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Friday, April 19th, 2002
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11:20 am - destroy your tv with an ax TODAY!
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so i have a lot going on lately.
my dad left his wife, stepmother. in fact, not nly did he leave her, but apparently hes been having an affair with this lady from canada. IN FACT, he met this ladt on the internet. so.... it doesn't bother me one bit. my father never should have married my stepmother, he never loved her, and he stupidly got hinself caught up in a lot of stuff he shouldn't have with her. of course he was wrong in many aspects, but i am of the opinion that if you arent happy, you have to do something about it, even if it means having an affair with a woman you met on the internet. so i guess im supportive, especaiily since i never liked cathy anyway. she and my father argued a lot, she extremely selfish, and she told me what to do instead of asking me. i fuking hate mowing the lawn.... and shed get mad at me for not going outside during the summer. i dont go outside at all.... why would i want to go outside when its 95 degrees? i am much more comfortable inside, and yes, watching television. maybe reading.
ive been dressing a lot more "punk" lately. i even put my hair up in spikes last weekend, something i havent done for lamost two years. i wonder if i have something to prove to someone, or to myself. i definitely do not have an identitiy crisis; maybe i just miss all the staring eyes. its nice to feel like a threat, and although i am an independent thinker and often thats threat enough, i guess its easier this way. thats the difference between me now and me in high school- now i look relatively normal (relative being the oppurative word here), but i definitely am more punk now than i wasa then, whatever that means. in high school, i just dyed my hair pink and spouted some regurgetated ideas i read the nite before.
but whats punk anyway? i have a weird feeling that it isnt.... i dunno. isnt it supposed to be a threat? punk cannot be on mtv, it needs to be rejected, otherwise it isnt making a statement. whats punk rebelling against now? back in the seventies, there was everything.... boring fucking pink floyd and led zeppelin.. so much. but then again, punk was against such minor things like a double guitar or the obligatory guitar solo. and there is so much that needs to be addressed today. who could a punk band go on a tour sponsored by fucking shoes? i remember i went to the warped tour like the first and second years; it was great. then the third year it was tkaen over by vans and playstation, it was one of the worst days of my life, seriously. i felt like i was there to be consumed. how much could be gotten out of me? you got the feeling that corporations saw this wonderful celebration of music and said "20000 kids in one place? we have to cash in on this!" and instead of resisting, the next year i was in the crowd watching bad religion above a banner that said VANS and there were BASKETBALL beach balls in the crowd. i remember leaving the crowd feeling ill. and i guess it asks if anything has been accomplsieed or has it all been a big failure? were the sex pistols just a joke? most people these days dont even like their music, but to me its a s poignant as ever, raw and angry. when i was thriteen, they taught me how to behave, what to look out for, and to always have that wink wink smirk on your face. and yeah i guess im gonna sound righteous but im not sure how many people actually live any of these ideas, but ill tell you that i havent went to many shows because they were sponsored by this company or that one, but does anyone else? we all know rock stars (and thats what they are unfortunately) are role models, so when they sell out, and they all do, its hard for the kids to care. maybe im being naive and all punk is, is about spreading knowledge. in that case i guess itd be ok to have sponsors, but i cannot swallow that. i think its about finding your true self; and no ones true self is wearing an abercrombie and fitch sweater. yeah, in righteous, and im mad too. im frustrated that every band i love seems to not care about the things i do. im going to do my zine again and i want to reach kids, i want to make them angry too. i feel like im living in a glorified seventies world, but theres no johnny rotten here to save us. and no one cares. its time to do soemthing yo.
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| Thursday, April 4th, 2002
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9:45 pm
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im pretty bored. i was supposed to have this meeting in work tonite but i guess n one bothered telling me it wasnt happening, so i went and no one was there. oops. and then, i tried getting ahold of jess, and shes nowhere to be found, or, rather, she doesnt want me to find her.
i dont understand her often- last nite she came over and some of my other friends did, too. i shouldve known this would be a recipe for disaster, but i guess i hoped she have a nice, since i know she wants to make mroe friends. when we wer ein the kitchen, she didnt want to go back out into the living room with the rest of them. i dont think i should have to pick between my friends and her, but i guess i already have, and on that level i resent jess. i mean- i didnt see her tonite, and im bored out of my mind. i should have other things to do, people to see, but the reality of the situation is that i see her every nite and never my friends. on sunday nite, we were coming back from her house, i spent the weekend with her, i told her i was going to hang with brian the next day, and she got mad. she said she wasnt mad, but of course, she was. if youre reading this jess -and maybe you are, maybe you arent- that got me mad. she stopped tlkaing to me, didnt hold my hand and was extremely quiet, and when i asked what was wrong, acted like i was a jerk for asking. whatever.
