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Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
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3:47 pm
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I don't buy your true life stories
'cause I've seen the way you lie
but I don't mind the things you tell me
because I know we'll say anything to get by
but when we're together
somehow I feel better
my disease always tricks me
I believe you can fix me
you're insane
I love the drama
tell the truth
you love it too, why don't you?
reason strikes
we fight and break up
'cause it seems
the easiest thing to do
but when I don't get your call
I go into withdrawal
you consume every thought
but if you called I would tell you to get lost
I need you like a drug
I need you, I need you like a
I need you, I need you like a
drug
it turns me on
to say "I love you"
but deep inside I know
it's lust, not love at all
one day we will leave each other
but we pretend the end's not inevitable
I require protection from my own obsession
in the object of you
one day I will rise above you
I need you, I need you like a drug
I need you, I need you like a
I need you, I need you like a drug
I need you, I need you like a...
until then we'll stay together
I guess things could be much worse
one day things will be much better
but I don't really want to write another verse
'cause when we're together
somehow I feel better
my disease always tricks me
I believe you can fix me
I need you, I need you like a drug
I need you, I need you like a
I need you, I need you like a drug
I need you, I need you like a drug
current mood:  content
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003
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7:43 pm
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No one's life is ever perfect. Mine is so close. So close! What is the one thing that is keeping it from being perfect, you may ask. Fear. Plain and simple.
Not long ago my life hit rock bottom and I am terrified beyond belief that I may go back there. Living with depression is a fate worse than death. I never want to go back there. I need people more than ever when it happens, yet they all are pushed away by my gloominess.
Living in fear is no way to live. I have to move beyond this, but I'm just so scared. I beat it once... can I do it again if needed? Am I strong enough to do this for myself? If not, who will stand with me?
current mood: introspective
current music: Epiphany - Staind
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, September 20th, 2003
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1:14 pm
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I thought this was cute :o)
current mood:  happy
current music: Midnight Train to Georgia - Gladys Knight and the Pips
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 18th, 2003
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6:05 pm
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Isn't it fall break yet?? I really don't mind school usually, I've just been fairly overwhelmed this year and could really use a break. I think one of my main concerns this semester is that all of my professors bother me. Check this out:
World Lit = This professor is about 70 years old and by far the most boring man alive. His voice is like a tranquilizer dart... as soon as I hear it I'm knocked unconscious.
Drama = This guy isn't too bad. My only complaint about him is that he grades hard. If you do exactly what he tells you to do, you get a C. To get a B you have to do something beyond what he asked for, and to get an A you really have to wow him with something spectacular. I'm one of those lazy, "I'll do just enough to get by" sort of people... so this upsets me.
Linguistics = My professor is completely blind, so I get to spend most of the period praying she doesn't fall over something or whatever. The thing that bothers me is that she spends most of the class period talking about her daughter and how cute she is. Sure, that's great... but how will that help me get an A in your class?
History = This woman scares me. She is this really big Southern woman who is (please, no one be offended) a complete "butch bull-dyke" as I've heard her called many times by my classmates. She has the tendency to wear tight tank tops with no bra underneath even though she must be at least 60. Her breasts go halfway down to her knees and her nipples stick way out and it's just really disturbing and disgusting.
Great Greek Minds = Yeah, this guy freaks me out. He always talks to me right in the middle of class. He spends the class period answering questions people have about the readings we do, but then out of nowhere, he'll just start talking to me. Today he answered some girl's question and then looked at me for a bit and said, "How are you doing today, Sara? Have any wisdom to pass on to the class?" I said nothing and just shook my head 'no' quickly and he just smiled a lot. He kept staring at me after that so I started blushing like crazy. He makes me really uncomfortable.
So yeah... with better professors, life would be fine. What happened to the awesome people of last year?!? I need to get away from these lunatics.
current mood:  grumpy
current music: Just Like Anyone - Aimee Mann
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, September 14th, 2003
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5:19 pm
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So... today was Bid Day!
