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[13 Feb 2003|02:10pm] |
I wanna have Arashi's  babies. And eat 'em too. If you don't understand this... sucks to be you. :) I wonder if Jason will be mad if I wanna rename my roll after a manga character. Teehee. He'll think I'm insane or something... umm... nothing particularly new. And... I wanna be like Miwako  , just not so damn obsessed with my sister. Yeah... really kinda wish I was all cute like her. and she's dating Arashi... they did it on a pool table. Yep.
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| "FUCK" - Justin |
[11 Feb 2003|01:44pm] |
Ummm... Geee. What a fun week this is being. I can hardly contain it. yay.
But really, it hasn't been bad. Al got me a Cannibal Corpse cd (Butchered at Birth) and so i listened to that all night. And I had my purple unicorn to sleep with so I kept thinking about Jason. I scare myself sometimes. I honestly can't imagine things without him.
So basically last night was fun. I might get to go to Strawberries tonight depending on how dad's feeling. He had to stay up late to plow. Yes, another plus of yesterday, got out of school early, so proceeded to go sledding with Piper, Leigh, Garynn, and Val. Which was uber uber uber uber fun. Went to Leigh's house and saw her Dark Ages thingy, and she made us hot choclate.. mmmm...
...Jason always makes me Hot Chocolate...
I think Zymphy likes Hot Chocolate.
I wanna see if they have Tight at Strawberries. Though I am in serious doubt. But I have a gift card (for how much I know not) and I have something like 117 dollars from my birthday.
I need to buy more manga book things. i wanna buy paradise Kiss, and chobits, and grr... everything, I say. Maybe tommorrow I will go to Sarge's and see if they have finally gotten the Reality Check Graphic Novel. Jason said he almost got me a comic for my birthday. And now he won't let me not let him get me a Valentine's Day present. Bah. He has no money as of now, so what he gets he shouldn't waste on me. He needs to save money so when John moves, he can not be homeless again. That would be really bad.
Zymphy is what i finally decided to name my roll, by the way. Okay. I'm sure this entry is getting annoying. Besides, I am supposed to be doing a german project which I don't want to do on Koln.
Bah. I think I'm gonan go play something on Neopets now. I am dork. Wee.
Justin is talking about how he has no passages in his brain. I laugh. Except not reallly because I have a headache.
**yawn** I am bored. I'm really going now.
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[09 Feb 2003|09:18am] |
 You Are Occasionally HornySex? You don't see what the big deal is all about. You like to make love on occasion with the right men. But all of this talk about threesomes, porn, and being tied up? You don't think so. You're a true romantic. What makes you horny is simply talking and getting to know someone. If you are clicking with them, then the sexual ideas will creep in. You can't get yourself to think about having sex with a stranger. Unless he's Brad Pitt, of course. How Horny Are You?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
Ummm...stuff. It's my birthday. I want Jill to come over today, but there's nothing fun to do on Sundays. So we'd be stuck here doing nothing. Which would suck lottsa.
I also wanna see Jason sometime. There's also the fact that I have band practice today. Gah. I am tired. and hungry. I should eat. We're having cream dried beef for dinner tonight. I picked it. >>.<< I Heart Cream dried Beef... nummy. And I get red devil's food cake. Nummy nummy lottsa. I get coffee now.
Pleasant Something, Folks.
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[08 Feb 2003|08:59am] |
Middletown - March 15th
at the Middletown Youth Center
From 7-11 pm
We come on at 9:30
It's 5 bucks
DAY FREAK will be playing with Hope Lies Here, Dioxide, One Last Life, and Sucks to be Us
If you can get a ride to Middletown, definetly come check it out.
If you can't get a ride contact me and I'll see if I can fit you in my mom's car.
Yeah... anyway. Grr. I don't want to go to Katie's Basketball game. I mean, I heart Katie, she's an awesome kid, but I hate Basketball, and I want to see Jason. My mom is being an evil bitch. She says I don't spend any time with her. BUllshit. I didn't go to the mall yesterday b/c I wanted to spend the day with her. I didn't go earn money plowing with dad, b/c I wanted to spend time with her. I didn't go see Jason yesterday, b/c I wanted to see her. And apparently, I'm at fault. She wants me to spend the whole fucking weekend with her. This is such bullshit.
