I should know better...    10:35pm 21/12/2002   I tried to sneak out without anyone noticing. Thought I would be clever and go through several fast shadows first, before settling in a slow one. I managed to elude everyone, except Aunt Fiona. She was waiting for me outside of a lawless cattle town, before the advent of automobiles. "You are not going to stop me," I growled, walking past her. "Now, Rendel," she said, matching my steps as we entered the dusty town. "Think about this. The rest of the family is going over every part of the shadows where your shadow selves were murdered. How do you expect to search out your assassin without them finding you out?" "No one can cover all the shadows around a world," I stated. "Ghostwheel can," Fiona informed me. "And he will tell Merlin if he finds you - especially if your father asks for his help in locating you. Healers are pretty easy to find once you know how to detect healer energy." "I suppose that's why you were able to find me." "Yes, it is." "And now you're going to tell Dad where I am?" "No, not as long as you agree to let me go with you on your search, so I can handle what you cannot." "I don't need a mother," I pointed out. "You are not a normal Amberite, Rendel," Fiona said. "You need to swallow your pride and stop trying to be one." "The ancient healers did well enough on their own until Makil and Saporac!" "The ancient healers were not members of the Royal Family of Amber and political targets," my aunt retorted. "You don't know that it's because I am an Amberite that this person wants me dead," I told her. "For all we know, it's someone I crossed as Countess of Kwiabee, who would have a grudge against me even if I was the shadow lady Chaos once thought I was." "You either accept my help or you will be returned to your father," Fiona stated. "Have you been able to contact my husband?" I asked. "No one has." "Then I guess our first priority is to find him." "Benedict is capable of fending for himself," Fiona said. "So was Oberon," I replied. "All right," she conceeded, "we'll look for Benedict first. It should be safer than going directly after the assassin. Maybe he can talk some sense into you." I glared at my aunt and marched into the saloon, in full temper, and found a spot at the bar. A barely clad barmaid came up to us. “And what would you like to drink, sugar?” she asked. “Just a sarsaparilla,” I muttered. “Can’t hold your whisky, doll?” she smirked. I was not in the mood for this. I grabbed her neck ribbon and slammed her face into the countertop. Then I leaned down to whisper into her ear, letting her see the scalpel in my hand. “I don’t have to be drunk to be mean,” I hissed. “Make another snide remark to me again, trollop, and I’ll make sure that only vultures will find you alluring.” “Temper, temper,” chuckled my aunt, as I let the barmaid go. “Be a good girl, dear,” Fiona said to her, laying down some gold coins, “And bring us your best wine to go with that sarsaparilla. And perhaps something for dinner. My sister is always short tempered when she’s hungry.” The barmaid shot me a furtive look before scurrying off to fetch the drinks. "So, has anyone seen or heard from Benedict since he left the Center?" I muttered. "No," Fiona answered. "He went undercover. He's good at that. No one can find Benedict if he doesn't want to be found." "I can find him," I said. "I haven't tried to yet because I knew it would disrupt his investigation, but he has been silent too long." We went silent as the barmaid returned with our drinks and dinner. I ate like a starved woman. Fiona ate with a little more grace. The barmaid looked at our petite figures and then brought out another steak for both of us. Afterwards, Fiona rented a room for the two of us. As we climbed the stairs, a drunk cowboy tried to make a pass at me. I tossed him over the railing, where he landed on a poker table. The whole place went quiet. "That wasn't necessary," Fiona hissed. "Perhaps not," I said, "but it will assure that none will molest us tonight." "And your assassin?" "Is not likely to be here. I choose this route because I knew it would be one of the last directions people would think to look for me in." "We really need to do something about that temper of yours," my aunt muttered, continuing her climb up the stairs. "We could start by not provoking it," I said, following her to our room.        Post   I've made a decision...    12:05pm 02/12/2002   For the last several days, there has been no concensus and no word from Benedict. My children and I paced the compound in Arden like caged animals. Thaymon and Lilia are trying, along with Aunt Fiona, to make our situation seem a little less confining. Mandor has returned to Chaos to continue his investigation there. Dad is preparing for the next attack. I am ready to take someone's head... The tension has become too great. Even with my empathic blocks up, it grates on me continually. I knew that prudence said I should stay where I was and let those better fit to handle the situation do so, but unless I find some way around the helplessness, my mind is going to snap. Tonight I will set out on my own and see what resolution I can bring about....        