- posted by academygirl @ 12/19/2003 

 
Don't miss these . . . .
Check out Rana's funny little post on Survivor vs. Academia . . . I got a real kick out of it.

Also, Jay Rosen, at PressThink, put out an admirably innovative piece about new narratives in political campaigns -- also very worth reading. Whatever your politics, the concepts he puts forth and the way he analyzes them seem very intriguing.

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/17/2003 

 
Another Seasonal Sessional Classic
"Ding Dongs unfairly on high,"
The sessionals are singing!
"Ding Dongs, verily they lie;"
They're driv'n by profiteering!
Gloree-yeah! How sad there is no excellence!

E'en so here below, below
In part-time hell we're flungen!
And you, and you, and you
By priest and president stungen!
Gloree-yeah! How sad there is no excellence!

Pray their administrative crimes
Won't make you work at Flingers!
May their academic grime
Not rub off on your fingers!
Gloree-yeah! How sad there is no excellence!

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/17/2003 

 
Academic Politics and Games of a New Kind
Stephen Karlson over at Cold Spring Shops (don't you just love that blog name) writes in his typically insightful form:

It is time for stronger fare. The executive suites at numerous universities are occupied by individuals who, if the word got out, would have to hide in spider holes rather than sip sherry in panelled common rooms. Clearly, what we lack is a proper card deck. Here is a start.

And for the rest, you'll have to go read his blog entry -- it's priceless.

Cards, anyone? Puts a new twist on "academic game." Hee hee.

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/16/2003 

 
The Goodness of the Lowly

Every person's contribution in life has value,
even in academia.

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/14/2003 

 
Hours of Stupid Fun!
I don't feel like doing any work this weekend (although I already worked all morning). Anyway, now I'm just goofing off, playing t-shirt tunes at the homestarrunner t-shirt store. Try it out; it's very silly.

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/13/2003 

 
Another Stupid Poem
Well, it's a Friday, so I'm posting another stupid poem, sort of festive-style. If you're offended by any topics like sex, drugs, booze, discrimination, faculty exploitation, gender issues, or anything that's in really poor taste, then DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IN THIS POST.

You've been warned.
It's really bad.
Close web-page now, before you become really offended.
I'm not kidding.

Ok -- here's the poem:


'Twas the night before Christmas, a faculty club rouse,
Every professor was stirring a drink on the house;
My exams were all graded and stacked up with care,
In hopes that semester's end soon would be there.

The professors were woozy, some popping back reds,
While visions of grant awards danced in their heads;
And my TA in her kerchief, and I in my cap,
Settled the issue -- sex would cause a big flap.

When out on the quad there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter;
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains (and nearly dropped my hash!).

The moon on the breast of a lecturer in the snow,
Brought the lusting of middle-age to my object below;
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature paycheck, and her great look of fear!

I saw her cold shiver, not lively but sick,
And I thought, boy, for tenure, she'd be a bad pick!
As far-flung as seagulls her courses became,
She bristled, and pouted; drove to each school, played the game.

"Now, DAEMEN! now, DOMINICAN! now, PAUL SMITH'S! and FORDHAM!
On, COLUMBIA! on COOPER! on, DUCHESS! and BROOKLYN!
To the top of the porch! to the end of the hall!
I dash away! dash away! dash away to all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So on to the next school to teach courses she flew,
With a car full of papers, and examinations too.

And then, in a twinkling, not more than a poof,
"Note to self: don't rehire that contingent goof."
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the hallway the president came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were impeccable, not one mark of soot.
Took a glass, poured with poise, then he flung the scotch back;
He looked like he was planning to give me some flack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His grimace, how scary!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
He clearly had just come from snorting some blow,
Since the beard of his chin was still white as the snow.

My hash pipe he grabbed, and shoved between his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
And he leered at my TA, saying, "Isn't your name Kelly?"

He was chubby and plump, only thought of himself,
And I cringed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread.

He spoke not a word; he thought, hey, look, a perk!
But Kelly's a Black Belt and said, "F-ing jerk,"
And landing her kick to the left of his nose,
She moved away swiftly, and I, myself, froze.

