| What...? | ||||
| 09:43am 27/08/2003 | ||||
I'm sitting in my living room, playing with some kind of toy. All of a sudden my mind flashes ot the Hudson Bay, just off the statue of Liberty and Jesus fucking pops out of the water and rises into the sky. So back at my house the tv turns on and the NBC guy, Scarbourgh, comes on and says that "jesus has risen from the dead. And has taken the body of one of his followers." or something like that. And the body he took is a womans. (she kinda looks like Alanis with her hair up). So I turn to my mom and ask if the world is ending. And she says Yes, very calmly. So I cry. I'm sitting next to my mom and this plastic thing is coming at me. My mom hits it and it flies away but comes back at my backwards. It looks like a piece of platic shaped like a flame on one end and then a rectange on the bottom. I'm confused that it came at me backwards. So I ask JEsus who is IN MY HOUSE. I ask what it means if it comes at me backwards. She asks what I mean and I explain that my mom hit it away and it came back at me backwards. She doesn't answer and I wake up. Those little things meant in my dream that you where going to hell I think. I knew they were back and thats all. I also was thinking in my dream that all those religious bastards were wrong because jesus was supposed to rise but had not at some earlier date, in the dream. WHAT?!!?! |
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confused| Ahh, done | ||||
| 07:17pm 23/08/2003 | ||||
So the last week was interesting. The first three days horses left at about 11 or 12 in the afternoon and I spent the rest of the day at Soccor Cove 2 (or Soccor STOVE 2 as it was in a very open area that was under the sun, as we called it) doing relay races for color war. It was fun. They had Break Out there. Set it up under the disguise that we were Dedicating the Cove to Stan (hence the name STOVE Stan+OMG HOT HOT HOT+Cove=Stove). And then they had Sky divers jump onto the field, fucking awesome I must say. Very cool. And then the color wars began. (sarcasim)YAY!(/sarcasim) Actually it was cool. Color wars kept me away from the stupidpity of Horses. Blue one by like 6 points. Then on Thursday we only had 3 lessons at horses and only two showed up. So I got to hang out with the Tower staff for the day. It was pretty cool, got to climb the tower and chikened out when I was offered a ride on the Zipline. Then Friday horses came in for One lesson and I said goodbye before the day even began. I went to a metting and then went to the pow-wow and Move up (which is like graduation for each group) and then went to help tower staff pack up for the summer. Horses stuck around for a while but I didn't seem them. I said goodbye in the morning and that was all I want to deal with at that point. I figure I won't see them again. Except maybe Angie, if she comes back. (saying goodbye to them made me miss Ashley. She didn't get to see all the fun stuff and didn't really get a goodbye for anybody. Maybe I'll see her next year, especially since I've already promised just about every kid that I'm coming back) So I avoided Mickey all day and helped tower and played with Jackie (this girl who loved me, I don't know why she did, but she's a cute Onadoga, now Tuscarora) I ended the day playing cards and doing bus signs for the last time. I then said goodbye to Steve (oh, Ashley I have a picture of him on the high ropes I'll have to mail you a copy if it comes out!)told him I'd see him next year and left. Ahh. It feels good not to have camp on monday but sad. I now have two weeks of waiting to go back to school. I bought some new clothes and school crap today. I'll have to take pictures of the clothes with the digi-cam and post them. I think I'm finally getting some fashion sense. YAY! No more Allison on T-shirts and jeans all the time. I can look good! Right, So I'm suposed to be cleaning and getting ready for the comedy stlyings of Rich Vos tonight. He's at the Stress Factory with Corey and Dave Moral from Last Comic Standing (FUCK YOU DAT VAN!!!). Andrew And I are going with Jen and Josh and My parents and the Thomas's. It should be fun! |
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energetic| Class schedual for Fall 2003 as well as last semester's grades | ||||
| 09:56am 17/08/2003 | ||||
Fall 2003 Monday 2:30 - 4:30 Practical Horse Management I (Barn) 6:30 - 9:15 General Biology I(Campus) Tuesday 9 - 9:30 Intro to Dressage (Barn) 12:30 - 1:30 Training Concepts (Barn) 6:30 - 9:15 Geometry (Campus) Wednesday 2:30 - 4:30 Practical Horse Management I (Barn) 6:30 - 8:30 General Biology I LAB (Campus) Thursday 9 - 9:30 Intro to Dressage (Barn) 12:30 - 1:30 Training Concepts (Barn) 6:30 - 9:15 Programing: BASIC (Campus) Total Credits: 16 Spring 03 Grades ccs 100 The Individual and Community B 9pts est 104 Practical Horse Management II Withdraw est 111 Fundamental Theories of Riding C 6pts est122 Novice I A 4pts tha 115 Movement for Actors B 6pts Total credits Earned: 9 Points: 25 GPA: 2.778 Blah, not in the mood for lists now. Time to play CoS! |
