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*le purr* [23 Aug 2002|06:40am] Early 2003 = release of new Type O Negative CD Perhaps I won't hate turning 30 so much after all :) post comment

[09 Aug 2002|02:04am] Thank you, Gin, for the "sweet dreams" ;) ::purrs over her new Vin Diesel pic:: post comment

[15 Jul 2002|01:24pm] For those of you that feel I haven't been around enough or are wondering why I have my away messages up almost constantly... I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind right now. Besides dealing with the usual stress of moving (or trying to at least) and being in surroundings where I'm no longer wanted, it seems I may not have escaped the dangers of the Atkins diet (to those of you that warned me, no need to say "I told you so"... I'm kicking myself enough for everyone). Though I don't want to (I'm scared to death) I'm forcing myself to go to the doctor this Wednesday to have a bunch of blood tests run because it may or may not be serious (let's hope for the latter because I can't afford anything else). Yeah, it's going to be expensive (I have no medical insurance) but... I have no choice. I guess just say a lil' prayer and wish me luck. post comment

[14 Jul 2002|04:08am] [ mood | exhausted ] After getting out of a really hot shower, I'm sitting here sipping Black Cherry Berry tea in an attempt to wind down for bed. I worked out like I said I would but had to stop with only ten minutes left to go. I just couldn't throw another punch or kick if my life depended on it (I kickbox for thirty minutes after forty minutes of combined cardio/strength training/stretching). That doesn't happen to me very often but because I'm so tired from last night I was just too worn out. That pisses me off. Of course, it shouldn't. I mean doing a little of something is better than doing nothing at all, but I couldn't last just ten minutes longer? Meh. So instead of taking a day off tomorrow like I planned, I'll just repeat what I did today. That probably sounds insane but I just don't want to give myself any room to fall off track. I've come so far these past eight months and I don't want to fuck it up now. I spoke to my parents and sister earlier today. My mom and dad passed their first real estate exam with flying colors. Now all they have to do is pass the state exam in August and they'll be able to work for a contractor/realtor in the state of Florida. My sister was on her way to Orlando (about a two hour drive from where she lives with our parents) to hit the clubs with a friend from work and their boyfriends. It's about time she's seeing someone again... someone "worthwhile" I mean. For awhile there she was experiencing quite the dry spell, with a few losers thrown in for good measure. This one's supposedly a hottie (lifeguard/surfer) and in college for biology (he either wants to go into forensics or marine biology, two things she's interested in as well). Granted, he's only in town for the summer, but even when he does go back to school he'll only be a three hour drive a way. Good for them both :) Well, I'm just about dozing at the keyboard here so I think I'm going to call it a night. Sweet dreams, peeps. post comment