Yeah, disregard that exclamation point. I'm seriously not excited or anything else that would inspire the use of such a perky punctuation mark. Don't get me wrong, inside I'm happy that we have new girls in the sorority and whatnot, but mostly I'm just insanely tired and glad that formal recruitment is over with. (FINALLY!) Anyways though, we have something like 8 or 9 new members and they all seem really nice. I'm especially excited about Miss Bonnie Williamson. She's a super cool girl that I met in the last couple of weeks, so I'm really happy that she decided to join.
I'm just kind of depressed. I've been so busy with recruitment and my job and school that I haven't gotten to see Nate nearly enough. To make it worse, when I do see him, I'm so tired that I end up falling asleep not long after I get to his room. It makes me feel like a horrible girlfriend. I just miss him. I see him just about every day, but it never seems to be enough. My sorority girls tease me a lot about it, but they don't understand. I'm sure none of them have met a guy like him yet... one that you go nuts if you don't see him every couple of... seconds! :D
So, yeah. To spice up this boring entry a bit, I'm going to share something my friend Heidi wrote in her diary. Enjoy!
"The other day I was driving from work...er...I mean some wonderful, exciting, sextastic, place of mystery and intrigue and I realized the car in front me was identical to mine. Which always makes me happy for some reason. I suppose because I like knowing other people aren’t going uphill with any great speed either. And then I thought, huh…that license plate number looks awfully familiar. Because it was mine.
So then I had this momentary freak out in which I decided I was dead and driving a GhostMobile. I was obviously haunting the people who bought the car following my untimely (and, no doubt, alcohol sodden) demise.
But then I looked again and it was one digit off. My license plate number is (XXXX)182. This was (XXXX)183. Which I still found very bizarre. What are the chances that in the vast city of Los Angeles I’d find myself behind a car identical to mine with a license plate off by only one digit? Dead and in a GhostMobile seemed like a perfectly valid explanation at the time"
current mood:  sleepy
current music: "Mommy, wow! I'm a big kid now!" commercial jingle
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, September 12th, 2003
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10:18 am - Tribute to Johnny Cash
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Johnny Cash died this morning at 1am. Let's all wear black for him today...
Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,
Why you never see bright colors on my back,
And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone.
Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.
I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,
Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
But is there because he's a victim of the times.
I wear the black for those who never read,
Or listened to the words that Jesus said,
About the road to happiness through love and charity,
Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.
Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,
In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes,
But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back,
Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black.
I wear it for the sick and lonely old,
For the reckless ones whose bad trip left them cold,
I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been,
Each week we lose a hundred fine young men.
And, I wear it for the thousands who have died,
Believen' that the Lord was on their side,
I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died,
Believen' that we all were on their side.
Well, there's things that never will be right I know,
And things need changin' everywhere you go,
But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right,
You'll never see me wear a suit of white.
Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,
And tell the world that everything's OK,
But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.
sympathies also go out to John Ritter's family and loved ones.
current mood:  gloomy
current music: Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash
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| Thursday, September 11th, 2003
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7:24 pm - emotion sickness
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"It's about fighting against the need to get some kind of medication and trying to pretend that you've got a normal state of mind when you know for a fact that you haven't"
no wonder why I've always loved the song
current mood: uncomfortable
current music: emotion sickness - silverchair
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, September 10th, 2003
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7:36 pm - people make me vomit
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My bubble has burst. I am now all too well aware that no one is really as cool as they seem to be. The line that pops into my head is from Empire Records: "So I guess no one really has it all together, huh?" This guy I work with... I always really looked up to him and thought he was on a higher plateau of "coolness" or whatever. Gone! He turned into the typical annoying male when he found himself in a library work station with 2 cute new Freshmen girls :P *sighs* I lost so much of my respect for him!
current mood: annoyed
current music: little Freshmen girls drooling?
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6:33 pm
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| Tuesday, September 9th, 2003
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6:15 pm
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I hardly update my diary anymore. I come here at least twice a day to read my friends' posts, yet I rarely post myself. It's pure laziness and I don't see an end to it any time soon.
