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LiveJournal for Jaala.
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| Friday, November 8th, 2002 |
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I had a good sleep I guess you could say. I really needed one. I was worn out from eveything. I feel dumb for feeling so sad about something that happened last night. I guess that is one of my major downfalls. I tend to take on everyones pain and fix it myself or something to that sort. I make myself feel bad about so many tings that it's not cool :( There are times when I know exactly how I should feel but do not feel that way and the same goes with other things in my life. I know sometimes exactly what to say and do, but yet I'll do the opposite..... I apologize for being so down last night. :-\ I couldn't think so clearly. Well, my brother is home sick and wants me to play some games with him so I think I shall. Thanks guys for the encouragement last night and today... I love you all a lot *huge hugs * |
| Thursday, November 7th, 2002 |
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| :"( why do I have to be such an idiot..............I think this world would have been a better place if I was not a part of it. God should have just let me die instead of screw up ppls lives. |
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| well, jess came to my hosue around 2:30am i think. it scared the crap out of me when i saw her out the window by the door. I was on my way upstairs to go check the temperature and I saw her and my heart went into my throat because just a bit before i was going to go upstairs the picture of the guy who plays in the Halloween movie with the mask popped in my head. It was nice to have Brian and Dave stay up with me to talk till Jess came. uhm ya so Jess ate breakfest here at my house an dthan left after a bit and Annie came over at 12 to show me this cool thing Stig drew on her ankel and we went out an dhad a talk. Than i came home and went out with jess and her mom for some clothes shopping. and after that Jess and i went to the Shoe Carnival and then I came home,ate supper, did the dishes and am typing on here now. I had a great time reminiscing again with JAY last night. I was showing him the pics of the people from WTSS. I miss those dayz! I'm telling you thoze days were soooo fun!!! OH MY GOSH!! PUNKRAWK (aka Josh Conner) GOT MARRIED!!! AND HE HAS TWINS!!!!!! LaVonne and Focal J know who I am talking about :) lol anyway I felt bad that I couldnt go see my friend today :( maybe tomorrow........ I just need to find someone to drive me half way :-\ |
| Wednesday, November 6th, 2002 |
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Yesterday I went out with jess and stuff. i got cool lil kitty stickers from her :) (thanks!) ive had a rough couple days with something. but you know im thankful for friends that help me through it all. I'm jus worn out i guess. but you know I'l get over it,lol. Whats the point of staying depressed when i hate that feeling? God help sme out and so do my friend. I just wish the bad things in my past would quit resurfacing and jus disapte. I'm bored right now. I don't feel like responding to my e-mails which i really need to do and in my friends live journals but ya i don't feel like doing tat either.... :-\ oh well.... I'm just going to go get ready for church. 15 days left. |
| Monday, November 4th, 2002 |
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Take me away. I've got nothing left to say. Just take me away. thank you jess, jim, dave, annie, for all your help onthings. i love ya gusy to bits. im glad you are all feeling great. thanks for being there for me. *hugs to you all* i jus need my own time tim....... i dont hate u. couldnt ever hate you. or hurt you. so im sorry..... sorry i can't make you happy and every other dang thing. |
| Sunday, November 3rd, 2002 |
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last night i felt bad, because I just can't seem to make people happy. I hurt those I love, Yes, I knowthat is normal to do. I always confuse people. I hate that. I confuse myself too. Sometimes I wonder if it would just be better if I never had anyone around me or any friends. Maybe than I could avoid all this. I don't know :( ... I'm just ....... I'm just being dumb... I get so stupid sometimes :( I know that it is not possible to make evryone in this world happy, but I'm sure as heck going to try. And though it may kill me. It makes me feel good in a way to know I did give it a try.. and never gave up. I'm sorry if I have ever hurt you. I never want to hurt any of you. I love you guys. I do realize I often give the wrong impressions. And I'm sorry for that. ....I talked with Brian a it. i did want to tell him what was wrong ,but..... I didn't only because I don't think it is right for me to burden anyone with my problems..... Dave also asked , but ya... I just really needed to go to sleep. I hate bein sad around dpeople because it never helps any situation. It always tends to make the setting gloomy. Tim caled me so I talked to him a bit about it.... and I feel asleep after i got off the phone with him. Something is wrong. Somethign is scaring me and I think I may know, but than again........ I never know anything.I'm just a huge mess. Enough of this. I'll just say what i did yesterday before i started feeling like crap. I hung out with Annie for a bit and talked with her while she cleaned her room and car. And than at 6 or so Nick and his girlfriend Mary came and picked me up and we all went to the PIT Skatepark. It was ok. Some guy was stalking me though :-\ That was scary. Sam came later on with her brother Scott. I saw some dude twist his ankel really bad on the vert ramp. uhmm Magnum Opus, Blue Box Kids, JinxPacks, ATM, and some other band. But ya. this guy was way over my age. scaring the crap out of me. He'd follow me everywhere and when I would finally lose him he'd stand on the ramps and scope out the place and when he spotted me he'd come down to where i was. Sam and I were like "what the heck is this guys problem?!" He would tap on my shoulder or do something to me and I was like "dude jus keep your hands off me!" He asked me so many freaking questions. I wouldn't tell him anything about me. He was a creep. |
| Saturday, November 2nd, 2002 |
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Yesterday was so great. I went to Daves house with my friend around 4ish. And we had sucha great time even though we really didn't do much of anything. Dave gave us the "tour" of his house,haha. OOO I love the view towards the lake that they have!! So beautiful! I met his sister finally and her friend. Her friend seemed somewhat odd. He reminded me of JB,lol. I like his sister. She is funny,lol. Ya, so Dave showed me his new bass guitar. Dang, was that baby sweet!!!! It was some replica of the bass players guitar from Slayer i guess. He let me hold it and sort of mess with it :). he said he doesn't let anyone touch it because it's his baby but I guess I was privileged enough to ^_^ He is such a cutie pie!!! He may not look that cute but he has such a cute personality. He finally show'd me how to o that fireball thing in your hand,lol. Oh and he played some songs (partial songs) on the bass guitar for me and my friend. :) I love my baby boy :) Oh and he is now my teddy bear ^_^ so I have another, yes, another teddy bear! I told him how I hate not having something or someone to hold when i watch movies and he said that Lyz used to use him as her teddy bear and so he said I could do the same. He is so much like my baby bro. I love it. :) He is so like those kinda guys you want to just hug and cuddle all day long :) That's why he is my baby boy :) well he made me these awesome things to eat. mmmmmmmm were they good!!! so after i got home I got online and talked to dave again,LOL. ya so i guess it's going down between us now..... Because i tickled him before i left,LOL. so he said he's going to get me back when i next come up, Oh gosh you know that the tickle fight will never end,LOL. Anyway. So after i got done talking to Dave my friend called Stig from my house and He was "supposed" to go out with this girl Becca that night , but she never called him :-P So poor Stig got ditched I guess. He ended up going out with me and my buddy. Something seemed a little weird that night. I don't know if it was teh fact that he feels more comfortable acting like he did that night around me because i told hi mI thought of him as a brother or what his deal was. But ya. I don't know. I just hope that is the case and not something else :-\ I really do not like him that way... ick. it gives me shivers :-P lol sorry , but he just is not my type in anyway,LOL. not at all.lol. The waiter guy Dan gave me free drinks ^_^ i got 2 free hot coa coa's!!! I was like "THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!" lol he told me i should work at Applebees,lol. So i got an application and it may not be the greatest of jobs to do but you know, I'll do whatever because I need a job dang-it,lol. Well... i think this is all I will write for now. oh ya. wait. I had a great tickle fight last night! it was so retarded but very fun,LOL. I missed muh jimmy yesterday :-\ he's at a wedding right now. I missed muh baby boy too after i left. Gosh I love my guyz! lol ya and i missed you too Tim,LOL. anyway. I need to finish folding the laundry. anyway im going to a concert tonight with nick and mary. i hope sam can come!!! i lover her so much :) shes so cute ^_^ anyway uhm tim jus said osh-kosh-bagosh :-P lol he's a dork,lol im gonna get ready now. I'll miss all of you guys!!!! |
| Tuesday, October 29th, 2002 |
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 What prep label are you? |
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according to the "if i were hated by emily" test, i am... air freshener. |
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According to the "Which ge i wonder who im thinking of :-\ i bet LaVonne would know this one. |
| Monday, October 28th, 2002 |
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Take the test, by Emily. ah yes, of course
Take the test, by Emily. |
