[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]
here's 25 entries. recorded in
thenothingboy's LiveJournal:
| Friday, October 3rd, 2003 | ||
| 3:53 am | it has been emode.com self-dissection night. i took like 42793879857239857239 tests. apparently i care an awful lot about people and feelings. so what's the deal, why am i so antisocial? why do i see the world through black-colored glasses? (like, the oppositte of rose colored ones) everything has got to end in disaster, i cannot let joy creep in there and ruin me? heh that sounds fucked up. and it doesn't make a lot of sense. then again, what does, really? who is it that is absurd? it is ME!! | |
| Tuesday, September 30th, 2003 | ||
| 3:24 am | just tonight's mood 01. Le Mystere Des Voix Bulgares - A Young Girl Is Coming (1:35) 02. loveliescrushing - i want you (2:02) 03. New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle [Armand Van Helden Mix] (8:59) 04. Beborn Beton - Another World (FAP7 Classico Mix) (5:38) 05. VNV Nation - Beloved (Grey Dawn Version By VNV Nation) (7:34) 06. Apoptygma Berzerk - Kathy's Song (Ferry Corsten Remix) (4:15) 07. Neuroticfish - Prostitute (NYC Club Mix) (5:11) 08. The Young Gods - Toi Du Monde (8:09) 09. Frontline Assembly - Retribution (Front 242 Remix) (5:11) 10. Haujobb - Radio-active (Remix by Scope) (5:47) 11. The Future Sound of London - Papa New Guinea (Satoshi Tomiie Main-Path) (10:44) 12. New Order - Crystal (Digweed & Muir Bedrock Mix) (12:54) Music now: New Order - Crystal (Digweed & Muir Bedrock Mix) | |
| Monday, September 29th, 2003 | ||
| 8:14 pm | ||
| Sunday, September 28th, 2003 | ||
| 11:42 pm | opening tomorrow, hence must go to sleep now.. up in 5 1/2 hours, grr. had a blast this weekend though. was up in hoboken with some friends, went to oddfellow's, had some drinks, played darts ("I AM THE ULTIMATE CHAMPION OF NOTHING!") heh.. i suck at darts.. :) had some rather refreshing 'deeply intellectual' conversation about philosophies of right and wrong, personality, absolutes and more. i don't have time to go into detail now, but my friends determined that i must be an anarchist. i corrected them with "comic nihilist and all around fool" :) veikko, you would have had fun with this one. :) you should come visit! spent the night at ann and marie's house in orange. had breakfast and then talked with marie's mom joanne who gave me a tour of her house including all of the intense abstract paintings she's created. some fuckin' rad stuff. i mean, how many people have made abstract paintings entitled "heroes" that have included sacco and venzetti's likenesses in them? i got invited to a show out in roosevelt of her work. i think i will be there. | |
| 6:29 pm | wow. passage suggested to me by ms. joanne leone corris The Garden of Love William Blake I laid me down upon a bank, Where Love lay sleeping; I heard among the rushes dank Weeping, weeping. Then I went to the heath and the wild, To the thistles and thorns of the waste; And they told me how they were beguiled, Driven out, and compelled to the chaste. I went to the Garden of Love, And saw what I never had seen; A Chapel was built in the midst, Where I used to play on the green. And the gates of this Chapel were shut And "Thou shalt not," writ over the door; So I turned to the Garden of Love That so many sweet flowers bore. And I saw it was filled with graves, And tombstones where flowers should be; And priests in black gowns were walking their rounds, And binding with briars my joys and desires. | |
| Saturday, September 27th, 2003 | ||
| 2:10 am | ALL OF MANKIND, Generic Lemmings Christian Musicians, Optomists Advertisers Hippies, Boards of Education Businessmen River Styx Billy Joel, Ed McMahon, Bob Saget River Phlegyas MTV Marmocets ithica_27_9
(1 | ) | |
