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Wednesday, May 23rd, 2001
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2:09 am
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You are going to miss me. You have no idea what you are letting go of. I could've been your everything. And I loved you. I know it sounds silly. Love can be a silly, strange thing. I do love you still, but I want to choke you right now, because I think you're chickenshit. It's okay to be scared, 'cause trust me I am too. I don't know where it's going. If we knew where it was going, there would probably be no point.
You panic and pull the plug on it all. Slit my throat and throw my heart in the dirt. And as I lay across my bed crying and trying to get the ghosts of our past conversations out of my head, I spy you backing away slowly with a look of uncertainty on your face. What have you done? Drop the knife and come back while you still can, while I'm still here to hold onto. I can't breathe without you.
I won't tell you though. I won't let you see. You will miss me. The girl who whispered sweet words of longing into your ear has grown mute, and glued her hot hands to her sides.
He once said, "I know we met for a reason."
Love disastrous, you will be the death of me.
~J~
current mood:  angry
current music: Duncan Sheik - That Says It All
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(comment on this)
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1:46 am
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I'm starting over here. I need everything to be new. There were jaundiced eyes waiting for my every post....people who have no business trying to soothe me coming out of the shadows to offer their kind words. There are some people I would rather kill than hear their sympathies.
I caught myself editing my journal for fear of offending people, or hurting people...and I don't want to do that anymore. What's the point of a journal if you can't say what needs to be said.
I will say this....this journal is going to be completely unfiltered, unedited, unplugged, and unapologetic.
Viewer discretion is advised.
~J~
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