go to massbay and see "the meeting" being put on by the lyric west company. it's a fictionalized meeting between martin luther king jr. and malcolm x. after the play they do a q&a; with the actors, director and producer. it is amazing.
then come see "the nerd" may 1,2,3,4 because i'm stage managing and i'm very proud of that play, and i'd like to see some asses in those seats :)

today on my way to work i passed two funeral processions and thought, bad sign. instead i barely did anything and will get paid for it. also, a guy at work turned 40, so we had a department party with peanut butter and jelly cake and beer. it was pretty neat.

yes i miss my friends



but the question is my friend
do they miss you too?

I was having a fabulous day today. I got up early and finished a paper I'd put a lot of thought into. I get to class and hand it in, in the mean time further convincing my teacher I've got some sort of hidden intelligence. Then I skip math, making it the entire week I've skipped out on. Went home, enjoyed the beautiful weather, was fed a lot by my mom. Then I head out for a shopping trip not intending to buy anything. Then I end up at Dunkin' Donuts talking to Mr. Galvin, who is coming to see my play. Then to rehearsal where I continue to get along with my cast. Then... I get in the car. My car doesn't start. It's 11 and I'm the only car in the MassBay parking lot. So I wake my mom up and we decide to just leave it until tomorrow morning. I NEED MY CAR. My entire day is comprised of going places. And my car, which just had $400 of work done on it, fucks me over.
Talk about a sour end to a sweet day.
Fuck.

my journal is two years and almost a month old. weird.

today i listened to modest mouse, which reminds me of lani, who i saw on almost a daily basis a year ago, and once since last may.
things i am liking right now:
the sporatic warm weather, although i don't like this fluctuation, it needs to be summer. now.
the fact that i have an apartment and i'm moving in this month.
my english class
being stage manager for "the nerd"

things i am not liking:
matt's mom not sending a letter to our new landlord that she needs before she'll let us move in.
her losing the address to send it to.
my friends being far away and the uncertainty of how our relationships will reform this summer due to little communication
needing another job to add to the one i've got
having so much stuff to do and losing my resolve to do those things

i'm going to stop now, because the not liking is starting to pile up, while the liking has come to a stand still.

ttfn.

Yay for The Boys Next Door, it was amazing. Big congratulations!

In other news, I may be moving to Brighton sometime in the next month or so.

That is all.

melissa makes my heart happy

Right now I need to be swept off my feet to a bowling alley and then to a pizza place. And then to some random Dunkin' Donuts to observe all the people walking in and out.
Because right now all I feel is frustrated and sad.
Every time I see that Zoloft commercial with the little blob who's all sad, I totally relate to it. Which is sad in and of itself, but that's not the point.

surprise me.

Date:	2003-02-17 20:28
Subject:	it's funny...
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

I am not known to be a social creature. I was once described as a "social butterfly", but due to a freak accident my wings were cut off. I feel as though, I'm not sure, like I want to go out and do fun things and make friends and do stuff that people do. But I didn't come with the right equipment to get out there and have fun. I had friends that facilitated my ability to have fun. Now they live elsewhere, and I'm left without the know how to go about making new friends, or having places to go on the weekends. I keep telling myself, if I was in a position that I was surrounded by people my age, I would be having a better time with this. Instead I flop back and forth between my parents house and my boyfriend's apartment in Boston. But then I think, oh yea, I used to live in a dorm in Boston surrounded by people. And I was just as lonely then.
I don't really know what this is all about, except I'm lonely. I always feel at my loneliest when it snows and I can't get out. Not that I'd have anywhere to go, but it's just that being trapped feeling.
I always feel I should have this disclaimer accompanying my emotional entries. Not a cry for help, or something I write meant to be pitied. Just emotions, being vented, to a computer. Simple as that.