The major events in my life lately mostly revolve around my sorority. This past weekend and this coming one are recruitment, and it's proven to be a daunting task. I'm so worn out and exhausted! Sunday was MS (Member Selection) and we were at it from 8:30pm until 1:30am. We were all getting so frustrated and discouraged that at one point we all started crying. Can you imagine a room of 30 frustrated sorority chicks all bawling their eyes out? It's strange, but looking back on it gives me good feelings inside. It just shows how much we love and care about our organization and each other. I just hope everything works out okay and we end up with some awesome new members.
Anyways though, the other big news is that I'm sick again. I truly wish I would have kept track of my illnesses this year, because I'm fairly convinced that I've been sick more days than I've been healthy this year which is SO not like me. I got sick again last week (some annoying cold) and just finally got sick of being sick, so I went to the health center yesterday. I met this really awesome nurse and she did a bunch of tests and said she thought I have asthma. I didn't know this, but from what she says, I guess asthma makes you get sick more often. I had no idea. Anyways though, she thinks it's a combination of asthma and allergies that's been getting me down, so she made an appointment for me with an actual doctor today. I went in and saw him (he's also super cool) and he confirmed what she said. He gave me some Albuterol and that neat Advair thing from the commercials, and also some Zyrtec for my allergies. I hate being on so many medications. It makes me feel like a f*cking invalid. Another medical thing I'm dealing with right now is that I'm on the 10th day of my period. It won't stop!! The cool nurse lady from the first day is bringing me back in on Friday and if it's stopped by then (please God!) then she'll do a pap smear and whatnot. If it's not stopped by then... then we'll panic I guess and try to figure out what in the world is wrong with me.
So there you have it: my life in a nutshell. I'll try to post more and make my posts about something more exciting and happy than periods that last forever and sobbing sorority girls!
current mood:  working
current music: library-like sounds
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
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5:56 pm
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Geez. I'm in a state of shock right now. I can't remember the last time I've been this happy for this long of a period of time! Things are just going so unbelievably well... it does bring out the pessimist in me and I find myself thinking that something incredibly bad must be coming, but hey... enjoy it while you can, right?
School is going well. True, it's only my second day... but so far so good. Things worth mentioning are that my Linguistics professor is completely blind. It's so awesome. She sat there and typed on this little braille machine while we introduced ourselves. She says that in a few weeks she'll recognize us all by voice and be able to know who we are just by us saying a word or two. The entire class is done electronically. She e-mails us the assignments, and we e-mail the homework to her. It should be interesting! Another good thing is that my English class and my Great Greek Minds class seem to have the exact same readings for the semester. This means that I'll get a double dose of Plato, Homer, Sappho, Ovid, etc. I'm so excited about it all :o) I've always wanted to study these people, and now that I finally can... well, it just makes me really excited.
My sorority stuff is going really well. My roommate Susan and I get along extremely well and I like the rest of the girls a lot too. It's been a lot of fun living in the house and everyone's super excited about recruitment which is coming up in like a week. The people on campus and the other greeks are really taking notice of us and I have the feeling we're going to do extremely well and get a lot of new girls!!
To save the best for last, my boyfriend Nate is now going to school here in beautiful Bowling Green with me! I love being so close to him, and I try to spend as much time with him as possible. I just hope that this summer everything works out and we can get an apartment together. That would just be amazing!!
current mood: ecstatic
current music: All Mixed Up - 311
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| Thursday, August 21st, 2003
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7:40 pm
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I think my bank is watching me. In the past week I've done 2 strange things there, and I think they're suspicious. Nate and I dropped in at the beginning of the week to cash a check. The check was written to Nate and he signed it over to me, and I cashed it and gave him the money. They looked at me funny. Then today I went in, looking rather dishevelled since I'd been packing all day. I then went up to them and withdrew $785 from my checking account. I also am sure I looked rather nervous the entire time. Geez people. I get a boyfriend with money problems and you look at me like I'm f*cking crazy!
