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Nannette

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friends only [28 Apr 2003|10:39am]
Well, you know how this goes. My journal is now friends only. I will be keeping all the people I currently have as friends, if you want to be added leave a comment.
4 razors| cut me

[27 Apr 2003|09:08am]
I think it's only fair I add a few things to my last entry. First off I would like to thank Rob for being there for me these past few months. Without you I wouldn't have made it. I don't know how you've stuck by me all this time knowing what you know. It's had to be very hard for you. And yet you have and that's meant the world to me. Rob treats me extra wonderful. He is beyond patient and I am amazed at how understanding he is. He's called me almost every night just to see if I'm ok. So I just can't lose him. But I've been selfish and self centered and confused as all hell. I feel like the past few months I've been walking around a daze. I know there's going to come a point where Rob's not going to be able to take it anymore. I'm trying to make things better but I am so messed up inside I don't really know what I feel anymore. I feel like everything I do just makes things worse. I hope not.. I feel so lost. Sometimes I feel like half of my soul has been ripped out of my chest and no one can hear me cry. And I've kept so much inside.. I hate hurting anyone. I've been hurt more times than I can count lately, but I just can't hurt someone else. Just the sheer act of my writing this is hurting someone somewhere, and thats why 90% of the past few months entries have been private and will continue to be so.

I know exactly what it feels like to have someone walk into your life from out of nowhere. Someone you thought was just a friend and things start to happen. Everything has moved so damn fast for us all. You get swept away in the tide of emotion, the discovery of a brand new person. But you have to keep your head on straight... that's all I'm saying. THINK before you act. I know I'm guilty of not thinking. I never said I was perfect. You don't want to rush so fast into marriage in only a months time and have to look back later in your life in bewilderment and go, "What the hell have I done?" I know I'm a day late and a dollar short on that advice, but oh well.
cut me

I'm sorry [26 Apr 2003|01:23pm]
Ok I'm sure this is going to be one hell of a shocker to those of you who have no clue in hell the situation I am in but I am just going to lay it right out on the line in plain sight of the whole world before I lose my mind completely.

Billy, I love you... you were my very best friend in the whole damn world but I can't take it anymore. I can't even see your name come online without crying. Mary showed up at your doorstep and you proposed in 2 weeks time, turn around and get handfasted/married/whatever in the next couple weeks??? I think you both have lost your fucking minds. But hey, not like I can say much. I am dating Thumpy and have been for a while.. Now add to that the fact Thumpy gave Mary the ticket to get to your house... and its really killing him to see me the way I am now. And because of all this I really don't know what's going to happen next. I've stayed away from you and Mary with all my might these past couple weeks/months so I wouldn't cause any more damage than I already have, but I'm sorry. So it just goes deeper than just losing a best friend.. I was very much in love with you. And there I have said it.. as I have a million times before. It falls on deaf ears of course. Especially since you married her.

Did either one of even think at all? Has it even been one month yet since you met in person?? What on earth was the rush? Was it an act of desperation? Cause it sure seems like it. 2 people who's lives have hit rock bottom and have nothing else to lose. And quite obviously I'm not dealing with it very well at all. You have lost me as a friend. I think I have finally made that decision. I can't talk to either of you anymore. It hurts way too much. Call me names if you wish, do whatever, I no longer care. Even if I have to permanently change screen names or leave AOL forever, so be it.

As I have told Thumpy and also Billy in IMs yesterday.. The way I feel about Billy isn't fair to me.. to him.. to Rob.. or Mary.. but there is no way I can change the way I feel. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. And I'm sorry. I'm publically saying I'm sorry to everyone involved.

My journal will now become private or friends only from now on.

Bye
cut me

aol [25 Apr 2003|09:17am]
Well I've come to that point.. If I'm going to come online at all I want to find a new chatroom.. new friends.. try to put the past behind me.. But all I can come up with right now is old people rooms (ugh) because all the real rooms, if you are a nobody, an unknown, you can't even walk into their room without being banned in 2 seconds, never even getting the chance to speak.
1 razor| cut me

Thumpy wrote this for me while we were on the phone last night. [22 Apr 2003|03:55pm]
Gentle winds caress through your hair.
The deep flower of beauty,
lives in your breast.
Let me kiss,
and smell its soft fragrance.
Sparks fly through me,
from you, of you, all you.
As the gentle night descends down on to me
and your radiance blinds me.
Holding me up,
because my eyes dare not lift to yours.
As I lie at your feet,
and hold you closely.
cut me

Last night [20 Apr 2003|02:39pm]
When I was on the phone last night I could have sworn I heard someone throw rocks at my trailer. A rock hit my back door and one hit the kitchen bay windows but nothing was damaged. This morning, my landlady came over to see if they had been by here throwing stones because apparently a truck and another window somewhere else got broke from last night escapades. One of my neighbors thinks its that punk kid who lives next door to me that's been playing his damn stereo so loud these past couple months. That would not surprise me. She said it was 3 boys working together because Mr. Ketron saw them and might possibly be able to ID them.