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calm| Week of hell and then some | ||||
| 11:38pm 16/08/2003 | ||||
So Thursday comes and I'm grumpy as fuck because I know that steve and Micky will be bitching us out that day. So it happens and they all (Marie, Angie, and Amanda) blame it on the counslers that they are making shit up about us. I sat there and didn't say a word. They bitched all day and did the same shit all over again without thinking. It drove me to tears when no one was looking, ofcourse. So halfway throught the day I turn to Angie and say, "I don't think it was the counslers that told Steve all that. And I think he is right." and she looked at me and then talked to Steve later as they were leaving. I'm sure that she knows it was Ashley, and she probably thinks that it was Ashley's way at getting back at us. Fucking morons. So THursday I broke down at the end of the day infront of just about the whole camp, bitching and crying about how I don't think that I could last any longer down there. But Andrew convinces me to give it one more day. Friday. I come in and it's a half day. Which is wonderful. Amanda and Marie didn't do as fucking awful as before. They are watching, or atleast of Friday, what they are doing. (oh, I didn't lose any power by the way, it was all North of NEw Brunswick that lost power, and we are JUST south) Anyhoo. Friday was okay, lessons where light and although I did a lot of the work I did get to sit out a few times. Color War break out happened on Friday which is wonderful. Because during Color wars, horses has half days and I can get away from those idiots. I've heard from Andrew that Steve isn't going to hire Marie or Amanda back. Which is wonderful. I still don't know If I want tocome back next year or not. Andrew thinks he does. eh. So the black out was weird and sucky and other stuff. McGreevey said Damn on TV because of it. MAkes me excited about him. He gets all pissed about it. I'd vote for him again on that alone. Show's he's still got a heart and is not just some asshole in office without feelings. Finally saw Sweet Home Alabama. Makes me miss andrew. His ass better come over tomorrow. Night. |
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| 10:19pm 11/08/2003 | ||||
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| 08:01pm 11/08/2003 | ||||
Didn't you just spend about two days freaking about about your parents and them coming home early?! I expected you be a little more upset then this, aned a little bit more freaked out. WHY is it that I'm the one the now has a problem?! It doens't make any sense to me. Maybe I'm just completely fucked up but I'm not the one that needs to call you. I'm sorry but there's nothing wrong with me that won't be cured by a day or two or complete and utter total rage. I don't have anything to discuss with you. You've been dating me for 5 years know, you know that I going to rages every once and a while because everyone expects me to be happy 24/7/265 and I can only pull it off for 364 days out of a year. ARG!!! BAD FUCKING DAYS JUST FUCKING GET WORSE! (fuck you asshats that don't like my icon by the way, I made it to be annoying on fucking purpose) |
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| grrr, why did this day go from happy to fuking pissed off | ||||
| 07:13pm 11/08/2003 | ||||
Jesus Christ you can't tell that I'm not in the mood for your usual bullshit? You constantly talk about how fuckjing grown up I am and when I don't want to talk about something and are obviously in a bad mood and you will not leav e me alone about ityou make somee snide remark about how childish /I'm behaving. I don'tg call you childish when you come home from a bad day at work and snap at me because I wasn't watching what you want6 to watch. Get the fuck off my bad mom. I know I sound like I'm 16 but I'm sick of this. I have to be absolutely cheery at work because of the kids, and then at home when I'm with you, and then when I'm with andrew too! I can't let it slip for one minute or there is something fucking wrong with me? Fuck you. Everyone has days where they are tired of dealing with the daily bullshit. So fuck off. ugh, I have no idea why I'm in such a mood. I just don't want to talk or deal with anyone and everyone seems to want to bother me about every little tiny detail about the stupidest little thing tonight. All I want to do is watch the episode of DEad Like Me that I missed, the Roast of Dennis Leary that I missed, eat some kind of junk food, and go to bed to repeate the shit process of getting up and going to work the next day. |