Well, hell... they're right! [13 Jul 2002|11:07pm] ( horoscopes ) post comment

[13 Jul 2002|08:59pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Music from the WB (radio@aol.com) ] My ass is so dragging today. After keeping a somewhat normal schedule for the past two weeks (ie: in bed by 11, up by 6 or 7) I went out last night and didn't get home until five in the morning and now it seems to have screwed me up. Not that I'm complaining mind you. It was a much needed escape and I had a really good time. Billy (whom I haven't seen since I came back from Florida, which was almost two months ago) came out from Brooklyn and picked me up around 8:30. We headed for the movies, catching the 9:45 showing of Halloween Resurrection and the midnight showing of Reign of Fire (the half hour before and between movies was perfect for smoke breaks outside where he and I just talked and enjoyed the night). For all you ladies out there that are in lust with Vin Diesel (like me!)... Triple X starts August 9th! And the man looks DELISH with all those tatts (hell, he's edible without them ::purrs::). Both movies were good in their own right. Halloween Resurrection was funny with a few moments that kept you in suspense (the whole theater was packed and the laughter and screams was endless) and while Reign of Fire was more serious, the (made-up) fact they put behind the fiction of dragons was well thought out and the realism of the creatures (the effects) was amazing. Both movies were definitely worth the cost of a night show (since I know that's how many of us rate movies: "night show/day show/rental"). Afterward he and I headed for the beach which was closed as usual so we ended up at the old Longwood Estate (it's this beautiful old house from the 1700's situated on a large piece of property with it's own lake and barn, etc. Kind of spooky at night, but that's the charm of it, at least for me, and it's a great place to go when you just want to be alone and not be chased away by the police) where we just sat in the dark, staring up at the stars and talking endlessly of our plans for the future, our ex's, current relationships and just friends in general, making plans to keep in touch once I move (yesterday was probably the last time I'll see him here in New York since hopefully -if there's a God- I'll be moving soon). It was after 4am that I realized I didn't have my cell phone on (when his rang actually) and when I checked, I had a text message from ::purrs:: Josh telling me he was safe and sound and back in Michigan (he'd gone away for his birthday) and soon after that we headed home since Billy had a full day ahead of him. All in all, I had fun and I actually learned the expression one wears when he realizes he swallowed the cap to his tongue ring, LOL. That was amusing as all hell because he didn't want the hole to close up (though after six months it shouldn't have) so he kept what was left of the bar inside and would sometimes forget, finding it suddenly hard to speak (like he'd have a lisp and I would just bust out laughing as he'd roll his eyes and fix it). At least he's now able to change it to something other than the steel barbell he got originally (it was kind of... stuck; he couldn't even remove it with pliers o.O*). I also developed an appreciation for the singer from SlipKnot (Billy's favorite band) when he stuck in the song the guy did for the Spiderman soundtrack. It was soft and slow and the man actually has an amazing voice. Note to self: DL it from Limewire. As it turns out, my "girls" still have my back. What I mean is that my two good friends from high school (Jen and Jeannine) are still there for me as is a woman I met on-line (Amy). I feared everything with all of them would have pretty much been over with after letting communication slide between us for so long, but I decided to test the waters and write/call them and I received an overwhelming response that made me feel all warm, fuzzy and loved :) In fact, I've made plans to see both of them while they're here and I can't wait! I've really missed them. I'm finally getting back to the "me" I once was and I've never been happier. The only thing that will make me even more so is moving into my own space and being with Josh. Then life will be... perfect. Well, tomorrow makes a week since I started the Slim-Fast diet and in that time I've (as of today) lost five more pounds and in getting ready to go out last night I realized I've officially gone down a jean size (to the point my old ones are now too big) ::does the dieter's dance of victory::. On top of this, lots of my shirts are starting to hang on me. By this time next year (if not sooner) I'll be able to shop for a whole new wardrobe. And not just out of want, but necessity! Billy saw me last night (like I said, it was for the first time in two months) and he was like, "Damn girl, you look good. And you're tan! You're darker than me and I'm Sicilian!" Of course he works the vampire shift for the city sanitation department, but it was funny (and true!) nonetheless. I don't know why but both of my bottom wisdom teeth are acting up tonight. All four of those damn teeth are impacted (so deeply that you can't even see them) and one day I'm going to have to have them removed, in fact, I was told to have them taken out about 12 years ago, but that's not a priority on my list and won't be until I'm certain my head will explode because of them. I'm just not ready to dish out $4k (if not more) for... pain. Though that's just what I'm in right now and if this continues the way it has in the past, I'll be in it for a good two or three weeks (to the point it gives me low-grade fevers) before it subsides only to rear its ugly head 3-5 months down the road. It makes absolutely no sense to me ::shakes head::. Anyway, it's time for me to get my tired butt in motion. I'm going to push myself to do as much of a workout as is possible in the condition I'm in. And maybe I'll write more later. post comment

[11 Jul 2002|09:46am] [ mood | excited ] [ music | "I'm Gonna Be Alright" - J Lo f/NAS ] * squeals with delight * Yesterday what I've been waiting for finally happened. Someone I don't see every day (Joe's brother) noticed I'm losing weight!! "Still losing weight, I see," says he. "YES!!!!" says me. WOOT! Note: It's freezing here today ::shivers and skidaddles:: 2 comments|post comment

[11 Jul 2002|06:10am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | "Somewhere Out There" - Our Lady Peace ] These all hit home one way or another... ( horoscopes & thoughts ) post comment

FYI... [11 Jul 2002|05:47am] [ mood | pissed off ] Due to some very childish people in my life as well as some of my friend's lives, come the weekend I'll be putting this journal under a "friends only" lock. Josh, Jason, Greg, and Bryan... should you want to be able to keep up on me, you're going to have to make a LJ account of your own (even if you don't use it) and let me know your names so I can add it to my "friend's" list. Otherwise you won't be able to access it. I'm sorry, but I'm just sick of dealing with the drama caused by "little girls and boys." Send me an email letting me know what you want me to do. post comment

Gone till the weekend... [10 Jul 2002|05:41pm] [ mood | Seeking peace. ] [ music | Our Lady Peace - "Somewhere Out There" ] ( lyrics ) ( horoscopes & thoughts ) post comment

[07 Jul 2002|10:59am] I just went to the Slim Fast website and became a (free) member. post comment