She sprang to her purse, grabbed mace and a whistle,
And away we all scattered like the down of a thistle.
But I heard her exclaim, as we ran out in fright,
"DON'T MESS WITH THE TA'S! STAY OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/12/2003 

 
"I know these people didn't have tenure, but still"
The title of this blog entry is a quotation from a remarkable piece written by Jon Buscall on his blog, The Grey Notebook. By the way, Jon, reading about your Swedish party is making me crave that incredible salmon caviar and cream cheese spread you have over there . . . and Anna's orange cookie thins. Did anyone bring potatoes with anchovies? And why DON'T we have mashed-potato dispensing machines over here, anyway!?! I could at least use a packet of the mix -- it's so smooth and yummy. BUT, we have slurpee machines at 7-eleven, at least.

Anyway, back to Jon's blog entry. I'll quote just a little more, but you really should go over to his blog to read the rest of the post:

For a moment today I wondered if I was living through some Bergman film with lots of dysfunctional people creating waves of psychological damage. Then I realised it was just the office Christmas party.

Jon wrote about how we say goodbye to colleagues who have worked with us for a long time but who are not tenured. In his singular style, he captures the discomfort anyone-with-a-heart feels at these kinds of gatherings, where people are honored out of courtesy but not because anyone in administration really cares about them. I think Jon's got it exactly right.

For me, this is where the rubber really hits the road. Why don't we treat non-tenured faculty like colleagues? Better yet, why don't we just MAKE them permanent colleagues? If a person has worked for a college or university for 10 years, they should be considered permanent faculty. Period. They are permanent faculty. In any other place of employment, they'd be permanent after a few months. And that stuff about tenure being a "job for life"? It's not -- read here about that myth.

Letting non-tenured faculty go just because you can, just because you want to hire Foucault or somebody's wife or investment portfolio associate is a sick and depraved practice.

What's that thing people are always being charged with on Law and Order? Oh yeah, "depraved indifference." That's what it is.

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com

- posted by academygirl @ 12/11/2003 

 
*Whew*
Ok -- most of the site generally should be working just fine now. I'm still having some problems with changing my settings -- which is why the "technical difficulties" note is still up on the right and the annoying white line is running down the side of the page. Therefore . . . another note sent to blogger. However, at least I can blog now. How do you like the new colors?

I got some interesting e-mail which will make for some interesting upcoming blogs. Stay tuned.

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/11/2003 

 
Who's the Problem? Who's the Solution?
The Invisible Adjunct responds to a comment Timothy Burke made on site, and then linked TB's comment to an interesting bit by Clifford Geertz (one of my favorite writers).

Anyway, I want to comment on what TB said, too. Writing about how graduate school overly socializes students into a discipline and narrows their intellectual scope of inquiry, TB wrote:

Slowly but surely, however, you will be cut to fit a very particular professionalized and disciplinary cloth, and become a willing participant in innumerable rituals of abjection. Slowly but surely, you'll begin to accept the intimate intertwining of your life and your work, and pernicious forms of virally spreading authority and power by numerous other people, some of them quite distant from you in social terms, over that intertwined work-life.

My response: Yes, thank goodness, professor, you have come to realize that YOU are the problem. I don't mean TB, specifically, is the problem. I mean that, until every professor recognizes his or her personal role in the power abuses within the academy, nothing will change. Professor, you must first recognize how YOU socialize graduate students and how YOU narrow students' scope of inquiry and how YOU insidiously participate in the abuse of contingent faculty, and then YOU have to want to stop contributing to the problem. In other words, the problem starts with YOU and can only start to be solved by YOU.

Why not start by adopting the Professor's Code of Conduct and encouraging your colleagues to do the same?

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/9/2003 

 
The Color Quiz
So, my loyal readers, does this sound like me?

you are darkturquoise #00CED1

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well. Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right. Your outlook on life is brighter than most people's. You like the idea of influencing things for the better and find hope in situations where others might give up. You're not exactly a bouncy sunshine but things in your world generally look up.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

What do they mean, I'm "not exactly a bouncy sunshine"??? Aw, shucks! And I work too hard? Huh? Me? So far this fall, I only got two articles and a book chapter published, a major technical report, three conference presentations, and I only completed 10 chapters for my book! I mean, shouldn't I be just a little more productive?

