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Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
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3:13 pm
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goddamn cocksucking son of a bitch i have fucking food poisining and i cant sleep for longer than 10 mins without waking up to go vomit, although theres absolutely nothing left for me to vomit so i end up dry heaving and spitting into the toilet for 10 minutes while my body attempts to thrust my entrails into my esophogus. THANK YOU, GUMBYS PIZZA!!!
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| Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
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9:10 am
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no, i've never lacked strength- only confidence. and i've never come across howard roark.
current mood:  dirty
current music: rabbit in the moon- floorida
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1:49 am
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i want to do whatever i want to do, all the time. and as soon as i discover what i want... i'm going to spend the remainder of my life doing just that.
i think my problem is that i love howard roark, only i can't play the role of dominique fracon becuase i'm not strong enough. that's going to make absolutely no sense to almost everyone who reads this.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: outkast- hey ya (yea, that's right. bitches)
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12:27 am
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THATS JUST SICK AND WRONG
current music: outkast- hey ya
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| Sunday, December 5th, 2004
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10:04 pm
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.......woah
current mood:  impressed
current music: franz ferdinand- jacqueline
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1:20 pm
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( pictures from yesterday, mainly )
things to do today:
1. take shower/get dressed
2. clean room
3. start on at least one of the three papers i have due within the next 2 weeks
4. hang out with eli
5. get my nap on
6. call tyson
current mood:  content
current music: charles mingus- charlie brown theme song
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| Saturday, December 4th, 2004
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12:02 pm
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i started playing violin in 4th grade. i had taken piano lessons in the past, so i knew how to read music and such. the teacher thought i was really excelling at the instrument, so she invited me to join this advanced fiddling group. i remember spending all of my free time in the orchestra room with the other music geeks. jackie thering was in the group and i remember we were playing at about the same level and we had this sort of animosity towards each other, but we hid it well. however, i was too shy to really play in front of the other kids so i stopped going and instead played around on the piano in the orchestra room after school. one day i was playing this short song i wrote, and i thought that i was alone in the room, but in actuallity mrs. fenske (the teacher) was out on the stage (there was a door between the orchestra room and the stage, so she could hear everything i was playing.) after i had finished, she ran into the room and asked me if i had written the piece. i said yes, and she said that i should come every day after school to write out the piece on a MIDI notation program becuase it was really incredible. it took me a really long time to write and she had to help a lot becuase the song had really complicated time signature changes. in the end, i submitted it to a national contest and was awarded an honerable mention. i was one of the youngest kids to submit.
i was thinking about this because last year when i was in badger honers orchestra, i talked to jackie thering again. she was playing solo first violin. she's in music school now i think. she's been practicing hours each day since she first picked up the instrument. i never practiced. i haven't picked up my violin since the last concert of senior year. somehow i was a good violinist without practicing. i had a lot of potential.
current music: fantasia on a theme by thomas tallis- london festival orches
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12:52 am
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let me just say that honesty is the best policy, but you need to realize what the truth is and act in accordance with it- don't use people. don't be a shitty person and try to fufill shallow desires, find someone who completely satisfies you and be with them. you have a moral responsibility not to use people. this is what happens when you're an absolutely shitty person, you hurt those around you. not like you care, i'm just saying how youve impacted me.
current mood:  depressed
current music: the shins- new slang
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| Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
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10:51 pm
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i'm very excited about my schedule for next semester.
monday:
animal biology, 12:05-12:55
algebra, 3:30-4:20
tuesday:
psychology of animal behavior- primates, 1:00-2:15
history of s asia to present, lecture, 4:00-5:15
wednesday:
animal biology, 12:05-12:55
history of s asia to present, discussion, 2:25-3:15
algebra, 3:30-4:20
thursday:
psychology of animal behavior- primates, 1:00-2:15
history of s asia to present, lecture, 4:00-5:15
friday:
animal biology, 12:05-12:55
algebra, 3:30-4:20
haha the earliest i'll have to get up is at 11 am. fuckin right.
