|
Dec 2nd 2003
12:53 am |
What a wicked game to play...
To make me feel this way...
What a wicked thing to do...
To let me dream of you....
|
|
| ~It's not who I am, but I know that it's all that you see...~ |
Nov 30th 2003
12:26 am |
You see, the point is... To stay up really late, and get up really early.. So when I get out of work tomorrow, the only thing i'll want to do is sleep.
So, why did I leave the club this early? I have a massive headache. I've seemed to have one for weeks on end.
For atleast that long, if not longer... i've also been in a strange mood. Tonight while at work, Doing invoices alone in the office.. I had the store radio on... And a song came on, and all through it, I couldn't concentrate. And during the chorus, it was like the vision of him singing it was burned into my retinas. It left me with such an incredible feeling of regret and lonliness... That I cried. Sad, huh?
Shortly thereafter, I called Nick to come pick me up, and take me to get really really drunk.
~I swear on tomorrow if you take this chance... our lives are this moment, the music... the dance... But here in this labyrinth of lost mysteries... I close my eyes on this night, And you're all that I see....~
| I hear: |
I feel: |
 melancholy |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
Savatage - Not What You See |
|
|
|
Nov 28th 2003
11:01 am |
Now there's a gargoyle on that belfry... And he's been up there for years.
And he has watched, and he has pondered... 'What is laughter? What are tears..?'
And he's never found his answers as he sees the years go by.... But he watches, and he wonders.. with his stone unblinking eyes....
|
|
| Just remember.... |
Nov 25th 2003
4:45 pm |
In space the stars are no nearer
They just glitter like a morgue
And I dreamed I was a spaceman
Burned like a moth in a flame
And our world was so fucking gone
But I'm not attached to your world
Nothing heals and nothing grows
Because it's a great big white world
And we are drained of our colors
We used to love ourselves,
We used to love one another
All my stitches itch
My prescriptions low, I wish you were queen
Just for today
In a world so white what else could I say?
And hell was so cold
All the vases are so broken
And the roses tear our hands all open
Mother Mary miscarry
But we pray just like insects
The world is so ugly now
Because it's a great big white world
And we are drained of our colors
We used to love ourselves,
We used to love one another
All my stitches itch
My prescriptions low, I wish you were queen
Just for today
In a world so white what else could I say?
| I hear: |
I feel: |
smiling |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
Marilyn Manson - Great Big White World |
|
|
|
Nov 20th 2003
2:45 am |
|
I miss you Bartow!
|
|
| That's why you see me walkin' around like nothin's bothering me, even though half you people gotta fuckin' problem with me |
Nov 19th 2003
3:02 am |
At work yesterday, I sent some girl home early, Because she was getting an attitude with me over everything I said.. and I got annoyed to the point I told her that if she had a problem, she could go home, and that I didn't need her anyway.
And today, her husband shows up and says that he's going to contact his lawyer.
Yippee..! I'm getting sued...! And guess what the basis of their claim is?
Yep, that I'm a bitch.
*sigh*
Unfortunately.. I can't find it anywhere in me to just laugh at the absurd-ness of this all. Instead, I'm upset... Almost to the point of giving up.
Go figure.
| I hear: |
I feel: |
 aggravated |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
System Of The Down - Spiders |
|
|
|
Nov 13th 2003
12:36 am |
I'm faced wit a rather large decision...
New Years Eve!
.... My options... thus far.. Are to go to the Metallica concert...
Going to The Beach,
Or, going to NYC to see Manson play a concert at MSG.
Ee!
| I hear: |
I feel: |
 peaceful |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
Robin Fox - I See Stars |
|
|
| Papa don't preach... |
Nov 12th 2003
9:30 am |
Rumours!
You'd think being the age that I am... I wouldn't have to worry about idiotic rumour whores.... But, then again... What do I really know?
And, then... What do you all really know about what's going on with my life? Do I confide in any of you any longer? I didn't think so.
So... I do appreciate one person at least keeping my name off the rumour, but, sadly.. thanks to others... it couldn't remain that way.
So, What is the real question? Am I, or am I not pregnant?
You should all really be asking yourselves... am I, or am I not really married?
| I hear: |
I feel: |
 amused |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
No Doubt - Simple Kind of Life |
|
|
| Thou art privy to my sin... |
Nov 12th 2003
4:00 am |
Someone convinced me to call my ex boyfriend back today....
I was nicer to him when I wasn't talking to him. So, this is all their fault.
