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+ suit yourself. [[ 5 posts back.]]
[+] 8572834253048
[+] 437258193249 +[4 deaths .|. suicide underground]+
[+] 674534576358647 +[2 deaths .|. suicide underground]+
[+] Each molecule has it's own execution. +[2 deaths .|. suicide underground]+
[+] 438275384752308
+ suit yourself. [[ 5 posts back.]]
Tuesday;
>>December 02, 200309:13am
I love 
.
I'm off to Detroit here in a moment for Zak's funeral. I guess Karl and I are taking my car, and Ricky and Joe are taking Joe's car or maybe coming with me, I'm not too sure. We're going to stay over at Evan's and come back Wenesday. It's not the happiest of road trips, but I'm glad I can be there for my friends, and show my respects.
Dustin has my Gameboy charger. My Gameboy is dead. This means no Mario OR Tetris on my roadtrip. How unfortunate.
I'm going to be late, but what else is new. 
rushedMonday;
>>December 01, 200307:12pm
YOUR NAME: 
( Picture survey stolen. ) 
bored06:20pm
Today is World AIDs Day. I hear of people sleeping around, and if you choose to do so, you should get tested. There are new ways to get tested, such as going to a clinic and merely swabbing the inside of your mouth, and also mailing in a spot of your blood, and it's all confidential. I know getting tested is scary, but my doctor told me it was a good thing to do it sooner than later. Most people don't get real symptoms until years after being infected. Also, when it's found very early on, it makes things a lot easier. It's also good to remember that results may not show up until 6 months after being infected. I've gotten tested, and it was very stressful, but I tested negative. Just remember to always wear a condom, because it lessens your chances for HIV/AIDS, and also pregnancy if you're female, and other STDs. Sorry for the lecture, but I figure in this day in age where people are losing their virginity sooner in life, and I know so many people having unprotected sex, and STDs are more severe, it's good to mention it.
---------------------------------
So, I feel like early on in my life, as in from birth to about fourth grade I was at an amusement park, and then from about fifth grade to sophmore year I was on the ride home, and then at the begining of junior year there was a car accident in the middle of nowhere, and from then until now I've been walking looking for help.
Last night I Went out to eat with my parents and realized how incapable we all are of talking. They started bugging me about money, a job, and school [my future]. I said, "Could we please just go out to dinner once without you guys bugging me about the same old stuff and talk about something else?" They agreed. I told my mom that each Christmas has gradually gotten crappier. I guess that was a mistake, but it's really how I feel. I told them that I don't like having to put the tree up all by myself while they go to the bar, or them decorating the tree without me, or going on a cruise on Christmas, and how I never get what I ask for, just expensive crap I don't want. So naturally, my mom cried. My mistake though... I tried to let them know that Christmas is still important to me, and that I know they're getting old and don't care anymore, but I do, and it came out all wrong. At any rate, they took it as me bitching because I want all this stuff for Christmas and they don't have the money for it, which wasn't true, but my dad likes to throw things back on me so it's never in his court. After that we sat in pretty much silence and the only things my dad said were, "You need to be more pleasent." Or made smart ass comments about me and money and me and my attitude/mood. Thus proving that my dad has nothing ever to say to me besides insults. At any rate, it got me thinking about how socially inept I am. I mean, I can't even talk to my parents about anything. That doesn't seem right to me. I also have no idea what to do with my life. I finished my CVS application and am about to go turn it in, but the fact of holding some lame job at a general store makes me sick, but I guess I'll just have to deal with it. I'm sick of always wanting to stay at home in my apartment alone, and having to suck it up and talk to people when the time comes, and having no motivation to do anything, and the things I do have motivation for being impossible. I just want to be somewhat what normal is, go out with friends, hold a job, stay in school... get my projects done, be able to converse with people, not feel sick all the time... it all seems so simple, yet I can't manage even that. I can't even stay in school and I can't even hold a job, what good am I? I can't even finish a painting, or finish half the shit I've started. I can't even go to bed on time, or stay in constant contact with all my friends. I wonder what the hell is wrong with me, I really do. I feel so alone because I make myself feel that way, everything that sucks in my life is my fault and I don't know how it got there and I don't know how to make it go away. I push everything away and then wonder where it went. I wish I would stop this. It's going to ruin everything.
I have a bump on the inside of the back of my neck that hurts pretty bad. It seems like it could be a knot in the muscle, but when I press on it, it hurts, doesn't feel better. It's kinda worrying me.
Last Saturday I went to Bernies because after going to see Kelsey's new place it was pretty late and I had not a thing to do. So I went there, but I'm glad I did because Sam was there and I hadn't seen her in a long time. She bought be a drink despite how I said I'd feel like an ass. At any rate, even though he didn't even charge Sam for the drinks, I meant to tip him, but I felt like such an ass that I just wanted to get the hell out of there. It sucks not being able to hang out with people sometimes because they're going to a bar or going out drinking, but at the same time I just don't care.
Tomorrow morning I'm leaving for Detroit and I believe we're coming back Wednesday. The service is tomorrow night. Hopefully I can get perhaps Dustin to feed the kitties and make sure they're okay.
I guess that's it. 
apatheticSaturday;
>>November 29, 200310:26pm
Today I cleaned my kitchen after beheading my chef. I went to the store and purchased a pack of Pall Mall Lights and two packages of gummy bears, as they are two for a dollar. I really should cease to indulge in gummy bears. All those colors can't be good for me. I came home to open my cigarettes and find a card inside, explaining that Pall Malls burn slower. As if I didn't fucking notice. After that I played patty-cake with a gnome. He left, so I watched porn. Suddenly the VHS pornography tape exploded. I called my maid to clean it up, and then I had my way with her. I blacked out for what I believe was approximately thirty-seven minutes only to find myself in a dark alley with a bloody nose and no pants. I saw a cardboard box to my left, and used it to cover my cotton cartoon underwear. I was afraid the street people may laugh. My hearing was overwhelmed by the presence of Blue Oyster Cult Don't Fear The Reaper. I felt happy. I walked home and came inside only to find four hundred and sixty two dead bodies in my living room. I screamed, and then realized I was in the wrong house. I finally returned to my real home. An orgy of bi-sexual Chip-n-Dales was already in progress and awaiting me. Needless to say, I was thrilled. However, I was tired, so I attempted to sleep, despite the now annoying moans of hot muscular men. I went to bed and dreamed that I was in a castle located in Paris with a husband named Forkson and a little tiny dog named Shitface and we all got into a food fight at dinner. The end. 
satisfiedFriday;
>>November 28, 200307:54pm
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Remember to let her into your heart,
then you can start to make it better.
Friday nights are absolute rubbish. 
disappointed