Post   I swear no one listens to me...    10:02pm 22/11/2002   Fiona interrupted before I ended trump contact with Lizette. "Bring her through," she commanded. With a suspicious raise of an eyebrow, I reached my hand out to my daughter and asked if she could come to the center for a moment. Lizette narrowed her eyes as she looked past me, before grimly taking my hand and stepping into my world. I turned and saw that Prince Mandor was accompanying Aunt Fiona and that my son was sitting ashen in a chair, his head in his hands. Thaymon and Lilia were at his side. Llewella stood off a little ways watching. "What happened?" I asked. "Two sets of Fire Angels came after Stephan while he was attending to matters at Thelbane," Mandor announced. "At the royal palace of Chaos itself?" I asked in dumbfound amazement. "It was a desperate attempt," Mandor said. "It had to be to send that many of them. Of course we were able to destroy the Fire Angels before anyone was hurt." "But we're Master Healers," Lizette protested. "What could Stephan have possibly done to warrant such animosity?" "I don't know," my son answered as he raised his head, showing us a composed face. "I can think of a few things that would justify a duel, but nothing that would an assassination." "Nor can I," Mandor added. "However, I will not stand by and watch my aunt and cousins be attacked." "But we are to stand by and watch everyone else fight our battles," I said. "My great uncle didn't do what he did to keep his family safe just because he loved you, though I am sure it was a major motivation - he did what he did because he knew how rare Master Healers were," Mandor said. "I will not dishonor his memory by letting some lunatic kill all of you." "All of us?" Lizette asked. "There hasn't been an attack on me yet." "It's only a matter of time," Mandor stated. "Anyone rash enough to attack Chaos' Royal Master Healer in front of the King, himself, would not balked at sending forces to Amber to do the same thing there." "If neither pole is safe, then what is?" Lilia asked. "Nowhere," I answered. "We will have to find this person or group of people and nullify them ourselves." "Let's not be too hasty," Fiona said. "There are several places in the shadows we can hide. This place here is probably one of the safest ones. Very few people know its exact location. Why don't we give Benedict a chance to deal with this first?" "All right," I said, "But we need to update him on recent events." "Agreed." I pulled out my husband's trump and tried to make contact, but to no avail. Fiona and Mandor tried to help boost my trump's range with still no results. Contacting Merlin back in Chaos and Dad back in Amber also found Benedict outside of their range. Upon hearing of the attack on his grandson, Dad trumped over to the research center too. "Maybe Benedict is just busy," Fiona suggested. Dad shook his head. "Benedict would answer and tell us to wait if that was the case," Dad said. "He's capable of multitasking. No, he must be blocking contact or somewhere trumps don't work." "We can't just sit here and waiting for more Fire Angels," I said. "Then you will stay in Arden," my father insisted. "Nothing can touch you and your children there." "And how long will we have to stay there?" I asked. Dad gave me a strange look. "Since when has your childhood home become so distasteful to you?" "When it became my prison," I said. "I love you, Dad, and I do love Arden, but I do not want to live the rest of my life in fear. I've lived that way too long." "You will stay in Arden," Dad said. "We will discuss what actions to take against your attacker there. Prince Mandor and the rest of the Chaosites may come and add their ideas." "No offense, Julian," Aunt Llewella said, "but it would be better if this planning session happened in Amber's palace - unless you wish to offend our brother the king." "Random will understand the need for secrecy," Dad replied. "I will contact him after everyone is settled in Arden."        Post   Mirror, mirror...    05:25pm 20/11/2002   It was a little easier talking to Lizette about Thaymon than I had expected. Stephan had told her about Lady Franger's last wish for her family to watch over us and Chavik's decision not to tell her. Apparently my two children had discussed a great many things while I had been comatose after Chavik's death. "Stephan said that Dad really like Thaymon," she said. "Though I still think he took his duty a little too far." "He had good reason to," I told her. "Because you had saved his and his mother's lives when he was born?" she asked. "Your brother told you about that too?" "That and how you and Lady Franger dealt with Lord Darso for his dispicable act. It was saving Thaymon and Lilia that started your practice in Chaos, wasn't it?" "It was," I nodded. "I don't hate him, Mom," Lizette said. "He was doing what he thought he had to. He would be a good ambassador to Amber for Chaos. I promise to give him the grand tour when he gets here." "That's more than I have right to ask for," I told her. She