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/8/2003 

 
The Raw Edge
Do you remember what it's like to be a student . . . a grad student? Maybe you're still a student and can relate to this remarkable "exam time" post from December 7, 2003 by grad student, Angela, over at mycommonplacebook . Her archive file links aren't working, so I'm going to quote the post here (I hope that's okay with you Ang):

Soooo tired.......I just finished my chemistry final (glad that is over). I feel sick to the stomach because of the awful sleep I had last night. I tried to go to sleep around 2:30, who knows when I actually did fall asleep. Whenever that was I dreamt of the horrible unending, unanswerable exam question. Any of you who have written university final exams, know what I am talking about (unless it is just me?????). This morning I woke up at 7:00 and I have felt pretty bad since then. At least the exam is over. It went okay. Some questions I know I got 10 out of 10, others....not so sure. I guess we'll just wait and see, nothing I can do now. After I finished the exam, I couldn't bring myself to come home, I just drove around the neighborhood. It was very calming. Listening to my Christmas music (thanks Becky) and divin' my new car....It was great, then I got home and I got reemed out by my roommate (not Becky) about the messy closet.....man....sorry...I haven't had a lot of time to spend cleaning lately. Anyways....sorry about all the complaining......I do have some good news.

That was the last exam I ever have to write.....(unless I do my PhD)......YiiPeeee!!!!!
Okay, too much excitement.....back to my ill stomach, getting worse I as write.

Yeah, I'm a real downer today.

The line that really got to me was: "After I finished the exam, I couldn't bring myself to come home, I just drove around the neighborhood. It was very calming."

I used to do that sometimes after exams -- just drive.

Ang's happy thought? No more exams.

Yes, Ang, there is life after graduate school, but you have to make one for yourself.

Hey, astute readers of this blog, why not take a minute to cheer Ang up by leaving a nice comment on her blog?

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/8/2003 

 
Code of Conduct: Revised
Here's a second (revised) attempt at a code of conduct, with thanks to those folks who provided commentary on the initial version. As usual, comments very welcome and necessary. If you have a long comment to make, you might find it easier to post to the discussion board rather than to the comment boxes, where comment length is limited.

Professors in Teaching or Research: Code of Conduct
(PTRCC v.2 -- get the "pet rocc" today!)

In the following draft, "professors" means as anyone conducting research or providing instruction at a post-secondary institution.

1. Professors will establish as their first interest the well-being and human dignity of their students and all people within the scope of their professional authority.

2. Professors will never take credit for work that has not been done by them. All thesis and dissertation work will be considered as performed exclusively by the student, even if that work becomes published. Whenever "first author" status is important in a discipline, students will be listed as first author on all publications arising from their thesis and dissertation research. Co-authorship should not be granted to thesis or dissertation supervisors unless the subsequent publication clearly goes beyond the scope of the students' thesis or dissertation research.

3. Professors will perform teaching and research with social responsibility and in accordance with the laws of the land.

4. Professors will not abuse their power or authority over others for any reason and in any circumstance.

5. Professors will not use deception in their teaching and research, unless specifically authorized to do so by a qualified and recognized university or college ethics board for a particular project and for a limited period of time.

6. Professors will never require or give academic credit for student participation in research studies.

7. Professors will uphold academic freedom as well as freedom of speech for colleagues, contingent faculty, and students at all levels.

8. Professors never will use threats, intimidation, coercion, or any other form of harassment toward a colleague, student, or any other person under the scope of their professional authority.

9. Professors will teach students in a manner that allows for open thought and sharing of ideas in the classroom. Ideological and political biases of a professor should not be used as measuring sticks for the quality of any student's work.

10. Professors will make every effort to do no harm to those more vulnerable to them in an academic setting, including, but not limited to, students, contingent faculty, and non-academic staff.

11. Professors will take all reasonable care to limit danger of death, injury, or ill health to all persons as a result of their work and/or the products/outcomes of their work.

12. Professors will maintain and develop their professional competence as well as encourage people under their supervision to do the same.

13. Professors will not take upon themselves any professional duty, task, or responsibilities that they do not believe themselves competent to perform.

14. Professors will accept personal responsibility for work done by them or under their supervision. They will take all reasonable steps to ensure that people working under their supervision are prepared and competent to carry out the tasks or duties assigned to them.

15. Professors who are asked to give an opinion in their professional capacity will, to the best of their ability, give an opinion that is not tainted by vested interest or personal bias and that is based upon the best available information.

16. Professors will inform their department head, dean, and other affected parties in writing of any actual or potential conflict of interest that might exist or arise between their personal interests and the interests of their students, employer, or others under the scope of the professors' professional authority.

17. Professors will not disclose any confidential information about their students or others within the scope of the professors' professional authority unless authorized to do so in writing by the concerned party or by exigent circumstances under the law.