| 1:32 am | watch the ripples fade, they always fade. but do they ever really disappear? their energies absorbed into new kinetic disturbances, divvying up strength applied to new strengths, which in fact could also be weaknesses. you can watch the waves, as i do, by reading my journal entries.. see the tides rush in, wash out into pale dry deserts then flash flood into oceanic expanses of fluid, substance rising up into tsunamis, crashing on the shore or boredom, the clean up crew is either drowning or dying of thirst.. until they've given up and quit their jobs.. jobless they go until the next ultimatum of nature... whether mother nature, or the nature of a nothing boy, or the nature of existance. or the nature of waiting. waiting for a frozen pizza to cook before going to bed. what will happen? something. what though? ! stay tuned. | |
| 12:38 am | ,,tne fc?k; ccmpllatnnnn 01. Perfume Tree - Instantaneous (10:29) 02. Love Spirals Downwards - City Moon (4:15) 03. meatbeatmanifesto - what is it all about? (5:20) 04. The Notwist - Torture Day "Loup" (Remix) (6:12) 05. Royksopp - Remind Me (3:39) 06. Kings of Convenience - The Weight of my Words ( Four Tet Remix ) (4:56) 07. Curve - Falling Free (AFX 45rpm) (6:05) 08. Autechre - Rae (7:13) 09. Auburn Lull - The Last Beat (3:48) 10. Mohogany - Amelia No. 2 (2:34) 11. American Analog Set - Weather Report (2:55) 12. Xiu Xiu - Bunny Gamer (2:34) 13. The Notwist - This Room (Remix By Four Tet) (8:07) 14. Oval - Meditation (4:22) 15. Coil - Protection (6:55) Music now: Kings of Convenience - The Weight of my Words ( Four Tet Remix ) | |
| Friday, September 26th, 2003 | ||
| 10:11 pm | FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. i hadn't checked my hotmail box in a while.. and they deleted all of my messages :( including many that i had stored separately from one of my best friends, who is now DEAD. FUCK. fuck you's go out to me for not having a copy elsewhere, and to hotmail for having policy like that. Mood now:  sick | |
| Thursday, September 25th, 2003 | ||
| 9:57 pm | more motion at work = tommy is losing weight. now that i am responsible for more stuff than standing in one place and slopping sandwiches together, i work up one HELL of a sweat, the body is getting a workout and i have lost, in just 3 weeks, 10 pounds! i am eating whatever the hell i want, whenever the hell i want to, and i'm a mere 215lbs! when compared to the 235 i was pushin' at my worst in atlanta, oh my goody, goody gosh.. i am lookin' even better with my clothes off ;) anyone care to evaluate the new, sleeker body first hand? =p heh ok granted, i'm not in any fitness mags at the moment, but shit. my shoulders and traps are coming out to match me tri's and bi's, my tummy is shrinking,.. 0 love handles and not so much as bulge when i lean forward.. and that rock hard ass of mine.. hehe =p i love putting the truck away every other day ;) plus the craziness of drive thru coordinator.. it's like 9 hours at the gym/sanitarium a day.
(2 s | ) | |
| Wednesday, September 24th, 2003 | ||
| 9:47 pm | might as well party, because we're all dead. gunshots, robots, the saucers landed death rays, doomsday, yeah yeah yeah if it's the end of everything, then it's good enough for me just as long as we have an armageddon party. the sky's blotted out with clouds of black, but look up in the air, is that jesus coming back? descending through the sky between the missiles as they fly i hope he's coming to the party, he's a wonderful guy as nuclear bomb blasts light up the night now we're radioactive and it feels alright now there's nowhere to hide and nowhere left to run but i don't care cuz it's so FUN FUN FUN zombies rise up from the grave as satellites fall but since the power's still on we can have a ball the tv news people just stopped by to say the moon just crashed right into the u.s.a. it's not finished yet.
