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[16 Apr 2003|05:58pm] |
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mood |
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 moody |
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music |
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my new Coldplay Aussie Clocks CD...the studio version of Animals sounds good & I love the Yellow piano version..rad |
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hmmm I guess I need to use this here LJ...Let's see...What's new? ummm I'm broke as usual & grumpy as usual, so nothing's new! YAY!
We watched 10 month old Gracie all last weekend & now my clock is driving me mad. I didn't even mind having baby crap all over me. Weird.
I'm starving. I need food. I'm broke & we have nothing but green beans in the house. Dang it. Being poor sucks ass.
Tony & I are all of a sudden closer to each other. It's weird. We talk like 5 times a day on the phone now. I would love for him to come down here or us travel to Arkansas to meet. but HELLO I'm broke as hell. We've been internet friends for 2 years next month I believe. He's like my best friend lol Is that sad? I like having friends that I can totally ignore if I want to. Speaking of that---fucking KC called me out of the blue the other day. Just like nothing happened & she's not crazy. She wanted to stop by with her bf & I told her no she can't. I don't like her. She is depressing & childish. I don't need it.
Man. I am such a bitch lately. I've been hanging out with Dawn too much. LOVE YA, GIRL!
Damn, I am so boring.
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[03 Apr 2003|08:52pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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I am having one of those bad, bad nights. A freakin' creditor just called me 3 times in under 3 minutes screaming at me about a bill I am paying thru the debt people. I would hang up & he would call right back. I had to scream at the top of my lungs to talk over him. Oh yes. I called the debt management people right away. They are so nice there. A very sweet guy named Andre helped me. I finally know how our debtors at work feel. How ironic I work for a collection agency. Hmpf. I just don't understand. They are lucky they are getting any money out of my broke white ass. I hate my life tonight. Argh! Damn you BANK OF AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!! OH OH LET ME JUST PULL 5K OUT OF MY ASS! OH HERE YOU GO!
MONEY IS EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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[02 Apr 2003|06:39pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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Every month I am a tad bit pissed when my period shows up. I don't know, but every month I feel as though I'm pregnant, but I'm not! Even if I don't have sex for a long ass time I feel that way. I guess I just want it badly. I can't help it. I can't fight it anymore. My body wants what it wants. Even though I know it's not the best time I still want it. Hmpf. Oh well. I gotta go read journals now. I've been a big slacker. Oops.
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[31 Mar 2003|09:03pm] |
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mood |
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sick |
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Ahhhh. Home again. Sorry I haven't been around to reply & stuffs :-D For a few days I was just lazy then I went to Nederland for 4 days. Well, I think it was 4 days..I hate time zones so much...grrr Alex is doing well :-D My dutch is much improved... :-/ I feel pukey. I saw Chicago yesterday for the first time! I LOVE it! Catherine Zeta-Jones is hot. Tim didn't care for the musical parts & said, "Would have been better without so much singing." Um, sir? IT IS A MUSICAL...boys...
Green Tea should be renamed Happy Chronic Tea....Makes me feel so stoned. I'm not sure why...wait---maybe it wasn't Green Tea...ummmm
BLARGH!
I WILL get around to posting..I WILL!
Alex!! Roep me alstublieft om elf uur!
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| My uterus is killing me! Argh! |
[21 Mar 2003|07:52pm] |
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mood |
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weird |
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music |
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Gravity__Coldplay <---pretty :-D |
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Blair was born yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tisha went to the Dr. at 9 something in the morning & they broke her water for her & she had Blair by C-section at 8:44pm!!! He was 8 lbs 4 oz! WEEEEEEEEE!! Loren & I went to see her/him today & oh man...he is fucking gorgeous! Tons of dark hair. He looks nothing like Sean! HA! He is all Tisha :-) She had to have a C-section because she started to show signs of infection & Blair was face up & sideways...poor thing...
Man--makes my clock go TICK TOCK TICK TOCK heh heh
It is so weird though because the war has my head fucked up & the thought of Pete possibly being killed over there, but here we are in love with this new little life. Life & death are breakdancing in my head tonight. I'm so high & so low all at once. Man.
