Daedalus Lives

Daedalus Lives

Billy.

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	[Oct. 28th, 2004\|11:03 am]
Last night I was entertained by a phone book. At 12:01 AM freshmen registration began with an apparent fury of logins and phone calls leaving half of my friends drinking shitty beer in the room next door, frustrated, while I shouted out Wilde poetry to remain mildly interested in the English language. My interest remained, but by 1 AM I needed a new form of entertainment and the Philadelphia Yellow Pages would have to suffice. An hour of my life was spent circling phallic names and writing stories about places I've been on their respective entries, an exercise that left me rather detached from human emotion. This detachment probably did nothing to help any of the alleged conversations I was having, for most of them would file better under the category of exchanges. -How was your night? -Good. Yours? -Alright. The Red Sox Won. -How are you? -Tired. Yourself? -I feel almost... -Oh. Earlier in the night I did talk to some friends from where I live in the summer, said with a reluctance to call home, and became rather appreciative of them. Comparison here would have you believe that my friendships are steadier than the strongest rock, and that is just how I like it. A bunch of, or more specifically the, fellas do not need to complicate their lives with idle gossip, school-yard drama, or a refusal to move on in the world. I could easily claim that this is why I'm going to be going back to Collegeville on Friday evening, but the truth is Jason is the only one in town and I am not even sure to see him. Or, I could say that I am back searching for something I lost, however I've found enough that this seems entirely unnecessary and I would prefer for that which I've lost to find me. The truth is, I need socks and sweaters. It is gradually cooling off, the air feels dryer (dire?) and crisper every day, and I have but a bureau full of t-shirts. My trip also gives me the opportunity to see Danny and David, and I cannot go without that occasionally. I may not even want to go out when I'm home, but you can try anyway. From Friday evening through Saturday night I will be around. My cellphone is always on, contacting me shouldn't be a problem.
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	[Oct. 25th, 2004\|11:17 pm]
I'm falling, I have no doubt of that, but I will not tell anyone which way. The rally today was amazing, everyone needs to get out and vote John Kerry into office on the second. I had a great time the whole day. The morning was so fast and busy, and the afternoon was so calm and pure.
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	[Oct. 22nd, 2004\|11:47 am]
I want you to anonymously post anything that you want. Anything. Ask me a question and I'll answer it. Post a story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. If you hate me - go ahead and say it, if you love me - go ahead and say it. Nothing will be held against you because I won't know who is saying it. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice, or however many times you'd like, and then put this in your LJ to see what your friends have to say.
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This is that entry where I actually say something, read it please.

[Oct. 21st, 2004|12:08 pm]

[

music

The Cure- Pictures of You

]

If renouncing worldliness and being alone is simplicity; and simplicity is beauty, then I am beautiful. And that's all I ever wanted, right? I've spent the last many weeks fighting two theories; the emotion theory and the joyce theory. In order to make this clearer to myself and about two others (though, one told me she never reads this anymore, and I'm not sure if the other ever really does), I'll go a little deeper into each.

I: That I Put Too Much Of Myself Into Everything I Do
This issue creates a double edged sword for me, that upon recognization usally causes me to run entirely from social affairs. That is, when I enter into a relationship of any sort I either am completely withdrawn or completely emotionally naked. Though I am entirely able to look at a situation logically from multiple angles, I really cannot translate that to emotion. When I am emotionally withdrawn I am not a likable person, and this is only expected. If I don't show any interest in a person, it's unreasonable to expect any emotion to be given towards me. Conversely, when I put all of myself into a situation I am weak, reliant, and prone to be hurt. I haven't entirely figured out a way to change this, yet, I'll continue to think about it.

II: That James Joyce Was Correct
Love (understood as the desire of good for another) is in fact so unnatural a phenomenon that it can scarcely repeat itself, the soul being unable to become virgin again and not having energy enough to cast itself out again into the ocean of another's soul.
James Joyce
I still miss imagining the snow as white because I looked through her eyes. There is a certain beauty I found in the sadness that I've fought over the last 5 months. Artistically, I've been at my best because of emotions that I just cannot shake. IWALRS. Maybe they'll fucking understand that, because it'd hurt too much to type it out. Her best friend might read this, maybe she'll tell her, and then I'll just deny it, because that's what I do.

That all being said, I am very happy here. The city is beautiful, even when it is so cold and I love literature more than anything right now. If the drive I have towards it now maintains, the library of Alexandria better not put a restriction on books out at once.