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yesterday was fun. and so was tonight. yesterday Svea and I went out with Stig. we ate and hung out at Barns and Nobels. wow I don't know what to make of him now. he sorta confuses me. he was very hyper,haha. but ya he gave his number to annie to give to me and tell me to call him :o) whats with that going on/???? i mean ok maybe its jus a friend thing but ya uhmmm i dunno. I think of him as a big brother. I jus always have ever since i started hanging out with him.. ... and ya his hugs are jus odd. i mean they jus don't seem normal... am I right svea?? i dunno i jus hope he doesn't lik e me i don't like him in that way at all. not one bit ick :-P lol ya its jus not cool. who knows..... but ya...... so its weird that annie and svea hang out with him now. Annie came over tonight with stig and we watched "A Knights Tale". oh and ya she came over earlier so we could discuss some traveling plans and what not. oh i went for my interview. ya it went great. i went around 9am to the animal medical clinic. umm by tomorrow i should know if i have the job. there is a whole shiznit load of stuff to do though if i got the job :-\ uhmm ya i jus cant think at the moment umm i miss muh buddy Mr. Winky :( I talked to Brian though today :) i lovers him. he's silly,lol. err uhm ya im jus gonna chat online with muh friends and wait till jimmy can come on,lol. so ya. uhhhhhh bye oh ya an dits muh best buddy Phil's burfday ^_^ he's 19 !! HAPPY BURFDAY BUDDY I WUVERS YA!!!!!! lol |
| Sunday, October 27th, 2002 |
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 How can I label you? brought to you by Quizilla |
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wow dave and i are having a weird convo. i really like it though. we're talking about his gifts that God has given him. very interesting and scary. he told me the vision he had when he was with me and the dream he had about me.... lol... maybe ill post what we talked about... or maybe not,lol i hung out with him tonight at the Cherryvale mall cuz i needed a release. so much crap happened today to me :( grr. i love dave. he's so funny and sucha cool friend. He's jus all around great. I feel like he's sorta umm i dunno... like my baby bro but not in that way. like not related but we get along jus like it.. i dunno,LOL anyway ya we met in Hot Topic and we hung out until uhmmmmm i think till 9:40 or so.....or later. but ya.. we talked about a lot of things. he's sucha sweetheart too. he brought me stuff :) i was just like awwwww thank you ^_^ he brought me some pop and made me this penny that was concave and was going to pick me an artificial flower but his mom was watching,lol. and he gave me a cd that had all hi mp3's on it for me :) he was gonna buy me some things but i insisted that he don't,lol. he's jus a sweetie pie :) haha wow. the things we're talking about now. haha such craziness i tell ya.i jus love that kid :) i love the whole protective deal going on too . lol but anyway . im jus waiting on here for jim to get on.... i miss him :( i lovers him muches he's so great ^_^ err i missed jen's 16th burfday party :-\ *sits and wait for jimmy* hrmmm .. ima talk to dave until that time. i hope jimmy is ok :-\ get better too tim i love you bud and ill pray for ya too grrrrr i hate phones companies they screwed me over an di have to pay btt loads of money cuz of THEIR mistake. so i wont have money until next year round may possible.. unless i get a job soooo ya im waiting here for jim ..... still and im still talking to muh buddy dave. |
| Thursday, October 24th, 2002 |
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things to do: 1. re-play to my e-mails 2. write e-mails to people I said i would 3. price check 3. write a letter to Ali 4. Make bracelets and other things 5. move more furniture 6. make Tim's icon (punkrockvirgin) 7. fix other ppls icons. 8. call the vets 9. reply to my friends in their journals. 10. umm ya i can't remember but i have something else to do |
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well i have been going all over the dang place lately. yesterday I have to say was great... well when we got to hang out with our buddies that is. The way there sucked and the way back too sorta. hahahahahaa Mr. Courageous ^_~ ROFLMBO. I have to say though tah was cute ^_~ very cute*giggles* so anyway. ya shee knows what im talking bout don't ya *wink wink* well ya we got lost to there and on the way back home, but i think it was ok despite something that ahppened, ya that sucked, but we was ok :) I think God likes laughing at us alot. He must get a kick out of gettign us lost and everything cuz He sure did a good one on us yesterday. Oh my gosh i had sooooo much fun at Leisure(sp?) Times playing pool even though i suck major!!! I won all the games I played, but not because i was good (cuz i was very terrible at it. jus sometimes i managed to do good shots but ya that was jus luck) but because the person i would lay against would lose,lol. so really i had no part in winning,lol. God jus wanted to make me feel good cuz i sucked so bad i think,lol But ya Brad, Cisco, and Jonathan