You know what? I absolutely love Ben Folds. I should drop out of college and learn to play the piano and try to be even a third as cool as he is.
current mood:  peaceful
current music: Army - Ben Folds Five
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
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1:24 pm
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I don't know who he is exactly, but Jon Brion is my hero. I've been in a really pissy mood lately because Fiona Apple's new CD was supposed to be out MONTHS ago and I've heard no word on it yet. I just read an article which said she had decided to never release another CD ever! Luckily this Jon character convinced her to release a new one which should be out in February. I swear to God... if she stopped making music I'd turn into one of those crazy stalker fans and send her a million letters a week trying to get her to make more music. My sanity depends on it!
current mood: aggravated
current music: Song for the Dumped - Ben Folds Five
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
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11:13 pm
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There's this car dealership nearby and I saw their ad on tv... and they're a Isuzu Suzuki dealership. Say that. ISUZU SUZUKI! Now isn't that fun?
The wonderful news of the day is that Nate is definitely going to be going to BGSU with me this fall (next week!). The only scary part is that I'm lending him a good deal of money... money which I can't spend because it's for Spring semester's bill. It's a little frightening, but I'm sure everything will work out in the end.
I don't feel like talking about anything important or meaningful right now. Let's just all yell "Isuzu Suzuki" one more time and call it a night. :D
current mood: sleepy
current music: Last Dance with Mary Jane - Tom Petty
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| Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
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11:43 pm - facade.com
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Tarot Card
The Hierophant: Faith in tradition and the old school. A justified and ancient source of power. Being supportive, sympathetic and loyal. Receiving instructions, learning, guidance or inspiration. The ability to hear a higher or inner voice. May also indicate a religious ritual, such as a marriage or an initiation.
Rune
Berkana represents the birch tree. The birch is frequently symbolic of renewal, rebirth, birth, growth and fertility. This rune is a joyous one, representing good outcomes from ventures undertaken. It is the rune of the family and of a good household.
Birth Mates
Albert Einstein, Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis, Francis Ford Coppola, George W. Bush, H. G. Wells, Ho Chi Minh, Jessica Alba, Jude Law, Lenny Kravitz, Louis B. Mayer, Michelle Yeoh, Pamela Colman Smith, Robert De Niro, Roman Polanski, Sarah Michelle Gellar, William Gibson, William Randolph Hearst
Public Role
Words that embody your presence are "Submission".
Words that embody the people or things that you interact with are "Affair, Alien, Camera, Coin, Demand, Dream, Duke, Globe, Home, Joke, Key, King, Lock".
Words that embody things that may be a part of you are "Blue, Cup, Film, Food, Gamble, Line, Mind, Pact, Pain, Toe".
Words that embody people or things in your periphery are "Adversary, Ally, America, Animal, Anticipation, Apocalypse, Audio, Cabaret, Celebration, Circle, Consort, Devotion, Flesh, I Ching, Invention, Jubilation, Lens, Lion, Monster, Moonlight, Rapport, Resistance, Snake, Surrender, Synergy, Tomb, Trumpet, Typhoon, Universe, Vortex".
Private Persona
Words that embody your presence are "Angel, Art, Candle, Greed, Mate, Pagan, Rat, Sable".
Words that embody the people or things that you interact with are "Crucifix, Harvest, Outside, Passion, Saturn, Tolerance".
Words that embody things that you may be a part of are "Freemasonry".
Words that embody people or things in your periphery are "Astronaut, Butterfly, Electricity, Transformation".
current mood: amused
current music: Chariots Rise - Lizzie West
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12:11 am - it's the end of the world as we know it
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I had a dream about World War 3 last night. Our government collapsed and there was no organized army any longer, so everyone was volunteering to help. My entire family (cousins, aunts, uncles) volunteered, but they made me stay behind. Out of my entire family, which all together is hundreds of people, went off to fight and I was the only one safe at home. They wanted someone to stay behind so that the family could for sure live on, and they chose me because I would obviously suck in battle and because all my life all I've wanted was to have a huge family. I suppose it was my job to have a lot of kids and repopulate.