ive been thining about religion a lot lately. i think i mentioned that before, but its worth mentioning again. i am definitely atheist, but when i think about it... isnt fate, something i belive in so much, connected with god? i mean isnt that like destiny? i feel like ive went through a lot the last year (and i dont thin its over yet), and if i was a religious man i might say i was being tested. of course, this would mean that a) theres a god, and b) he gives a fuck what happens to us, a very arrogant concept. of course, i think im overthinking all of this, like everything else. i dont think god is about fate or arrogance or even forgiveness, but its just about faith maybe. its what you make of it. so then, wouldnt atheists, those who stand by their true beliefs, even if it means being sent to "hell," be the most religious of them all? even if i wanted to believe in god, i know in my heart im atheist, so wouldnt it be superficial to be religious? i mean if i was on my deathbed, and i commited to god, would that send me to heaven> i would hope not, cause it would just be out of fear. i think if i was on my deathbed, and i held my belief in atheism, than that shows character, and if there should be a heaven, wouldnt you want someone like that there? i got nuthin else.
current mood:  complacent
current music: dead kennedys- fresh fruit
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| Sunday, March 31st, 2002
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10:43 am - sick nite
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a strange thing happened to me last nite. i awoke from my sleep feeling sick. very sick. this wasnt much of anything new, since i am sick a lot, but this time it was different.... i went to the bathroom to throw or do other things, but nothing happened. after sitting on the toilet a length of time, i began to feel hot. not hot like sick, but hot like youve been outside way too long, and its definitely time to sit down. i started to tremble and coulndt keep my balance on the toilet so i laid on the floor. i could feel my heart raise, so i decided i needed to do something to cool down. i know theres a rule- either you do or you dont put people in cold baths when they have a high fever, but i couldnt remember which was the rule, so i decided fuck it- im goin in. but i was concerned i might go into shock. to give you a perfect example of just how sick i felt, this is it. i was genuinely concerned i would go into shock if i went into the cold water. but i did anyway, and it seemed to help. once inside the tub- only an inch or so of water- i felt very tired. i knew i might not want to go to sleep, because on tv people are always keeping you awake during these things, and once when i passed out when giving blood they tried to keep me awake, but i was too tired, so i decided fuck it again- im going to sleep. after a brief death-like sleep (i have no idea how long i was unconscoius), i got up and felt marginally better, but i still couldnt stand, or i would have went to jess's room, or called an ambulance a long time ago. i remember throwing up a lot, but not much more. i have no clue what could have caused this.... well, yes i do. against my better judgement, i ate at mcdonalds last nite, despite my not having eatten fast food (except wendys) in months and months. i dont knowwhat happened last nite, but damn, i sure was afraid i wouldnt make it to morning.
current mood: kinda sick still, but relieved
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| Wednesday, March 27th, 2002
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8:58 pm
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so yeah.... my girlfriend is supposed to be here now but i suppose she isnt coming tonite. i mean thats ok, i dont mind when people dont bother calling or anything, i am used to it. ill tlak to here and shell say something about how i wouldve only seen her for a few hours, why are you mad, then ill feel bad and end up apologizing in the end. funny how things work......she was sick this morning but i dont know if she still is or what. last nite she stole the blankets form me, took them clean off of me. whatever.
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| Sunday, March 24th, 2002
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5:08 am - ROAD TRIP!
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It all started innocently enough. me, kara, bonnie, and sara were going to pick up joe at oberlin. not my old roomate, whom i hate, but a true friend of mine. it would be a nice, if not long, ride out to oberlin, ohio, about 30 miles outside of cleveland.
sandwiches packed, tank filled, directions in hand, we set off on our humble journey. before we knew it, we were lost in deleware. not a good sign, considering we drive there all the time. but we got through that and back on the road. pit stop at the wawa. *ugh* kara clumisly locks the keys in the car. *ching* 75 dollars to open the door, thanks locksmith. so now its about 630, and we are right outside of philly, going to ohio. its looking like a long nite. i started driving for a while. nice drive along the mountains. we finally got into overlin at about 2 am, but not before bonnie got stopped for speeding. oops.
the next day we just chilled for a little while at joes campus. their library is nice. its about the same size as temples, but much more inviting. they had a 70s theme, which i found terribly charismatic. we played in womb chairs for at least an hour. really- an hour.
we got to take i-dont-even-know-how-many great pictures. i climbed on top of this large bolt-looking piece of art, group pictures, lots of stuff.
