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who can believe you? [28 Aug 2002|06:10pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | System of A Down-Sugar ] I just threw a book at my step-father. Twice. It felt so great. 4 comments|post comment

[27 Aug 2002|08:12pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | Staind-For You ] Took Becca to school this morning for the first time. She was a little late because we went to Donna's Donut's and Richdales first so I could get coffee and cigarettes. Haha. I'm so tired from work. Then Sarah and I went to the gym, and then we went to the mall and now I'm home, and really sore, and ready for a cup of tea and bed...maybe a cigarette too. Oh yeah, I saw Shawn at Donna's this morning. Well, I wouldn't have seen him if Becca hadn't pointed him out to me. I was going to pretend like I hadn't even seen him, but at that point it was obvious he was heading towards my car so there was no escape. So, I put on a happy face and pretended I was happy to see him. Ha. post comment

in the end it all goes away [24 Aug 2002|07:43pm] [ mood | hyper ] [ music | System of A Down-Sugar ] Ricky is in Maine. Bethie is sick. Blair is MIA. Sarah and Lyndsay are trying to fix Sarah's car. Josh is in Haverhill. Chris and Graham are in Newburyport. I'm bored. ...what a fucking day... post comment

takes so much away from inside you [24 Aug 2002|05:28pm] [ mood | pleased ] [ music | Kittie-Brackish ] I took Becky (my younger step-sister) school shopping today. It was great making her suffer through Slipknot, Poison the Well, Tree, Soulfly, Coal Chamber and all the other various "hardcore" CD's I found in my car. Surprisngly, she enjoyed Kittie, System of A Down, and Rancid. We went to Bob's and I got new ADIDAS wind pants, a new Tool t-shirt, and new sneakers. They're nifty black Sketcher's that I found in the guy's section. I missed my car so much. I missed driving around really fast and listening to angry music really loud. post comment

blah.... [19 Aug 2002|11:28pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Hoobastank-Running Away ] I have so much stuff to do tomorrow! I have to return library books, go visit someone, buy cigarettes, get a haircut, and work at 5:00, after I get out of work I have to go somewhere with Ricky. And I'm exhausted right now so I'm probably going to sleep through my alarm. Oh well, I had an awesome night and I don't mind having to rush around tomorrow so I could party today! post comment

[19 Aug 2002|12:32am] [ mood | satisfied ] [ music | Concrete Blonde-Joey ] Sarah, Lyndsay, and I drove around all night trying to find something to do. Unfortunately, there was nothing so that's why I'm home this early. I have to get up at 9:00 tomorrow. Dammit. And I need to go to Shawn's. FUCK. Tomorrow's going to suck...maybe not tomorrow night though! post comment

I love pizza! [18 Aug 2002|01:18am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | my brother watching TV ] So I went out to dinner with Ricky, Sarah, Lyndsay, Andrew, Blair, and Josh, sort of as welcome home celebration. We went to Glenn's and the food was orgasmically good. Then we went to Lyndsay's and chilled and there weren't enough chairs so I sat on Ricky's lap. He's the greatest, and I love how there's no sexual element to our relationship at all, as horrible as that sounds. We're just really good, goofy friends. post comment

doritos!!! [16 Aug 2002|01:11am] [ mood | high ] [ music | Ozzy Osbourne-Mama I'm Coming Home ] Camel Turkish Royal's are good up until about the 10th one. Then they get kind of gross and make me not want to smoke anymore, which is actually probably a good thing. I hung out with Ricky and Andrew tonight! Ummm...I'm really incredibly blazed right now. Haha. post comment

you treat me like a rag doll [10 Aug 2002|08:33pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | Janes Addiction-Jane Says ] I just want somebody to talk to...preferably a female who hates everyone as much as I do right now. I spent the last 20 minutes throwing every breakable object in my room against the wall, listening to the satisfying sound of breaking glass. Breaking things is really the only way to make yourself feel better when you're angry. Maybe I should start taking kickboxing again. post comment

[10 Aug 2002|03:05am] What's Your Sexual MO? Find out @ She's Crafty post comment

to make amends... [09 Aug 2002|01:29am] Name 7 people you could be friends with forever (in no particular order): [1] Andrew [2] Sarah [3] Blair [4] Graham [5] Lyndsay [6] Ricky [7] Bethie But Chris Johnson will always have an extra special place in my heart. *KISS* I'll love you forever, I promise!!! post comment

this made me laugh [08 Aug 2002|01:08pm] What's *Your* Sex Sign? post comment

[03 Aug 2002|06:08pm] [ mood | upset ] [ music | Led Zeppelin-All of My Love ] For the first time today in a long time, I sat down and cried. Hysterically sobbed until my head was pounding and my eyes hurt. Today's my mom's birthday, and I miss my house so much and almost everyone in it. All I want right now is to be own my couch watching Lifetime with my mom playing my my hair. As stupid and corny and pathetic as it sounds I really really miss my mom. I miss my friends incredibly as well, and I can't wait to get back. This whole Graham thing is stressing me out pretty badly too, and then I stumbled on a bunch of pictures and notes from Shawn and that just made me feel worse. I really honestly and truly love him with all my heart and I want to be with him more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life. I know I have to face the fact that we just cannot work things out right now, but it's practically killing me. He's so bad for me and we're two completely opposite people, but I need him. He understands me better than anyone I've ever met. Oh jesus, here come the tears again... post comment