18. Professors will not, without written employer consent, accept any payment, personal gain, or benefit from any organization or person other than their employer in connection with professional services rendered to the employer or supported by facilities and resources of the employer.

19. Professors convicted of a criminal offence anywhere in the world will inform their employer promptly.

20. Professors will not use designations or post-nominal letters to which they are not entitled and will never misrepresent their professional qualifications or credentials.

21. Professors will refrain from engaging in sexual affairs with their students, colleagues in their particular academic department, or others under the scope of their professional authority.

22. Professors will act transparently regarding the interests of their students and others under the scope of their professional authority, providing rationale for their decisions and actions. This includes rationale and guidelines for student grading and other forms of evaluation, which should be distributed at the same time school work or duties are assigned.

23. Professors will reject all forms of bribery or inappropriate gifting.

24. Professors will be open to honest and genuine criticism of their work.

25. Professors will not engage in personal vendettas of any kind against colleagues, students, or others within the scope of their professional authority.

26. Professors will provide some professional expertise toward the benefit of persons in their local community every year without receiving any form of monetary or other compensation.

27. Professors will avoid injuring others, their property, reputation, or employment by negligent or malicious actions, reports, votes, or statements.

28. Professors will support the principle of "fair wages for equal qualifications and equivalent work" for academic and non-academic employees who work in academic settings. Accordingly, professors will make every effort to not participate in, arrange, vote for, or condone exploitation of academic or non-academic laborers in academic places of employment.

29. Professors will act as role models and mentors for their students at all levels and, whenever possible, will act with integrity and without abusing power, authority, or privilege in arranging or supporting student recommendations, access to resources, scholarships, and merit-based awards.

30. Professors will not allow personal likes and dislikes, political memberships, or religious beliefs to interfere with the fair evaluation of others' work.

Adapted, in part, from the Institution of Electrical Engineers Code of Ethics and Rules of Conduct.

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/7/2003 

 
Notes towards an Eventual Code
Codes of conduct are easier to write than codes of ethics. Here's an initial attempt at the former, with hopes of eventually coming up with the latter. Comments very welcome and necessary.

In the following draft, "professors" would have to be defined as anyone conducting research or teaching at a post-secondary institution. Some of the following points might be redundant. The list certainly isn't comprehensive. Here goes:

1. Professors will establish as their first interest the well-being and human dignity of their students and all people within the scope of their professional authority.

2. Professors will never take credit for work that has not been done by them. Work performed primarily by a student will have the student's name listed as first author in all circumstances. All thesis and dissertation work will be considered as performed exclusively by the student, even if that work becomes published.

3. Professors will perform teaching and research with social responsibility and in accordance with the laws of the land.

4. Professors will not abuse their power or authority over others for any reason and in any circumstance.

5. Professors will not use deception in their teaching and research, unless specifically authorized to do so by a qualified and recognized university or college ethics board for a particular project and for a limited period of time.

6. Professors will never require or give academic credit for student participation in research studies.

7. Professors will uphold academic freedom as well as freedom of speech for colleagues, contingent faculty, and students at all levels.

8. Professors never will use threats, intimidation, coercion, or any other form of harassment towards a colleague, student, or any other person under the scope of their professional authority.

9. Professors will teach students in a manner that allows for open thought and sharing of ideas in the classroom. Ideological and political biases of a professor should not be used as measuring sticks for the quality of any student's work.

10. Professors will make every effort to do no harm to those more vulnerable to them in an academic setting, including, but not limited to, students, contingent faculty, and non-academic staff.

11. Professors will take all reasonable care to limit danger of death, injury, or ill health to all persons as a result of their work and/or the products/outcomes of their work.

12. Professors will maintain and develop their professional competence as well as encourage people under their supervision to do the same.

13. Professors will not take upon themselves any professional duty, task, or responsibilities that they do not believe themselves competent to perform.

14. Professors will accept personal responsibility for work done by them or under their supervision. They will take all reasonable steps to ensure that people working under their supervision are prepared and competent to carry out the tasks or duties assigned to them.

15. Professors who are asked to give an opinion in their professional capacity will, to the best of their ability, give an opinion that is not tainted by vested interest or personal bias and that is based upon the best available information.

16. Professors will inform their department head, dean, and other affected parties in writing of any actual or potential conflict of interest that might exist or arise between their personal interests and the interests of their students, employer, or others under the scope of the professors' professional authority.