shrugged her shoulders. "Only doing what a proper Lady of Amber should do. Granddad is getting overprotective and he knows that Thaymon would risk his life for mine. I think he would back off if he knew someone else was also keeping an eye on me. It might be nice to have another guardian for awhile." "Do you want me to talk to him about it?" Lizette laughed, "Get real, Mom. He's worse about you. At least I'm in Amber. You won't have a chance of talking him out of his current mindset." I shook my head. "I need to do something," I said. "We can't live like this. The tension is a constant drain on our empathic abilities." "It's really getting to you, isn't it? And you aren't even near Granddad right now. That link between the two of you is pretty strong - or you're more worried than you're willing to admit." I looked at my daughter for a moment and realized she might have a point. "Either way," I said, "I have to do something to control the situation." "No argument here," she replied. "Just make sure someone knows where you are because I am near Granddad a lot and that tension would be hard to handle."        Post   I'm no better than the rest it would appear...    02:59pm 16/11/2002   Lilia and I had a pleasant afternoon in the parlor, while Aunt Fiona talked with my first husband's great-nephew. Royal families can be so hard to keep straight, especially when dealing with different time streams. Lilia had brought that very subject up halfway through our visit. "It's hard to remember that Lizette is not an adolescent anymore," she said. "I was so surprised to hear that when you delivered Lord Chavik's body to Lord Bances for a proper funeral, that Lizette had grown to almost Stephan's height." "Oh, he tops her by a palm," I said. "Still, it must have been a very fast shadow you had been in between his death and his furneral." "They wanted to make sure I was stable before attending to the dead." Lilia nodded and made a slight change of subjects. "Thaymon has been petitioning the Court to be an ambassador to the Kingdom of Amber," she said of her eldest son. "With Merlin now our king, we can no longer consider him our unofficial link to there." "I would suppose not," I chuckled. "And with Lizette refusing to acknowledge Chaos outside of her brother and Stephan too busy with running Kwiabee, we can't count on my children. I hope Thaymon gets the position." "Do you think Lizette will shun him?" Lilia asked with a hint of concern. "I would hope my daughter would have better manners than that," I said. "But I will make sure. She treats Mandor and Merlin well enough when they visit Amber, though she may still feel some resentment to Thaymon's watching her when she was a teenager." Lilia bowed her head. I could still sense distress in her. "Is there something wrong?" I asked. "He loves her, Rendel," she whispered. "He really does. Even when everyone else thought your family was lost for good, Thaymon would go out and search the shadows in the hopes that he would find her." I sat back and digested the information. Lizette was currently involved with my Uncle Bleys, despite how Dad and I felt about the matter. Of course, I had no right to disapprove considering that I was married to another one of my dad's half brothers, even if it was due to extenuating circumstances. What would be better? Letting Thaymon find out for himself - or giving him warning? Perhaps he could win her over, but my gut said probably not. But if I were to make it a little easier... It was an underhanded thought and I knew it. Still, Thaymon did deserve at least a chance to redeem himself. I would do no more than ask Lizette to not hold any grudges. "It might help if Thaymon went ahead and visited Amber first," I said at last. "I can arrange for a room at the palace for him. Why don't you try to raise his trump, while I make arrangements." I retired to the library and contacted Aunt Llewella. Though I didn't come right out and say my plan, she quickly read between the lines - bless her political soul. An ambassador married to a citizen could be useful, though she was more interested in having me taking Lizette's place as Amber's Royal Master Healer. I didn't want the job, but it would be worth it to untangle some of the family tree - even if I was at the center of that tangle. I brought her through the trump into the library. Her green hair sparkled as her cat-shaped eyes took in her surroundings. I led her back into the parlor. Thaymon was already there. He bowed towards both of us. There was the traditional introductions and then Llewella took over. She invited Lilia to be her guest too. With a wink, she suggested I talk with my daughter while she arranged things in Amber.        