Grrrr. So I have to go take a fucking shower and tell Jason that I can't see him. How fucking happy. Also Kara yelled at me saying that I think Jason and I are her main priority. Fucking grrr. I don't act liek that. ask her to tell him I love him sometimes, because she talks to him and I don't get to. I asked her to call me Thursday nigth and she didn't so I said something to her about it and she fucking blew up on me like I was being a psycotic bitch, which of course, prompted me to act like one.
Oh well, my head hurts now, I need coffe.
Pleasant Something, Folks.
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| **squiggle** |
[07 Feb 2003|12:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 enthralled |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Saddam a go go - Gwar |
] |
Well everyone... Keep your calendar clear for March 15th.
We're playing a gig in Middletown (we being day freak, or Clint's Lucky Day... whichever it turns out to be....... or my band for those of you who are unfamiliar with it). It's from 7-11... we go on at 9:30. Ummm... We have to fill a half hour set which may be difficult since we have yet to fini any new songs and we cut about 4 of them.
We're sorta in the Middle of writing some new Material so we're gonna hurry the fook up and fini it, and prolly do a couple of easy ass covers.
Nervous ness. I guess this means I have to sorta forcedly get over my stage fright real damn soon. This is gonna be so fun, yet so damn unnerving.
Sunday is my birthday and I have to practice on it now. I was gonna ask if we could not have practice, but with the upcming gig and our new found desperate need to perfect our act... I have to go. Oh well. It'll definetly be worth it. We finally have a fucking gig. Yay!
OKay so every....
Middletown - March 15th
at the Middletown Youth Center
From 7-11 pm
We come on at 9:30
It's 5 bucks
We'll be playing with Hope Lies Here, Dioxide, One Last Life, and Sucks to be Us
If you can get a ride to Middletown, definetly come check it out.
If you can't get a ride contact me and I'll see if I can fit you in my mom's car.
Pleasant Something, Folks.
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| Now that the drugs have worn off... |
[06 Feb 2003|11:22am] |
No more caffeine in my system that I can tell. I really hope we have no school tommorrow. I don't know if I'll be able to get through another Geometry to Biology day. Geometry literally puts me to sleep. I can barely stay awake in that class.
And would someone please explain to me why I feel like shit. I really have no reasons to be sad at all, yet I can't help being depressed. Which is why I'm not eating lunch downstairs right now. I'm sick and tired of people beign depressed and sitting out in the middle of the commons moaning and crying with the look at me face. Actually that hasn't even happened lately, but I don't want it to start (or end) with me. I feel like shit... I don't want to be around people... so instead of sitting in a corner, I walked away. Where i would like to be right now is in bed at Home (my mom's house) reading... something. Either finishing that Bill Bryson book, or reading the ABC murders, or reading A Clockwork Orange. Maybe even sleeping on and off. Maybe I wouldn't feel as sick if I could go to sleep.
Grrr. I have the biggest headache. I want to go home. I think I'm done writing about how stupid I am now. Please dismiss this as another pointless rant.. thank you.
Pleasant Something, Folks.
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[03 Feb 2003|09:50am] |
sorta reminds me of my squirrel on the side of the road... cept this one's still alive.
This is my favorite one.
I like that idea a lot.
I am going to stop with the picture posting now.
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[02 Feb 2003|11:57am] |
lol. So does this mean I'm not a gay guy?
Anyway...
So... last night... I didn't end up gaming. **sigh** I kinda wanted to but I had the chance to see Jason. So I just sorta went... fuck that. Yep... It was fun. And now I am tired cause last night I got home at 1 am, and Saturday I gothome at 3 am. And I got up early yesterday so I want to try to catch up on my sleep today. Maybe go somewhere with Jason later. I hope. Maybe we can go see a moobie. Yep. It's a month with him tommorrow. :)
I shut up now and have breakfast... or take quizzes...
-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Salute Your Shorts! You enjoy camping out with yer
buddies and playing tricks on your camp
counselors. Watch out for Zeek the Plumber
What's Your 90's Nickelodeon Show?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a Slasher flick..
People often call you dumb, sick, and
exploitative.. but hey, let's face it, your
popular anyway. Your thin plots often revolve
around a central villain (usually masked or
disfigured in some way) killing a plethora of
victims in all kinds of nasty ways. You don't
have much use for depth of character or
coherent plot-line.. people watch you solely to
be shocked, sickened, and delighted.
Highlights: shower scenes, squirting jugulars, lots
of smeared blood, and a ridiculous number of
cheap sequels.
What type of horror movie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Eponine, the love sick teenager.