so off we went to cleveland. very nice town. its very modern, and bigger than, say, baltimore. we got a little lost in our trials to find the rock n roll hall of fame, but we found a company called the CLEVELAND VIBRATOR COMPANY, written in bold, nondescript lettering on a sign. excellent photo, of course. finally finding the r'n'r hall of fame, we decided- we being joe and i- to not go in, for 17 dollas is too much to see a disgusting exploitation of something i love. so joe and i walked around cleveland, and talked. its was nice- here is someone i talked to, in depth, at least once a week, now we are lucky to once in 6 months. but i certainly felt lucky today. we walked onto the pier and saw the great lakes. its amazing- cleveland has the r'n'r hall of fame, a science museum, and a football stadium, all right on the water. we went downtown, and walked around euclid street, finding all kinds of beautiful building im sure you couldnt buy at the rock and roll hall of fame, though im sure theyd sell them to you if they could..... its nice to know you have friends like these, like joe and sara. it seems like yesterday me and joe were sitting up ontop of a roof at the football field talking about kim, or wlaking by the dump talking about caitlin. now im with jess, and he has caitlin, and hes in oberlin, and im going back to school... but were still friends. its very nice to know that.
on the way out, joe showed us an incredible building on the campus of cleveland state i think it was. the only way to describe it is to say its melting in on itself. the bricks concave the entire top of it, and it literally looks like it is collapsing onto itself. it can only be appreciated in person; certainly the greatest feat ive ever seen in architecture.
going home, well, we got a little sidetracked, but isnt that what road trips are for? we ended up getting directions from a derilect and going to erie PA, the total opposite of philadelphia. it put us about 3 hours out of our way. but everyone had a great humor about them. we even got a great picture at the erie rest stop of all of us. so even though it took forever, we finally got back at about 430ish.
i decided to take them uptop of the art museum. this is a place ive went with my parents, to think. to mourn the deaths of thousands of innocent lives. the town never looks as good as it does from there. the neon glow of the PSFS sign, the ever-changing signals of the lights on the parkway, the reassuring beacon of william penn on top of city hall. they liked it a lot. standing in front of that art museum makes you appreciate the privledge you have to live somewhere so wonderful. i wanted to share that with my friends, and i hope they understood what that means to me.
i have to say, ill remember this weekend for a very long time.
current mood: cheerful
current music: bruce springsteen- "hometown"
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| Monday, March 18th, 2002
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2:33 pm
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the way i see it.... there are two tyoes of people in this world: there are Rocky Balboas, and there are Apollo Creeds. i would much much rather be the former as opposed to the ladder. rocky balboas appreciate the things they have, and even though they may not come out on top often, at least they earned their trip there. its easier- maybe even better- to be an apollo creed. there are a lot of apollo creeds on this here livejournal. you know the ones. they were the ones to get things (and im not tlkaing little things, im talking money or cds) for holidays like halloween or easter. i saw them walking down the halls all the time in school. they wouldnt know what its like to wear chuck taylors, not because you love them(though i do), but because you cant afford anything else. i doubt they could imagine avoiding your landlord because you wont have the rent for a few days, or trying to get instate tuition cause thats the difference between college and starbucks for the rest of your life. i dount they could even imagine paying their own fucking car insurance, and yes, ill admit it, i resent it a little bit. sometimes i do hate that i seem to do things the hard way every time. but i appreciate what i have for it all the more. even my girlfriend i had to fight to make her notice me. but its ok.... i dont seem to be friends with a lot of apollo creeds. actually thats not true, i dont seem to like a lot of them. my closest friends seem to be rocky balboas, like jesi, or jake, or even sean and mary. i will never forget the looks i got in high school walking down the halls, and i dont think it was entirely to do with my looking completely different. i always saw this kind of superiority on the faces of people like geno and a lot of the kids in delsea. it made me feel about a foot tall. but i know they arent better than me, and depsite myself i will prove them all wrong. the world has never ben handed to me and i dont intend to give up anytime soon.
