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Sara

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hey the rain is audible tonight [17 Oct 2002|07:52pm]

moonlighttea
[ mood | acidic ]
[ music | baby birds ]

Cold rain is pelting the air conditioner outside - it sounds like someone throwing little pebbles from the street. Hey up there, wake up! So here I am in the office waiting for Andrea's train to hit Union Station. I'm behind at work and I don't really care.

Recent events in my life: last weekend's Electroclash trip to Philadelphia to see Tracy and the Plastics, Peaches, Chicks on Speed was a flaming success. We stayed with Katherine's friend Scott, a medical student who brought us to the morgue & showed us the corpse he was dissecting. I didn't really expect the inside of a person's arm to look like chicken meat....

The Electroclashshow was intense - the hipsters, the people who adamantly proclaim themselves as dorks, the ravers, the hooded sweatshirts - they were all there, all pretending that they weren't exactly uncomfortable with one another. I think I even saw the actress from The Piano, Anna Paquin. All these intense moments started to bring the confusion back, but I pushed it away till I noticed that miss star's ex-girlfriend (who I met for 3 minutes at Ladyfest DC) stood behind me, watched me until I noticed her and then pretended to not remember my name. We had awkward conversation about nothing, and I ran off feeling a little sad. She stared at me all night, making sure that I saw her holding onto this new girl - how do people hook up so quickly, one after another after another.

Um, what else - another show - Mirah, Shemo and Sam Elliot playing in the basement of a sushi restaurant in collegetown Virginia. It was a road trip beneath the cold stars and dinner at a dirty diner - I picked johnny cash from the table jukebox. Speed traps did not lure us that night and my obsession with the one has been gnawing at my brain stem!

Oh i am worried and sad about someone very dear to me. Please be good to yourself, ok?

Last week I dreamt that squirrels were stealing the bike couriers bicycles and riding them in the middle of all the biggest streets, creating ridiculous traffic jams. It was the funniest thing I've seen in ages!


Twenty five miles to Philadelphia
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poor [17 Oct 2002|04:42pm]

halcyonstyn
fuck.
My phone bill last month is $200.
I somehow went over my 7500 minute plan. Jesus.
I guess it's the 1000 anytime that kills me. 40 cents a minute over the 1000.
*sigh*

I'm looking for a job.
Which is always tough on the ego and spirit.

Feeling deflated.
I'm happy *now*.
But I need an apartment without cameras. And money to travel.
And eventually money to raise kids with.

I guess I could start with less time on the phone during daylight hours.
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her SECOND year at BM [17 Oct 2002|04:37pm]

halcyonstyn
Some great photos of Baby Harper at Burning Man.
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Is that an oncoming train?? [17 Oct 2002|07:17pm]

pianomaniac
[ mood | stressed ]
[ music | Kent, Spökstad ]

I finally turned in for my application for a degree today... I should be able to do a degree audit on Monday... just in time when pre-registration starts for Spring. *sees the light at the end of the tunnel* As far as I know, I'll only have to take 4 classes this Spring... and then I'm out of this place.

In the meantime though, I got a three page paper due tomorrow, as well as two more papers and a group project due next week. *light at the end of the tunnel is turned off until further notice* Ack.

A Man's Workout Diary... )

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Nietzsche was right about one thing, at least [17 Oct 2002|04:03pm]

banjopwhistle
[ music | reindeer section ]

the same return:
words only dried flowers on a trampled plot.
familiar headstones, like the dull echoes clomping down the halls.
you've read them, i've read them, let's put them to rest.

i need a flower.
someone send me something living.

i bet you've never written anything true.
but it's okay.
at least, somewhere in there, was the attempt.

draw a breath.
i'm too negative.

1 comment|post comment

update my resume [17 Oct 2002|03:37pm]

halcyonstyn
I just found out that my portfolio now includes CD Cover art! How cool! Go buy a Fray Day CD and support Fray.org.
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[17 Oct 2002|03:33pm]

apriljoy
Went to Target on my lunch break and I saw the cutest Hello Kitty hoodie. The children's clothing makers are getting smart and making their XL way smaller than I can fit. If it barely fit I would have bought it. It's not just the shoulder area that doesn't fit it's the way the hoodie would look even if some skinny size 00 woman wore it. It would look like it was riding up in the back if she put the hood on.

