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Monday, July 12th, 2004
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3:10 am - Liberation
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I just ended my noviate period with the IOT. It is something I've come to realize I don't need or want in my life right now considering all the ridiculous blunders that have occurred within the administration. I would not recommend pursuing membership within this organization. The Pact you'll read about in the works of Peter Carroll is not The Pact that exists today. Dissent and criticism from below is not encouraged or welcomed. I seriously wonder if this is part of why Carroll left the org.
My work with MMM has made me much more aware of the kinds of things I want in my life. The kinds of issues I've experienced and witnessed involving members of the IOT is not something I care to include in my current reality. What I thought could be inspiring and fruitful has only been tedious for me, and I don't mean my practice of MMM.
MMM in and of itself I highly recommend. The genius of Carroll continues to amaze me. He has put so much in very simple words.
current mood:  happy
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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2:09 am - I thought you were special...
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I've been feeling very hypersensitive for the last...I don't know...three weeks? My Ego is definitely trying to take the helm again, getting offended by what people think of me. I hate this. I really do. I don't want to care what people think of my hair or my weight or my ideas or the fact that I don't have a college degree.
But all of a sudden, I do care again. Why?
current mood:  disappointed
current music: Garbage - Special
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 11th, 2004
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3:10 am - Ping!
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| Saturday, July 10th, 2004
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6:37 pm - Soma
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"We have drunk the Soma; we have become immortal; we have gone to the light; we have found the gods. What can hatred and the malice of a mortal do to us now, O immortal one?"
-Rig Veda (c.1000 BC)
current mood:  hyper
current music: sshhhh...I'm listening to Prozac
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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6:06 pm - The Mass Hallucination of Reality
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4:23 pm - Etchings...
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3:32 pm - Que?
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A big part of MMM work is recording dreams. I find this easiest to do right here in my journal. However, I'm not sure how interesting this will be for you, my Friends, and since my journal is completely public and serves as a communication device I do not care to bore my readers. So please vote!
Poll #319082 Dream Prompts
Open to: Friends, results viewable to: AllShould I make my dream entries private?
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(comment on this)
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3:14 pm - God's Eye View
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My dreams today consisted again of "me" not being me. I was basically, as usual, just an invisible witness to what my dreams showed me. This time it was about this incredibly dysfunctional couple, a guy and a girl. It was pretty hazy, but apparently they had gone to a child's birthday party where there were lots of kids. The guy ended up having sex with some other chick in the outdoor pool where all the children could see them. When the guy realized they had been spotted, they got out of the pool and headed down some wooded trails in the back of the house. The girl followed him and tried to find him, but couldn't.
She did, however, see the girl he had fucked in the swimming pool. She slapped the girl hard across the face a few times. I was in her body when she did this.
So she left him, and found another lover. But she was pregnant. The previous boyfriend found out that she was pregnant and in a relationship with someone else. So he found out where she was staying. He went there and tried to kill her current lover. The ex-boyfriend used some kind of magic power from his hands, a flame he used to burn up the current boyfriend. He waited for her to get home and when she did, he tried to convince her to be with him again and to let him have custody of the child. She broke free and tried to get away...
I also dreamt of Stefan with a huge pile of coke. He said something to me about it but I can't remember what.
current mood: gloomy
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, July 9th, 2004
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11:07 am - Dream Prompts...
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I dreamt about a small, shabby apartment some people were looking at to rent. Apparently they were down on their luck and had lost their house. It was very sad. I had some very disturbing dreams earlier than that, but after waking up from them and going back to sleep, I had forgotten them, whatever they were. I remember knowing that it was a dream and waking up from it on purpose.
current mood: depressed
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(comment on this)
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1:31 am - Everything's dancing...
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I'm watching Labyrinth for the first time in a bajillion years. God, I love this movie.
I've noticed that everytime I mention my noviate with the IOT, people say how its not their kind of thing and then assure me that they don't mean it as an insult to me. Why would I feel insulted by it? What's this weird stigma associated with membership to the IOT?
current mood:  curious
current music: David Bowie - As The World Falls Down
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(10 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
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1:16 am - Keepsake.
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My IOT mentor sent me the following guidelines for journaling:
"**Journal entries should contain:
a) Notes concerning the advancement of your personal magical thinking. These should be explored and neither vague or cryptic if it can be avoided. These notes must be useful when you return to them.
b) Bits of inspiration concerning magical insights and possible ideas for experimentation.
c) When designing and performing rituals, the rituals should be included in full form and the results should be expounded in full detail with analysis.
d) Work with MMM mind-control exercises which should included the date, time, the location, environmental factors, obstacles, progress, and possible changes you'd make. These should include as much detail as possible as this sort of thing will be worthless to you with out plenty of notes and comments.
e) Artwork, diagrams, and sketches of ritual instruments, symbols, or blocking (if you don't do this sort of thing, don't include it).
f) Any other details relevant to your magical practice
It is VERY important that you fill out your journal with as much detail as possible. Without this detail, your journal will be of no use to you when you return to consult it."