17. Professors will not disclose any confidential information about their students or others within the scope of the professors' professional authority unless authorized to do so in writing by the concerned party or by exigent circumstances under the law.

18. Professors will not, without written employer consent, accept any payment, personal gain, or benefit from any organization or person other than their employer in connection with professional services rendered to the employer or supported by facilities and resources of the employer.

19. Professors convicted of a criminal offence anywhere in the world will inform their employer promptly.

20. Professors will not use designations or post-nominal letters to which they are not entitled and will never misrepresent their professional qualifications or credentials.

21. Professors will refrain from engaging in sexual affairs with their students, colleagues in their particular academic department, or others under the scope of their professional authority.

22. Professors will act transparently regarding the interests of their students and others under the scope of their professional authority, providing rationale for their decisions and actions. This includes rationale and guidelines for grading and evaluation, which should be distributed at the same time school work or duties are assigned.

23. Professors will reject all forms of bribery or inappropriate gifting.

24. Professors will be open to honest and genuine criticism of their work.

25. Professors will not engage in personal vendettas of any kind against colleagues, students, or others within the scope of their professional authority.

26. Professors will provide some professional expertise towards the benefit of persons in their local community every year without receiving any form of monetary or other compensation.

27. Professors will avoid injuring others, their property, reputation, or employment by false or malicious actions, reports, votes, or statements.

28. Professors will make every effort to not participate in, arrange, vote for, or condone exploitation of academic or non-academic laborers in their places of employment.

29. Professors will act as role models and mentors for their students at all levels and, whenever possible, will assist their students in advancing both their knowledge and their careers in their respective disciplines.

30. Professors will not allow personal likes and dislikes to interfere with the fair evaluation of others' work.

Adapted, in part, from the Institution of Electrical Engineers Code of Ethics and Rules of Conduct.

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/6/2003 

 
Friday Fun

I support the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus!

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/5/2003 

 
Hollow Profs
I recently received a long e-mail from an astute reader of this blog about her experiences as an undergraduate student. Subjected to horrifying experiences and intimidation from a faculty member, this student hit rock bottom before she was able to pick up the pieces of her life. Here's an excerpt from her experiences, as told by her:

My mental health was shattered, my academic career ruined before I even made it to grad school, I retreated, humiliated, and did what everyone told me to do: accept the blame for my own situation. . . . There was something vastly wrong with me. . . . Yet, I had survived quite well the 12 years before I ended up in the bowels of the state university system, and once I escaped academia, I healed. What was it about the university that was so detrimental to my psyche?. . .

Psychopathy. No, not me. My professor who also happened to be the department chair who also happened to be my academic advisor is a classic non-criminal psychopath. And I am the typical target (note that I did not write "stereotypical") for a psychopath: Voiceiferious, ethical, popular, competent, attractive and possessed with a need that he could control: my need for a specialist education. As this dawned on me, I looked around at the other aspects of the department: the fear that other students and adjunct faculty have for this man; the dysfunction of the department; the unhappiness of the faculty; and the dismally low retention/graduation rate. . . . "

This reader went on to describe in some detail the real horror of her experience being bullied, harassed, and blocked by this professor. She was failed in a class because he lost a major assignment of hers. He blocked her from taking classes when she needed them. He attacked her character and verbally demeaned her. She then became depressed, had to withdraw from school, and ended up under medical care. She suffered serious effects from her medical treatment (including a stroke), and then she had to completely rebuild her life, which she, thankfully, has done.

I have made statements on this blog before about how seriously a person's life can be affected by shenanigans in academia. Because of the self-governing nature of universities and the peer-review/evaluation process by which they operate, professors are under very little open scrutiny, and, as this reader pointed out to me, professors' are almost always seen as having more credibility than their students. In the university system, students (and contingent faculty) are extremely vulnerable.

Years ago, I read a book called The Mask of Sanity by Hervey Cleckley (Can you really download the book free at this theoretical physics-metaphysics site?). In this book, Cleckley went to great lengths to describe what a psychopathic personality is like. Granted, psychopaths are rare, but they exist. The modern-day equivalent of psychopathy is estimated to exist at the rate of 3% overall and just under 5% for men.

What if 3% of your institution's professors were psychopathic? This isn't necessarily a realistic question because psychopaths aren't exactly the most successful people, but they CAN be. Cleckley wrote about psychopathic physicians, business persons, scientists; he even wrote about a psychopathic psychiatrist!

