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June 13th, 2004
08:00 pm
| How to make a punkboy410 |
Ingredients:
1 part jealousy
5 parts brilliance
3 parts beauty |
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add fitness to taste! Do not overindulge! |
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May 31st, 2004
12:09 am - you want something written about you
here you go "hun"
i am going to put this in black and white so even you can understand it
go back to jersey, no one wants you in this state, just your presence brings us back 50 years.
you bitch and moan all of your friends hate you, of course they hate you all you fucking do is lie to them
you say corey is the greatest thing that ever happened to you, hell he is the best thing that ever happened to me, he made me realize your a fucking waste of space
In my mind now you are really worthless just a fucking painfull memory, kinda like what ever it was my dog puked up last weekend
You need to learn what love is, you have cheated on your NEW "soulmate" like a dozen times, three times with me
you know i really did love you, believe it or not
I hope your new boyfriend realizes how messed up in the head you are and does what you did to me
speaking of messed up in the head, your a fucking psycho
i never lied to you, dont you wish you could say the same
love inst just a four letter word you can tell anyone, just because you fuck someone it doesnt mean you love them
that hot or not thing, yea you might be cute but that picture sucked, buddy would get a higher vote than that
the one thing i dont regret about us, no sorry i regret it all
shannon, babe, you have to realize i dont give a shit if you ever talk to me again. you fucked me over hardcore. I gave you my night and day and you gave me like a second of your time, i have shits that give me more time than you ever did. my main regret is leaving school for you, i gave up the life that i had dreamed about since i was a baby for you, and you know what you gave me in return? a fucking friendly's full of gawking people looking at me. you called me your soulmate, hell your friends all said we should be together. we never were together and by the grace of god we never will be. I am kinda happy you didnt break up with steve, because i know you would have cheated on me. A year of my life i have wasted on you, 365 days that i could have been fucking happy and all i have done is wanted to die. Hell you didnt tell me about our baby, all of AMC did but did you NOPE. you swore to me it was a lie, yea those people may be out to get you, but they have nothing against me so why would they lie? they wouldnt. You told everyone that you didnt cheat on the love of your life, well yea you did, seeing you have called every guy you have ever dated the love of your life, you just have to figure out which ones and seeing you told me you have almost never been faithful probly all of them. wanna hear something sad, i still have the ring, i bought it over the summer and was ready to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me, i am soo happy i never did i now realize i would have been living in a hell.
you know what seeing you are probly going to get even more crazy because of this i am going to be nice and stop. stay out of my life stay away from my friends and stay way the hell away from any place you think there is a remote possiblity that i will be, because i never ever want to see you again. you could die today and i wouldnt shed a freakin tear, because you are nothing in my mind, just a painful memory that i cant wait to forget, and everytime you are almost gone you have to barge right back in and say something that brings everything right back, you have to turn me in to some love sick puppy, well guess what your done, your a waste of a year a waste of my time and i wouldnt let you ever hurt me again. I really hope this eats away at you like it has at me for this last year, because i know for the first time in over a year i will be able to actually sleep, i wont get nightmares of me loosing you because i dont want you. so have a great life, i wish i could say i wish you the best but i dont even care if you end up living on the streets now.
so good bye and please unless the world is about to end stay away from me
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May 27th, 2004
02:37 am - Fuck you for all of this, this hell that you have left me with
i want what i used to have, even if it was false it made me feel whole.
I dont want her back, i just want that happy fucking feeling back, if i never see her again i wouldnt fucking mind it
some one just take me away from here, so i can be happy again
Current Music: the end with you: BCR
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May 24th, 2004
02:14 pm - all joking aside
ok so yea that who wants to date a firefighter thing was all a joke, if you want to date me because i am a firefighter and for no other reason please walk away now.
one of my ingenius friends had to bring up the fact if what happens when a call is your last, not something i want to think about when i am taking my oath tonight. I have come to the realization of why i am doing this, its not to make lauren happy of my family proud or because of the notion "chicks dig firefighters", its because for the last few yours i have been so self centered never really caring about anyone but me, i think its time to give back and to help a community that essencially raised me my whole life. I want to make this a career, i knew it when i was an explorer for the department, but i left that because NJROTC took more precidence and a shit load more time.