Post   Hobbled, but not imprisoned - I do not stand helpless for long    10:46pm 14/11/2002   While Benedict did his search for my assassin and Dad thought of new ways to protect me, Fiona and I made a list of everyone I had ever insulted in the Courts of Chaos while I was Countess of Kwiabee. The list wasn't as long as I expected it to be. I contacted Lilia of the House of Leasdown, grand daughter of my dear late friend Lady Franger, and asked her to help with my memory. She couldn't add more to the list, but she could help us determine who was stilled ticked off at me. Dara, of course, topped the list. Yet using a minor house was not her style. She would have used another Fire Angel or something similar. Then Aunt Fiona sat back and threw out another idea - "What if the person doing this isn't doing it because they have something personal against Rendel, but because they hope to impress someone who does have a grudge against her to win them over?" Lilia and I both sat there speechless as our minds wrapped around the concept. Lilia cleared her throat with a delicate cough. "Well, that is very possible," she said. "I will ask my husband about it. Kendet would have a better idea of who might be willing to try such a thing." "He should start with the House of Thazar then," I said. "It was their demon who attacked my shadow self." "We should probably include Prince Mandor too," Aunt Fiona said. I nodded. "Yes, if anyone knows all the political byplay in the Courts, it's Mandor. Do you want to talk to him or shall I?" "I'll take care of it," she said. "That way you and Lilia can spend some time together."        Post   Unnecessary guilt...    09:16pm 11/11/2002   "You're being very quiet," my aunt observed as we rode through the nearby forest. She was on a Palamino and I was atop my faithful Lace. "Am I?" I asked. "Perhaps I have nothing to say." "Perhaps, but I suspect you are thinking about a great deal. Care to share some of those thoughts?" "We have a family full of male chauvenists," I announced. Fiona laughed. "I doubt any of your aunts would disagree, but what has led you to this conclusion?" she asked. "They don't molly-coddle Stephan the way they do me. He's a Master Healer too. The same reasons they give for protecting me should also apply to him. For heaven's sake, I gave birth to him and yet I am still treated as a child." "That's Julian's fault," Fiona said. "And Gérard's. It's the guilt of not being able to protect you when you were with your mother." "I know," I said, "but what can we do about it now?" "You could get pregnant. Perhaps if your father and Gérard were actually around while you were with child, it would help them to realize you are an adult." "Perhaps. The frustrating part is Dad and I have talked about this before and he does understand it on one level, but the moment he thinks I might be harmed, it all goes out the window." "Are you any different with your own children?" she asked. "You've been talking to Lizette and Stephan I suppose." "I have," Fiona admitted with a hint of humor, "though they both agree that Julian is more protective than you are." "I don't have his degree of guilt. I wonder how I could possibly lessen that." "That's not for you to do," she said. "Your father will have to do it himself." "Wonderful," I muttered. "That should only take a thousand years or so."        Post   Breakfast with the family...    08:32pm 10/11/2002   It's a shame my staff puts out so much effort to produce a marvelous breakfast when everyone was too edgy to enjoy it. Uncle Gérard had joined us, as well as Random. Merlin was also there with his stepbrother Mandor, great-nephew to my late husband Chavik, and my son Stephan. Lizette was still in Amber, under the watchful eye of my Uncle Bleys and Aunt Llewella. The whole meal soon resembled a political summit. I stared at the center piece, while everyone batted ideas around. I suppose you would be justified to say I was pouting. There just didn't seem much of a point of trying to add to the conversation, when everyone had pretty much decided I was to stay put and let them handle things. It was annoying. If it was anyone else at the table in my shoes, they could easily say, "Back off! This is my problem and I don't want your help," and they would go along without another word. But not me. I was a Master Healer - I couldn't kill people - I was a freak of nature - we couldn't risk losing me - I meant too much to the rest of the universe. Bah. Sitting next to me, Benedict cleared his throat. Everyone turned to hear what he said. "I think we are making too much of this," he said. "This is not an international incident. We don't need to mobilize the troops. I can find this person and deal with him or her. After all, it's my right by law." I kept my sigh inside. Having Benedict go after my assassin was better than having the whole family doing it. After a few comments, which Benedict trounced with logic and law, most of the family left. Then my husband kissed me and went to find the person who wanted me dead, leaving me with Aunt Fiona. "I think I'm beginning to understand that comment you made earlier," she said. "You must feel very helpless around us sometimes." "I'm used to it," I muttered. "Perhaps we should do some riding this morning," she continued. "It's a beautiful day for it." I nodded and followed her to the stables.        