[

mood

|

curious

]

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is how I deal with people, particularly my friends. At a very early age (late elementary school) I was diagnosed with a attachment disorder to people and I've been wondering how exactly I do this. If I push them away first or do I subconciously do something that makes them want to leave. I've been trying to monitor this recently and you know what I've found out?

Not a goddamned thing.

I know the people that I care about, that I REALLY care about, I could never conciously push them away. I think of one person in particular in my life who I could never forgive myself for if I pushed them away, so that can't be it.

Maybe others who change do so in such a way that they feel that they can't keep their old friends, as odd as that sounds? I did that once in my life, but at that point, the people who I was associating myself with weren't all that great.

What I'd really like to know is if, over time, I start treating people differently and I don't realize it when I do it or where the change lies. Does it lie in a sexual realm? Doubtful. Some of the people I have or have had these feelings for in the past weren't sexual at all.

I know I'm not normal; The trick is finding out the why and how.

[	mood	|	okay	]
[	music	|	Witches of Eastwick	]

C'mon people. It's only 2am, and everyone's in bed. What the hell gives?

Today was pretty sweet. Woke up on Topher's couch this morning, played some Final Fantasy VII, came home, played some Final Fantasy VII, went to choir, came home, played some Final Fantasy VII, went for food, came home, now Shawn and Dana are watching The Witches of Eastwick.

Lots of video gaming. This is something I'm fine with. Now all I've got to deal with is this hunger business. Other people eating makes me hungry. Having a certain someone here would make the night complete, including other such debauchery, of course.

[

mood

|

cold

]

Ok, I'm going to take a shower in a few minutes and since my sister has about 80 bajillion blankets on her bed, including all the ones that are usually down here, I'm using my towel as a blanket. This is ridiculous. :-P

"Doing that makes my tongue feel funny."

~Shawn (Otherwise known as uomoamore)

I'd also like to take the time to post some lyrics from West Side Story. Shawn, Dana (sparklediamant), and myself were watching, and about died of laughter when listening to this song:

"Go cool!
Boy, boy, crazy boy
Get cool, boy
Got a rocket in your pocket
Keep cooly cool boy
Don't get hot
'Cause man you got
Some high times ahead
Take it slow
And Daddy-o
You can live it up and die in bed
Boy, boy, crazy boy
Stay loose, boy
Breeze it
Buzz it
Easy does it
Turn off the juice, boy
Go man, go
But not like a yo-yo school boy
Just play it cool, boy
Real cool
Boy, boy, crazy boy
Stay loose, boy
Breeze it
Buzz it
Easy does it
Turn off the juice, boy
Just play it cool, boy
Real cool"

...in the immortal words of Forrest Gump "...and that's all I've got to say about that."

[

mood

|

okay

]

School is getting kinda frustrating, lately. This semester is pretty pointless. I've got Racket Games, Jazz Choir, Concert Choir, and Math. The first three classes are a breeze. I show up, I participate, I get an A. Math is pretty easy too, just the people in it are pretty untelligent.

In fact, that's sort of the way that all of my classes are going. I realized it before, but now even more, that high-school students are completely stuck on themselves. The people in there have THE worst sportsmanship of any group of people I've ever seen. The soprano section in the choir goes like this: There's one soprano right in the middle of section that has a voice that's a gift from god and thinks everyone should hear it. However, there's a problem because the person on either side of her have voices that are ALSO gifts from god and THEY think that everyone should hear them, AND the people next to them have the same thought. And that's all it is, a thought. These girls couldn't sing worse if someone were giving them a acidic enema. The talented girls in the group are the ones who keep quiet and ATTEMPT to blend; all two of them. Sorry to sound like an elitest cock, but if you're going to be in an upper-level audition choir, you'd better be able to do pull it off and be involved and interested, otherwise you're being extremely selfish.