[07 Jul 2002|08:37am] [ mood | Warm, fuzzy and smiling. ] [ music | Lots of Adema & Our Lady Peace ] For the first time in a long time I had a really good dream. It had to do with Josh and I (and no it wasn't sexual). While I don't remember details, I know we were both really happy, smiling and laughing lots, just enjoying each other's company. I was in awe of it all, stepping out of myself and watching like a third party might and thinking, "My God, I haven't been this happy in so long." I even woke up smiling! Definitely a nice change of pace from the norm. Of course I don't know if this is prophetic in any way or if he crept into my head because we had spoken earlier in the evening (and he had me laughing and smiling as usual) but either way... it was refreshing. Though we don't have an apartment yet I went shopping this past week for some of the things we'll need. Like sheets! I bought two sets... one's a chambray blue jersey knit (you know, the cotton tee shirt material) to go with the blue and white comforter I have and the other is ::purrs:: leopard print. The sheets and comforter to that set are both jersey knit material, plus the print will go with my faux fur blanket and pillow. And speaking of pillows, I bought those, too. I had no clue how many he sleeps with so I just bought him the same as me, two, and apparently I chose well because his exact reply was, "Perfect." I also picked up a bathroom scale (a must-have for the dieting me) and even though I plan on getting the motorized litter box that cleans itself once I have a job (it's like ninety bucks but well worth the money in the long run, especially with five cats) I picked up two of the regular kind (including a throw-away one for the night we're going to have to spend in a hotel because there's no way we can make the drive from New York to Michigan in one day with five cats, especially in the summer) and bowls for the cats (pretty teal ones!). The best part of all of this is I got most everything on sale. One set of sheets were half price, the pillows were half price, the comforter was ten dollars less than it was listed for and I got one of the litter boxes for free because the cashier didn't realize there were two stuck together (either that or she just didn't care). I still have a few more things to get (like a shower curtain) but basically we're set with the little things. Major purchases, such as a bed/bedroom set, a dvd player (actually, we decided it's more economical to get PS2, that way we can watch dvds and play video games), dining room set and large entertainment center (big enough to hold my dvds and videos) will have to wait until I'm set with a job. I also want to get a curio cabinet (for my fantasy dragon and cat collections) and we need a cd rack. All in due time of course, when the cash is available because I'm not putting any of it on credit. Never again! I started the Slimfast diet today. I'm impressed. The last time I used it the powder used to clump when used with skim milk. I guess that was a major complaint with a lot of people because they improved it so it now mixes with ease. Cool :) post comment

[06 Jul 2002|08:45pm] [ mood | Chaotic thoughts. ] For the first time in over a year I just e-mail role-played. For awhile there I stared blankly at the screen, not knowing where to begin because I hadn't written anything in so long, but I resisted the urge to say "fuck it" as I so often do and it came back to me. And now I really think that I'll be able to sit down and get started on that novel I've been promising myself I'll write. For as little a blurb as it was, it felt good to be creative again. Now all I have to do is make it a couple of hundred blurbs and I'll have accomplished a book ;) Josh and I aren't having a lot of luck in the search for an apartment. Within the last two weeks he's been turned down three times and we lost one place because the landlord decided to take another couple that had cash in hand. So as of last night he's been supplied with all my information so he can put both of us down on the application. I doubt it'll work though because my credit history (from those wonderful "young and stupid" days) is worse than his. But what else can I do? Based on a friend's advice I've told him to go see a realtor about renting a house instead of trying to get into a complex. I've been told landlords tend to be more lenient if they like you. And if that doesn't work then our last resort will be me paying a year's rent (about five or six thousand dollars) up front. We're running out of time here and I'm getting desperate (so someone, anyone -please- say a little prayer that something will come our way soon). It's gotten to the point where I can't pack up much more because I'll be living out of boxes. I'll continue this week though... adding a little at a time until I hear something definite about a place. The other day I did the over-the-phone application for a job at the Lansing (MI) Lowes. Will be following it up with a call to the actual store come Monday or Tuesday. Would be nice if I could have a job waiting for me when I get there. This past week I made the decision to stop being on the Atkins Diet. Not only have I read bad things about it (including that the doctor had his license suspended), but two friends of mine had serious complications because of it. One is losing her hair (which made me go out to the health food store and pick up a hair, nails and skin vitamin just in case) and another, who was diabetic while on it, almost went into a coma. The thing is, I'm terrified of gaining back the weight I lost while on it (46lbs. in eight months). Because I have more to lose I'm looking for a healthy alternative that isn't too costly so if anyone out there knows of one, please contact me with information about it. Until then I've decided to go on Slimfast and continue working out the way I've been (5-7 days a week of cardio and 2-3 days of weights). While it may not be the best diet out there, it's still healthier than Atkins (and I wish I had listened to my friends sooner when they tried to talk me out of it from the beginning). I'm tan! I've officially left the goth look behind and have taken on what's perceived as a healthy glow. I wasn't even this dark when I came back from Bermuda, lol. One of my cats (Rocky) has been mauling his face and ears, scratching insanely until he gets gashes. I'm wondering if he has another ear infection. He's been prone to them all his life and I don't understand why. It's like the medicine they give him works for a few months but then it starts all over again, like a vicious cycle. I think before I take him to the vet I'll try cleaning his ears with this special stuff they once gave us and see if that works (hopefully it will because I can't afford a vet bill right now). Wish me much luck... with everything. post comment

