I'm sorry |
[26 Apr 2003|01:23pm] |
Ok I'm sure this is going to be one hell of a shocker to those of you who have no clue in hell the situation I am in but I am just going to lay it right out on the line in plain sight of the whole world before I lose my mind completely.
Billy, I love you... you were my very best friend in the whole damn world but I can't take it anymore. I can't even see your name come online without crying. Mary showed up at your doorstep and you proposed in 2 weeks time, turn around and get handfasted/married/whatever in the next couple weeks??? I think you both have lost your fucking minds. But hey, not like I can say much. I am dating Thumpy and have been for a while.. Now add to that the fact Thumpy gave Mary the ticket to get to your house... and its really killing him to see me the way I am now. And because of all this I really don't know what's going to happen next. I've stayed away from you and Mary with all my might these past couple weeks/months so I wouldn't cause any more damage than I already have, but I'm sorry. So it just goes deeper than just losing a best friend.. I was very much in love with you. And there I have said it.. as I have a million times before. It falls on deaf ears of course. Especially since you married her.
Did either one of even think at all? Has it even been one month yet since you met in person?? What on earth was the rush? Was it an act of desperation? Cause it sure seems like it. 2 people who's lives have hit rock bottom and have nothing else to lose. And quite obviously I'm not dealing with it very well at all. You have lost me as a friend. I think I have finally made that decision. I can't talk to either of you anymore. It hurts way too much. Call me names if you wish, do whatever, I no longer care. Even if I have to permanently change screen names or leave AOL forever, so be it.
As I have told Thumpy and also Billy in IMs yesterday.. The way I feel about Billy isn't fair to me.. to him.. to Rob.. or Mary.. but there is no way I can change the way I feel. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. And I'm sorry. I'm publically saying I'm sorry to everyone involved.
My journal will now become private or friends only from now on.
Bye
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