current mood:  bitchy
current music: bruce spingsteen
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| Saturday, March 16th, 2002
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6:16 pm - what a difference a year makes
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its been a while since i updated but not a whole lot has really happened to me. im pretty happy with where my life is going right now. its funny too... ayear ago, anything like this never would have been expected. a year ago, when i started this journal, i lived in the dorms, didnt have jess, depended on my parents for everything, was in a terrible depression, and wasnt sure what i wanted to do. now, i lve on my own(in the city), depend on noone, have a great girlfriend, am going back to college, have a cool job at starbucks, and i really no what i want to make myself happy. that last thing is the biggest difference from last year to this year. i know what i need to make myself happy. i was very lost a year ago, and nothing would make me happy, whether it was going out with jess or staying in school. i had to go out on my own and see the world for myself before i could be happy. a lot of people i see depressed and they think, "if only i had a girlfriend" or "i smoke too much weed" or whatever. and yeah those things may be true, maybe bri does smoke too much weed but i think a lot of people just need a push in the back like i gave myself. i know i sound preachy and i definitely dont think i have all the answers; but you have to ask the right questions.... in any event, i am excited about so many things when i think about it. im excited about next year, what with school and all, im excited about my career, im excited about jess..... i always lament my growing up but without even knowing it i am happy now. the good ol days are gone, but they never were too good. nothing could have made my life happy i realize now. but thats awhole 'nother time i guess. im just glad things are rad now. by the way, i cant wait to see you on campus next year sara stell.
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| Sunday, March 10th, 2002
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4:56 pm
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this weekend has been a tremendous succees in many aspects. let me elaborate.
i am back in college. last nite i opened the mailbox and the highly anticipated "temple university" letter was there. i was nervous but confident opening it. i read it and smiled. it was a big moment. ive been working towards this for almost a year. i worked my ass off over the summer at a terrible dot.com, and to top that off it was manual labor in the middle of the nite. i got my apartment with the long term goal of gaining PA residency so i could get in state tuition from temple. what seemed so far off once is now here, and i am happy. i feel confident and- finally- headed in the right direction. work is great; im becoming a manager ("shift supervisor") and mary, my rad boss, thinks highly enough of me to tell me that i could one day be a district manager. the people i work with are very nice, and they have made it so much easier. to be honest, there was a time, in october or so, when i thought about throwing in the towel. i was falling behind on bills, i had no friends, and me and jess were on the rocks. i was going to give up, and go back to pennsville. no one would have blamed me- no one thought i could live on my own in the city. but i did. and i am. i am not far off from being independent, totally on my own.
jesi and i are doing rad. i mean shes a little down i think, but i also ink shes becomging more happy. im going to start doing my zine again. i feel good today. i feel accomplished for maybe the first time in my life.
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| Saturday, March 9th, 2002
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6:01 pm
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Do you ever just have one of those days where you just have absolutely nothing to do, no one to talk to, nowhere to go, nothing to read? theres no reaosn to get out of bed, really, and if you do its only for some marginally meaningless task. i didnt have an indepth conversation, i didnt come upon some clarity of some sort, i didnt even watch the fucking discovery channel. The kind of day that only comes around when no one is around.... no one even notices you being gone or missing. i write this in a vaccum anyway, right? i feel old.
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| Wednesday, March 6th, 2002
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4:04 pm
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ive been thinking an awful lot lately and there is a lot going on in my head. first of all rob is leaving the store and i guess that shouldnt be more than an afterthought to me but for some reason it isnt. hes a really rad guy.... one of the few people i feel like ive been able to talk to in the last 6 months, but i havent really. its like we are very similar, but in ways unlike my other friends. i dont know how to explain it....
its been about a year since i started this journal. its been a good year, but easily the most trying year of my life. ive grown up a lot, too much. its like i am adult now and theres no going back. ive fallen in love with jess, and its a good thing. man, its been hard though. i definitely feel like theres a corner to be turned soon in my life but im not sure exactly what yet, so we'll see. im concerned for jess.... i think she may be depressed but hiding it from me.... i definitely think something is.... well the word "wrong" isnt what im looking for.... amiss. so i hope i can be there for her or whatever... now im going to go to her place, but first there a little matter of listening to this minor threat cd thats been calling me all day.
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| Sunday, March 3rd, 2002
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12:34 am - finally the rain has come back..... to philadelphia
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ok so i havent updated for a while.... here goes nothing....
saw my ex kim last weekend. that went pretty well, i mean theres not even tension anymore so i guess its cool. but dig this... she has the same tattoo as me. no, not the op ivy guy, i know a lot of people have that- i dont dont give a fuck. no, im talking about one of the ones I designed, the broken heart with a banner that says hopeless. now, mind you, I designed this tattoo, specifically because i was in a depression, in parge part to her. and then she goes out and gets a tattoo that i designed, for my own body, because of her. i think that is pretty fucked up. this tattoo means a whole whole lot to me, and, maybe this sounds a little childish, but if there is one person in the world who SHOULDNT have it- its her. it almost takes a small part of its meaning away.... i dont know how else to express my discontent with this but i think its pretty fucked up.