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| 11:32pm 27/07/2003 | ||||
I'm much more relaxed then I used to be, and much more tense that I will mess up. I have better posture. I'm happier, I think. Oh well. I know that I'm getting better as a rider. I came to Monika and I could ride, jsut not very well. I use excuses for not trying very hard. I believe that I will do well now. I believe that I'm not so afraid any more. That was why I took the Rolling hills job again (at least subconsiously) to prove to myself again that horses are okay. I can do what I want to do. I'm making attempts to sabatoge myself from sabotoging myself. That long road of recovery is deffinatly long, I'd say never ending. Fuck, thunderstorms are a closing in. Need to shut down ym baby for the night. That and I'm tired and i can't spell any longer. PS - Seabiscut was wonderful. Andrew thought it was slow but for my it was just perfect. It's a story about life, not about horseracing, I don't think he got that. =P Love ya babe |
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| Aww, new friends again? | ||||
| 12:32am 27/07/2003 | ||||
Crystal won't be coming back in the fall. She's got her one horse and her career is about to take off. I'm happy for her but this means that I must make new friends at school again. *sigh* WHo will I take to Taco bell with me now? and Renee has graduated....*sigh again* I'm happy that they've moved on but I'm also not so happy that I'm going to miss them. =( No, screw that. I'm happy that they are happy, and I'm excitied for them, and I can't wait to see them again. I will miss them, but I'm sure htey will tell me ALL about it. ^.~ Good Luck guys |
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| 11:30pm 22/07/2003 | |||
| I hate the fact that cell phones dial numbers in your phone book when you press a button. I just dialed my bosses house and now I want to smash my phone because of it. | |||
| 11:29pm 21/07/2003 | |||
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I just finished the HArry Potter book. Number 5. I just have a few things to say. I didn't expect the death to make me cry like that (I had already known who was going to die...had it ruined for me, but still) The things Dumbledore tells Harry... just...changes everything. I cried at the end, on the platform. And with the mirror. Very emotional, I guess I'll talk about it once I've reread it and have a fermer grasp on it. |
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| okay! | ||||
| 10:04am 19/07/2003 | ||||
 potty last summer about this girl named Marie.She's really fucking annoying, well, when she wants to be anyway. Last year she was the but of everyones jokes, well not everyones. Me and Amanda didn't make fun of her until the end of camp. But anyway. She's kind of slow (or pretends to be slow.. no I think she's just stupid) and dump. She's very irrisponsable with kids and the horses and is rude to other people, oh! and she thinks every guy is looking at her when they aren't. So because of last year she thinks that I'm out to get her and constantly starts shit with me. I only snap back at her when I can't controll the outburst. She's always doing stupid shit and being lazy. Although, when she doens't have Ashley (she's cool by the way) to buddy up with she's trying to buddy up with me and its annoying. She's very two faced. ugh, I'm sick of work already. Faster then last year. Well, it's only a few more weeks. Plus, August will be better then July because Andrew won't be working at Sayerville and I'll be able to see him more. I'll be counting down to going back to school. I also have a lot of "trips" planned; to Hurricaine Harbor with Andrew and his brothers, to Medevil TImes, and other things. I'll also be back on my lesson schedual again to get ready for Intro to Dressage. Tomorrow I'm going to Angie's party for her brother. She said she would ride around 6/7 so I think I'll go at 3 (party starts at 2) and I'll hang out for a while. I like Angie's father and her brothers and angie's farm. They are all very nice, but a little weird. But that's okay, everybody is weird. I'm tyoping to fast again, I keep having to go back and fix my mistakes because of this damn fast typing. I should slow it down just a bit. *sigh* I think that that the BASIC class I'm taking in the fall will allow me to get my key strikes right from no one, or atleast improve my correct keystroke speed. Alright, need to run off. I'm already late. |
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contemplative| ugh | ||||
| 11:25pm 17/07/2003 | ||||