Cleckley wrote that psychopaths have the following characteristics:

superficial charm and good intelligence
absence of delusions and other signs of irrational thining
absence of nervousness or psychneurotic manifestations
unreliability
untruthfulness and insincerity
lack of remores or shame
inadequately motivated antisocial behavior
poor judgment and failure to learn by [change from] experience
pathologic egocentricity and incapacity for love
general poverty in major affective reactions
specific loss of insight
unresponsiveness in general interpersonal relations
fantastic and uninviting behavior with drink and sometimes without
suicide rarely carried out
impersonal, trivial and poorly integrated sex life
failure to follow any life plan

Do you know any professors like this? I do. I once worked for a professor who used to joke about his own psychopathic tendencies. It sent chills up my spine -- and still does to this day.

The "failure to follow any life plan" aspect of psychopathy would keep a lot of psychopaths out of academia, but a psychopath can have a career and then fail to follow a consistent life plan in other ways -- in personal relationships, for example. Psychopaths can be downright rakes or, worse, hollow men, people incapable of emotional connection to others, always leaving a trail of wreckage behind them. These are soul-deadened people -- "without eyes" -- who would, after toying with you, flick you out of their lives as lint off a suit jacket. Never intentionally try to emulate or become as emotionally disconnected and calculating as these people. They might appear to be strong, even invincible, but they are morally bankrupt and mentally ill.

If 3% of your professors were psychopathic -- ok, let's be fair -- if 1% of your professors were psychopathic, and there were 1000 professors in your faculty, you would have 10 psychopaths running around your faculty lounge. Disturbing? Academia is a wonderful place for psychopaths to hide because they operate so independently in their jobs.

This is yet another reason why the professoriate needs a unified code of ethics and conduct -- one with teeth that bites if a professor violates it.

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/5/2003 

 
To Fish or not to Fish: That is the Question
*sigh*

I really shouldn't read Stanley Fish's columns. His black-and-white, high-brow thinking just doesn't sit well with me. I guess he's an academic blue-blood? But enough about problems with the merit system ; )

This time, I was so very pleased to see Dr. Fish writing something satirical. I mean, it must have been satirical. After all, for a person who hates analogies to the marketplace and mercantile language, he, himself, relies on the concept of caveat emptor to make a main argument:

If students or parents wanted to understand college financing . . . wouldn't it be their obligation first to frame the question . . . and then to do the research, just as it is the obligation of buyers in any marketplace to make themselves into informed consumers? I use the vocabulary of "consumers" and "marketplace" only because Boehner and McKeon do (I consider it wildly inappropriate), but in the mercantile contexts from which the vocabulary is drawn, the rule is still caveat emptor, and no vendor is expected to explain in detail how the product he offers is made [sic].

The "consumers" for whom McKeon and Boehner show such solicitude are, in the jargon of any trade, lazy; and indeed it is the beauty of the question that it allows those who haven't bothered to learn how colleges work to transfer the culpability of their ignorance to another party. "I don't know what I'm doing; it must be your fault."

Wow. From the pen of the mighty . . . bring me your downtrodden, and I'll trod on them. Naw, it must be satire.

Let's say, just for sake of argument, that it isn't satire. That would mean Dr. Fish thinks parents and students are lazy people who haven't bothered to learn anything about how universities are funded. Does he think that most faculty know how the university is funded? Are funds coming into a university always disclosed?

Dr. Fish misses a fundamental point early on: universities funded by public monies are accountable for disclosing from where funding comes and how it is spent. He tries to make this point later in the article when writing about funding of research initiatives, but missed the point earlier in the article. Tsk. Tsk. The same usually goes for private corporations funded with public money. The word is accountability, not "buyer beware."

So, Dr. Fish is very correct in saying that the vocabulary of the marketplace can be wildly inappropriate when applied to the university setting (although not always inappropriate, in my opinion); however, that wildness seems to have ooched its way into his own argument. Hence my comment that his column MUST have been satirical. I mean, it couldn't have been illogical, now, could it?

Here are some other priceless gems from his stupid stupendous column (parenthetical comments must have been slipped in by some hacker who couldn't appreciate the depth of humor in his satire . . . sorry . . . I'll get around to taking them out . . . never):

When professors are not being attacked for doing too much research, they are being attacked for having the wrong political opinions. (poor baby!)

There is no necessary, or even likely, correlation between the way one votes in a local or national election and the way one teaches or conducts research. (Look, belief in absolute, self-actualized objectivity! How quaint!)

