| It's kind of sad when you wake up and think to yourself |
[Dec. 29th, 2003|08:10 am] |
| [ | emo |
| |  confused | ] | "When was the last day I spent completely sober?"
I want to say Tuesday... but I'm not quite sure.... |
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| Alone again |
[Dec. 29th, 2003|03:22 am] |
| [ | emo |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | rock |
| | Ludacris | ] | I had a good night. Eric and I went to the wab and I got fairly intoxicated. I didn't have to drive and Kenny met us there. after a few pointless hours of normal man chat about how much women suck/are great and cars we chilled back here for a little "old times" I guess you could say.
After they left I found myself watching the Sex and The City episode that made me cry. Yeah I'm a big puss but oh well. I guess I just wanted to know what it felt like to be in love again.
I'm sad, I'm lonely, I don't know what to do anymore.... |
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| I can't believe I'm about to actually go through with this |
[Dec. 28th, 2003|06:32 am] |
So the moving back to Los Angeles fantasy is becoming even more and more of a reality. I will officially be unemployed in a half hour. it's sad to say goodbye to all the wunderful people I work with. They've always been so nice and treated me like I fit in when if you take one look at me I sure as hell don't. There are some I'm especially going to miss. I'm glad to see Jean is working though her mother just passed and i know she won't be in good spirits. She's always been there for me to talk about everything from work to relationships.
It's funny how some of the nurses and I became close on a personal level, most of them are old enough to by my mother, heck, some could even be grandmothers. I remember how hard it was telling them how I had broken up with Laura because many of them had met her when I took her in when I dropped off the Christmas cake last year.
Goodbye Sinai Grace Hospital. If it wasn't for this place I'd still be a clueless boy with no idea on what to do in life. I hope I make everyone proud here and get my nursing degree. The only think I won't miss is the crappy hours and the copy machine. That thing can burn in hell!
Go get drunk with me tonight. speaking of drinking, i'm going to get drunk at Champps this week with my boss, that will be fun. |
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| Last night at work |
[Dec. 28th, 2003|01:17 am] |
| [ | emo |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | rock |
| | Andrew W.K.... The Wolf | ] | It doesn't quite feel like my last night here. Just like any other night. slow as usual and I'm getting paid to type and click away. The night time NICU nurses gave me a box full of those brandy filled chocolates and 62 dollars. They really didn't need to give me money, especially so much. I will put it to something useful (I always say this) and hopefully not the bar.
Today was alright. I waited around (aka laying on the couch, killing brain cells) for Maegan to get home. I watched the episode of Sex and The City that I didn't see during the summmer season. I might re-cap and watch all of them before Sunday the 4th which is the 1nd half of the season premiere. 8 more episodes and I don't know what to do without my ladies? Then i watched this funny old documentary on crack cause crack humor is funny. Maegan came home but we didn't talk much because I was half awake. She did bring me a little present though. It's small and glass and it's got that woo woo. I was bummed when I woke up from my nap to find her missing.
Linda came to my rescue and we went to La Shish. It was a good dinner and I ate alot. Don't get the mediterranean chicken wings though. Too much sauce. Then linda and I sat around killing more brain cells before I went to work and she went to a party. Oh yeah I'm a dealer now.
Tomorrow I'll be unemployed. I ned to start packing. Eric is going to come over to "chill" and then we're hitting up the WAB for cheap drinks. If you're over 21, feel free to join us and watch me drink until I can't walk down the stairs. |
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| I'm so glad it's almost over |
[Dec. 27th, 2003|11:54 pm] |
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before? promiscuity
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I did lose some weight, but it wasn't resolution related
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Josh had his baby on New Years Eve.. if that counts
4. Did anyone close to you die? Grandpa
5. What countries did you visit? Canada.. thats it
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? Education, happiness, stability, sexual partners
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? October 24th though Nov. 5th... that last dates I was truly happy
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Making the choice to move and go back to school
9. What was your biggest failure? being a shitty boyfriend and losing the love of my life
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? a not so bad cold and a broken heart
11. What was the best thing you bought? 2 pairs of paul frank shoes
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Tina and Josh getting engaged, Brooke graduating
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I'm not naming names, you know who you are, and yeah my behavior too
14. Where did most of your money go? dining out, tattoos, vacations, car payment, gasoline
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? san Francisco/Los Angeles/Krazy Fest
16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2003?