Ok to that last call thing, i have everything planned out already, goodbye tapes are made to my closest of friends(i was told to do this by another firefighter) we never know when that one call will be out last, but we all know if we follow our training we will make it out alive.and staying alive is something i plan on doing
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May 21st, 2004
03:18 pm - ok question for everyone
WHO WANTS TO DATE A FIRE FIGHTER????????????
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May 15th, 2004
01:57 am - Lonely
All i smell is her in the air and all i see is your face
I am so sick of this cold and dark place
seems like lonelyness is my only grace
Life just doesnt seem to have a brighter day
I have to look at friends for the reason to even stay
They hope they will always have it that way
Lonelyness is in the Air
It seems to be everywhere
Because you just dont care
We have lost what made us whole
I guess you never were a goal
I gave you all my soul
I am just so lonely
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May 6th, 2004
11:15 pm - ok
to many fucky skeezy people read my LJ, i always thought i had a perverted mind and was sometimes demented but some people that have posted here are wicked fucked up, i mean more fucked up than me and some of my friends. So heres a request, if you are going to be fucked up, kinda like the person who let me know they fucked there dog, at least tell me who you are so i can know if you are joking or are just really fucking demented. Also if you are really fucking demented go the fuck away, telling me about fucking your dog or shit is just really wrong. I dont want this journal going XXX on me, my NC-17 rating is fine, my dead journal is the XXX one, geez. lol. so yea if you are demented or skeezy stay out of my jounral unless i know you, thanks
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03:06 pm - reasons not to stock up on condoms
I came home thinking i was used them and now i have like 100 in my dresser drawer, what that just sucks. I open my drawer and its like a reminder of how i am not going to ever get laid again lol
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03:01 pm - Happiness
I am wondering now what it truely feels like, I miss feeling remotely happy. Since i came home i have hated this life so much thats its just not funny, I finally get rid of the reason for all of this pain and it still doenst go away. What connection did we have to make me still hurt like this, Why did i love her so much when all of my friends told me all the shit that was going to happen. I have never once in my life seen love turn to hate so quickly, was it ever really love? Did she ever love me? Did i ever love her? All these questions keep running thru my head and all i want to do is forget her, all the numbers, all the screennames, and all the pictures are gone but i cant get rid of these memories, please someone help me loose them. I want it to be like i have never met her, I dont ever want to see her face again, hear her voice again, or acknowelge she ever existed with in my life. arrrr
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May 5th, 2004
07:28 pm
So today i did jack shit, i figured everyone wanted to know this.
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03:20 pm
LAST PERSON WHO
x. Slept in your bed: me
x. Saw you cry: Justin
x. Made you cry: Someone thats not real
x. Spent the night with: Read the last one
x. You shared a drink with: Justin
x. You went to the movies with: probly justin
x. You went to the mall with: Q and kyle
x. Yelled at you: Probly my mom
x. Sent you an email: the girls from mosley
x. You kissed: i think it was my dog, i havent been kissed in ages
HAVE YOU EVER...
x. Said "I Love You" and meant it? yep
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: no
x. Been to New York: yup
x. Florida: of course
x. California: no
x. Hawaii: no
x. Mexico: no
x. China: no
x. Canada: yes
x. Danced naked: do you really want to know?
x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: yep
x. Wish you were the opposite sex:nah
x. Had an imaginary friend: when i was a kid
x. Things you like in a girl/guy: eyes
x. Do you have a crush on someone: of course
x. What book are you reading now: WE by yevgeny zamyatin
x. Worst feeling in the world: loneliness and heartache
x. What is the first thing you think when you wake up: Why am i awake so early (this is at like noon)
x. Future daughter's name: Dont know
x. Future son's name: Aden Thomas
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: not anymore
x. What's under your bed:I'm not really sure
x. Favorite sport to watch: baseball and soccer
x. Current Age: 20
x. Siblings: Caitlin
x. Location: Oxford
x. College plans: trying to go back
x. Piercings/tattoos: none yet
x. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: single =(
EXTRA STUFF
x. Do you do drugs: nope
x. Do you drink: yes
x. Who is your best friend: Lauren and justin
x. What are you most scared of: dying alone
x. What clothes do you sleep in: boxers.