Sometimes I can shop in the children's dept, but lately I've just been buying work clothes. Must start buying casual again.
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[17 Oct 2002|06:02pm]

andrew_tsks
coming home, i was looking forward to the fact that the apartment would be mine for six or seven hours. rob has work tonight starting at five, which is about what time i always get home. i felt like i had a lot of shit to write about on this here journal--things that i think about a lot but don't always write about, things that have been going on in my life lately that have made me think about deeper issues. shit i just wanted to get off my chest. but of course, coming home after riding 10 miles, i find myself getting lethargic, sitting in front of the computer heavy-lidded and being short and terse in i.m. conversations as i try to just get through checking my email. i was planning on going and taking a nap, putting off exploring my journal ideas as i often do... which usually is the first step to them not ever getting written down at all. but then, for some reason, i chose to put atmosphere on the mp3 player for background music. atmosphere is a hip hop group, which makes it all the more odd that they have such an emotional affect on me when i listen to them. let's face it, most hip hop is about violence, sex, and the bling bling. not atmosphere though. atmosphere is the perfect music for a day like today--dreary but not raining, just cold enough to chill me through my short sleeve shirt as i rode home. it's pensive music for pensive weather. so i guess i decided that even though i could use a nap, i'd go ahead and see how i could do, trying to express my feelings and thoughts when i'm a quarter of the way to being asleep.

last night i tried out for an open vocalist spot in a tool-style nu metal band. i don't know if they would want me or not, but i have decided upon reflection that i'm not interested in doing it. see, these kids were mostly nice, but the lead guitarist definitely wasn't. he was the type of guy who thinks he's the ringleader and everyone else in the band is his sideman. it didn't seem like anyone else had any room to express themselves. i've been in bands where i felt like that, and i know that i would butt heads with someone like that immediately. i'd like to say that i had fun singing for them last night, at least, but that definitely is not true. it felt like a job, like something i HAD to do, not something i wanted to do, the second i got there. part of it was that one kid--i figured out what he was like from the first two things he said to me and took an immediate dislike to him. but really, a lot of it was just that i felt so out of place with the kids i was hanging out with. the second guitarist (who's the member i'd talked to before going to check out the band, and who seemed the coolest of all the kids in it), the bassist, and the drummer were all really nice people and i felt ok about hanging out with and talking to them. but then again, they were obviously not like me. these were younger kids, who'd grown up with nu metal bands like korn and their even more horrifying descendents being a natural, unquestioned part of the scene. i find the whole style of music and style of dress and attitude that goes along with all of that stuff completely repugnant. the lyrics to a lot of those bands' songs are just whiny complaining about nothing bullshit--i guess since jonathan davis of korn had a rough childhood and wrote about it a lot, everyone else in the scene felt like they should follow his lyrical lead. i don't know, it's obvious from the way i'm writing that i don't think too much of the whole nu metal thing, but that's not to say that people who like it are wrong, or bad people. it's simply to say that i don't find myself fitting in with their style, their interests, and their value system. they do things with their fashion to shock adults, and that's similar to early punk rock, but then again as i've gotten older i've seen all of that as more and more bankrupt. the point is not how controversial or noncontroversial you are, the point is that the whole nu metal scene seems guilty of the same things that punks can be guilty of at times--doing things with your appearance just to try to shock people, and not because you'd just actually like to look that way for your own reasons. i have long hair, but that's something i do for myself, because i like it. the question shouldn't be a question of how people will react, it should be how you will like it. i don't know, i feel like i'm not quite making my point very well, but the upshot is that these kids--despite the nu metal thing--are pretty normal. they're just like any other 19 or 20 year old. that's not something that is bad, and i didn't dislike the kids... i just didn't feel like they'd understand me. i didn't feel like i had the ability to be real with them. and i can't see playing in a band with anyone i feel that way about.

