacho cheese, half gone. Salsa, half gone. S'mores pop-tarts, gone. Pringles, gone. Pickles, gone. We didn't have time to make the cookies though. We were waaaay too full. A great day was had though. I enjoyed myself thoroughly. After, Elias and I ventured to L'amour to see Caktapusss. Caktapusss was fucking great. If you didn't show up, you missed a great show. The Cure's Boys Don't Cry sounded really good. Chrissy sounds like an angel from hell. That's the best way I was able to define her voice. It's so angelic, and then it goes all evil and hardcore. They sold 102 tickets and it's well deserved because they were the best band there that night. The emo band was decent and that Suntheband.com band sucked. I slept at Jake's dad's house last night and Jake and I were up til like 2 AM watching television and discussing people we like/don't like and bands we like/don't like. Music today has gone downhill. Now we're at Rob's and I'm having a great day. I need to start hanging out with Jake and them more; they make me laugh like a mad person. It's the best. I don't know what else to say. This vacation has been so great. I only regret not having a day with Anna. =\ Another vacation comes up soon and I'll see her for sure. ANNA: Set aside a day for us, okie? :) Comments: 4 yums - eat me.

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]