elsewhere in my life everything is moving along as planned. applied to college again, jess and i are moving on, the stormy period we experienced appears to have played itself out, and now all is right. havent seen my friends as much as i used to but i seem to be crying this tune all the time so i guess i should get used to it. oh another thing.... i am really beginning to fucking hate jess's roomate. i have done nothing but TRY to be nice to this girl for over a year, and she hates me for no reason other than going out with jess. i have a few theories about this whole thing. first of all, a few of jess's friends dislike me, but i think they secretly resent her for being happy. jesi's friends tend to be a little immature (from my outside view, at least), so its been hard for them to get boyfriends or whatever, and, especially in sarah's case, who is reading this for sure, well i think shes the worst cause i have done nothing but try to be nice to her.... but that is all over. im tired of being the nice guy....like descendents say.... nice guys finish last, no one know as good as me.
current mood: cheerful
current music: bouncing souls- something off of green ball crew
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| Saturday, February 23rd, 2002
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1:38 pm
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well i just talked to jess.... shes mad at me. i think she read my journal and saw my last entry. i guess i was pretty mean but thats how i was feeling at the time. no apologies this time. i definitely dont really think shes a lot like kim, but thats what i said. ah well. i was just relaly missin her last nite, tried to get ahold of her, couldnt... so i had a knee jerk reaction. im only human.
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12:30 pm
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why is it that my girlfriend drops off the face of the earth when i am looking for her? i can get ahold of all- ALL- of my close friends whenever i want to, save mickey, but when it comes to jess its like there are times i just cant get ahold of her. i think shes avoiding me probably for some stupid reason or another. email.... no reply. phone.... no answer. if she is mad at me she should like talk to me, but why would she ever do that? thats a foreign concept to her. i even resorted to IMing her roomate who hates me, but of course i have gotten no reply. sometimes i dont know why i care for someone who seems to have so many alterior motives and frustrates me with her immaturity. im sure i could be doing something constructive with my time, but instead it is spent stupidly wondering where she has been. im tired of everything in our relationship being on her terms. she has gotten mad at me in the past for comparing her to kim but this is exactly the same stupid shit kim pulled. UGH
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| Friday, February 22nd, 2002
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11:58 pm - i told you i was bored......
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FIRST AND MIDDLE NAME: adam christmas
NICKNAMES: adrock, johnny (as in johnny rocket or johnny-on-the-spot)
HAIR COLOR: brown
EYE COLOR: hazel
BIRTHDAY: 12 24 81
LOCATION: philly
ZODIAC SIGN: capricorn
SCHOOL: Temple U
GRADE: 14th
PETS: none
FAVORITES
GENRE OF MUSIC: punk, hair metal, harcore, black metal, rock (as in van halen, journey, "rock-out-with-your-cock-out" ROCK), oldies, heavy metal, rap
MUSIC ARTIST: sinatra
BRAND: Cows are branded.
SONG: freaks nerds and romantics
WORD: rad
FOOD: cheese.... grilled
DRINK: iced tea
NUMBER: 21 and prime numbers
CANDY: hersheys, sour patch kids, and wonka bars
TV SHOW: the simpsons, malcolm and *sigh* friends
NAIL POLISH COLOR: used to be colors, but im like i dont know... too old
SUBJECT IN SCHOOL: sleeping, thats where im a viking
RADIO STATION: 96.5
ANIMAL: hopper
STORES: ummmm hot tamamles?
SCENT: lavendar
ICE CREAM FLAVOR: vanilla (so boring, i know)
QUOTE: "Four years ago we were standing on the edge of a great precipice. Now, we have since made a huge leap forward."
HOLIDAY: Any day off school
DAY OF THE WEEK: Saturday
MONTH: January... i love cold
DISLIKES
GENRE OF MUSIC: country and most emo.
MOVIE: anything by lelie nelson, anything with monty python in the title, anything directed by speilberg, and even though i love the 80s and its movies.... i fucking hate ferris bueller...man theres a lot more too
ACTOR: matthew broderick
SONG: any song with excessive profanity relating to having sex and "bling-blingin'"... and an annoying repeating rhythm.
WORD: "gay" when used as an insultFOOD: Pasta Alfredo... y?k!
DRINK: dunno....
COLOR: pink
NUMBER: 7
CANDY: god i hate anyhting with nuts... how can something be a treat with nuts in it?