Which Les Miserables character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
meh
Well..aren't you just one hardkore muthafucka. You
rock and like to rock. Concerts and heavy metal
are you scene. You aren't really black and you
don't really care.
`?!?!?!HOw BLACK are yOu?!?!
brought to you by Quizilla
Too many quizzes.
Pleasant Something Folks.
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[01 Feb 2003|11:33am] |
Right then. Last night was awesome. I misseded Jillian whom is not able to lseep over tonight for gaming. I hope we go do table top at James' dorm thing. That was something of fun.
I am tired. **yawn**
Right... so... I got kicked in the damn head all over last night. I saw Jason and together we managed to make John all disgusted like, 'cause we wouldn't let go of each other and stuff. I didn't want him to leave last night. I wanted to stay over at his house. I wanted to just stay with him. Forever and ever.
And I saw Hatebredd for the 2 1/2 time. Yeah... Ozzfest, Still born fest (during which I was unconcious... hence the half), el n gee benefit show. This was the best though. The stage front thing got broken and I was pinned to it. It was great. I was almost laying on the stage. I am so damn tired now. I had breakfast with Gramma McFarland. The one from OK. SHe was about to leave back for there, and she got me for Breakfast. Yep. Night night. Or morning... whichever...
Pleasant Something, Folks.
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[31 Jan 2003|08:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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My brain hurts |
] |
Well then... Umm... I'm going to go see Hatebreed tonight. Have a ticket. This also means I get to see Jason tonight. Nervous I am. Lotsa nervous. Meow. Ummm, thanks lots to all the nice nice nice nice people who made nice nice nice nice comments in my not so nice nice nice nice journal. Right. John is making a "Who are You" quiz and I am an answer. I laugh. I have Binky in my mouth right now. Gah. My mind is so vacant right now. And I am uber nervous, and I want to run around in big gigantic circles. I have much energy. More than I have had in a month or so. But I am also tired cause my alarm went off at midnight last night and I kept waking up and hitting snooze. I go pay attention to animation graphics now.
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[29 Jan 2003|09:04am] |
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Well, I figure that you guys are tired of hearing from me by now. At least that's the message I've been getting. I don't think it's even worth trying to write my problems down anymore, because I never get any feedback that makes me feel better about anything. Except at first with Jason, when I got some really helpful comments from Piper and Val. Thanks guys... yeah.. but now all I get is either nothing or comments that give me the general idea that some one is scka dn tired of hearing from me. Now I have Mentor Mentee... what fun.
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[27 Jan 2003|09:02am] |
I talked at Jason last night, which was reassuring, yet made me realize hpw things are going to keep sucking until I a) turn 18 b) move to New London... or Mexico c) kill myself. But I talked to Jason. And he cryed. It made me sad. I wanted to make him stop. I wanted to run to his house and hug him and kiss him until he stopped crying. Until he smiled. Grrrr.
So... Sunday i had band practice but it was late so I wasn't able to go anywhere with Aaron wh is leaving again. It was fun to hang out with him again. He will be very missed. And I saw Sammy Saturday. She wanted us to go ice skating with her, but stuff.
I''ll Update later... Pleasant Something.
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| a mixture of something good and something horribly fucked |
[26 Jan 2003|08:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Aa Tayar Hoja - Asoka Soundtrack |
] |
That is how I feel right now. Despite the fact that last night was wonderful fun and actually made me happy for a while and forget what was going on (except for the occasional half hours where I remembered and got sad but still was all "happy"). Meow. But... Aaron showed up at my door!!!!!!!!!! And he made me change and go to Sarge's with him. :D
I was so happy to be kidnapped! So... I actually went gaming for the first time in who knows how long. Yep. And I got some Aaron hugs and some Aaron almost-rapes. I then played Dance Dance Revolution for two hours without stopping, which was almost amusing. I burned over 300 calories on workout mode. I really need to get that game for here. It was so damn fun. I almost passed out. I was dizzy.
I didn't get to even start the game because mom was drunk and yelled at me and wanted me to go home... even though she was in some bar thing in Hartford and wasn't going to be home until... welll... she's not home yet... I don't think she and Jason are planning on coming home until noon today.
Yeah. They started gaming at 1 am. Basically... we played Trivial Pursuit and then we screwed around for a while and I got tickled so much I couldn't breathe. Yeah. Being in a college dorm with a bunch of Horny gamers. Try 10 guys and two females (Kate and I). I laugh. Yes... and Aaron kept making me fall on top of him, or he would jump on top of me. But then he would tickle me and I would squirm uncontrollably.