Fuck you, Harry Potter Fuck my OBGYN for making my appointment in the middle of a period week so i have to reshedual. Fcuk Sayerville for keeping andrew away from me every night in July and making my pissy at him because I can't have him by my side. Fuck my co -workers Fcuk my for thinking this job would be another cool idea. I should have done that god damn intership. I shoud explain but as usual I'm drained. Maybe tomorrow. |
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discontent| not really drunk but Now I can offically buy it if I want. | ||||
| 11:20pm 07/07/2003 | ||||
*sigh* Andrew was sweet, in a dark moment yesterday he stopped by on his only hour dinner break to hug me and give me this little vase with three little fake roses in it. Which I love. Then today he gave me a card when I got into the car, a birthday kiss and then off to work. After a truely horrible day at camp he gave me birthdya sex, which is nice, and a little heart necklace. Half is gold and half is little diamonds and I'm inlove with it. It's so cute but I have to keep it off so that it doesn't break or get lost, its only for special occasions. And since I never have anything to put arround my neck on special occasions I'm extra happy he bough it. Although he won't tell me how much he spent but did say the diamonds where real and it was 24k gold, I just hope that he didn't blow all his money on that, >.< I often don't deserve such nice things from him. So,my birthdya was okay. I recieved ONE card from a relative other then my parents or brothers. Not surprising, hell they didn't come to my graduation from high school because htye were selling a house ina motor home park. YES, I'm still kind of pissed about that. I didn't get my most wanted item again for my birthday, the coveted Cowboy Stetson (black with silver trim) but hey, at $150 a pop for one of them I'm not surprised. I'll have to save my money for a nice one. |
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drunk| from leg cramps to uterus cramps... this day is WONDERFUL!! | ||||
| 11:16pm 01/07/2003 | ||||
>.< atleast I won't be woken up by leg cramps today. I ate a bannana. fucking Potassium deficiency shit. |
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cranky| 03:28am 01/07/2003 | |||
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fuxck you leg cramp. I have never had a leg cramp so bad that I've woken up and cried because it hurt os bad. All i can do i sit and cry and try to walk about we have no pain killers. this is the worst night ever. i want to die my leg hurts so bad. |
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| 11:56pm 29/06/2003 | |||
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Damn procrastination. I should be asleep, resting for my first full day of work with the kiddies tomorrow. >.< Damn insomnia, kicking in when I don't need it too. I have pictures of Windy, my lovable horse that I don't own but wish despritely too. Anyway. I have them, but I have to crop them to size and fiddle with how much they weigh in the bite area. *sigh* i've been meaning to do that for a while, just lazy. Oh and by the way. Ellen DeGenerris used to be funny, that shit that she called a comedy act on HBO on Saturday night was awful. I hate to say it, but she was funnier before she realized she was a Lesbian. I guess it was all that repressed lesbian emotions. Speaking of Lesbians, the 11o'clock NBC NY news showed a quick clip of the Gay Pride Parade marrages and two lesbians kissed as they got married. My mom made a face and said, "ewww" I'm often very surprised at how homophobic they(my parents) are. I guess that I never realized it until I decided that I was bi (yes I'm greedy), or how racist they are. I can't believe I never noticed that when I was a kid. Everyting that I strive to erase from the world... and my parents are one of them. oh well. i need some sleep. This is an awful entry, i doubt i made any sense. |
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| 12:15am 21/06/2003 | |||
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just got back from an awesome concert. I'm am horse, far too much screaming and singing along. Peter Gabriel rules! It was wonderful, you should see him before his tour ends at the end of the summer. I must sleep. Lots of work a head of me at camp tomorrow. |
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| 11:37pm 18/06/2003 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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AHAHAHAHA *breathe* AHAHAHAHAAH Most hated person EVAR!! YES!!
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| 12:21am 17/06/2003 | ||||
yeah |
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crazy|
americanidolw |
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Friends Info Calendar The Truth Has Come Home |
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