Sorry I have been slacking in the commenting department :-/ I don't know where I have been...
I don't pray...ever...never...but I pray that Pete comes home. I want everyone to come home, but please, please bring him home. OK---crying is a sign of gotta go get a drink.
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[17 Mar 2003|10:31pm] |
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mood |
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 relieved |
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music |
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that swing swing song is stuck in my head...:-/ |
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Wow. Feels like it should be much later.
I ate like a hog today...Spaghetti O's; 6 chicken nuggets; 2 bowls of Apple Jacks; pint of ice cream; some Lasagna...hmm that's no good...Lose weight! Not gain! Gee whiz.
Tired. Very. Just had to write this stupid letter to this Atty for work...stupid bitch is a PD trying to get involved with the FDCPA...please beeotch I know my FDCPA & I stuck it to her too! hmpf
I don't feel like being on the PC anymore today....
Tim & I are going to go swing at the elementary school now tee hee I love that boy.
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[16 Mar 2003|06:23pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Jon Secada__Just Another Day |
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My song of hope for the moment is :::::: (gorgeous song)
I know it doesn't seem that way
But maybe it's the perfect day
Even though the bills are piling
And maybe Lady Luck ain't smiling
But if we'd only open our eyes
We'd see the blessings in disguise
That all the rain clouds are fountains
Though our troubles seem like mountains
There's gold in them hills
There's gold in them hills
So don't lose heart
Give the day a chance to start
Every now and then life says
?Where do you think you're going so fast?
We're apt to think it cruel but sometimes
It's a case of cruel to be kind
And if we'd get up off our knees
Why then we'd see the forest for the trees
And we'd see the new sun rising
Over the hills on the horizon
There's gold in them hills
There's gold in them hills
So don't lose faith
Give the world a chance to say...
A word or two, my friend
There's no telling how the day might end
And we'll never know until we see
That there's gold in them hills
There's gold in them hills
So don't lose heart
Give the day a chance to start
There's gold in them hills
There's gold in them hills
Thank you, Ron Sexsmith. You make me feel better. And you make me cry... :-)
Man--Jon Secada (sp?) is some old skool shit LOVE IT! ha ha ha
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[15 Mar 2003|05:53pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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Yes, I am stressed. I thought getting in that debt management thing would help, but so far only seems worse...OK...actually half of my credit cards are worse & the others are doing great. I signed up for DM in Nov. 2002 & the company has been really great, but a few of our credit card companies are being assholes so it's taking longer for the program to kick in. It really sucks.
Well--I was right. I have been sleepwalking all week. I totally spaced out & didn't pay my car ins. last Tuesday. I have always been really good about paying for my car shit & now I have fucked that up! I realized this on Friday & totally freaked out because last month I paid it online the same day it was due, but after 3pm so they sent me an email stating I MIGHT be cancelled...well this time I paid a whole 3 days late, but no email yet..? However I paid my policy off in full on Friday, so...
The check I gave my stepfather 1-19-03 for my car repair hadn't been cashed, so I stopped payment on the check & we used it. It seemed he wasn't going to cash it & he never mentioned it AND he does NOT need that $$ ($515.22 to be exact) sooo when he mentioned it yesterday I almost crapped myself...YIKES! He said. "Ya know I still haven't cashed your check yet. I do that all the time to my customers. I just get so busy." WHAT?! Oh crap. Like 2 days after I stop payment on it! AND the fucking bank charged me $30 for that!! So NOW I have to tell my mom we stopped payment on it & write a new one...I fucked us out of $30 & it's gonna be a lot more because we spent that $$ & we just got paid, but that goes to bills!!!
I feel like I am drowning. Seriously I do. Sometimes I feel great & then this shit happens. It is always something. I use to think it would get better. That it HAS to get better, but does it? Will it? I don't know. I feel like this is all my damn fault. I have no control over myself it seems.
Well, since no one is reading now ha ha I shall stop. Sorry for the pity party.
"Walk it off..." <---there ya go Tony :-D
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[14 Mar 2003|02:35pm] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
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music |
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Rocksteady__No Doubt |
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I came home sick from work today. Fucking sinuses are at it again. BUT I had to come home & mow my yard...ugh...I took some drugs & now I'm high as a kite.
