| 08:36pm 13/11/2002 | |||
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I am going back to my old journal. you can find it here,, www.livejournal.com/users/sweetperfectio so long journal....i like my old one better. |
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| 07:14pm 13/11/2002 | ||||
* Age: 19, 20 in a month or so * Birthday: Jan 4th 1983 (you sending me presents?) * School: Grad. * E-mail:erikahateful315@aol.com * Eyes: green * Hair:blonde-natrual dyed-black * Height: 5'4'' * Shoe Size: 7, i think * Who lives with you: my son madison * When is your bedtime?:whenever my head hits the keyboard. ------------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------ * Flown on a plane: cant say i have * Ever been so drunk you blacked out: yes.wasnt fun * Missed school because it was raining:nope, i love the rain. * Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: who hasnt? * Put a body part on fire for amusement: hmm nope * Had a crush on a friends girlfriend/boyfriend: no * Been hurt emotionally: geeee maybe * Kept a secret from everyone: hell yes. * Had an imaginary friend:not that i recall * wanted to hook up with a friend: i have. * Cried during a Movie?: haha yeahup, no shame in it. * Ever thought an animated character was hot?:Dude anime chicks. so hot. * Been on stage:sure have * Cut your hair:many many many times * Had crush on a teacher?hahah a sub. yes. mr, butoe mmmmm, -----------------FAVORITES-------------- * Shampoo: whatever is on sale * Fav Color: pink, * Day/Night: night * Summer/Winter: spring * Lace or Satin: satin * Fave Cartoon Character: Sailor Moon * Fave Food: i dunno * Fave Advertisement: pillow fights. * Fave Movies:Fight Club * Fave Drink: Cream Soda * Person to talk to online:anyone that entertains me * Fave sport:cheerleading, yes fuckers its a sport. * Fave Car: Beetle -----------------RIGHT NOW------------------ * Wearing:jean skirt, and my bra. * Eating: nothing * Drinking: OJ * Thinkin bout: you dont wanna know. * Listening to: Sunny Day-Diary. ---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------ *Cried: god amounts you wouldnt believe * Worn jeans: no * Met someone New online: no * Done laundry: nopers * Drove a car: yeah. * Talked on the phone? yeahup nick called.SURPRISING. ---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------------- * Yourself:yes * Your friends:as in if they are lying? i dunno?? * Santa Claus:nope * Tooth Fairy: no * Destiny/Fate: im not sure * Angels: yes, my father is one. * Ghosts: not sure * UFO's: not sure * God: that there is one yes, do i worship no --------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------ * Do you ever wish you had another name?god yes * Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? no * Do you like anyone?mmmmhmmmm * Which one of your friends acts the most like you? none * Who have you known the longest of your friends: Colleen * Who's the loudest: hahha no one is louder than me * Who's the shyest: hmmm none * Are you close to any family members?nope * Who's the weirdest family member? i dont have a fam. * Who do you go to for stuff?money- mom * Who do you hang around the most?aaron, tonya and jenn * When you cried the most:prolly the last 5 days.or maybe not i dunno. * What's the best feeling in the world: seeing my son smile first thing in the morning * Worst Feeling: being hurt * Do you want all your friends to do this and send it back to you:uhhhh * What time is it now? 7:14 |
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| 10:11am 13/11/2002 | |||
| i fucking hate this county....so nick did a responsible thing for once he sent a support check to the collection unit. it was 70 right, guess how much im going to see of it, 10$ yes thats right only 10 fucking dollars, and i dont even get it till dec 13th..he suppose to pay me 240 a month, i get to see all but 50$ of it..and they wonder why fucking single mothers struggle, they take all our damn child support that is suppose to be for our kids! I HATE THIS STATE. | |||
| *sigh* | ||||
| 10:11pm 12/11/2002 | ||||
It is just much easier on me if i just forgot about him completely. God I can't even take a shower without remember him in there with me.I know it sounds fucking lame,but he was just so fucking gental.He tipped my head back and ran his fingers through my hair.Here I go again. It's so hard.He imed me twice today, and all i did was sit and stare at the message arguing with myself if to answer him back or not.I chose the latter.God its so hard.But I know it is for the best. both of us left without words both of us lost in this world I guess i can walk away from knowing i learned something.besides having a broken heart, i have a reason. Im taking a deep breath, and im walking away. I Love You |
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optimistic| 04:56pm 12/11/2002 | ||||