The Postal Service: The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
The Blood Brothers: Ambulance vs. Ambulance
Outkast: Hey Ya
R. Kelly: Ignition
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? really depressed, not quite suicidal though
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner, but not thin
iii. richer or poorer? i make more, so i spend more, broke as usual
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? saying "I love you"
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? drinking, smoking
20. How will you be spending Christmas? wiht my family, then my ex family, then my inoxicating family
21. Compared to this time last year, has your biggest crush receeded or gotten stronger? I didn't have a crush last year, and this year has no point
22. Did you fall in love in 2003? more like fell out of it
23. Any one-night stands? ummm
24. What was your favorite TV program? Sex And The City
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? i dunno
26. What was the best book you read? I didn't read any books
27. What was your greatest musical discoveries? Fall Out Boy, Soviet
28. What did you want and get? San Francisco, Sushi
What happened to 29? I wasn't really counting
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Lost In Translation
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23, I had a small party at my parents then a big party at the loop, then slept, then had chicken and waffles party
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? the protege
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? fashioncore, too much paul frank, faux hawk
34. What kept you sane? Mary Jane
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Anna from the O.C.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? eh, lets not get political
37. Who did you miss? I won't say the name.. but i will miss everyone
38. Who was the best new person you met? Maegan, Courtney, Sue
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003: Stop taking things for granted, you can and will in fact lose them
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "You can't always get what you want..." The Rolling Stones |
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| All I wanted for Christmas... |
[Dec. 27th, 2003|05:02 am] |
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( was you ) |
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| I drank some fighting cock |
[Dec. 27th, 2003|02:36 am] |
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and now I hate you all and am glad I'm leaving |
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| I would like to thank all my so called friends |
[Dec. 26th, 2003|10:21 pm] |
| [ | emo |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | rock |
| | Eighteen Visions | ] | With the exception of those who are sick or out of town, I'd like to thank everyone for asking me to hang out and spend time tonight. With all the invites I have no idea what to do.
Actually seriously you all suck. 2 weeks left and this is what I get. A Friday night home alone again. So don't come crawling to me one day when suddenly you are free to hang out. Your effort has been noted.
Good day!
p.s. if this seems bitchy to you perhaps you should call me, i wont be so bitchy |
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| Announcements |
[Dec. 26th, 2003|02:46 pm] |
As you should all know by now I'm moving to Los Angeles in about 2 weeks. Here are the 2 going away parties I'm basically planning for myself.
Thursday Jan. 8th at the beloved Magic Stick. I know the place is the epitome of lame on a Thursday night but I spent one too many a Thursday nights there. I'll know a lot of people there and I enjoy dancing so whats one last time for old time's sake.
Friday Jan. 9th at the Loop. Since my birthday was a success there I thought it could work for my going away party. You know how to get there you know what to do.
I don't want to hear lame excuses of why you can't come. You have 2 weeks prior knowledge and it will be the last time you will see me/have a chance to take advantage of me/makeout with me for months or maybe even forever. So if you are unable to attend I will take this into consideration when it comes to California visitation. Don't mess this up. Greyhound don't float on water. |
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| Happy Festivus |
[Dec. 25th, 2003|10:17 pm] |
| [ | emo |
| |  gloomy | ] | Yeah so Christmas was okay...
I got out of work a little early and discovered a pleasant little white Christmas had been given to me on my last official one in Michigan (yall know I'm back around the holidays)
So being that there were no cars/cops on the road I did a little Christmas drifting in the Protege. Nothing high speed but I love pulling the e-brake in the snow.
Got to Mom's and did a half assed job wrapping gifts as usual. I really suck at it. The only reason I really need a woman in my life is to help me with my giftwrap skills. After I was finished the house was basically awake.
The children were amazed at the site of the tree. They were overwhelmed. They were spoiled but not like my mother was. She got a new Omega watch with a diamond bezel. It was pretty classsy. As for me I'm not the proud owner of a Nikon digital camera and a bunch of clothes that aren't really my style.
I then slept for 6 hours and was awoken by Laura. I told her I'd come over in a few hours even if it was against my family's wishes. Ate some food, went to see Moira, has a Pisco sour. My mother continued to give me a hard time about moving while Barb on the other hand was being very supportive. I talked to some relatives on the phone then headed out.
So even though Laura and I still hater each other we put the differences aside for a few hours. She gave me a nicely wrapped gift that was obnoxiously thoughtful. I would have settled for just the mints. Seeing her mother has become quite the delight
I was invited to Tina and Josh's but I just didn't feel to comfortable spending more than an hour with Laura, so I choose home instead. Lemmie and Coco had no food and it's time for me to drink and smoke myself stupid and hopefully I can pretend that this year never happened.
A little over 2 weeks remain here in Michigan. 2 more shifts left at work. All I really want this holiday is to see everyone I can as much as I can before it is time to leave.