I love this song...I can totally groove to it.
I got my ring from Ebay yesterday. Sweet. Hopefully my stuff from the UK will arrive today or tomorrow.
Man--I can't wait to be 21. Less than 5 months now. Yay. I will actually feel like an adult I think. I mean, I do now & I've lived as an adult for years now, but ya know what I mean, right? It's the last step to adulthood in my mind...well, actually becoming a parent is the very last ;-) Tisha's due date is approaching (Mar. 30th), but little Blair is sooo not ready to come. Hasn't dropped a bit. Poor Tish is so uncomfortable. Her husband just broke his jaw, too...I should say Sean broke his jaw AGAIN. That man has a death wish I swear...
I wanna go to a concert. Chevelle is coming in less than a month...lemme find tickets...
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[12 Mar 2003|08:33pm] |
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mood |
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nauseated |
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I feel so sick. I have been asleep for the past 2 1/2 hours, so I thought I would feel better now, but I feel very yucky. I wanna hurl. I feel like I haven't slept at all this week. It really blows. I need to get my sleeping schedule straight! MAN! I FEEL LIKE CRAP!
No more Ebay for a long time. Getting carried away.
I feel like a horrible person today. Not sure why....
ugh...I gotta go lay down...
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[12 Mar 2003|12:12am] |
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mood |
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 complacent |
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music |
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trouble acoustic |
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I hope Chris Martin isn't engaged to Gwyneth Paltrow. Poor guy. He's so sweet & romantic that I think he's just rushing into it because he wants love so badly...but then again I do not know either one of them, so...
Man, am I tired?! I went to bed at 6:30am this morning & left for work at 10 til 8:00am! I need to start getting some sleep! It is all Ebay's fault! I'm bidding on Chevelle stuff now...I want their 1st cd. I will not accept this christian band bullshit either. Until I hear them say they are I will not acknowledge it. The lyrics don't give me that jesus lovin' feelin' so screw that noise. Down with christianity.
I need to hire lawn people. For realz. I hate yardwork. I suck at it.
I have nothing important or interesting to say, so goodnight all. I will try & comment in journals now, but I'm a total scatterbrain so...
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| send the pain below where I need it |
[10 Mar 2003|05:54pm] |
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music |
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Chevelle_Send the pain below |
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What a friggin' day. Started off with me being late to work. I walked into the office & remembered I had to put my desk back together...new carpet was put in our office so everything was torn apart...My chair was missing. My shred basket was missing. My phone books & crap were missing. No one knows where any of it is either, so I am pissed & really uncomfortable at this point. I have some old, stained, busted chair instead of the chair I've sat in for over 2 years...BUT then I remember they bought us new chairs that totally kick ass, so I loosen up a bit....
I was telling Tim that today feels like musical chairs. I feel like I have been playing musical chairs all day & never got a seat. I hate that feeling so bad. Well, turns out I actually WAS playing musical chairs as everyone got a brand new kick ass chair BUT YOURS TRULY! Oh yes. Of course this happens to me. So the new people who have been there a week get a kick ass chair, but me who has been there 3 years in September does not? Oh ok.
I know it's stupid, but I feel like this ALWAYS happens to me. Maybe I am too laid back at times. HA! That makes me laugh. I just don't like to look like a butthole, ya know?
OH well. I'm shakey. I trimmed the hedges & that tool thingy makes me shake.
I am sooooooo tired.
I won the ring on Ebay...WOOO! Here it is! Isn't it purty?
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[09 Mar 2003|09:06am] |
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music |
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zero |
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So I had this dream I was being out bid on all my shit on Ebay! Needless to say I am up & checking. I was out bid on The Scientist DVD, but thats all changed now! I won't spend more than 8 pounds on that sucker since I can get it for 4 pounds at Amazon.co.uk...I am addicted...I just wanna win!!
I am tired. This is waaaaay early for a Sunday.
This is for YOU, Tony....Baginer!