You are blue. You are somewhat innocent, in the fact that your genius only extends to the physical world. You have a false sense of contentness. You are usually the quiet one, the genius. Everyone can count on you to help when they have problems, but you only fall short of being able to solve your own.

who wants to go out and have fun with me?

today, i left work early, went to anna's to get lunch for my fam, was on route 9 heading home, and, my car died. just died. on route 9. so i call 911 (which i must admit, has always been a dream of mine), and aaa, and stood outside in the snow in brookline (the same brookline in which i skinned my knee yesterday), after about 10 minutes i see an officer in the left turn lane, and i run across the highway to knock on his window, he goes and gets gas, and then comes to park behind me so nobody hits me. after a while, i get in the car while he shoves it with his cruiser, to get me out of the middle of the road. not once does he ask me to come sit in the cruiser. so for about a half hour i was standing in the snow, freezing, and for about 45 minutes after that, i sat in my car, with no heat... freezing. long story short, the tow truck came after about an hour and a half, brought me back to natick, and now i will have to spend hundreds of dollars having my piece of crap car fixed. ugh. i need a great weekend to help cheer me up. oh yea, and thanks erin :)

today i fell onto my knees after tripping over a curb, ripping my jeans, and staining them with the blood currently oozing from my knee
but here's the kicker, not one of the 5 people standing around me asked if i was alright. because i wasn't. and i wanted to cry. but i didn't.
currently i'm wearing pj pants with the left leg rolled up to my mid-thigh.
what a day.

I still have an Emerson e-mail account. Although I don't get mail from anybody besides Ronald Ludman, since I unsubscribed from that wacky Dr. Dictionary anyway, it makes me happy and I feel like that year wasn't a total bust. I'm seriously considering changing my major to Early Childhood Education. But whatever, I'm just writing in here because I'm alone, bored, and waiting for Nyquil to kick in. Tomorrow I'll be working all day and in Boston solo for the evening. Saturday it's back home for some laundry and an oil change. Sunday it's up to Loon Mountain to, well, sit around as Matt works doing his hot dog thing. But I've never been to any sort of mountainous skiing area before, so I'm slightly curious. Well, I'm a bit drowsy, so, ta.

today i made $6 bringing back cans and bottles. i felt pretty good about myself.

walked through the freezing cold for some soup
then walked home with the soup and ate it here, making the experience that much more enjoyable
talked to leslie, which renewed my belief that yes, i do have friends
went and saw 'the pianist' by myself, as seeing movies by myself is my new thing
was reminded of two things
first, something somebody said to me a few years back, when we were friends, something to the effect of, why do we need to learn about the holocaust, it's in the past, it's not important any more
which leads me to another thought, although not my second, those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. fucking nazi's. and i've learned in the past, not to generalize, but who doesn't hear nazi and think, fuckers. feel free to educate me if i'm wrong
my second thought was of the twilight zone. there was this one episode in which this guy had a time machine and was trying to go back in time and kill people in order to prevent terrible things from happening, and one of them was he was in germany and going to kill hitler from a balcony window, but alas, didn't succeed.
got home from the movies, had dinner, called my mum and found out i got all A's for my first semester. 4.0.
talked to carlye, which made my day
went to the middle east, froze froze froze. saw shep susie and shannon, the three s's. also was told by a guitar player (scrambled eggs...) that i should talk to noah. we'll see about that one.
feet tired and back hurting, got a ride home from a nice girl and her nice boyfriend, and that brings me to now.
oh yes, got a magnificently lovely text message from my girl leah, which brightened my evening also
goodnight.
beth.

do i even have a cell phone

yesterday i applied for a job at perkins school for the blind. well, sent them my resume. i need a job like whoa. i'm not really sure why i'm updating, except maybe to justify the fact that i undeleted this thing. my life has gone from dull to super dull. as a few people have commented, i'm ready to slide right into married life. the day yesterday consisted of doing dishes, laundry, and rearranging the living room. this isn't a pity me plea, i'm perfectly content, although i do sort of miss having a life. but i wouldn't give this up to go back to the way things were two years ago. anyway, that's it.

-beth-