No use? I disagree.
current mood: amused
current music: Aisha - High Priestess
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(14 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 6th, 2004
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4:00 am - Moonpies & Penny Whistles
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Ceilede: I like my interests list.
Sammaelhain: What's your favorite thing on it?
Ceilede: My favorite thing isn't on it.
Sammaelhain: ...That doesn't make any sense.
*laughter*
current mood: giddy
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, July 5th, 2004
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5:52 am - Echo Location
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I feel like my journal entries these days are soundings. Hello, is anyone actually out there? Am I being too desperate? It seems like I'm some kind of numb...
I've got wanderlust and I feel like I'm using the word "I" way too much. I'm disappointed in my lack of having anything to say that doesn't involve "ME"...
It just seems redundant and masturbatory.
current mood: uncomfortable
current music: White Stripes - I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 4th, 2004
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3:12 am - We burn like a house on fire...
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I am full of secret fire.
Words I dare not whisper for fear...
I would reveal too much of something delicately unjustifiable.
But how I want to scream it from the rooftops,
Rip out of my own skin and sense of sin.
I almost want to plunge into that dark life again;
shaman in the lower realms of abstract candlelight
and twisting bodies that delight in the
fascination of limbs.
There's no end to this bright tension.
Don't ever stop grasping for the lower lip of my seduction.
current mood: melancholy
current music: Concrete Blonde - I Don't Need a Hero
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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2:54 am - No Carrier Signal
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| Friday, July 2nd, 2004
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9:38 pm - Love...Devotion...Feeling...Emotion
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LJ needs to add the following emotions:
inspired, beautiful, trancy, magical, powerful, fnord, otherworldly, vexed, perfect, blissful, dark, passionate, ghettorific.
current mood: disappointed
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(comment on this)
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9:30 pm - The Possible Human...
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I feel very inspired at the moment. Things have gone well today. I had a very good conversation with Dad last night in which we discussed feelings we had never discussed and memories and weird coincidences...the kind of conversation I've never had with him before really.
I told him about my dreams and healing practices I was doing for him. He said he could feel what people were trying to do for him. He sounds very motivated to heal.
We also discussed dream journeying and astral projection and a few nippets of shamanism...
I indulged my ridiculous urge to join that OneSpirit book club. They had a few things I wanted and I figured it would motivate me to try to read new things. Also, I think I'm going to sign up for The Science Fiction Book Club. I don't think these things are really a good deal, but its everso convenient.
I read the pieces I'd written for Disinformation's Generation Hex over again and felt very motivated again. At least my writing works for me. I would hope it inspires others to some degree also. I very often find myself feeling like a great well of potential energy.
current mood: beautiful
current music: Waterbone - Keepers of the Gates of Mars
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 1st, 2004
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5:19 am - Illuminations
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One of my favorite magical works suggested by Carroll is the work of illumination. Illumination, the magical manipulation of the self complex, has great implications when one is working towards metamorphosis. I've engineered and experienced countless illuminations. I enjoy illumination from invocation and from shamanic journey/trance practice especially. But I've had a great many spontaneous illuminatory experiences also, in which gold light seems to pour all over me and create an understanding I did not have prior.
I recently purchased the second Waterbone CD, The Orion Prophecy. This one was done with Egyptian instruments and vocals. It has a different vibe from Tibet, but has quickly grown on me. Particularly beautiful are the pieces with the nay, an Egyptian flute. This music gives me shivers all the way in my soul.
Music opens doors to other worlds for me...
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Waterbone - Vision of Maati
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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5:09 am - Morning Moonset
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I have more than 150 interests at any given time.
I'm beginning to really hate rants. They're whiny and pointless. Spend your time doing something creative and fulfilling, bitches.
I'm really disappointed in a lot of the journals I come across that have a great interests list, but snoozefest entries about going out to clubs with their friends. Why bother making a public journal if you aren't going to say anything that's interesting to readers at large? Okay, that was a rant, but so what? Fuck you.
Hehe.
current mood:  listless
current music: Waterbone - Hymn To Isis
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
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7:31 pm - Ha!
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I promised myself I wouldn't post any more of these things, but this one really amused me for obvious reasons.
ceilede
Look out for the | m
HOLE |
From Go-Quiz.com
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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discontent