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| We need healing...indeed |
[08 Mar 2003|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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full |
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music |
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Just bought Chevelle... |
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Man. I am full. Just ate at Roadhouse with Brandon & Kristal. They may deny it, but they are totally bangin' each other. No question. They sat way too close ha ha DON'T DENY IT, BRANDON! I had a strange day. Started off crappy, then got crappier, then got better & now it's okay.
Went to Mom's. They are building a house on 10 acres. Bastards. They currently live in one of those neighborhoods where there are like 30 pages of restrictions, so...Anyhow--long story short--some guy's dog was executed. Yep. We live in a sad, sad world. He let his dog out before he went to bed & the dog never came back. So he went driving around the hood looking for it & found it (far away from his house) on the side of the road with a bullet in its head. Did NOT look like it had been hit at all either. The cops are checking into this now. Poor guy. He was in tears when he told my mom. How could anyone do that? I mean really. What does that prove? At least the animal didn't suffer. Or at least I hope it didn't. I'm trying my best to block this out.
Today I bought:
red hair dye
Chevelle__Wonder What's Next
new hair brush
liquid foundation
I am Ebay crazy! I am addicted! I am currently bidding on 2 victorian rings, The Scientist DVD, and Paul's Boutique as mine has a crack in it & that is the BEST Beastie Boys CD to date. I wonder when that dude will ship my Coldplay shirt out. Hopefully tomorrow. I paid 19.99 GBP for it! Eh--I guess that isn't too bad considering you can't get that shirt anywhere in the US. Ok, I won't bitch then :-D
HELLO TO ALL MY OLD LJ FRIENDS! I HAVE MISSED YOU ALL & THANKS FOR WELCOMING ME BACK!
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[08 Mar 2003|12:13am] |
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mood |
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dirty |
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Walking after you__Foo Fighters |
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Well, I'm tired. I would like to go to sleep, but I wanna talk to Tony. Why? I don't know. I started thinking about how long we've known each other now & it really kinda freaks me out. I don't know. Lately it seems like I am living my life completely inside my own head. Do you know what I mean? Maybe I am crazy. I think way too much. That's most of my trouble. My anxiety work book is not working. I can't keep up with it. It gives me anxiety actually ha ha Oh well. I think I'm getting better. Slowly. I am still very much a loner. It really doesn't bother me. I don't like being close to people. I hate it. I have no idea how I fell in love with Tim. It must really be something special. That's the only thing I can think of...So I've been thinking about having kids a lot lately. I am REALLY sick of people telling me to wait & giving me their stupid ass advice when I don't even ask for it. WE are not you & WE are never gonna be like you, so stop assuming already. No one is ever REALLY ready to be a parent. I just fell in love with Gracie last time we watched her. Made me really want a baby. Stupid biology. I think we are watching Gracie tomorrow...not sure yet. She is the most precious baby ever.
I think my favorite song to sing is Suspension Without Suspense by No Doubt. I sound really good. Really strong. All those years of training have paid off. SEE! My self esteem is improving!!!! YAY!
I'm proud of myself. I am trying so hard.
OH! I bought a Coldplay 2002 UK tour shirt!! Ebay is now my friend!
Goodnight LJ...I am very glad to be back. I am in a much better mood for ya now. Time to go visit my old LJ friends. Indeed.
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[07 Mar 2003|11:00pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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Everlong__Foo |
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You're Principal Scudworth. People may call you
insane, but youre just as insane as the TIE
you're wearing...make sense?
(image credit: mtv.com)
What Clone High personality are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| Feels nice to be back. |
[07 Mar 2003|07:30pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Seinfeld...this show is sooo played out |
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Well, all of a sudden I decided to revive my LJ. I spent hours deleting old entries as I wanted a fresh start & didn't want to look at stupid, old entries. My right hand hurts so bad now. Oh well.
I'm doing this for me. I don't care if anyone wants to be a friend or anything. This is all me. BUT if you want to be added of course I will. I'm just saying...Anyhow, I guess I have been making improvements. I feel slightly better than the last time I posted which was January. I had to delete all the way back to August! I was determined!
Well, I don't have much to say right now...I'm tired. Very tired.
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