(1 | ) | |
| Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003 | ||
| 7:39 pm | tonight i am making another mix, but just as songs pop into my head over the duration of it, not thinking conciously about it. we will see what happens. so far: my bloody valentine - lovelee sweet darlene morrissey - skin storm now, for what's goin' on today. i had my first gig as an independant consultant. small network at the preschool  augustnow works at, win xp boxes trying to share a printer. that was kinda messy, whoever set it up assumed giving "Everybody" access rights to the printer share would work, but they are a workgroup setting, no domain, ya dig. therefore i had to setup user accounts on the machine to match the other users. i'm gonna write up a proposal to setup a domain controller and nip that admin nightmare in the bud. 2 hours of work plus a visit fee, and i'm making a modest buck. :) leads me to this:if i am looking to provide my service at a highly discounted rate, that is, in comparison to going consultant rates, i couldn't go wrong with like a $30 visit plus $40 an hour, right? i am guessing the normal rate is prolly near if not just into 3 digits/hr, am i right? i just wanna make sure i'm the go to guy for all their needs, it's pretty much just a hobby side-job. heh professional business as a hobby. especially since i'm a fast food manager by main trade right now. lol I LOVE IT. I AM TOM. HEAR ME ROAR NONSENSE!
(1 | ) | |
| 5:12 am | 
i'm still an infp.. ( iNFp ) | |
| Monday, September 22nd, 2003 | ||
| 2:59 am | something and something else. parenthesis and semicolons 01. New Order - In a lonely place (6:02) 02. Manufacture - As The End Draws Near (12 inch) (5:28) 03. Qntal - Abaelard (5:39) 04. Camouflage - The Great Commandment (4:12) 05. Clan of Xymox - Obsession (5:50) 06. Clock Dva - Virtual Flesh (5:58) 07. Front 242 - Flag (5:08) 08. Front Line Assembly - Die-Sect (4:40) 09. Skinny Puppy - Film (2:18) 10. Legendary Pink Dots - Blacklist (6:42) 11. Death In June - A Slaughter Of Roses (3:13) 12. Cyberaktif - Nothing Stays (5:26) 13. Doubting Thomas - The Moodswing (5:57) 14. Coil - Blood from the Air (5:31) 15. Nine Inch Nails - The New Flesh (3:40) 15. Oval - (5 from ovalcommers) (4:29) 16. Seefeel - Water & Architecture (4:38) italics out of phase 01. Luminous Orange - fresh berry soup (3:52) 02. Front 242 - Matrix (MegaHertz) (3:50) 03. Coil - Are You Shivering? (9:36) 04. Wolfsheim - Iou (4:46) 05. The Legendary Pink Dots - Casting The Runes (5:49) 06. Throbbing Gristle - Six Six Sixties (2:07) 07. Speedy J - Iee Mitten Menu (nutt mix) (4:58) 08. The Notwist - Torture Day "Loup" (Remix) (6:12) 09. Xiu Xiu - Sad Pony Guerilla Girl (3:20) 10. Vincent Gallo - When (4:36) 11. Voice of Eye - Transmission (5:51) 12. Coil - MU-UR (22:37) Music now: Seefeel - Water & Architecture | |
| Sunday, September 14th, 2003 | ||
| 2:40 pm | well, amos is getting closer to being planned out, i was doin' some work on it, and i ran into a small issue, i had to run out and get a whiteboard. :) $15 for a magnetic, 24" x 36" dry-erase board with an eraser and two markers.. it is mounted where my front 242 and "here's johnny" posters where half behind the door to my room. yay. i also picked up a few other things yesterday: C# Language Pocket Reference, O'Reilly UML in a nutshell, O'Reilly (ok i've heard that uml is lame, but might be useful to me as i have a terrible time trying to explain my logic to other people in a concise manner.) also got the Shadows of Undrentide expansion to Neverwinter Nights from BestBuy for $15.. they had a sale tag on the shelf for $20 but they charged me $30 at the desk.. so i march back into the store and ask the clerk in the dept. why i was charged $10 more than the tag sitting right there in plain view, and he tried to give me some shit about how it's not on sale anymore. to make a long story short, 3 clerks, 2 managers, and i was about to tell them to shove it up their asses, when the last mgr calms me down and takes $5 off. being nice is preferable, but sometimes you gotta crush and smash your way. :) heheh. kyle, you'd have been proud heheh FULL OF HATE I WANT A GODDAMNED DISCOUNT. =p Music now: The Velvet Underground - Oh Jim | |
| Friday, September 12th, 2003 | ||
| 12:26 am | ok, drone myself to sleep. dr. appointment in morning, and pay day to boot. Music now: coil - 7-Methoxy-ß-Carboline | |
| 12:19 am |
| |
| Thursday, September 11th, 2003 | ||
| 11:59 pm | hmm, why do i get the feeling i'm doomed? :) in a comment:.. sum up your thoughts about me in one word. then put this on your journal to see what everyone else thinks of you. [stolen from pearlsgurl by way of cetigrrl] Music now: The Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra & Tra-La-La Band - Could've moved mountains...