As for me, I have a terrible sore throat, and hiccups that just won't go away...
~When they get what they want, they never want it again... Go on take everything, take everything.... I want you to.. Go on, take everything, take everything I dare you to...~
So, anyway...! Me!
Ok, I'm getting all ready to go back east to visit Mike... My grandma is coming out to Vegas on Thursday.... Ang and I are going to cook a big Thanksgiving dinner for ourselves, her brother, and the elusive Xav. I'm preparing to go out and buy a new car after the first of the year.... And, going back east again to visit my family in celebration to my baby brothers 21st birthday. And, I do believe that's about it as for what's going on with me.
Nothing really interesting. I've spent probably the last two months in and out of doctors offices sick and/or dying. But, I'm sure in the long run, that would bore you all to death.
~Lord there's something wrong...~
I'm beginning to miss less and less of how things used to be. I'm beginning ot miss less and less of you all. ~Still every ghost must haunt in it's own way...~
| I hear: |
I feel: |
peaceful |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
Savatage - Alone You Breathe |
|
|
|
Nov 6th 2003
1:35 pm |
What I am to you is not real...
What I am to you... you do not need...
What I am to you is not what you mean to me...
| I hear: |
I feel: |
 touched |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
Damien Rice - Volcano |
|
|
| Perpetual rebellion with absolutely no cause.... |
Nov 5th 2003
3:47 pm |
Scene:
Me and Jen in the office. Her going through cubboards, and me counting the safe....
Me: You know, the safe's coming up minus $140.
Her: That's not good.
Me: It could be because of all the money we've been switching in and out of Jessica's register.
Her: Probably.... You know what I just thought of?
Me: Oh, wait... It's plus $140, That's better than it being minus...
Her: That's true.
Me: What'd you just think of...?
Her: You know, when you first started here... someone told me you did black magic..
Me: *Spits coffee everywhere* What?
Her: I wish I could remember who told me that. I don't even know why I just thought of it...
Me: So, now we know how I got DaJuan into bed, eh?
| I hear: |
I feel: |
 weird |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
Marilyn Manson - The Bright Young Things |
|
|
| You leave.... me |
Nov 2nd 2003
1:44 am |
Yep, Don't worry about me... the doctors haven't found themselves a way to kill me yet....But I fear that they are getting close...
A day in the ER hasn't gotten me any closer to an answer the the problems I have, but the nurse did give me a UTI. That bitch. And, and, and.. she put an IV into my arm in order to draw blood.... Not telling me it was an IV, and I thought she was just using a standard needle.. and when I looked down at my arm.. I freaked out and started crying... And every time after that I accidentally seen it in my arm, I cried more! Then she refused to take it out!
So, I'm all bruised, and burning... and.... Still not even close to being better. Another day being bed ridden will do me good.
But, the worst part of my day... was sitting with my mom for 4 hours in that tiny hospital ER room...... And only realising in the last 10 minutes we were there, that all that time... there was a TV in there.
| I hear: |
I feel: |
uncomfortable |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
Peter Gabriel - I Grieve |
|
|
|
Oct 25th 2003
12:55 am |
Any of you ever wondered what my dad is really like?
Well, I'm talking to my sister in law about my nephew.. And my dad was full of suggestions on what to name him....
Sara: he wanted us to give andrew a name that would sound good if he became a pro wrestler!!!
Jesucca: That's my dad!
Sara: yup!!!
Sara: when jeffrey and i lived with him last year, we had to be extra quite on wrestling nights
Jesucca: it used to be hockey, nova, and ally mcbeal
Sara: he also likes berman and berman
Sara: it's on one of those girl channels
Jesucca: lol
Sara: he gets a kick out of it
Sara: unless i add my input
Sara: then he gets pissed
|
|
| I'm losing my favorite game... |
Oct 24th 2003
10:59 pm |
I had the strangest dream last night... heh, and sadly... I couldn't figure out who the guy was in it..... And, the sad part was.. it was my best friend. But, it was him back when I would have first met him, weird guy with yellow hair. Only though, his hair wasn't really yellow at the time, But a picture I had of him on my computer used an imaging software I never before had used, and one of the main functions was to turn everything highlighted yellow colors... (No idea WHY)... And, that's how I remembered him. Makes me want him now even more... And definately blows away any dreams I had about real people lately.
Yep, no doubt about it.. I'm still in love with him.... Only I wasn't talking about him at first... But, now... After how things have been, (or not been).... I've decided that some things are best left alone.... I'm choosing reality this time, as opposed to stupid fantasies.....