remembering "what was" or "what ifs" It's starting to rain. And i look into the moonlight hiding my tears within the rain. I raise my hands reaching for what was. Just a reminder. I'll be left behind in the shadows of love. Forgetting you wont be easy. Kicking up memories that have been left in the dust. Kiss these lips one last time, because this is my goodbye. |
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crushed| Story Tale Life | |||
| 12:06am 12/11/2002 | |||
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cry these words into a million paragraphs senceless meanings and empty stories. endless tales of happy endings. and meaningless fairytales with new beginings. wordless poems and empty journals. kept secrets and forgotten loves. cry these words into a million paragraphs. stories told to a thousand ears. close the cover, this story is over |
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| 11:39pm 11/11/2002 | |||
| So finally after begging aaron he told me just whic writtings and ed gein songs are influenced/about me...pretty shitty because they arnt particularly nice...they say girls break hearts i think they got that backwards | |||
| 07:33pm 11/11/2002 | ||||
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much? So much it's like choking down the embers of a great place. It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds. You let this one person come down on the most perfect moment. And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder of what I'll never have.. I'll never have.. I'll never... Standing so close knowing that i kills me to breathe you in.. standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in. But this table for one has become bearable. I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you. Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much? So much it's like choking down the embers of a great palce. It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions and to scream confessions at the insipidsky parting clouds. And you let this one person come down.. come down. I cherish you.. I cherish you. Just say that you would do the same for me.. just say you would do the same.. just say you would do the same for me. For as much as I love Autumn, I'm giving myself to Ashes.-From Autumn To Ashes god explains how i feel about aaron.... |
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| 05:12pm 09/11/2002 | |||
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Its so cute to see madison interact with animals. I had my moms dog so i could find him a good home.Madison had a blast with him.giggling non stop. it was sooo cute. So i found him a good home today,out in the country.I cant have a dog, madison and i both have allergies and i have my hands full with madison.ah well. |
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| 04:33pm 08/11/2002 | |||
| you make me sick | |||
| ....we were more than just a song...we sweat and sang together and that helped us carry on... | ||||
| 02:56pm 08/11/2002 | ||||
so if you are in the syracuse area : friday, november 8th - syracuse, ny bridge street music hall @ ironix 6815 manlius center rd, east syracuse 6:00 - $10 - ALL AGES!!! THROWDOWN EIGHTEEN VISIONS TERROR ED GEIN *only area appearance of this tour! *revolver magazine presents come and rock out. |
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content| 07:09pm 07/11/2002 | ||||
Seriously,as long as i can remember shes made me deal with her problems with her which caused me a lot of stress...what kind of mother does that to her child..when she would come home drunk i would be the one putting her to bed. i would be making dinner for my brother and I, and when she decided to get really drunk and down her bottle of xanax, i was the one who was by herside at the hospital while she sat in a coma for 3 days. I was the only one to come see her, while the family including her blamed me for it because i cause my mom so much stress.She says the reason she has depression is because of the way i treat her.I wont deal with her problems anymore so its my fault she has depression.One of the reasons i got out of her house was because i couldnt take it anymore.The phone was being shut off so i would work extra hours to get money to keep it on.While her and my brother wasted their money on weed, or my brothers legal bills because hes a fuck up.Im so fed up with stil having to deal with it.She let my brother treat me like fucking shit and didnt do a damn thing.He would beat the shit out of me when i was pregnant,And she promised up and down once madison was born she would make him leave if he kept it up.Right. that didnt happen.He would fucking harass me right in front of madison and throw madisons shit around the house and still continued to beat the fuck out of me.Did my mother do anything no, her excuse was, "you bring it upon yourself" so finally i had enough i went into a shelter for domestic violence and got to where i am, so i could get away from her and my brother, and yet she still can fucking