They were all gathering up their gear and getting ready to go. They referred to my cousin Jessie as "Little Caesar" which I find hilarious now, but in the dream it meant she was the leader. All of the sudden there were planes above and someone yelled, "It's the Japanese! Take cover!" So I dove into a car and other people covered themselves with their coats and blankets as fluorescent orange and yellow balls fell from the sky. They were the size of ping pong balls and were sticky. If they caught onto your skin you died a painful death. It was horrible to watch people run around screaming, blood dripping from their eyes, ears, and noses. That's really about all I remember. What a cheery way to start the morning :P
current mood: crappy
current music: Clocks - Coldplay
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 10th, 2003
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2:29 am
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| Tuesday, August 5th, 2003
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10:37 pm
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Whenever my head hurts this badly for this long, I tend to imagine my brain is inside there with a chainsaw, desperately trying to escape. Who can blame it?
In other news, I found out that Stan Rice, Anne Rice's husband died in December. She is without a doubt my favorite female author, my favorite male author being Nate, of course. I can't help but be hurt with the news. They had been happily married for 41 years and she dedicated each of her books to him. She even modeled her most famous character, Lestat, after him. It must be awful to lose someone so important in your life. In other news, she’s putting out a new book this October. Read it… love it. I command you!
Moving on.
I spoke to my ex-boyfriend Tyler tonight for the first time in a long while. His biggest news was that his brother Nathan just got engaged to his girlfriend Jackie! I’m so thrilled for them… and so shocked! I didn’t see it coming at all since they’ve only been dating for 9 months and she is only 19 at the most. I’m super happy for them, though, and will certainly make it a point to call them tomorrow.
I suppose that’s the news. The only other piece of interest is that I just got my first credit card ever. I’m very excited about it and of course used it (to buy books for school) only 10 minutes after receiving it.
current mood: shocked
current music: Tell All The People - The Doors
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10:32 pm - a story based on a nightmare i had at 14
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Like most girls my age who have an older brother, I really look up to and admire all of his friends. I have to admit that I have had a slight crush on one or two of them in the past, but none have ever compared to this new guy. Last weekend my brother Aaron brought home with him the foreign exchange student Raul, who was here from Mexico for the year. Raul didn’t get along very well with his sponsor family, so my brother asked if he’d like to spend the weekend at our house. Our parents were out of town for the week on a business trip, so the timing couldn’t have been better. Raul seemed delighted and quickly accepted. I had seen him around school before, but I had never had the nerve to talk to him. His deep brown eyes, adorable curly hair, and firm body were enough to intimidate even the most outgoing girls, which I certainly am not.
On Friday night Aaron invited all of his friends over for a big party and everyone showed up. Some people came and went, but the main people there were me, my brother Aaron, and his friends Steve, Dan, Joe, Jason, Adam, Scott, and Raul. I was feeling a little out of place being just a measly Freshman girl around all of these Senior guys, so I stayed upstairs in the living room while the party went on in the basement. All of Aaron’s friends were very kind and friendly, and they each made it a point to come in and say hi to me and make small talk, so it wasn’t too bad. Scott, whom I had a huge crush on for quite some time, even came in and sat with me for almost an hour and we had an amazing conversation… but I still had my eye on Raul and prayed he would come up and say hi.
Luck was with me that night and I didn’t have to wait for long. Raul came into the living room and sat down next to me on the couch and asked Scott if he could have some time alone with me. His words were like music to my ears, especially taking into account his sexy accent. Scott looked a little apprehensive, but I told him it would be okay, and to go downstairs and enjoy the party. As soon as Scott had left the room, Raul turned to me and grasped my hands as he gazed into my eyes. He asked me why I wasn’t downstairs with everyone else, and I explained that I felt a little out of place. I didn’t want my brother to be mad that his dorky little sister was ruining his party and so on. Raul laughed and said that I was far from dorky, and that everyone would like for me to join in. I was still a little uneasy, but I decided to take Raul’s word and join the party.
Everyone did seem happy to see me come down, though part of the happiness was probably due to the massive stack of empty beer cans. They all seemed to be quite drunk and quickly offered me a drink. I blatantly refused, reminding everyone that I’m a non-drinker. They all seemed disappointed and my brother even made a spectacle of himself by repeating continuously his belief that I’m not REALLY his sister, and that I was adopted. By the slight frown on his face, I could tell Raul was a little displeased that I don’t drink, but his face quickly changed to a smile when he noticed I was studying him. He said quickly, “Good for you, Sara. I have the utmost respect for a woman who makes up her own mind about things.”