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| Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
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11:52 pm
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( pictures! )
current mood:  happy
current music: smashing pumpkins- tristessa
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1:06 am
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( Read more... )
current mood: happy
current music: smashing pumpkins- bullet with butterfly wings
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| Monday, November 29th, 2004
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1:04 pm
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why do i have such an odd impact on people?
current mood:  curious
current music: aesop rock- abandon all hope
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12:25 am
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thebassbiznitch: but you're so strong. the whole world could be crumbing, and you'd still keep your eyes open and watch it happen while everyone runs to hide
current mood:  touched
current music: atmosphere- free or dead
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| Saturday, November 27th, 2004
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6:09 pm
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i don't know if this is a prevelant viewpoint concerning one's past, but i've always viewed time (in the past tense) as something fragmented, not fluid. everything occured in phases or steps and can be seperated into chunks. present time is more fluid becuase its hard to classify what you're currently doing into a definitive phrase or statement- for example, one fragment would be the summer of caution: wet floor, but during that time period i wouldn't have probably thought of titling it as that. seperating out my past makes it difficult to visit home becuase i feel like it's almost a relapse, i'm done with that phase and i need to move on with my life. i don't really know what i'm talking about. i'm just filling in the time between now and when tyson calls. i hope my cinnamon rolls are done soon, i can't wait to eat them.
current mood:  bored
current music: infected mushroom- where is s?
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| Friday, November 26th, 2004
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5:54 pm
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this weekend has been pretty good so far. i got home on tuesday night. i went out with lisa, drove around, went to taco bell, then i drove back to the towers to get my computer/clothes, was going to go into oregon to hang out but couldn't.
wednesday i went out with adam and tyson, went downtown to look for eyebrow studs and watched ringu in adam's basement, and hung out at tysons for a little bit.
ate thanksgiving dinner/lunch with my dads side of the family + my stepgrandpa. that evening we took out the partymobile and drove around o-town. bought donuts at kwik trip. then went over to tysons and hung out with her and karleah. first holiday that hasn't been all fucked up due to juggling time between my dads and moms family. i havent even talked to my mom since wednesday, i have no idea what went down at her place.
today i went out and bought a winter coat, then went to beths and saw... beth, alex, katrina, tyson, jeff, karleen, megan, eric, ryan, brian, brians 2 brothers (don't remember their names), kelly, adam, tara, nathaniel, creighton, rachel, molly, and the other molly, ummmmmmmm some other people, i know i forgot a bunch.. sorry to everyone i forgot. played twister in beths basement, got a piggyback ride from adam, saw beths art film, and then i went out to eat with tyson, tara, molly, abbie, and adam. and katy was going to come but somehow we got seperated.
and now i'm chilling at home waiting for kai to get into town, i'm his date to this bonfire party up in lake mills. gonna be fucking awesome. well, tysons going to be here soon and i've gotta go get ready.
current mood: thoughtful
current music: juno reactor- song for ancestors
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| Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
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2:05 am
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i'm home. man, it's weird.
current mood:  cold
current music: atmosphere- always coming back home to you
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| Monday, November 22nd, 2004
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11:37 pm
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when i was in 6th grade i made these 2 dragons out of clay. one of them was green and in a crouching position, the other was purple, sitting down and smiling. they were really really awesome and the teacher liked them so much that she put me into this advanced art program where i got to skip class to sit around and build shit out of clay/learn how to throw pots on the wheel/draw and do photography. i was really excited because at the time, i was absolutely positive that i wanted to be a cartoonist when i 'grew up'. i brought both the dragons home and for the longest time i thought they were the absolute best thing i had ever created. to this day, i have no idea how i made them. honestly, they were really advanced for my age at the time.
i got into an argument with my mom on the phone today. the 10th or so time she called back, i heard something being smashed to bits in the background. she held the phone up to whatever she was smashing while she was smashing it, and yelled into the phone "GUESS WHAT IM SMASHING, GUESS WHAT IM BREAKING TO PIECES" put the phone up to her ear, and said that she was smashing the purple dragon i made her. then she hung up the phone.
i had to go to family therapy and all this crap was occuring in the car on the way to the west side. then, when dad and laurel walked in, i told them what had happened and laurel rolled her eyes and said "your mother wouldn't do that".
then i told her the story of when my mother smashed the snowglobe that i had been given the day i was born. that shut her up really fast. and only said about 2 things throughout the entire session.
the end.
current mood:  sad
current music: the smashing pumpkins- here is no why
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12:41 am
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it's all meaningless. everything is meaningless.
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| Sunday, November 21st, 2004
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2:58 am
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i want to write an update just so that i can remember something about tonight when i wake up tomorow. i would rather have it be indicitive about how im feeling and all that, but i cant even pull myself together enough to be sure of why i'm feeling how i do, and there's no point to remember an event without knowing its motivation.
current mood: depressed
current music: atmosphere- modern mans hustle
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| Saturday, November 20th, 2004
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3:57 am
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i am extremely powerful.
current mood:  drunk
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