upset me with her problems.and blame shit on me when i dont fucking even live there.. What kind of parent kicks her pregnant daughter out the day of her baby shower, then doesnt even show up for it let alone get her anything...what kind of mother takes all her daughters pay checks when she was pregnant and spends it on herself and weed when it was ment for the baby???She claimed that the bassinet was suppose to be for my babyshower gift, when she kicked me out, i kept my pay check and baught it myself.God how is it she can stil.ll make my life a living hell when im no longer in her household.Jesus half of my issues surrond her. i wish i could just tell her to fuck off and never talk to me.But no she always has a way of weening herself back into my life then making me deal with her bullshit. and im a bad daughter beause i dont care. you know what i dont care ive delt with her shit for the past 19 years, im done. i have enough to deal with i cant deal with her shit too..my family disowned me and you know what i dont care. i probably wouldnt be so fucking mental if my mother knew how to raise her kids...ive had enough...i draw the line here. |
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| "If all you have is a hammer, everything begins to look like nails." | |||
| 10:27pm 06/11/2002 | |||
| if only i had said the right thing 4 yrs ago. | |||
| "If all you have is a hammer, everything begins to look like nails." | ||||
| 10:27pm 06/11/2002 | ||||
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| 02:08pm 05/11/2002 | |||
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I swear i wake up to stress and fall asleep to stress...its a no stop ride on the stress a go go... anyway Dec 20th show is coming together. talked to the people at the cornell coorperive extention about letting us hold the show there...it's probably one of the best places to have a show here,but brock many years fucked up ties with them...so im lucky to even get them to concider it... have to get tommie to work on the flyers here soon.... its mainly for if hope dies because they are going on tour...right o. check them out www.ifhopedies.com some good as shit mother fuckers... making some homemade veggie soup and bringing it over to Keith tonight because he is sick.so im going to go give him some soup to make him feel better.. madison keeps falling asleep in the strangest places. its to funny yes yes too funny.... |
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| ill wake up | ||||
| 10:58pm 04/11/2002 | ||||
walk into the sun forgetting everything you made me feel..... remember each and every mile you put them between us... go home go home |
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| ......no sleep and still going strong... | |||
| 12:27am 03/11/2002 | |||
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aaron came over last night, watched horror movies, he was beating me all fucking night im going to have bruises all over,,got into a pillow fight ,that was fun haha he chased me down stairs and i got snow and we had an indoor snowball fight...i always have a good time with aaron.i love him to death, and hopefully him and i will in the future get back together, because everyone knows we belong together.people have told me for years but im dumb. im not touching damn diet pills agian.no fucking way, my heart was racing i was shaking and threw up my dinner. shitty shitty day, no sleep,, no sleepppppppp |
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| 08:15pm 01/11/2002 | |||
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last x. movie you rented = glasshouse. x. movie you bought = fight club. x. song you listened to = finch.stay with me. x. song that was stuck in your head = i wish i was an oscar meyer wiener x. song you've downloaded = nelly,hot in here. x. cd you bought = the rise. x. cd you listened to = the rise. x. person you've called = mom. x. person that's called you = mom. x. tv show you've watched = everyone loves raymond x. person you were thinking of = aaron do x. you have a bf or gf = nope x. you have a crush on someone = mmmmaybe x. you wish you could live somewhere else = yes of course fuck ny x. you think about suicide = no. x. you believe in online dating = no. x. others find you attractive = sure. x. you want more piercings = if i get some balls x. you want more tattoos = yes. x. you drink = nope makes me sick x. you do drugs = nope im a mom. x. you smoke = he he maybe x. you like cleaning = yeah but its hard with a 1 yr old. x. you like roller coasters = love them x. you write in cursive or print = print x. you carry a donor card = yes for or against x. long distance relationships = against. x. using someone = against. x. stringing someone along = absolutely not. x. feeding someone bullshit = depends on who it is mwhah x. suicide = against x. killing people = depends on what you mean,. x. teenage smoking = their body x. doing drugs = jackass