Then people kept making me fuck up during Dance Dance Revolution by tickling me. It was evil.
Here are soem things I needed to post froma while ago...
what decade does your personality live in?
quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd
Here's just an excert from a Garbage song. #1 Crush because It's how I feel right now.
"I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I would wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sail ships for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you. "
Yeah. Jason...
He hasn't called yet. He said in his message that he would call yesterday and he didn't. Makes me sad like. A lot. See, he's already forgotten about me.
And thanks you guys for all your good wishes and your "things will get better" comments, but unfortuanetly... they will not. If you knew Jasona nd how fuckign wonderful He is, you would understand. He'll find another and I'll still be alone. Life goes on, yes, but it goes on so painfully and horribly that you wish it wouldn't... understand?
And to Jill... despite what you told me I can't help it. I love him. Sorta pathetic really, but I couldn;t make it bother me. No matter how hard I tried. And please don't try to turn me against him. You know how it was for you with Matt Blodgett? I understand now. And I heart you. :)
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| I cry a tear now... as opposed to crying something else. |
[25 Jan 2003|08:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothing |
] |
Well then.
Things have been more horrible than ever since I got home from school Thursday. Since then I have stopped crying only to go to school and to go to the P58 and UI show. And I only smiled one time there because I couldn't bring myself to have a good time. Even thought that was the idea behind the thing. I was supposed to have a good time. And I can't.
In case you don't know...
Thursday morning my father found it in his fucking heart to go to the New London Police Station and have his friend (an officer there) call Jason and threaten to arrest him if he ever so much as talked to me again. This isn't possible, although it is possible to have Jason arrested if he sees me again, and that's only if the old asshole pushes it in court, which he would.
So now Jason's too afraid to even talk to me. I cryed uncontrollably Thursday night. It didn't make me feel better when Jason had John call to tell me that Jason was never going to talk to me again. Then Jason left a message that said something along the lines of "I still love you, but I don't want to get arrested, and I hope you understand."
He'll find someone else in the next week. Just you watch. And I fucking love him. How pathetic. If he wanted me to wait another two years for him I would. But he won't want that.
**sigh** I've been urged "not to do anything stupid" by several people already. Grrr. Now if I were to tell you everything else I want to say, I would feel like a little fucking whiny bitch, and I don't want all the pity that would provide. I don't think i could handle pity right now. The only thing I want is to talk to Jason.
Saturday Morning detentions suck.
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[18 Jan 2003|12:51am] |
Right then... So... I have to dL music so I can make Jason a cd. I wonder if I'll be seeing Jill this weekend. I got to clean tommorrow. Gah. Tommorrow is gonna be a full day. I will hopefully get to go to Jason's mom's house with him and watch movies after I clean a room or two. Umm... yeah. I went there today and we sat in his brother's room and kara got high with his mom. Yep... Well then...
Here is the Jill love damnit.
**zoom**
Pleasant something folks.
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| ummm... |
[12 Jan 2003|12:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Faggot - MSI |
] |
As much as Winter ball sucked the big big big big big big big big big big big big big one.... I sorta had a good time.
As in... the whole afair was miserable... but Jason was there. Jaosn being there makes everything right.
But I found out tonight that him being sad makes me all uber depressed like. Yeah... apparently he's got a really jealous personality (according to him). Not a bad thing, because his jealousness stems from his caring for me... like he doesn't want anyone to touch me because he doesn't want to lose me. That's what he keeps telling me.
It makes me sad to think about what's happening between Kara and Glen. I hope we never end up like that. I would die. Erg... I am stupid, anyway. I need food.
Ummm.... yeah... well... I talekd to Jaosn and he says he will make me go to bed before 1... umm... yeah. i am sorta tired like. But I still don't like the thought of going to bed. I let jason have my MSI cds... I don't really need them after all. Oh well. I call jason and sleep now because Gramma is home and she's gonna bother me.
Pleasant Something, Folks.
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| such bliss I am not worthy of... |
[10 Jan 2003|11:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Gone Away - Cold (jason said it reminds him of me) |
] |
Not that the above has anything to do with it... but... I just got home from being with Jason not too long ago (got home at approx. 10:50).