[01 Jul 2002|09:50am] ::hugs:: Happy Birthday, VioletMoonWater!! 1 comment|post comment

They hold some meaning yet again... [29 Jun 2002|09:26am] ( horoscopes and thoughts ) post comment

[28 Jun 2002|09:30am] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | Tori Amos - "Lust" ] Well, here it is, 9:30 in the morning and I've been up since about six (maybe a bit earlier). I definitely need a new bed. While I can get comfortable enough to fall asleep, I wake up every few hours in all sorts of pain. It's frustrating, too because I know I can sleep a few more hours but I'm forced to get up just so the aches go away. Grr. I had a slice of pizza for breakfast. Yummy :) I'll probably have yogurt again for lunch and maybe soup for dinner. Yeah, I'm weird like that, planning out what I'm going to eat. It makes me feel more in control, I think. That way there's no room for cheating or grabbing something "bad" for me. It looks like the sun is trying to come out. And it's cooler today (less humid!) then it's been the last few days. I literally had to wait to pack until it was night just so it would be bearable. But today I can work throughout the day and get some more much needed sleep like I did last night. After dealing with a few frustrations I decided to just write a letter to my sweetness (Josh) and go to bed. That was about two in the morning. Knowing that Josh doesn't get online sometimes until about three in the morning I left an IM message for him saying to check his email and to call me if he was able so when my cell phone rang at about 4:30 (scared the hell out of me! But I do so love my Linkin Park ring) I thought it was him. Alas *snifflepout* it wasn't. It was my friend Essien telling me his modem is fried so he can't get online and checking up on me, though when he realized he woke me up I could tell he felt bad. I just wasn't awake enough to tell him it was okay so I have a feeling he probably thinks I'm mad at him. Oh well, I'll fix that the next time we talk. I'm suddenly a firm believer in the saying "you can't go home again." Not so much in the literal sense, but in the underlying meaning. While you can physically go home again, things and people change and you can never truly relive the past. That much is true with my family (as I've stated in previous -recent- posts) as well as my roleplaying world. There are some people out there that I used to have such a blast playing characters with but for one reason or another I fell out of touch with them and now that we're on good terms again, I'm trying to rebuild what we had and finding it nearly impossible (and not for lack of trying!). Like this morning... I had wanted to sate the roleplay craving I found myself with and while the guy agreed, I found myself put on the backburner, as is often the case with him. I don't know... while there are a few characters I love playing (this one included) I'm tired of the disappointments and I think until I'm in Michigan I'm just going to give up on the online roleplaying scene. And even then it won't be as often because I'll have Josh, work, school and LARP. I've never LARPed before in my life but Josh is eager to get me involved. I have no idea who or what I'll play. There's just so many possibilities (my head is filled with endless characters). This is why I have to write (and soon!). While I may never be published, it's at least an outlet for that muse whispering in my ear, nudging and poking me (the schizo, fickle little bitch she is). Mmmm... the wind just blew in through the window and I can smell the beach. The sun won it's battle with the clouds too so I think after packing for a few hours I may go lie outside for two before continuing. This is a nice change from the clouds and rain that've plagued us. Although last night was beautiful... It stormed and when I went to bed I kept the window behind me wide open allowing me to watch the lightning and hear the rain and thunder as well as smell the sea air (I'm only a ten or fifteen minute drive from the beach and depending on traffic and how fast you drive it can be even less). I used to be terrified of storms but I'm finding myself afraid of less and less as the months go by. Always a good thing :) My cats are another story though, lol. Four of them ran for cover, hiding beneath the bed while Rocky cried his little lungs out at the door until I came in the room to be with him. He's my little snuggler. Without fail he curls up as close as he can get to me and stays there all night. This is actually something new (within the last four or five months)... happening after Joe and I stopped sharing the same room/bed and after his littermate (Lucky) passed on (she was my offical snuggler before this). Cats are funny like that. People think they're cold, solitary and aloof creatures when in reality they each have their own distinct personality and they'll go out of their way to be there for you when they sense you need them. And Lord knows, I've needed my guys a lot over the years, and this one in particular. post comment