x. Where do you want to get married: Notre Dame cathedral in Quebec
x. Who do you really hate: I few people
x. Been in Love: thought i was
x. What type automobile do you drive: 1994 Chevy 1500 w/t
x. Do you have a job: Sales
x. Do you like being around people: its better than being alone
x. Are you for world peace: of course
x. Are you a health freak: used to be, not anymore
STUFF
x. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: nah
x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: yep
x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: Punk/Emo girls.
x. Want someone you don't have right now: Yea, and its not shannon hahahaha
x. Are you lonely right now: yea
x. Ever afraid you'll never get married: always
x. Do you want to get married: yeah
x. Do you want kids: yeah
FAVOURITE
x. Room in house: my bedroom
x. Type(s) of music: rock, punk, emo
x. Color: REd, ble, and black
x. Perfume or cologne: Axe, tommy, polo sport, and brut
x. Month: April
x. Stone: Diamond
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
x. Cried: yea
x. Bought something: lunch
x. Gotten sick: nah
x. Sang: all the dam time
x. Said "I Love You": no
x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: why would I?
x. Met someone new: a few people
x. Moved on: yea
x. Talked to someone: yep
x. Missed someone: yes
x. Hugged someone: yea...justin...wierd
x. Kissed someone: nope
x. Fought with your parents: of course
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://library.vu.edu.pk/cgi-bin/nph-proxy.cgi/000100A/http/web.archive.org/web/20040614075550im_/http:/=2fstat.livejournal.com/img/mood/acedia/littlegent/bored.gif) bored
Current Music: Given the chance: Starting Line
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12:39 am - So, i seem to be single!!
If you want to change that this song kinda describes what i am going for
Maybe when the room is empty,
Maybe when the bottle's full.
Maybe when the door gets broke down,
Love can break in.
Maybe when I'm done with thinking,
Maybe you can think me whole.
Maybe when I'm done with endings
This can begin, this can begin
This can begin.
If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your garage band king.
You can tell me why you just dont fit in
And how you're gonna be something
Maybe when you're hair gets darker,
Maybe when your eyes get wide,
Maybe when the walls are smaller
There will be more space
Maybe when I'm not so tired,
Maybe you could step inside
Maybe when I look for things that
I cant replace, I cant replace
I cant replace.
If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your garage band king.
You could tell me why you just dont fit in,
And how you're gonna be something.
If I could be your first real heartache,
I would do it over again.
If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your heroine.
I never thought you'd last,
I never dream you would.
You watch your life go past,
You wonder if you should.
If you should be my punk rock princess,
I would be your garage band king.
You could tell me why you just dont fit in,
And how you're gonna be something.
If I could be your first real heartache,
I would do it over again.
If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your heroine.
Whoa! you know!
You only burn my bridges
Whoa! you know!
You just cant let it sink in!
You could be my heroine,
You could be my heroine!
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May 4th, 2004
01:31 am - THis is what i feel for you now, go fuck yourself
Whoa oh oh
Ooh hooh
No No No
See i dont, know why, i liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, i loved you, now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain, i wanna let u know how i feel
Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back
Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back
You thought, you could
Keep this shit from me, yeah
Ya burnt bitch, i heard the story
Ya played me, ya even gave him head
Now ya askin for me back
Ya just another hag, look elsewhere
Cuz ya done with me
Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back
Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
Ya questioned, if i care
You could ask anyone, i even said
Ya were my great one
Now its, over, but i do admit i'm sad
It hurt real bad, i cant sweat that, cuz i loved a hoe
Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh huh yeah
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April 30th, 2004
09:32 pm - hey guess what FUCK YOU
Fuck you for all the pain you have brought in to my life
Fuck You for turning my happiest day since i came back into the second worst
Fuck you for lying to me over and over again
Fuck you for making me fall in love with you and then ripping out my fucking heart
Fuck you for making me dream about you every fucking night and making me loose sleep for over a fucking year
Fuck you for just being who you are
Fuck you for making me help you cheat on your last two boyfriends, yea cory that includes you
Fuck you for having your friends tell me you want me back and then saying you dont have any friends. You dont have any because all you fucking do is lie to people and cheat.