TV SHOW: i hate hate hate most sitcoms... i.e. titus, my wife and kids, spin city, frasier, oh so many
NAIL POLISH COLOR: *shrug*
SUBJECT IN SCHOOL: math
ICE CREAM FLAVOR: Butter Pecan
QUOTE: "President George W. Bush of the United States of America"
DAY OF THE WEEK: monday, obviously
MONTH: august... so hot why why why
DO YOU...
THINK YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE: sure
THINK YOU SMART: a little
THINK YOU HAVE COMMON SENSE: sure
THINK YOU ARE POPULAR: nope...
LIKE SITCOMS: no way
HAVE A BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND: Yup yup yup!
FANTASIZE ABOUT THE SAME SEX AS YOU: Hmm... don't swing that way.
HAVE ANY PIERCINGS: yes
DO DRUGS: never
DRINK: meh yeah but i may stop
HAVE A CRUSH:
HAVE YOU EVER
SMOKED: yup
DRANK: yup
BROKE THE LAW: yup
RAN FROM THE COPS: yup
KISSED A GIRL: yup
KISSED A GUY: yup
BEEN SARCASTIC: NO, not me, NEVER!
CRIED: not easily, but it happens
WANTED TO DIE: yup
THOUGHT ABOUT BEING GAY: Not really
STOLE ANYTHING: yea
MADE YOURSELF THROW UP: yea
THOUGHT ABOUT OR TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF: yea
WENT SKINNY DIPPING: no
BEEN IN LOVE: yes
HAD A MILK MUSTACHE: you only get that with non-skim milk... so no
GOTTEN INTO A FIGHT WITH YOUR PET: The fish and I aren't speaking to each other.
STALKED SOMEONE: no
HAD A MUD BATH: yes
WHAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR
BLUE: jesi
CRACKER: white guy
COW: chicken
FRANCE: frogs
JELLY: bagel
FRIENDS
LAUGHS THE WEIRDEST: ummm snowden?
LOUDEST: my girl!
MOST QUIET: also my girl.... 99% of the time... i love how shes so loud yet so quiet. i love her.
THE FUNNIEST: bri
THE MOST BORING: aub
MOST ATHLETIC: do i count?
THE HOTTEST: jake
MOST TALLEST: Bri
MOST SHORTEST: jesi
MOST CRAZIEST: joel
MOST SKINNIEST: again me
FAMILY
DO YOU INTEND TO GET MARRIED: Yes
WHAT WILL YOU NAME YOUR KIDS: roger and penbrook
WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR WIFE/HUSBAND TO BE LIKE? i will settle for nothing short of a supermodel with big tits and and long legs.... psyche
WHERE WILL YOU LIVE: jersey
RANDOM
WHO ARE YOUR GOOD FRIENDS:
Roadies:
Webbies:
Upper: i dont "get" these questions.....
WHOSE YOUR BEST ONLINE BUDDY: hmmm none
IF YOU COULD GO BACK AND CHANGE ONE THING IN TIME, WHAT WOULD IT BE: well i wouldnt change like history, then id mess everything up but i guess i might maybe go back and run over a cat in like the 1400s and see if it messes anything up today
WHATS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR: bein 'lone
HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON YOUR BUDDY LIST: 22, and i think thats too many
WHAT KIND OF SHOES DO YOU WEAR: Chucks, i didnt know there were others
WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES DO YOU SLEEP IN: a birthday suit
WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED: in vegas, by elvis
HOW DO YOU EAT AN OREO: with my mouth silly
IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD IT BE: honestly, it would be to have millions of dollars. so shallow.
WHO IS THE HOTTEST GUY/GIRL IN YOUR SCHOOL: well, suzy told me today that she likes randy, but i think mark is like OMG hot....
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: Learn to stand up to certain people
WHAT DO YOU REALLY DISLIKE: ignorance, incompetence,lack of work ethic, idiots, impunctuality, poor planning
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10:58 pm - wanna come over?
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....bored out of my wits. should be home but instead im here. a number of factors kept me here; mostly, im supposed to work tomorrow and i feel sickly. but i was hoping to see jess tonite but i guess she isnt picking up her phone or maybe is out... thats what people do on friday, adam, they go out. well, i think shes mad at me anyhow, today she was acting all stupid when i was about to leave, but she has no reason to be so i dont give a shit. i mean she gets ad over every little fucking thing, and i have no clue what it could be so whatever. i think its cause she resents me perhaps seeing my friends, she seems to have a problem with that, but like ive said in other entries shes gonna have to come to grips with that cause they are part of me. but i mean i could be way off base with this, it could be anything. specualtion will only make me think about it more, never a good thing to overthing something... but thats what i do. so yeah its 11 friday nite, im sitting here, nothing. i miss jake, i hope i see him caus ei may still go home tomorrow after the whole work thing. saturday work.... what a gip yo. ah well. ill be back later im sure.