x. premarital sex = whats sex? x. driving drunk = against x. gay/lesbian relaionships = im bi best x. gum = bubble yum x. tv show = simpsons x. thing in the world = my son x. thing to collect = books x. colors of all time = pink x. thing to do on a rainy day = make out x. feeling in the world = love favorite x. food = ice cream. x. song = to many x. thing to do = sleep. x. thing to talk about = how much nick sucks. x. sports = cheerleading(YES ITS A FUCKING SPORT ASSHOLE) x. drinks = pepsi x. clothes = nothing x. picture = madison in the bathtub x. movies = grease x. band = to many x. holiday = christmas. x. cars = bettle have you x. ever cried over a guy = yeah right(note sarcism here) x. ever lied to someone = yes. x. ever been in a fist fight = i got punched x. ever been arrested = yep. what x. shampoo do you use = anything thats cheap x. perfume do you use = body spray bath and body works x. shoes do you wear = these pink things x. are you scared of = spiders, the dark and my basement x. of times I have been in love?: 2 x. of times I have had my heart broken?: to many x. of hearts I have broken?: 1. x. of continents I have lived in?: 1 x. of drugs taken illegally?: 1 x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends?: none x. of people I consider my enemies?: many x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with?: a few x. of cd's that I own?: i dunno x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: a lot, there was a whole page on me too!!. x. of scars on my body?: oh jesus to many to count x. of things in my past that I regret?: march 19th. (that was kayta's answer, i would have to agree) Yes or No x. You keep a diary: yes. x. You like to cook: no x. You exercise regulary: of course x. You sketch while you are on the phone: skethcing no, doodle yes x. You have read a book in the past week: yes. x. You replace the toilet-paper roll immediately: no. x. You like crossword puzzles: yes. x. You have visited the Eiffel Tower: no. x. You have a secret you have never shared with anyone: probobly. x. You wait until the last minute to fill your car up with gas: i dont have a car x. You snore: nope x. You have been to your ancestor's homeland: no. x. You read in the bathroom: in the tub? x. Being sick is a vacation: i'm so lost by this. x. You often have people over at your house: occasionally. x. You like America: not at the moment. x. You can remember jokes: i tell them wrong x. you play cards: no. x. You fold your underwear: yes. x. You talk in your sleep: yea x. You eat fast: yes. x. You recycle small batteries: huh x. You often avoid paying full price: most of the time im cheap x. You like being on the phone: no. x. you shave regularly: yes. x. You a few minutes ahead: ok. x. You are always late: no x. You often get headaches: yes. x. you smoke : yes. x. A naked photo of you exists: hahah yes x. You can whistle: yes. x. You write letters regularly: yes doesnt mean they actully get put in the mail box x. You believe in destiny: no x. You brush your teeth three times a day : nope x. You have something you wish to confess: no. x. You change your bed sheets weekly: nope! x. You bite your fingernails: gross x. You have eaten in a restaurant alone: nope x. You have gone to a movie alone: no. x. You have taken a vacation alone: qc baby x. You read the newspaper everyday: no. x. You have not used hair dryer in the past five years: of course x. have made love in an airplane: im scared to fly x. You have hit your father or mother in anger: ive pushed my mom does that count x. When you think you have done something wrong, you are quick to apologize: me, do something wrong. yeah right x. You lose control in heated arguments: YES. x. In the morning when your alarm clock sounds, you get out of bed immediately: hahahha thats funny x. You drank mothers milk: nope x. You generally save letters and postcards: of course x. You hate parties: i like em x. You have stolen money from your parents: who hasnt x. You have fired a gun: nope x. You often have the last word: always x. Less is more: indeed. x. You give money to homeless people: nope x. Money has influenced your character: haha what money x. You know who you are: never x. You enjoy being photographed: yes. x. Life treats you well: could be worse. |
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| 12:07pm 01/11/2002 | |||
| jesus, im taking these diet pills, xephedrine and they are making me fucking off the wall, i cleaned my upstairs in 5 min no lie...my friend jenn gave them to me and she said i should start losing weight right away, word!!! so i should have my new body back!! go me....ill be skinny again ,i cant wait.im going to go work out now...goooooo me!! ahhahaha | |||
| 06:47pm 31/10/2002 | |||
| nothing like having other girls butt into your love life where her nose doesnt belong. | |||
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asteponcelost |
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