it's funny, because i've been having conversations a lot recently with a good friend about feeling like you don't fit in with other people--feeling out of place, feeling alien, feeling like you have to be careful or everyone will figure out that you're the only one that's different, that doesn't fit in. and like, she and i have been relating pretty well about what we've been talking about. we both have had plenty of experiences like that. however, our individual reactions to the situations have been almost completely different. i think maybe when i was younger i would have reacted the same as she does--feeling crappy about myself, thinking that there's something wrong with me that makes it so that i don't fit in with the other kids. however, these days--and it's been that way for at least a few years now, though it's hard to say when or why the change came in the first place--i tend to react to such situations by thinking that the things i value, and the things i think, that set me apart from the crowd around me, are good things. it's not to say i'm better than all the kids who don't think the same as me, but i feel like a lot of times kids like the nu metal guys i was hanging around with last night just never question the dominant paradigms of their subculture. everybody else is braiding their hair and wearing baggy pants, so they do too. no matter what social group you're in, most people are just following the trends. the fact that i question it, and that i come to conclusions based on how i honestly feel about things way more often than i just do what the crowd tells me is cool makes me a lot different than most people. but it's not a bad thing, in fact i usually think it's a good thing. i'm not better than kids who don't question things, who never take the time, thought, and effort to form value systems independently of what they've been taught by parents or teachers or television. but then again, my value system is better than theirs. at least for me. and really, if they'd arrived at theirs through the same methods i did, they'd be way better off, and i wouldn't be as easily able to say that theirs weren't as good as mine. but the problem is that it's generally pretty obvious that they put far less thought into it than me. kneejerk homophobia and unquestioning fandom for every band in the scene. it doesn't make sense.

anyway, i try to explain all this to my friend, and i don't know if i'm making it make sense to her. i also don't know if i've explained it the way i just did to her, ever. either way, it's really the point you have to get to, in life. the point where you realize that the things that might make you not like everyone else are probably the very same things that make your life rewarding. it's our uniqueness that makes us interesting, and makes our lives worth living. sure, not everyone is going to like us. sometimes we meet an entire group of kids that we have to either hide our true natures from or face the fact that they'll hate us. but it's worth it to be a real person. it's worth it to know yourself and to do the things you really want to do and believe the things you really believe deep in your heart. i've always known kids who didn't really seem to have one true face that they showed everyone. kids who acted one way with one group of their friends and another way with another. kids who really just wanted to be liked by everyone, regardless of the amount of self-sacrifice they'd have to make with each friend. people like this are pretty much always revealed to be fake eventually--and no one really likes those people too much anyway. they're always acquaintances instead of friends. it's not worth it to be one of them.

so yeah, i won't be singing for that band. but at least i can take comfort in knowing that i'm real, that i'm the best andrew i can be. there are way worse things.
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[17 Oct 2002|01:39pm]

apriljoy
Thought I would answer mine publicly.

Biggest fantasy right now?
To be in bed sleeping and after waking from my clean smelling sheets find out I won the CA Lottery.

What am I wearing?
Black Bra, supposedly seamless black underwear, black socks (I always have my black socks), black high heeled Aerosoles loafers (3"), black flowing pants (I need to wear a belt, they're starting to really hang), and a grey/blue 3/4 sleeve button down blouse (I'm glad there are no cleavage issues with this one).

What did I have for lunch?
I bought a McD's happy meal, but only ate the small french fries. I think I'll have my cheeseburger, no onion, for break time. Wanted to eat in cafeteria, but was too lazy to take my camera out to my car, so I left. (no cameras in main building, or this one, but no guard checks here)
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Entertain me please. It's all secret. [17 Oct 2002|12:32pm]

apriljoy
Poll #68561: Fantasies and misc.
Open to: all, results viewable to: none

Biggest fantasy of the moment? (not necessarily sexual, but if you want it to be, the go for it)

View Answers

What are you wearing today?

View Answers

What did you have for lunch? Or your last meal if you didn't have lunch.

View Answers
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Beijing - Places to Visit [18 Oct 2002|03:02am]

quietpassion
I have made a list of places that I should see in Beijing:

  • Simatai Great Wall
  • Forbidden City
  • Tiananmen Square
  • Underground City
  • Summer Palace
  • Lama Temple
  • Tiantan Park
4 comments|post comment

I need money for flowers... [17 Oct 2002|01:58pm]

thinktink
bulbs, bulbs, bulbs
10 comments|post comment

Things are NOT looking good... [17 Oct 2002|02:45pm]

3sidedcoin
I discovered earlier today that someone has placed a small stereo in the bathroom just bellow the sink. This is possibly a larger threat than even that damned hair drier.