current mood: bored.
current music: huey lewis "new drug" next: "power of love"
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4:53 pm
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meh.... im going home this weekend. hopefully ill see jacob. i dunno. i think id rather stay here and see jess but i dont think thats really a good thing, i do miss my friends. whateva.
current mood:  apathetic
current music: shai hulud "hardly"
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| Thursday, February 21st, 2002
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4:45 pm - yet another survey lifted from lly
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Do you dream at night?: mmhmm
Do you remember your dreams?: always always
Describe one: there was a guy in my apartment brutally slaughtering a girl. meh.
What time do you wake up on weekends?: 2 or 3 in the PM
Do you sleep with one pillow or two?: bout 4
School:
Do you like school?: fuck yeah
Why/why not?: because im lucky to be there, and the kids who dont appreciate it are stuck up rick suburban assholes
What's your fave subject?: dunno..... english?
Most hated subject?: fucking math
Do you have a fave teacher?: ha... what is this middle school?
Ever had a crush on a teacher?: no way jose
Friends:
Do you have heaps of friends?: maybe five or so
Do you have a best friend?: yes
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?: guys; never trust someone who is close to more of the opposite sex than their own
Do you ever get annoyed at any friend?: not really
Have you ever lied to a friend?: no.
Have you ever stolen a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend?: never
Family:
Do you like your parents?: i dont know
Ever run away from home?: no, but i did leave for good
Ever thought about it?: who hasn't?
Do you have any siblings?: yea
Do you feel your parents spoil you?: not really.... more than poor kids i s'pose
Do you not get along with any of your family?: ummm all of them
Do you have big family get togethers ever?: never. ihave always wnated to just once have the kind of family that did those things.... people dont realize how lucky they are to have someone care enough about you that theyd come out of nowhere to see you blow out candles or open ridiculous peresnts with you.
Relationships:
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yes.
If so, are you in love with them?: yes
Do they love you?: yes she does
How long have you been together?: may 6th
Ever done something stupid to impress them?: lots of times.
Sex:
Ever had sex?: yea.
Do you believe that a person shouldn't have sex before marriage?: hmmm id be a hypocrite to say no but the idea of it is so romantic id have to say yea
Believe in casual sex?: never ever. its seriously the most degrading thing one can do to themselves.
When do you plan to/when did you lose your virginity?: ummm a long time ago
Did you regret it?: not really.... its not a matter of regret for me really....
Morals:
Have you ever been drunk?: yes, but never in public or with people i didn't know well.
Taken drugs?: not for a long long time
Stolen?: nothing that would be missed
Shoplifted?: no
Tried to commit suicide?: no
Lied to a boyfriend or girlfriend?: dont think so....
Gotten into a fight?: physical; yes. verbal; with a lot of people.
Are you more innocent or guilty?: guilty
Have you ever had to look after someone who was a drug addict?: yes, i cant put myself throught that again either
Are you racist?: god.... fuck no
Are you discriminatory to anyone?: no i am not
Do you have an open or closed mind to other people's beliefs and feelings?: well im somewhat snobish but ill give anything from music to movies a fair shot, and with more serious stuff i.e. religion and what not... i have become better, lets say
Music:
What's your fave style of music?: punk & hair bands
Do you play an instrument?: no
Do you sing?: badly
What's your fave band?: shai hulud, boy sets fire, descendents, kid dynamite, bouncing souls, nwa, soia, motley crue, gnr, ummm more
Why?: well for one example... kid dynamite has the best lyrics of any punk band ever their breakdowns are spectacular, and they are so damn punk. i love em
Have you met them before?: yea
Name 3 CDs that you just bought/burned: strife, jedi five, and best of journey
Why did you buy them?: journey is great thats why
Are you funny or serious?: it really depends on my mood
Creative or not?: not especiallym though i have this label like i am.
Are you outgoing or shy?: more outgoing but a little shy
Are you lazy or active?: lazy, so badly
Have you ever been hyperactive?: naaaaah.
Are you a naturally hyperactive person?: nope.