Fuck you for making me smile every second i am near you and then making me cry every second you were gone, guess what the crying is over.
Fuck you shannon, fuck you for every fucking situation that you put me and that made me hate myself more and more.
Fuck you Cory for taking the only person i have ever really wanted in my life away
Fuck you AMC why did i ever have to go to visit your gay ass school
Fuck me for ever falling in love with a girl that was just in it for sex,
And Fuck me for allowing myself to be used and my self worth to be dropped like a bad fucking habbit
And fuck you god, for never allowing me to get over her, all the times i asked and all the times i begged and you still wont let me forget her, well i am going to do it with out faith this time, because all faith has ever given me is fucking more and more heartache
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02:31 pm - What a night
Last night i went up to AI to chill with the brothers, i miss those guys. SO i get there watch the softball game gfet the work with the offices i had to go see done and then we got shit faced, after about a handel of a bunch of stuff each, we all decided to go to the club. RAIN ROCKS. Hot body contests and amazing girls had the time of my life there, came back to the dorms and crashed in Scotts room, left this morning and went to AMC to see shannon, guess who never showed up. I cant fucking take this shit anymore, fuck it if you want me back, fuck it if i love you more than life its self all that is happening here is i am getting burned badly. I am soo done with this shit, she could probly nick on my door right now and i wouldnt answer, as much as i love her this isnt right to me, i am paid back every ounce of pain that i ever gave to her about 10 fold and its like she is trying to make me pay more. Your right i walked away the first time but she walked away this time, and if she comes back i dont think i will be here.
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April 28th, 2004
01:16 am - This is always interesting
So you send me a message saying you want to get back together, well guess what i didnt get it, justin did. If this is another one of your scams then stop right now because i cant go thru with this all over again, if you are serious then it can only be me and you and no one else. know this: i will always be there for you as a friend, but i am afraid of becoming involved with you again. I am tired of having to call other people by your name, trust me i dont want to but it always happens. IF there is ever going to be a us again, and i mean IF, then we have to give it all and not be eithers backup plan. You were never mine, but i know i was yours. All my friends tell me to walk away and when i finally get the strength to you have to tell me you want me back. If you do, come back because you know i will take you back in a heart beat, i will forgive all the mistrust and be able to feel again. If you dont want to then dont, but someday i might be gone and i can promise you if i am gone i wont be coming back.
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April 26th, 2004
03:16 pm
Eyes are feeling heavy but they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold
And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with doubt
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight
How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight
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03:15 pm - it started again and again i dont have the power to make it stop
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one
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April 19th, 2004
12:15 am - I like this song, dont know why but i do lol
How long I'll wait just to say goodbye
Ten different ways to enjoy this night
Can't do this anymore
Won't feel you anymore
How long I'll wait just to say goodbye
You could never let me in
Holding on until the end
The time I waste just to say goodbye
Out of your way I could do this right
Can't see you anymore
Won't feel you anymore
How long I'll stay just to say goodbye
Say goodbye...
I'm miles away turning out the lights
Ten different ways I could end this night
Can't do this anymore
Won't feel you anymore
How long I'll wait just to say goodbye
Say goodbye...
Leave it all the fights and
All summer's getting colder
Drive all night to hold you tight
Back to California
Days went bye, we waited and I guess
We're getting older
We couldn't win in the end
We couldn't win in the end
We couldn't win in the end...
You're gone...
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April 17th, 2004
04:33 am - whats the fuck is this world coming to lol
They gave william hung a Fansite www.williamhung.net. What the fuck were these people thinking, the defaced a CD cover from a old Beatles album and but his face on paul john ringo and george's now thats just fucking wrong, yes i could see if they did it to a Spears album but not the beatles they are the fucking greatest band ever. God just when i start getting in to a happy mood i see that, way to send me spiraling back down Mr. Hung, lol.
So yea i think i am going to see if jen wants to go to the movies next week, only justin knows who she is out of everyone that reads this so it should be fun, yet it is another hook up made by justin sooo ummm, yea we all know where those lead lol. Thats like set up number 10, and 8 of them well didnt work and one well yea. Another girl from AMC too, maybe i should stop dating girls from there, lol, but hey she is a nice girl soo. Ah well i need sleep, work in 4 hours, night yall
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