ahd a good laugh out od watching jess and i play :-P dorks!!! lol they kept making fun of us but it was alright :) i love being a source of entertainment for ppl. plus i sucked so ya,lol. I played Cisco in a game and that was jus toooooooooo funny!! haha he had to look me in the eye evrytime he made a shot and so i would runs behind him and all and it was jus great ^_^ it made us laugh so much. oh gosh... I so love hanging out with those guys even if we didn't get to see uma ll that day and get to see um practice this was somuch fun. and guess wher ewe wen too!!!! Just like in Rockford we didn't know what to do cuz there was nothign to do so we went to walmart after we played pool. LOL itell you everywhere i go now i go to a WalMart there jus cuz ya that's the place to go when u don't want to go home and when you can't think of anywhere else to go or anythgin else to do. Thos gusy are gentleman too :) i really love that in guys cuz i so respect them fo rthat. That's jus amazing to me when a guy is curtious like that. I sisn't get to see Cisco's new baby boy, Christian, but that's ok. Im sure he's as cute as ever though :) I did feel bad being that we were late and everything cuz we did mess their plans up but it was so amazing regardless. well I think that's all for now.... I have to go call Annie so we can go out and compare prices. Hey Jimmy i missed ya buddy and I hope you have a great day. wish i didn't have to leave you that day :( i was praying for you though :) too bad you couldn't have come with. you would have loved it ^_^ OH CRAP!! I have the bon-fire tomorrow to go to at Rock Church. I jus remembered that. and tomorrow mornignim going to my neighbors to clean her house. ya what fun :-P and maybe a possile interview at the Vets on North 2nd street. grrness i ahve ppl to e-mail shoot... ahh ill jus do it later. :-P lol |
| Monday, October 21st, 2002 |
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well friday was ok. the Cadence concert was intereting, not sure what to think of it,lol. Ben looks cuter without glasses :) I like his g/f she's a sweetie. I really like their church too. I want to go to it i think. Rock Chruch is nice. And this Sundays service was amazing. This girl got saved and you could tell it was genuine. It almost made me cry and some other ppl too so i jus kept telling myself to not cry,lol. But liek i got goosebumps and it really moved me. I was so incredibly happy for her and all. ya ummm lets see.........I got more orders now for braclets. ^_^ Im so happy. I'm glad God is working this all out for me. :) ppl can advertise at my merch table if they want. But I guess i want the rights to all my stuff I have designed. Imean yathey can seel their stuff too useing my table and be a part fit I suppose but I thought alot about it and I don't want to mix names with my designs. I want to be the sole owner of it. Cause afterall they are my ideas and I made them so why should anyone else take the credit for what I do? lol i dunno i get paranoid about ppl stealing my ideas cuz it happened b4 and it made me really mad. so anywyas umm ya Ben wants me to make merch for his bands table. he loves the stuff I make so I'm gonna have my other buddy help me out with it all cuz it salot for me to do. as far as havign to do t-shirts and patches.... I can do the others but ya i think ill pass the other onto someone else,lol. so ya it's great to have help and all with it. so ya I have some orders which rocks and i got a base price now for certain things. I have alot more to say but taht i will do later cuz annie is coming over. oh ya an umm last night was very very fun ;) hahahaha go see Transporter. lots of good driving and fighting :) not to mention a buff guy o_O lol woo hoo lol like i care :-P lol |
| Saturday, October 19th, 2002 |
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 what microsoft OS are you? |
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 Which female celebrity are you? |
| Thursday, October 17th, 2002 |
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| well i have been on "fajily vacation" since monday. it was pretty good. my brother couldnt come with cuz he had to work. we went to little places here and there. I'm really excited about selling my designes and stuff. im so happy. I've always wanted to have a buisness where i sell my stuff and I've been offered by many ppl to buy my things but i guess i jus was somewhat afraid to go into this by myself and all or whatever. I dunno what my deal was but I think it's finally gonna be happening :) go me ^_^ well i got my liscense today. It was easy. The DMV in Rockford was evacuated due to some chemical spill so i went to the one in Oregon. It took me 50mins to drive there... it was aight 'cept it was cooooooold! But ya it was easy. i did fine. so ya im not all with it right now cuz im talking to some friends. so im going to go. |
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LiveJournal for Jaala.
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drained.
sad.
morose.
depressed.
happy.
confused.
discontent.
contemplative.
annoyed.
tired.
working.
excited.