Looks:
Are you happy with the way you look?:yes, id say i am
What would you change?: ummm more weight
Embarassing moments:
Your all time most embarassing moment?: cant remember
Ever snorted a drink out your nose?: hahaha yes yes yes
Ever giggled like an idiot?: all the time
Ever embarassed yourself and pretended nothing happened?: uh huh
Ever tripped in front of someone you liked?: definitely
Ever said something really stupid? meh yea
Ever snorted while laughing?: never sorry
Ever fallen off a bed?: many times, my friend, many times. heh. ;)
Ever sleepwalked?: no
Ever sleeptalked?: no sir
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4:35 pm
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i just wrote jake a letter apologizing for how ive acted towards him. i think it was the right thing to do but i am afraid of how hell react.... if hell chastize me for being so childish in the first place; thats hes moved on and isnt interested in my friendship anymore; that maybe hed like to be my friend but, damn, its just too hard. the latter is what i expect, what i would think if i was him. i dont think it matters though; i had to write it, if for nothing else than to get it off my chest. i hope we are friends again soon.
jess and i are doing well. nothing reallly new to say about that, love her, miss her. when im around her i feel loved, totally and completely, and i dont need her to be so patronizing towards me anymore. that is my worst flaw. i am o insecure i need people to patronize me. not stroke my ego; its a fine line, yes, but all i want is to feel affection i think.
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| Sunday, February 17th, 2002
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11:04 pm
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nothing short of a spectacular weekend. hung out with my girl all weekend. very very good; especially considering i sent her a rough email on friday, but she took it exactly as i hoped she would. i thought some things needed to be said, so i said them. i feel perfect about us right now. we had a great time at the rodin museum yesterday, then we went to dennys, which was fun, too.
tomorrow im goin to shai hulud wid brian and jesi. ought to be a great show, ive never seen them, as i am not really allowed in the troc anymore, after the whole choking fiasco. god. time for bed.
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| Saturday, February 16th, 2002
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12:04 pm
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About 20 years ago I...
1. lived in a house with both of my parents
About 10 years ago I...
1. lived with my mother
2. was on the honor roll
3. really really loved the X Men
4. hung out with mickey everyday
5. loved lori griggs
About 5 years ago I...
1. hung out with josh everyday
2. had pink/yellow/green/purple/blue hair
3. listened to *UGH* ska
4. masturbated an unhealthy amount
5. was in honors english, math, and science
About 2 years ago I...
1. had a really really broken heart
2. ate lunch with jake every day
3. directed the wacky morning minute, starring Joe Shaw, Adam Lees, and a crop of others
4. read hermann hesse and loved john cusack
5. had a niiiiiiice car
About 1 year ago I...
1. was in the worst depression of my life
2. started seeing brian on a daily basis
3. almost flunked out of college
4. lost my heart to a girl names jesi
5. had been straightedge for almost five years
Today I...
1. got home at about 3 am
2. dont have to go to work
3. am missin jesi, wanna see her
4. miss my friend jake
5. am concerned for brian (depression) and john (crones disease)
five items you have brand loyalty to
1. wawa iced tea....oh god its good
2. scott toilet paper
3. rice a roni
4. nintendo
5. hershey chocolate
five (words or) phrases you use
1. RAD!
2. yo
3. very much so (as in "Jesi, i love you; very much so)
4. rocks my socks
5. outta sight
five snacks you enjoy
1. oranges
2. donuts
3. entemanns chocolate chip cake
4. twix
5. hershey chocolate
five songs you know the words to, even without the music
1. all bouncing souls songs
2. all kid dynamite songs
3. "God Only Knows" Beach Boys
4. "Dont Stop Believin" Journey
5. "i dont want to grow up" descendents
five games that you like
1. Rummy
2. Madden 2002
3. Gran Theft Auto 3
4. Zelda
5. Grab Ass
five things you can't live without
1. Friends (specifically Jesi, brian, john, kara, jake, mick, aub, and sara)
2. Jesi, in a girlfriend way (hehe)
3. writing
4. motley crue
5. feeling unique
five good things to touch
1. jesi
2. boobs
3. the sand on the beach where the water is just reaching cause its so smooth
4. old peoples skin
5. tree bark
five things you'd buy with one thousand dollars
1. more tattoos
2. a fuckin car
3. stuff for jesi
4. lots of chuck taylors
5. video games
five things you've owned over the past ten years
1. um hopper, my dog
2. my car
3. bouncing souls and kid dynamite cd
4. i cant think of more.....
5.
five of the best movies
1. high fidelity
2. basquiat
3. batman
4. godfather part one
5. requiem for a drea,
five albums that changed your life
1. Kid Dynamites self titled, especially after Kim and i broke up
2. Bouncing Souls- hmmmm both of the first two
3. Appetite for destruction & Dr Feelgood
4. Nevermind the Bollocks, Heres the Sex Pistols (as good today as it was when i was 13)
5. Liz Phairs first cd
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