Time for my bottle of wine... and of course..THE FEATS OF STREGNTH |
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| Christmas eve... |
[Dec. 24th, 2003|09:07 pm] |
| [ | emo |
| | shitty | ] |
| [ | rock |
| | The Postal Service...Give Up | ] | yay 12 hours of work instead of getting to spend time with my family. I did get to see them briefly today and Barb is in town to visit. I'm still feeling a tad sick but not on my death bed. just achy and sore and unhealthy. i did managed to get some temporary herbal relief which suprisingly works.
i finished my christmas shopping. nick and emily got tub toys. bought ger a book on french cooking my my mom the re-masterd Tommy by The Who. I hope they like. i gave maegan her present. I went a little overboard yeah, but i knew she needed a DVD player. shes put up with my shit for 7 months now so i thought I would so my appreciation before i go. and thank you maegs. i can never own too many pairs of pj pants.
laura suddenly went from skeptic of the future of our friendship to determined to get me my christmas present overnight. i dont know what brought on that change of heart. i did send her a marathon of an email last night just basically justifying why i've been an asshole/distant person the past few weeks. i still don't know if i'm quite ready to be best friends again. i'm tired of feeling hurt.
tomorrows plans include leaving my parents as soon as possible and then going back home to spend xmas with drugs, alcohol, and the cats. i was invited to a party in dearborn but i'm just not in the mood. you know where to find me if you want to join me. misery loves company |
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| Oh what the fuck |
[Dec. 24th, 2003|01:38 am] |
Laura and I are now on arguing terms.
It's the closest thing to speaking terms we'll have for a while. |
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| Influenza |
[Dec. 23rd, 2003|08:51 pm] |
| [ | emo |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | rock |
| | Finch...What It Is To Burn | ] | So I'm pretty sure I have the flu, but I'm also a tough cookie so I'm at work, though not happy about it. I just need to hang in there another 10 hours and I'll be fine...... not to mention another 12 tomorrow. I need more juice.
I also need to finish my Christmas shopping tomorrow. I did buy one gift today. spent a little more than I thought I was going to but it's what I get for waiting until the last minute and what the hell, they deserve it.
Dec. 23rd always makes me smirk. Okay, smirking is done... back to these miserable holidays |
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| Oh I don't like this one bit |
[Dec. 23rd, 2003|06:36 am] |
| [ | emo |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | rock |
| | more easy listening | ] | What I want to do today:
McDonald's Breakfast/Christmas shopping with Courtney
What I don't want to do today:
Get sick
the more I ache, the more I fear I will end up bedridden. |
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| Lets put some icing on this cake |
[Dec. 23rd, 2003|12:40 am] |
| [ | emo |
| |  like shit | ] |
| [ | rock |
| | Soviet | ] | If this seasonal depression isn't enough, I suddenly am starting to feel a little under the weather. I'm hoping it's just fatigue. I didn't accomplish anything today. So I have about 3 hours to do my christmas shopping tomorrow. I still have no clue what to get my parents. I apologize ahead of time to some close friends with current holidays or birthdays that you may be getting presents after Christmas. Sorry.
I think I made my New Years Eve plans. They might sound a little odd but it's for a friend. I'll be hanging out at Chili's at least until midnight. Who knows what after that. Might be lame, might be fun. Couldn't be any worse than last year. No sleep, obnoxiously drunk girlfriend, bands playing through midnight in the garden bowl. Ringing it in like that was for sure a sign that this year was going to be what seems like the worst of my life.
Oh well, time for new beginings is just around the corner..... |
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| Shitty Christmas |
[Dec. 22nd, 2003|02:09 pm] |
| [ | emo |
| | depressed | ] | So there is 3 days left until Christmas and I haven't done any of my shopping. The only person who I bought a gift for never even had the kindness or heart to say thank you or even speak me me. So I guess you're welcome. My mom won't tell me what she wants, all she tells me is how much I'm going to screw up by moving to California. Such a supportive family. I have to work 3 nights in a row before Christmas. No late night anticipation, no staying up wrapping gifts, no listening to cheesy Christmas music, no watching Merry Christmas Charlie Brown for me.
All the years if the past holidays were full of memories and this year I'm hoping it will be full enough with smoke and alcohol so I can just forget everything.
And as much as I hate to say this.... I miss you. |
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| What to do? |
[Dec. 21st, 2003|06:00 pm] |
| [ | emo |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | rock |
| | 50 Cent is stuck in my head | ] | The hangover is more or less gone now since all I've done besides eat today is lay around and clean puke off bathroom floors/walls. I really need some sort of device to tell me when to stop drinking. there is talk of going to see The Suicide Machines at Alvins tonight for the hell of it. 10 bucks, small venue, can't go wrong. Maegan also wants to see Return Of The King again, but I don't think I can handle another 3 and a half hours only 4 days later. Maybe in a few weeks.
So thanks to everyone who came out last night. The turnout was really good. No drama at all (though there was potential). I have actually never thrown a party before so I give myself a pat on the back for pulling it off.
Don't drink Fighting Cock. Shit I've got a lot more left to drink. I anyone wants to come over a kill a few beers and a bottle of wine just holla. |
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| Oh hell no |
[Dec. 21st, 2003|10:21 am] |
| [ | emo |
| | hungover | ] | I'm hungover and then some.
The place is trashed.
I guess you could say the party was a success.
Back to bed.
It hurts so bad. |
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