The rest of the night went wonderfully and I enjoyed being in such good company. Most of the guests passed out around 12:30 or 1am, but Raul and I stayed up well into the morning. We curled up on the couch together and he wrapped me up in his arms and we talked for hours. At one point he even got out his guitar and sang to me. I was so touched… it was truly turning out to be one of the best nights of my life. Around 5am I was starting to nod off and could barely keep my eyes open, so Raul suggested that he take me up to bed. I agreed and he walked me upstairs to my room and sat down next to me on my bed. I laid my head down against my pillow and was surprised when Raul laid down next to me and pressed his body up against my own. I quickly sat up, and Raul said, “What’s wrong honey? I thought you wanted this.” I quickly assured him that I did want it, but that I wasn’t ready, being only 15 years old. It was dark so I couldn’t see his expression, but he told me he understood and leaned over me and kissed me so sweetly and tenderly that I nearly changed my mind and then left the room.
The next day he was just as sweet as ever, but I felt like something had changed in him. That night my brother through another party and basically the same people came. I reclaimed my spot back in the living room, unsure of what to do because of the confusion and uncertainty of the night before. Raul came up to find me not long after the party started. He came into the living room, handed me a glass of Pepsi, and sat down with me. He apologized again for his actions the night before. He told me that he didn’t realize how young I was and that I look and act much older than 15. He sat quiet for a moment and then said quietly, “I think I’m falling for you, Sara. It may be difficult since I am nearly 4 years older than you are, and because I’m moving back to Mexico in a few months, but I’d really like to get to know you better between now and then. Perhaps I can even move here for good and attend college near here.” What could I say? He was so sweet and kind; I was falling for him too. He told me to finish my drink quickly and then we’d go down to the party together.
We started to walk towards the basement stairs, but halfway there, Raul forced me against a wall with desire blazing in his eyes and kissed me fiercely. The kiss was so passionate that it took my breath away, and I could feel myself letting my guard down. Without a word, he took my hand and led me down the basement. I was having a wonderful time, but at one point Scott pulled me aside. He told me he had been waiting to get me alone for some time because he had to talk to me. Raul was only in the restroom, so he didn’t have much time. He quickly told me that he was worried about me and that he didn’t trust Raul. “That guy is bad news, Sara. He’s no good for you.” At that moment we heard Raul’s footsteps on the stairs, so Scott quickly squeezed my hand with a worried look on his “boy next door” looking face and left me to think about what he said.
Not long after that, I started to feel a bit faint and dizzy. Raul suggested I sit down, and offered me a spot at the bar. Aaron said I wasn’t looking too good and suggested I go lie down. Raul said he thought it was a good idea, and that he’d help me to my room. I took his arm and allowed myself to be lead upstairs, grateful for the help. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me, or why I was so tired all of the sudden. I passed out before we ever reached my room. Raul picked me up and carried me into my bedroom and laid me on the bed. With a cold look in his eyes, he first undressed himself and then me. Without hesitation he mounted me and forced himself inside of me, reveling in how tight my virgin pussy was on his cock.
I began to slip in and out of consciousness and everything is still a blur. Whenever I would come to, I would try to scream and push him off of me, but I was so weak and disoriented that it was futile. The pain was unbearable. Back downstairs, Scott was becoming more and more concerned that Raul wasn’t back yet. My brother’s friends told him not to sweat it, that we were probably upstairs making out or something. Still, Scott felt he should check and make sure I was okay… even if it meant having to see me kissing another man.