Yesterday was such a bad day anyway.. I was so depressed and stressed over certain things I rather not write about that I almost broke up with my boyfriend. But I didn't. I spent most of the afternoon and evening on the phone with him. I'm just not dealing very well.. with certain things. Rob wanted to drive up right then and there but he cheered me up as he always does and life goes on. I'll be ok I guess.
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Purity Test [15 Apr 2003|06:20pm]
I scored
55¾%
on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!
Take the test here!


Well it seems there are still a lot of things I haven't tried yet...
I got the score I got because I'm not into drugs or drinking till I puke, or playing with shit or urine in any way.. and I'm not into necrophilia..
Makes you wonder what the Hell those people with extremely low scores are into, doesn't it?
1 razor| cut me

[15 Apr 2003|02:27pm]
I think me and Thumpy agreed to skip the Pennsic SCA War thingy. Now we might possibly be going to DragonCon. Its closer.
2 razors| cut me

Random funny comment from the chatroom [14 Apr 2003|09:53pm]
Ange1sDarkEcho: Gay Mafia? You mean the Tommy Hilfigier Company?
Nannette5: eh... anything named Tommy is gay
Ange1sDarkEcho: I happen to agree, Nan
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[12 Apr 2003|10:58pm]
Rob was here this past week and we had some much needed quality time together. He drove home this morning. It took him 16 hours to drive up this time because he was taking Matt to see his online girlfriend in Georgia. All that driving worries me. I hope he spends the night in Georgia. One of us needs to move.
cut me

[08 Apr 2003|12:15am]
At this point.. after all that I have been through.. I seriously doubt I'm going back to the chatroom. I guess I'm just tired of it all.
1 razor| cut me

[07 Apr 2003|12:57pm]
I know no one ever takes me seriously online.
Why do I bother?
3 razors| cut me

[03 Apr 2003|05:26pm]
Had a talk with my neighbor. He's the guy who helps me and mows my yard. Our rent has been raised and the landlady is so hard to deal with that we want to move. But he was telling me that even if I did move the trailer there are no places in the county that accept single wide homes anymore. So I'm screwed. What's so terrible about it all is if anyone wants to come and stay with me she charges me a dollar a night per guest. So yeah... try explaining that one. I get charged for breathing. That hateful old woman discriminates people with children, black people, disabled people, you name it. If you take her to court you get thrown out and are forced to move your trailer out. My neighbor wants me to join him in writing to the Fair Housing authorities.
cut me

Pennsic War [02 Apr 2003|10:00pm]
Hmm, Rob wants to take me to the big medieval Pennsic War in August. I've never been to one before. Sounds fun.
3 razors| cut me

bleh... [02 Apr 2003|03:20pm]
I keep hearing about the online "family" and frankly I'm sick of hearing about it.
3 razors| cut me

[31 Mar 2003|01:07pm]
Well, I went to my evaluation and just got back home. Not sure how that went. Not really in the mood to talk about it either.

And now my damn tv is broke and won't even turn on.
*sighs* .. Just shoot me.
cut me

snow [30 Mar 2003|11:37am]
Lately the weather has been warm, in the 60's and 70's, and the next thing you know you wake up to snow. We got about 2 or 3 inches of snow here. But I'm sure it will melt soon.
cut me

[28 Mar 2003|09:17pm]
Nannette
is a
Fire-Eating Laboratory Monkey


...with a Battle Rating of 6.8



To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can
defeat Nannette, enter your name:

cut me

Which Gothic Powerpuff Girl Are You? [25 Mar 2003|03:10pm]

whipcunt
You are whipcunt! You are sassy and careless.
Most people think you're a bitch but obviously
you don't give a shit what other people think of
you. You're certainly not afraid to kick some
ass.. A true bad ass.. Good for you!


Which Gothic Powerpuff Girl Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
cut me

[24 Mar 2003|10:02am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

If my stupid next door neighbors don't turn down their damn stereo I'm going to go postal on them. I tolerated it at first.. but it only gets louder with each passing day and later and later into the night.. Like midnight or 1 am on practically any day of the week. Don't these people ever sleep?? Gah!!

cut me

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