Yep, with that.. time to drink...
| I hear: |
I feel: |
 envious |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
I'm losing my baby |
|
|
|
Oct 23rd 2003
11:46 pm |
Have you ever seen a human being emotionally self-destruct?
Well, Watch carefully...
|
|
| It's nothing much but the same drug.... |
Oct 22nd 2003
3:23 pm |
I'm just going through all the pictures I took with my digi camera while I was on vacation in June...
As it seems My father bought my brother and his wife a computer for reasons I still can't understand... So, I was going to make them a virtual photo album, since they've yet to see the pictures I've taken of my nephew... And there were some magical ones that I got of him while we were out on the boat. It just makes me realise how much I miss them all.
I can not wait until January... I even dream about going back there, (Though, strangely... The dreams center around what I'll wear.... Because, let's face it... Vegas clothing isn't really fit to be wearing in the midst of the potential Western PA blizzards.)
I'm so tired right now... This medicine which they said would probably make me have excessive energy.... Turns out to drain it from me... I can remember why I fought this concept for so long. I adore what I used to feel....
| I hear: |
I feel: |
 thoughtful |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
Cold - Same Drug |
|
|
| You were the same as me... But on your knees.... |
Oct 21st 2003
3:18 am |
Ah ha..
I had an accident at work today... I'm carrying a pot of coffee, and stepped on the cord to the vacuum while the floor was wet, and slipped... Spilled hot coffee all over my hand, and... I would have fallen right on my ass and hurt myself badly.. had a trash can not somehow broken my fall... But I have a pretty bad ass bruise on my back right now. Ang is sitting beside me poking me with a pen asking if it hurts....
And it does....
~A thousand boys could never reach you... How could I have been the one?~
| I hear: |
I feel: |
 mischievous |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
The Googoo Dolls - Black Balloon |
|
|
| I will go down with this ship... |
Oct 20th 2003
3:25 am |
Wanna know what amuses me? The amount of money I don't have to spend.
Ok, Now.... I have a decent job. I make plenty of money... And I don't really pay bills. Right now all I pay is half of rent, ($650)... half of electric ($100), DSL ($35), and my cell ($120) That's $905 to the calculatorly challenged. Which, With what I make... About $2200 you'd think I'd be rolling in spare cash....
But, figure.. With clothes I never wear, Makeup which I lose, dinners I barely eat, hair with I never bother with, I'm basically borrowing $300 a month either from myself or Nick just to make all the other bills. Now, think how bad that's going to be once I take on a car payment. Maybe I oughta just go pay cash for a car....
Yeah! That'll work!
Blah, anyway.... I spend my days in half dazes.. i'm just constantly exhausted. And I just knocked some ugly candle off my desk and watched it shatter.... Not purposely, of course... I haven't turned destructive... Only emotionally.... But, hey, that's to be expected.
I just want to go lay down in my new bed, and passssss out. All in due time....
| I hear: |
I feel: |
 okay |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
Dido - White Flag |
|
|
| Ooh, To the sea of waking dreams.. I follow without pride.... 'Cause nothing stands between us here, And I won't be denied.... |
Oct 16th 2003
11:05 pm |
Ok, I'm suffering from extreme pain and discomfort thanks to my back...
My first instinct was a massage, so, I laid down ont he massage mat, a cheap subsitute that I would later find out...
Doctors advice was a hot bath.... It worked, and rather well.. I was impressed.. then I stood up and dried off, and the pain returns.
My moms advice was take some tylenol, or something... Did so, No luck...
So, Maybe sleep will indeedly make it all go away.
Sleep and Orange Slice....
I don't recommend doing both at once... But, they both are just as yummy.
| I hear: |
I feel: |
sore |
| I hear: |
I feel: |
Sarah McLachlan-Possession |
|
|
|
Oct 16th 2003
10:09 pm |
Well well, Wireless shit rocks. It keeps my hallways looking lovely.
Right now, I'm so tired, and my back is killing me...
And I'm thirsty... So thirsty.. But all the glasses are in the dishwasher.. and it'll be a while before they're done.. So, until then... I'll eat some string cheese.
I think I should make my bed tonight, because sleeping on the floor is becoming really uncomfortable... But I'm happy here...
Maybe I'll shut up... go take a shower and sleep.....
Dont worry, I'll post pictures a little later on, soon as everything is put where it belongs, and the boxes are all cleared away....
|
|