[28 Jun 2002|08:07am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Josh Joplin Group - "I've Changed" ] ( horoscopes and thoughts ) post comment

: : p u r r s : : [27 Jun 2002|12:38am] [ mood | In "want" mode... again. ] [ music | Music from the WB (radio@aol.com) ] I want this (first pic) and here is a better pic of it (third one up from the bottom). post comment

[26 Jun 2002|10:10pm] [ mood | busy ] [ music | Music from the WB (radio@AOL) ] ::loving this Bif Naked song ("Lucky"):: So, let's see, what've I done today... I've sated my strange craving for Dannon "Fruit on the Bottom" yogurt thanks to Joe's mom (I'm thinking all the protein I've been eating because of Atkin's is getting to me because I've been craving dairy products, veggies and fruits, and don't worry, I haven't denied myself). My incessant catnapping (I've had a particularly bad "month" this month, if you catch my meaning, and it's drained me) has given birth to the craziest of dreams. I had two in a row today, one terrifying and one funny. In the first I was losing my hair. In fact, I had it separated in cornrows (something I've never done before, though I've thought about it) and I was able to yank one cleanly from my scalp. I woke up in a panic, patting my hair down making sure it was still there. Silly me went back to sleep after that and fell right into another dream, this one about a mouse. While I'm not afraid of mice (I think they're cute and I'm the one called in for this sort of "pest removal") in this dream I remember climbing up on furniture and picking my feet up off the floor -- completely out of character for me. And it's like my dream self knew it was because she couldn't stop laughing about it, albeit it a little nervously. Needless to say, I felt inclined to turn to the books for some insight on these two (they were so strange!) and in A Witch's Book of Dreams (by Karri Allrich) I found some interesting answers: Hair: Associated with concious thoughts. Hair grows out of the crown chakra, the gateway to higher awareness, the crown of the head. Hair also symbolizes power. The more the better. Is someone trying to cut your hair (take away your power or cut off your expression of ideas)? Put a lid on it? Or is your hair growing (increasing your power)? Is it changing color? (Look up color listing.) See Head. Head: Dreaming of a head, yours, might be about your thinking, your brain, yourself as a thinking individual. Is someone messing with your head? Are you thinking clearly? If the head is disembodied, you are not connected to your heart, to life's physical, sensual experience. You may be getting too intellectual. Or are you losing your head? Think of word play: head's up, heading out, getting ahead. Mouse: If your cat is dreaming about mice, it's all about dinner. For you, the dreamer, you'd have to think about your own associations to mice. Do you like them? Think they're adorable? Are you frightened of them? Disgusted? The mouse is associated with fear, having so many natural predators. One must also consider their caution as demonstrative of their survival mechanism. Are you receiving a cautionary message? To pay attention to detail, stay out of the way, and prepare for the future? Or is fear nibbling away at you? Have you been mousy lately? Your emotional reponse will clue you in to the meaning of the dream. Interesting, no? And I was able to put meanings to both of my dreams with ease. They both have to do with everything still going on in my life. Makes sense. For as bad as I've been with giving in to cravings (twice this week I would have killed for ice cream, luckily I didn't have to) I haven't suffered weight-wise. While the scale isn't budging (up or down) I know it's because I'm working out with weights. Muscle weighs more than fat and to lose the latter you have to build the former, which is what I'm doing (I love the tight feeling you get right after a workout). While I still have a ways to go, I'm fitting into clothes that haven't fit me in years and today Joe's mom told me out of the blue that the weight loss is noticable ("You've lost a lot of weight."). WOOT! I slacked yesterday in my workout, didn't do a damn thing, but I'll jump back on the bandwagon tonight. I don't think one day off out of seven will kill me (though I did feel guilty, especially after having dessert). I'm still busy packing. Doing this alone is stressful and strenuous (no doubt another reason why I'm so tired lately) but I'm getting there. I just wish I had the means to just leave everything behind and start anew. It would be so much simpler... but simplicity in this life doesn't come easy, does it? post comment

[26 Jun 2002|05:45pm] ( A little about me... ) post comment

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