I caved to peer pressure (**insert angry scowl here**) and Jason and I are going to the Winter Ball... Gah... I think we'll end up sitting with Christine and laughing at people... pretty much all that will happen... yep....
I had ice down my pants today.... it was REALLY cold. Speaking of cold... for some reason i have been cold all the time lately... it's starting to worry me. I mean... I'm in bed under 3 comforters and sheets and I can't stop shivering. Not kidding you. I've been getting these like shivering fits where I start shivering and I can't stop for 15 or 20 minutes. I should grow lots of blubber... Oh well.
I am tired and I told Jason I would try to go to sleep (eek!!!) tonight so I could come get him tommorrow morning and we could go to Sarge's... I have to give Sammy her presents... if I can find them now. I know where some of the stuff is. I really hope I didn't lose anything. I will cry if I lost them.
Also... as a side note.. Jason is the sweetest, most considerate, beautiful, unique, wonderful, kind-hearted, all around greatest creation on the face of this planet and quite possibley in the universe.
Pleasant Something, Folks.
This is why jason is so great... lyrics to the song he says reminds him of me
Do you pray
In the night
Can you appreciate the wind
And I won't care
I won't fight
I need you close to sing
It's the same beginning
Gone away
It's the same old, same old song
Gone away
It's my whole life
In words
And I can't breathe
When you cry
But I'll be there to hold you tight
And I would kill
I would fight
To keep you close
I keep singing the same way
I won't live
If you died
If I can feel you in the wind
And this is me
It's my life
I'll need you close to sing
It's the same beginning
Gone away
It's the same old, same old song
Gone away
It's my whole life
In words
Gone away
It's the same old, same old song
Gone away
It's my whole life
And I can't say
And I don't know
How far
I'll go
And I can't say
And I don't know
How far
I'll go
Gone away
It's the same old, same old song
Gone away
It's my whole life
In words
Gone away
It's the same old, same old song
Gone away
It's my whole life
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| meh... |
[09 Jan 2003|11:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
none... my head hurts |
] |
Well... This week has been really good up until... last night... then I talked to jason and all was well again, now everything sucks again. I am beginning to not like roller coasters any more. Well... nothing's wrong between Jason and I (at least not that i knwo of and I really hope I'm right), but my dad is being unusually... himself...
It was weird because we actually just had been talkign about when he was a kid and what bands he liked (some of them were surprisingly decent... like The Violent Femmes for example) and he suddenly starts telling me "if I think I'm moving out of his house then I'm wrong" and so on and so forth. I'd like to give Both Frau Ference and my "guidance" counselor a big ol' punch in the face for confiding in my father that I am planning on moving out in a month. Not to mention the fact that I have no idea how Frau knows about the move. I wouldn't tell that sack of shit something about my life for a million dollars.
Gah... Oh well. Dad also took my cell phone away... fucker... I want to call jason right now so much :(. I'm prolly gonna go to Rhode Island with him Friday :-D. I can't wait til this week is over and I get to see him. I think that might be how things are gonna be from now on. "I can't wait til is ee Jason". When I'm with him, I don't even remember what being miserable is like.
My brain hurts. Lots of people keep telling me to go to Winter ball. I don't know why. If I go, who's going to pay attention to me anyway? If I go, what am I going to do? Sit around and be miserable, pretend to enjoy myself because I don't want to draw attention to myself? That's what dances are like, so why should I go? I would go if jason would come, but that would be pretty corny and stupid.. Oh well. I'll ask if he wants to go tonight, maybe.
My arm hurts from playing Hockey, I stopped two slap shots tho, hence the pain.
Pleasant Something, Folks.
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| Okay then... |
[06 Jan 2003|06:43am] |
|
Quick entry before I leave for Dad's house **miserable sad face** This week is gonna suck. I don't wanna wait a whole fuckign week to see Jason. And I don't want to be at that man's house in the first place. I'm gonna spend a lot of time on the keyboard, and I could quite possibly do my homework for once. I have Jason's Binky :) He's letting me wear it 'cause he has my spikes and my big chain bracelet, so Iget to wear his rainbow bracelet and his Binky. :) Smiley I am. Erg... Anyway... yeah... so now my mom knows that Jason and I are dating, and she said he could come over to say goodnight to me last night and so he did and we stood outside in the snow for almost half an hour. Then he had to leave :(. Oh well... I'll suffer through this week and hopefully it will go by fast. I doubt it, but there's always that fucking bastard Hope sneaking up on you when you least expect it.
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aggravated