Scott reached my room and gently cracked the door open a crack. He peeked in, and he saw Raul on top of me, thrusting like a madman. He was so shocked and full of dismay that he found himself unable to move from his spot. If he strained his ears he could hear me whimpering in pleasure… but wait. He listened harder and realized that I wasn’t enjoying myself, and that I was actually crying and softly begging Raul to stop. Though he was full of rage, Scott walked calmly into the room. As he approached the bed, Raul looked up and said, “Fuck man, wait your turn.” Scott looked down at me and saw that I was once again unconscious and with that, he punched Raul square in the nose and blood began to spray everywhere. Scott then grabbed Raul by the hair and threw him down the stairs. Hearing the commotion, my brother and his friends raced up to see what was going on. Scott told them briefly what had happened and told them to take Raul to the police and have him arrested for raping me.
They took Raul away, and Scott returned to my room to check on me. I had been unconscious when Scott had come into the room the first time, so I had no idea what had just taken place. The room was so dark that when Scott entered the room this time I thought it was Raul again. I started to cry and begged him not to hurt me anymore. Scott ran to the side of the bed and said softly, “It’s okay Sara, it’s me. You don’t have to worry about Raul hurting you ever again." He then wrapped his arms around me lovingly and I finally felt safe. Tears streamed down my face as I apologized for not heeding his advice. He kissed me tenderly on the forehead and told me it wasn’t my fault. He told me that Raul is a sociopath. They have no feelings and no remorse, but are utterly charming and can convince nearly anyone to do their bidding. Scott said he only wished he had trusted his gut more and not let me get mixed up with him.
I was still very faint and dizzy, so Scott helped me back into my clothes and then drove me to the hospital. He was there with me all night while the doctors tested me for everything from pregnancy to STDs. The tests all came back negative and Scott was there with me to celebrate the good news. They say Raul slipped me one of those “date rape” drugs. I guess he just couldn’t take no for an answer. I hear his family back in Mexico is mortified by what he did, and they refuse to bail him out of prison. I hope he stays there for quite some time.
current mood: accomplished
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
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2:23 am
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what a night. I feel I must share.
I called my employment agency at 3:30 and asked if they had any job openings for me. They got really excited and asked me how soon I could get to Sidney because they had a job for me for that day. I got off the phone with them and called the bar where I knew my dad would be and asked him to come home so I could have the car. As soon as he arrived I drove off to Sidney and the people at CBS gave me directions to Freshway Foods. I get there and no one seems to know what to tell me to do. They tell me to wait for Denny. I wait... many men walk by.. but it's not like they're wearing name tags, so how am I to know a denny from a fred? Finally around 4:45 this denny guy finds me and has me watch this really retarded safety video about the importance of good hygiene in a food production environment. wow. It did make me feel a little guilty though because it said I should shower every day and put on clean clothes... and I hadn't taken a shower yet today and I was wearing the shirt that I've been sleeping in for about a week or so, ha ha.
So anyways, then denny shows me how to put on my equipment. Get this... first I put on a winter coat, then a really long lab coat over it, and an apron over that. Next comes a hair net and hard hat. On my hands go a pair of cotton gloves for warmth, a pair of gloves with metal woven through them to help prevent cuts, and then a pair of rubber gloves. On my arms they put plastic sleeves, and to top off the outfit, I received a wonderful pair of earplugs. Now that it took me nearly 10 minutes to get dressed... it's off to work.
I was coring lettuce. To be more specific, I spent 9 hours in a room that was 38 degrees, removing the cores (or 'hearts' if you will) of thousands upon thousands of heads of lettuce. I left work an hour ago but am still frozen stiff and my arms and back and legs are killing me. Out of the 13 people on my assembly line, only me and the guy standing next to me were white... everyone else was Mexican. Spanish words were flying everywhere and I got paranoid that they were talking about me. I gave a few people dirty looks just in case ;o) The funny thing is that I have no idea what time I was supposed to leave, but when 1am came around I was SO SURE we were going to go home... but then this guy came and told me to work on peppers for awhile and then he'd bring me back to doing lettuce when the peppers were caught up. I nodded solemnly but in my head I was thinking, "Fuck that!" and just left. Nine hours in that hell hole were more than enough, thank you. Your $7.50 an hour is pathetic and makes me want to vomit.
I'm such a spoiled rich girl :P
current mood:  bitchy
current music: Hey Kid! - The Ataris
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