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	[Oct. 18th, 2004\|11:51 pm]
You win, call me and tell me the number 49
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	[Oct. 17th, 2004\|10:57 pm]
Woops, don't tell them I said that.
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	[Oct. 12th, 2004\|11:39 am]
-Nora look, see that star up there? -Yes! -That was my past. Do you know where we go from here? Silence.
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	[Oct. 6th, 2004\|10:00 am]
He usally couldn't get any respect, but this entry is made out of respect to Rodney Dangerfield. May he be the one laughing in the next life.
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	[Sep. 30th, 2004\|11:37 am]
The Philadelphia Weekly, in an act of scathing satire and political support, has entitled this weeks issue "Vote Kerry: Or Burn in Hell". Reactions to this headline appear to be either one of two extremes. While some become incensed at what seems to be an effort to further polarize political boundaries and demonize Republicans and their current leader, the true aim of this headline is to humorously explain why the paper supports John Kerry. Simply put, Kerry would never imply such a sentiment, nor seek to polarize an issue into good vs. evil. "[Kerry] sees things in shades of gray," explains the paper in their formal endorsment of the senator. Few will follow the paper's desired path and evaluate why they became so angry at the headline; analyzing which canidate acts in the way that has upset them. None the less, it is refreshing to see liberal media lean away from meager complaining in favor of effective satire, sometimes.
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	[Sep. 28th, 2004\|03:10 pm]
There seems to be a possibilty that I will be in Dublin on June 16th 2005. If you don't know what that date means, it'll be hard to explain the signifcance to you.
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	[Sep. 25th, 2004\|12:58 pm]
The artist is dead.
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	[Sep. 12th, 2004\|08:53 pm]
Interpol will be the best band to come through Philadelphia in many years, and I have tickets.
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On college	[Sep. 7th, 2004\|12:12 am]
I. She looks at me with those "fuck me" eyes. (Bad english could destroy the world) Her words leave me to decipher how much one can change in three days. Three days of girls with similar names and pouty brown eyes. in someone's drama I have met an actor for every role. II. The man I call wisdom did not become jealous at long looks lacking longing bestowed with the realization that the color red makes lips sweet and that understanding is an elaborate myth for sexual attraction. The man I call wisdom sits still in a library's annex asking men of experience what passion is, and why it is felt by the young and understood by the old. I hate wisdom. III. Voices are restless tonight, rising in crescendo to greet the coming of forgotten time. I will be Gatsby, but I cannot be great; and I will walk with privilege through crowds of poets spouting religion by red light bulbs; beacons of coming horizons. Sex, art, and churches. Narrow roads twist with ambivilance; succor to bodies under stadiums and passed lives. No understanding will be made until you learn the perils of being great. IV. She was given the wrong number, and the numbness of each individual digit was a beacon of how things have changed.
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	[Aug. 30th, 2004\|12:28 pm]
I'm happier than you.
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	[Aug. 29th, 2004\|12:04 pm]
Looks at me with those "fuck me" eyes. Bad english could change the whole world around.
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	[Aug. 25th, 2004\|09:41 pm]
Well, here it is. Essentially, I was raised to write this message. Twelve years of school over the course of 18 years, all in an effort to find my way to college. (You should have warned me we would have cancer before we arrived) In a culture without a rite of passage, my ascent is clear. When I arrive in North Philadelphia on Friday, I will be a man; free to do as I please, free to fail, and free to succeed at obtaining what I desire. I will not be around much, may even make efforts to move away from this first life of mine. There are things I will never lose and never wish to, though. During the journey to this point I have gathered close to me a few of the greatest friends I could imagine having. They have taught me, justified my life, and given me a fucking helluva great time. Thank you, every single one of you. I'm an open book, so by now I believe you know who you are. I will hold you with me as I dive into the other object of my affection; my calling and my duty. Right now I know myself better than I have ever before. This is because of the enormous influence that those around me have had on my growth. I promise to take that influence and learn from it, and then break it apart into little tiny pieces. Each of you will remain with me, and I will mature around each little bit. Essentialy, thank you and goodbye.
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	[Aug. 17th, 2004\|05:27 pm]
Okay, nevermind... I love my friends.
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	[Aug. 16th, 2004\|04:52 pm]
You will never see me again.
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	[Aug. 15th, 2004\|12:32 am]
I wrote something tonight, some of you may understand. The last hurrah will happen when both of our egos are so broken down that we fuck up ourselves instead of each other. The last hurrah will not be as dramatic as we thought, shitty actors get by playing overdramatic on pretty faces. Don't think for a second your eyes haven't bought some of this time. The only thing left to learn is how dark this comedy will be. For neither of us will get out alive, I've spent years breathing to realize that and you're following suit. Fuck I hate August.
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Update, you fucking weirdos

[Aug. 13th, 2004|08:58 pm]

LJMeme.com Crush Meme
Number of crushes on me so far: 28
LJ username:

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