waiting to go to a paaarty tonight [02 Aug 2002|03:39pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Soulfly-One ] Name 10 bands you listen to (in no particular order): [1] system of a down [2] the doors [3] pink floyd [4] nirvana [5] phish [6] grateful dead [7] janis joplin [8] incubus [9] tool [10] black sabbath Name 9 things you hate: [1] menstruation [2] not being able to eat salsa because im too weak to open the jar [3] being bored [4] how everyone speaks veerrryyy slooowwwlllyyy here because im American which they think means i can't understand French very well [5] not having a car. i miss my baby! [6] not seeing Graham. i miss my baby! [7] Chris and Alvin. [8] Courtney Love. [9] peas Name 8 things you love or couldn't do without [in no particular order]: [1] music [2] my journal [3] boys (certain ones) [4] my girlys...:) [5] Boston Market macaroni and cheese [6] my car [7] caffeine [8] sex Name 7 people you could be friends with forever (in no particular order): [1] Andrew [2] Sarah [3] Blair [4] Graham [5] Lyndsay [6] Ricky [7] Bethie Name 6 movies you love: [1] American History X [2] Detroit Rock City [3] SLC Punk [4] Almost Famous [5] Half Baked [6] Dazed and Confused Name the last 5 places you've visited [50 miles or more from your house]: [1] France... [2] Greece [3] England [4] Quebec [5] Vermont Name the last 4 things you've bought or spent money on: [1] cigarettes [2] breakfast [3] coffee [4] a magazine Name last 3 thoughts: [1] i love this song [2] graham is so mad at me... [3] i cant wait to go party tonight Last 2 things you've eaten: [1] hickory smoked barbecue chips [2] juicy-juice Last person you've talked to online: i cant even remember post comment

i only listen to this when im mad [01 Aug 2002|06:29pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | Slipknot-Wait and Bleed ] O how I hate Graham for going to see Converge without me! I want to go home so badly! I love being here, but I miss everyone so much! I miss my mom and my dogs and my other brothers and Shawn and Bethie and both Sarahs and Blair and Lyndsay and Linze and Jackie and Mary and Liz and Chris and Charlie and Mingus and Whizza and Megan and Megan and Nate and Heidi and Nonny and Lorenzo and Devon and Plourde and Miranda and I miss Graham a bunch too... post comment

[28 Jul 2002|12:05am] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Poison the Well-Grain of Salt ] I am so incredibly happy and perky, I feel like I should join the cheerleading squad or something... Oh yeah, I forgot!!! HAHAHAHAHA I don't go to school anymore. Ahhh it feels so great to say that. So anyway, I am in an extremely good mood. I've been getting tons of letters from Graham and I can't wait to go home and see him. I love being here too though, and I'm definately going to miss it. post comment

[22 Jul 2002|11:23pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Phish-Waste ] Imagine a guy you've like for 7 years writing you a letter out of nowhere while you're in another country expressing his interest you. I've liked Graham since 5th grade and I never thought I had a chance. It's not even like he's one of those seemingly "untouchable", beautiful and popular people. Don't get me wrong, Graham is a great person and he is well-liked. He just isn't your stereotypical heart-throb is all. He's a tall, kinda slim punk with blue spiky hair and nipple rings. He's known I've always liked him, and every once in awhile we'd run into each other (we went to different schools) and he'd flirt shamelessly with me and maybe there was a kiss or two, but never anything serious. So since 5th grade I've been obsessing over this guy. I hadn't seen him in awhile, in fact the last I had heard he and his girlfriend Danielle were going on two years. But then all of a sudden I get a letter in the mail from him, telling me how he's always had feelings for me but it just never seemed to work out. Either we were both taken, or one of us was single and one of us was in a relationship. Apparently Danielle broke up with him awhile ago, and he ran into Bethie who told him I was single. I can't wait to go home... 2 comments|post comment

Baby, deep down in your heart you know that this ain't right [11 Jul 2002|12:32am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Janis Joplin-Piece Of My Heart ] I got my period. Good. I miss Shawn so much. I guess I've had an angry entry about this, now it's time for a sad one. I hate that he's with another girl. I cannot stand the thought of them having sex. I don't know why, but for some reason it just makes me sick to my stomach. I want to go home just so I can see him, which is so ridiculous because he has a girlfriend AND he treats like shit still! I just cannot seem to get over him. The last time I felt like this about someone it ended horribly and even though we talk every now and then things are just different and awkward. I will not let that happen to Shawn and I. Even if we don't get back together, I care about him way too much to just stop being friends entirely. 3 comments|post comment

Stuff That Reminds Me of Shawn [29 Jun 2002|03:43pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Alien Ant Farm-Movies ] Alien Ant Farm, Zippy's, Slush Puppies, cigars, Watermelon body oil, tire swings, Hoobastank, my Billabong t-shirt, Incubus, High Times, iced coffee, Fowle's, Tommy James and the Shondells, 103.3, science class, baby chicks, Elio's pizza, Nelly, cough drops, Smintz, Officer Foley, pink sunglasses, my anklet, and cherry popsicles. post comment

[18 Jun 2002|09:47am] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Veruca Salt-Volcano Girls ] So tomorrow we're leaving for Europe. I'm really glad too, because I'm sick of this whole Shawn/Jordan drama, which I'm not going to even talk about. Following Sheilah's example, I bolded the ones that were true and italicized the ones that were wrong. The other ones I didn't really know about so I just left them alone. FEBRUARY Abstract thoughts Loves reality and abstract Intelligent and clever Changing personality Temperamental Quiet, shy and humble Low self esteem Honest and loyal Determined to reach goals Loves freedom Rebellious when restricted Loves aggressiveness Too sensitive and easily hurt Showing anger easily Dislike unnecessary things Loves making friends but rarely shows it Daring and stubborn Ambitious Realizing dreams and hopes Sharp Loves entertainment and leisure Romantic on the inside not outside Superstitious and ludicrous Spendthrift Learns to show emotions 1 comment|post comment

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