I was operating on about 3 hours of sleep today (Go me) and was pretty much pissed off at everyone/thing as I tend to get on very little sleep. I also didn't eat today until about... 40 minutes ago, so that wasn't helping my mood/body shakes. Wanted to kill most everyone in racket games for being stupid fucks, wanted to crush-kill Godfrey during choir as well. I really didn't want to go to math today because of said mood, and luckily, Oberlin was visiting the school today for recruitment and stuff, so I went to that instead and got my math class excused. Rock. It was me and 3 other people there, so it a nice intimate gathering with questions being answered promptly. That was actually quite nice. I'm now much more inclined to apply/audition for the Oberlin Conservatory.

After that, I came home and did some stuff for Senior pictures with my step-sister. We walked around town, took some kind of unorthodox shots (Which was cool because that's what I wanted to do yesterday when mom took some pics, but she was going more for the thing-that-everyone-does of outdoorish nature stuff. Flowers, trees, etc. Julie (my step-sister) took more urban looking pictures in the middle of downtown, and that was nice. My EXTREEEEEMELY cute neice Olivia also accompanied us on this venture. She's a little over a year old. She laughs a lot, I've never seen her cry, and well... she's just INCREDIBLY fuckin' cute. Go Livvy! :-P

I got home later and Dave was just being a fuck. He was swearing about everything and nothing, then made Emily and I clean up a HUUUGE mess in the kitchen that we didn't contribute to at all that had been sitting there since Saturday and also accumulating other dishes. Fantastic. I was not pleased at all. After that, Evan and I played some Gran Turismo 3, but then he had to leave to teach a piano lesson. I was just sort of walking about aimlessly after that for a while, so I opted to put a movie on. I popped Chicago into the VCR, and promptly fell asleep. I instinctually woke up just in time for Mr. Cellophane, then fell asleep again. Woke up, ate chocolate (that I'd purchased earlier when Emily asked me to go to Dari-Mart with her... rather, she'd purchased FOR me.) and walked into the kitchen where I found chinese food that I scarfded.

I'm feelin' a lot better now than I was this morning. Tomorrow is Portland and Mr. John Cameron Mitchell. I'm looking forward to that. Friday I'm singing the national anthem at a CHS football game. Saturday I may go to a wedding, but I haven't decided yet. Maybe I'll just want to stay home and be idle or work on music or something.

[	mood	|	content	]
[	music	|	South Park is on. Ahhh yeeeah.	]

C'mon people, it's 11pm on a Sunday. Where the hell IS everybody? I wonder if Dana's (sparklediamant) home yet from Canby...

Thursday and Friday were pretty fucked up. Thursday pretty much involved too much running around and TRYING to work on Evan's truck (his U-joints were fucked and we were going to replace them) but things kept on getting really messed up and we never got to actually replace them. Had to record an All-State tape, had to go to an extra choir rehersal, was running on about 3 hours of sleep. Not good.

Friday licked slimy donkey dong, too. I tried going to sleep early on Thursday night to get a good amount of said sleep, but I didn't fall asleep for a long time, then I was rudely awoken about 3 hours early than my normal get-up-and-go time by a bloody nose. No fun, either. The day was just too long in general, and I needed to take a nap all day. Math was going especially slow on Friday, too. To top it off, there's this guy in there who I don't even know, who I've never talked to, and he treated me like a dick. Like I said, class was going slow so I was sort of singing to myself as I was doing work. The class wasn't being too quiet, so I thought it wouldn't be a problem. Then, all the sudden, this fucker feels the need to pipe up from the back of the room and say "SHHHHHH!!" I turn to face him, giving him sort of an inquizitive look, and he says in his extremely queeny voice (Oh yes, this kid flames more than my friend Cliff, and this guy is presumably "straight". Straight to cock, I guess) "This is math class, not American Idol rejects."

You guys reading this don't even know HOW LARGE my urge was to pick up my desk, throw it across the room, and crush this little fuck like a twig. That remark kind of stayed and festered with me for the rest of the day.

The time when things started being good again was probably at about 11:30ish. I had a really good talk with my favorite overnight-bear, Tom invisiblebear and he got me out of my funk I was in. Love you, sweetie.