People, just a thought, but if you find yourself getting bored in the bathroom and you feel the need to livin' things up a bit with a little music...this should be a clue that you are spending too much fucking time in there. I better not hear that thing playin' while I'm outside the door pinchin' a loaf waitin' for my turn. If I do, I have every intention of replacing whatever CD you have in there with a Barry Manilow CD and super gluing the fucking lid. Not to mention mistaking the stereo for the toilet.

"Oops...my bad."
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What the hell am I doing [17 Oct 2002|02:40pm]
edge_ronin
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | "I think my Dad's gone Crazy" Eminem ]

So today the CEO of our company came down to the office to have one of those quarterly state of the company meetings. Well, I in the middle of his presentation I come busting out of the supply closet dressed as a superhero known as RALLYMAN. Long story, I will explain later. What the hell was I thinking, I don't know. Sufficed to say, I scared the bejeezus out of my CEO. I thought it was a good idea, my team leader thought it was a good idea, two of the managers in my office thought it was a good idea....CEO did not think it was a good idea. Oh well, I didn't get fired. It was funny to see the look on his face. So for the time being I am keeping a low profile around the office until he leaves. Which should be in about 15 minutes. Mental note to myself, no more being a superhero at work. Vigilante is fine just when the shorts are worn outside the pants I need to draw the line. Once again I think what the hell am I doing in a white-collar job? Oh yeah, that's right earning a paycheck, and benefits. Granted there are some benefits to being labeled the office nutjob. I just need to find them.

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[17 Oct 2002|10:58am]

ericundone
No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it.
-- Charles M. Schulz
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entities will be my death [17 Oct 2002|12:01pm]

revjim
PHP's xml_parse_into_struct() function is severely broke, but I can't tell whose fault it is. It uses the expat libaray for parsing, which has become a sort of standard amongst UNIX based SAX parsers. The problem could be there. Or it could be in PHP's implementation of expat. Or it might not really be broken at all, just merely unusable. The problem has to deal with Entity parsing. A little XML background, first. For our purposes, we'll say an entity can be declared in two places: in the DTD referenced by that ugly "DOCTYPE" line you see at the top of...

(Read More...)
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It's a holiday ya know... [17 Oct 2002|01:42pm]

pianomaniac
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | Sigur Rós, Samskeyti ]

Today is October 17th... and you know what that means? It's...

National Hit on Mark Day!


Yep, yep... remember when I did that last year? Well, I decided it should be an annual event. Go on.. flatter me.. I could use the bit of extra self esteem to get me through the next few stressful days.
4 comments|post comment

Claddagh Ring [17 Oct 2002|01:30pm]

spr0cket
[ music | Sarah McLachla - Prayer of Saint Franci ]

... and before I leave I thought I'd post a picture of the new ring I got down in Busch Gardens.

It's a claddagh for those of you who aren't familiar with Irish stuff or know of them from Buffy.


(click for larger view)


Wee, I love my birth stone. Now, I just need someone to turn this ring around. (If you know the symbolism behind how you wear the ring you know what I'm talking about, heh. Steph explained them to me the other day. :P)
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Work, work, work... [17 Oct 2002|01:18pm]

pianomaniac
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Kent, En Helt Ny Karriär II ]

This morning I managed to take a hunk out of one of my sideburns while trying to shave.
It's not that noticeable if you don't know about it... but yeah... it's definitely a bit crooked. I generally use an electric razor now.. they're much more convenient, and slightly less hazardous. I never nick my face much with a standard razor, but like, I've managed to cut a hunk off of my ear once, as well as slicing my stomach. No, I wasn't trying to shave my chest... though I probably should. That's still not as bad as my Grandma though who managed to cut a hole through her shoe once while attempting to use a razor.

I was supposed to have had a listening quiz in one of my classes today, but the prof. decided to postpone it a week.. and then another week. So yeah... I'm delighted to say the least. I got *another* paper due tomorrow though, which I'll have to start working on tonight. Say it with me - Oh the drudgery of it all!

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[17 Oct 2002|01:17pm]

oletheros
i saw this on the culture list today:

Heaven is where the French are the lovers, the Italians are the cooks, the Germans are the engineers, the Swiss are the bureaucrats, and the British are the police.

Hell is where the Swiss are the lovers, the British are the cooks, the Italians are the engineers, the French are the bureaucrats, and the Germans are the police.
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