(4 s | ) | |
| 11:29 pm | meta meta meta meta m-tea meat team mate meta meta meta so, i'm in the mood to rant and rave. here you go. topic: i don't know. try this the next time you get emotional about ANYTHING. simply ask yourself "what good or utility will be derived from allowing myself to feel this?" and try to be objective beyond your feelings. if you answer it so truthfully that you realize the feeling wasn't worth entertaining, chances are you might understand what i am writing about true to the fucking topic, i don't know. i don't know anything. i mean, i've quantized the chaos of existance in ways that make sense to me, but that chaos isn't a snapshot that remains static. ok, sure there are patterns and themes, from basic survival to the beat of some music playing or whatever.. certain subconcious agents respond in methods the conciousness deems reactionary, but they are response, well thought out against the reliability of one circumstance's congruity to other situationss. pattern and repetition remove not the validity of original intent. ok, we have that down. but the more i rely on patterns, i realize there's a whole lot more that i don't have committed to subconcious and therefore can't rely upon quickly enough to be useful before situation gives way to next situation. i fucking want to know EVERYTHING, and not only know it, but have the patterns down enough to not even have to think about what to do in any situation. laziness of intelligence? I DON'T KNOW. so, what about feelings. not the spur of the moment emotional feelings, but those deep down convictions and opinions. i see both sides of both sides, and try to empathize with all of them, but that's no way to form ideas, is it? i mean, doesn't that just lead to wishy washy superfluous nothingness? but how can i not increase my awareness by shovelling into it all idealogies and therefore make better judgements.. but if i am constantly feeding all of the new and different into myself, will i ever have time to make those judgements.. and if i linger on thought too long before the deadline comes, i'll end up just making a rash decision anyway, having not paid any attention to the coming line in the sand. case: the previous post. this desire to be alone.. it seems like a good thing but is it real? can i own that opinion and say "this is me". i mean, apparently i did, but did i mean it? i don't know. i don't know that i will feel that way tomorrow. i don't know that i will feel that way in a minute. i hate that sort of definition and solidity.. there's nothing to saying "I am x" where x is anything. it proves nothing and says nothing. because in the vast chaos x might not be x anymore, even in the space of this sentance. x could be the oppositte of x NOW, for all we know, or all that we do not. or the "I" changes, and how can IT not? continually force-fed information by our senses, the world being big enough, even in it's finite measure, to send us stimuli that we haven't yet processed.. or if we have processed it before we may have changed since last execution. how could one cache, if you will, previous processes and check for changes before determining the need for reprocessing according to new perceptions, and do it well enough to meaningfully state "I AM INDEED X". i dunno, man, i change way too much all the time to do that. i can however say "I am x sometimes" and be telling the truth. but even when i happen to be "x", i question myself, i question "x", i question even the concept of equating myself to concepts.. like right now. i guess logic and emotion are two different things. and ok, maybe it is not full on mathematically sound LOGIC logic, but it makes sense to me right now. but perhaps not for long.. heh. so much for cleaning my room tonight. also, perhaps the current music field here on LJ should be expanded to "playlist" over the duration of the entry.. i often take longer than one or two songs to write.. might that not be a better indicator to mood and/or influence? Mood now:  numbMusic now: The Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra & Tra-La-La Band - Sisters! Brothers! Small boats of fire are