Man, what the hell happened yesterday... I don't even remember, that's wei..Oh duh, I hung out with Evan for most of the day. His U-joints were fixed (Thanks to our friend Anthony and 30 bucks :-P) and we pretty much had a really mellow Friday. We hung out with his sister and hot brother-in-law and had a really good time. I watched Evan's sister root for the Red Sox, saying that if they didn't win, Adam (Evan's b-i-l) wouldn't get any action that night. There were remarks like that traded all night. There was even a point where Adam went and put on his shiny underwear to show me and I got a full view of his ass. That was pretty fun. I enjoyed that. :-P

Today's been really slow. Woke up late, went shopping, had soup, had cake and Ice Cream at my nephew's because it's his birthday (How the hell can he be 8? It feels like I've aged only 2 years for the time that he's aged that much. Weird.) Hung out with Scott and my sister for a while and exposed Scott to Best In Show, which was fun, and now I'm back here, and that's the end of it.

I just got back from fighter practice, and let me just say this:

"Sworded! Ow, my shoulder!"

My right shoulder muscle is in such pain right now. Like someone cleverly replaced the flesh in my shoulder with a cleaver or something. It's a stabbing pain, but at the same time, it REALLY aches. I was pretty fuckin' cool tonight, though. I got a few good hits/kills in on people who are way better than me, and I broke one guy's shield. :-P I was thinking in my head "Ok, this guy's goin' down." so I swung hard for his knee, and he blocked it. I was going to follow it up with a head shot, but he called "Hold!" so, I held. At that point, I looked down and noticed that the entire bottom third of his shield had a big, shattered crease in it. That was my manly affirmation of the day, I think. CUBBY SMASH!! *shattered!*

Does anyone want to touch me? I smell like leather and I'm soaking in my own perspiration. Maybe I should just sell my shirt on ebay...

[	mood	|	lethargic	]
[	music	|	Counting Crows - Black and Blue	]

Good news: My knee's feeling a lot better. I can actually walk and do things comfortably again, which is goodly. I just have a few bruises left on my leg from the incident.

I got paid on Wednesday (a big, fatty, whopping $25) and now, food and drink later, I'm broke again. That having money stint didn't last long. I'm actually quitting my job at Nazi Bell very shortly here. I had a really ridiculous night the other night while working, and I'm done there. However, I come from a family of keeping your integrity through two weeks notice, so I've got to turn that in. I meant to turn it in on Thursday, but I totally neglected that. I'll turn it in on Tuesday at the end of my shift since there's no quick and easy way to get out there.

Speaking of which, my bike's totally fucked. The... something.... something is broken on it, and the pedals aren't exactly... attached really to the bike. It sort of fell apart, so now I'm bikeless, which VERY much sucks since that was my main mode of transport.

I've had a pretty laid back, lazy weekend. Hung out with my friend Magdalene on Friday night and ended up, instead, hanging out with about 10 of her friends because she got tired and headed home. Most of them I didn't really click with. They seemed very concerned with drama and creating it for themselves and everyone around them. That, and they were pretty loud and obnoxious. There was one guy amongst them that seemed pretty cool and I'd be more than willing to hang out with him again. Joe, you would've been all over him. Other than that, it's been a beautiful weekend outside, and I've been a troll in the basement, per usual. I must've been born and raised in Oregon or something, because I really don't like sunny days all that much; I much prefer colder, rainier climates.

I saw A Mighty Wind a couple hours ago. It was pretty good, I thought, but I didn't think it was as good as Best In Show, which was a bit of a dissapointment. Stifler's Mom (I always forget her actual name) played an amazingly... unique character in this movie who was really funny. I couldn't tell if she was Swedish or just slow, or both.

"Are you musical?"
"Well, a friend of mine asked me to play the piccolo once, but I said no."

Leave it to the gay boy to explain to his sister and her boyfriend that that's a cock-sucking joke, not a music joke.