The political affiliation of one's professors should be of no concern at all . . . . (Hmmm, hmmm, that depends on what kind of politics we're talking about. For example, I don't think I'd appreciate Stalin teaching my children. My bad bias, I guess.)

Intellectual diversity is not a respectable intellectual goal. The only respectable intellectual goal is the pursuit of truth. . . . (I wonder if he forgot the capital "T"?)

So much is clear and indisputable. (Oh, the luxury of insular thought.)

. . . ilk . . . . ("Ilk"??? Well, it's a lucky thing there's no caste system in academia. I mean, there isn't one, is there?)

I could go on listing the signs. They are everywhere, (Yes, here's one now, Stanley: Exit!)

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/4/2003 

 
More on Spousal Hiring
Yesterday, I posted a blog entry about a university department in which about half the faculty were married to each other. More needs to be said on this topic.

Hiring spouses to work in the same academic department has become increasingly common at universities, in part because many academics marry/settle down with other academics, creating what has now been called "dual career couples" in academia.

First, I'd point out that any aspiring academic who partners with someone in his or her own field already knows the risks inherent in that. Many universities simply will not hire both spouses, no matter who they are. I, myself, know of a case in which a faculty member landed an excellent job, with tenure in hand, but the university would not hire the faculty member's even-more-famous spouse. Eventually, the spouse got a fellowship appointment and, later, visiting professor status.

Second, I'd point out that profs can be hired at universities in a variety of capacities across a variety of departments. They don't have to be in the same department.

With these caveats in mind, I say that sometimes it might be acceptable to hire spouses into a department if it means the department can solve a historical problem with faculty retention and recruitment. It's not good enough, in my opinion, to say "we'll only get Star Professor if we hire Star Professor Spouse. Sorry, Star Professor Spouse can find his or her own job. Maybe the university could facilitate the local job search.

Open discussion, even pressure, has been occurring for universities to take Star Professor Spouses, and some people have begun to argue that hiring spouses is an acceptable practice, not nepotism.

What I don't see being discussed is the impact on undergraduate and graduate students of working with people who are life partners. Do you know that many students don't even realize their professors are married/partnered in part because many of these professors use different last names? Academia is a very political place. Having spousal partners in the mix affects that politics greatly. Remember when I wrote about that university department that could get quorum for a faculty meeting in bed at night (read "Grabbing the Goodies")?

Also not discussed are department ratios for hiring life partners. How many is too many? I can see one, maybe even two couples in a department, but five, six, ten? Where should it stop?

Finally, how about sexual affairs? Should there be rules for whether faculty can have affairs with each other? Many places of employment have strict rules against "fraternizing" on the job (showing my age again) or employees dating each other. Why don't universities? Some universities have started to recognize that professors and their students shouldn't sleep together, let alone partner up and then have the lover get tenure. Rules for how faculty behave after they are hired must be created or the universities will become, well, zoos with all the monkeys screwing each other. I know . . . you're going to tell me that most profs have more integrity than that.

Uh-huh.

Message to profs: get your jollies off-campus, and keep them there. At the VERY least, limit sexual relationships to people outside your academic department. It's amazing how sex and money can cloud people's judgment!

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/3/2003 

 
W(h)ine and chees(iness)
Writes an astute reader of this blog . . . "what do you do about an academic department where about 50% of the faculty are married to each other (i.e., there's five or six couples in the department)?"

WTF?

Ok, this is a truly bad situation, if I do say so myself. I understand that students in the department don't necessarily know the faculty are intermarrying, although apparently grad students know, and it contributes to a lot of morale problems in the department.

Yeah, wouldn't it though.

Says the astute reader:

If a student was having a problem with a graduate supervisor, the student couldn't complain to the department head because the supervisor was married to the head! On another occasion, a student was stuck working for the department head's wife, who was working for the student's thesis supervisor, who was married to the head of the faculty of grad studies. Then the head separated from his wife but later, his live-in girlfriend was hired into a tenure-stream appt. in the department. Two other profs. had affairs with their students, divorced their wives, and then -- you guessed it, their girlfriends got tenure. By the way, the motto of this department? We don't hire our own students. Yeah, right, just your lovers and spouses.

Yes, my friends, academia can be a sick, sick world.

Remember, e-mail me with your academic tales at academicgame@hotmail.com
- posted by academygirl @ 12/2/2003