(1 | ) | |
| 10:32 pm | this will sound fucking bizarre coming from me, but: what happens when one decides they like being without "significant other?" when endless nights of videogames and goofing off on the internet just seem more naturally alluring? or going to parties and "meeting" people.. or doing whatever they hell one wants to without having to be held accountable for where one went and why that time wasn't spent drooling and fawning over the s.o.? what if it's way more fun to be independant of that whole thing, even if there's far less emotional and sexual gratification? i'm kinda scared because i never imagined wanting to NOT have anyone. i've wanted to get away from people before, but i'd always been in love with love. now i'm kinda disenchanted, which is definately alot better. i enjoy myself and don't need an SO to validate what and who i am. this is comparatively NEW, though it's been happening for quite a while, even when i was saying here that i was ready to try dating again.. i was, to see if i should even bother. and the answer to that is: not really. i so don't want to measure myself by what love i attain, that i don't even want to attain any, if that makes sense. maybe this sorta thing should be rhetorical, but i tend to live my rhetorical questions. this sorta independance is new in the "grand" scheme of things, but the recent trend for me is what i'm saying i guess.. get out those tom decoder rings if you really wanna be sure. just my luck i will get all comfortable this way then someone will knock me over and i'll fall hopelessly in love.. then maybe one of you can knock me over again and say "cut it out!" :) finally, why didn't i start listening to the notwist sooner? well, not finally. as soon as i find my cigarettes and go smoke one i will return to dissect today's conciousness further, regardless of whether or not anyone wants to know. unless i find something better to do along the way. =p Mood now:  cynicalMusic now: The Notwist - I'm A Whale
(2 s | ) | |
| 9:23 pm | yeah, so it's that day. | |
| 10:26 am | and if we must go to work tomorrow, well if i were you i wouldn't bother for there are brighter sides to life and i should know because i've seen them but not often.. --the smiths ..because i am still ill. my ears are like 180 degrees out of phase with each other and it's giving me a horrendous headache on the left side of my head, i'm a factory for every sort of abomination of body fluid there could be, i won't go into detail as to spare you from Too Much Information © . i feel like absolute shit, and my throat is all sorts of infected and hurting. this is not even to mention the "gastrointestinal complications" i am experiencing.. and i have to wait yet another day before going to the doctor.. had an appointment this morning at 9am as i was told yesterday over the phone, but whoever took the call and whoever did the appointments yesterday were not the same person, and they fucked me up by taking it down as tomorrow at 9:30am. wtf! all this and i can't call out sick without completely fucking over the store. i don't feel sick enough to lay in bed all day so i can't justify putting them in that position. fuck being responsible :( oh well, guess i'd better get goin'. pray/wish me luck in survival of fast food management for today. Mood now: sickMusic now: the smiths - still ill
(1 | ) | |
| Tuesday, September 9th, 2003 | ||
| 1:24 am | couldn't sleep. so naturally i installed gtk+ ported to windows. i switched over to gaim which works fine, and also got the gimp to run. neat.
(1 | ) | |
| 12:19 am | ugh fever went up to 100.3, is down to 99.7. i am still going to work tomorrow, yessiree. there are 4 managers and i am one of them. woohoo to that. just have to make it one day then i go to doctor. meanwhile sleep. | |
| Monday, September 8th, 2003 | ||
| 9:10 pm | ick, i have sinus hell and throat pain. fortunately as of today i have health insurance. i will go to the doctor on wednesday. Mood now: sickMusic now: Future Sound Of London - Cascade - Part 1 | |
pissed off