Post   *sigh*    08:34am 09/11/2002   My husband came while I was asleep and crawled into bed with me. I snuggled closer and sighed. He pulled me into his arms and kissed my cheek. "Julian was pretty rough on you, wasn't he?" Benedict said. "I suppose you're upset with me too," I answered "Not really," he said. "It was only a demon, after all. And from what Fiona told me, you handled things as well as any of the rest of us would have. I'm more bothered by the fact that you always assume people will over-react to your decisions." "And you expect me to believe that you wouldn't have ordered me out of there if you had known?" "When have I ordered you about?" he asked. I thought for a moment and realized he had a point. "I'm sorry," I said. "I have been unfair to you." "Well, there is a method to your madness," he told me. "I do order around some of the very people who order you around, so if we were to do a family chain-of-command your reasoning would be valid. However, you are not my subordinate, you're my wife and that makes us partners. And partners need to be more honest with each other." I smiled at his gentle rebuke, comforted by his physical presence. "Which brings up another subject," he whispered. "Fiona hinted that there is something upsetting to you that you should talk to me about." I groaned and rolled my eyes to the heavens. "It really isn't anything," I said. "Then you shouldn't have any problem telling me what it is," he countered. "There are some people who like to say that I am a bad wife to you because I still revere Chavik's memory." Benedict laughed. "I couldn't love someone who would forget a loved one so easily," he said. "I would hope I would receive the same reverence after I am gone. If anything, your devotion to Chavik is an example of what I do love about you - your dedication. It's not like you live in the past and talk about him often. He had you then, but I have you now. And it's not like there wasn't anyone in my life before you came into it. Who has been saying this to you?" "Dara." "Probably a bit of jealousy on her part," he said. "Pay it no mind. Offspring often hate seeing an ancestor find love with someone else." "You are just full of very good points tonight," I told him. "I feel a but foolish now." "No reason to," he said, kissing me again. "Not when there are better things to do."        Post   Back at the ranch...    08:23pm 08/11/2002   Or more precisely, my research center... Dad showed up about ten minutes after Fiona and I returned to the Freckler Canyon Medical Center - my home among the shadow worlds. I let Fiona do the talking. I figured she would do a better job of keeping me out of trouble. Dad listened to her without even one emotion flickering across his face. Then he turned to me. "You promised me that you if you were ever in trouble again, you would come to me," he said. "I didn't disappear on you this time, Dad," I pointed out. "And we agreed later agreed not to interfere too much in each other’s lives." "That was before Eric's ghost kidnapped you." "And that was before I married Benedict." "One does not handle an assassination attempt on their own," Dad announced. "Looked what happened when your cousin Merlin ignored the attacks on his life while on Shadow Earth. Had he said something to the rest of the family, your Uncle Caine would still be alive today." "But I wasn't alone," I protested. "I was with Aunt Fiona." "And why didn't you contact me or your husband?" my father asked. "It was a demon from a minor House of Chaos, Dad. After living almost two centuries in the Courts of Chaos, I can handle a demon in my sleep if I had to. I wouldn't had bee much of a Lady of Chaos if I couldn't." "A minor lord of Chaos could not alter a sun like that. Even Merlin would have had a hard time doing it and he's the King." "It's not like I expected that to happen," I told him. "That's the point! You can never tell what will happen when someone decides they want to kill - no one can!" "Julian," Aunt Fiona interrupted. "She handled everything just as well as any of the rest of us. You shouldn't be so hard on her." "She's my daughter and I will not have her take unnecessary risks. She has a whole family of military experts, magic experts and political experts to rely on. There is no reason why a Master Healer should risk herself in any fashion." "Dad-" "Don't even think of contradicting me, child," my father growled. "Just because you are on good terms with Death does not give you the right to dismiss our concerns." I gave up and sat in the nearest chair. Dad stared hard at me for a few minutes before leaving the room to inform my servants that he would be staying with us. Fiona had already been given one of the other guestrooms. She came over and patted my shoulder. "One down and one to go," she said. "At least Benedict will not be as hard on you."        Post   Rounding up the likely suspects...    09:35pm 07/11/2002   We lapsed into silence and studied the spectrum spread. Slowly, it began changing back to its normal pattern, but not quite. Merlin and Ghostwheel appeared before us. My cousin bowed as he greeted us and then turned his attention to the corpses. “Tell me what you know,” he said. Fiona and I gave our summaries to the King of Chaos and watched as he sank into a chair, shaking his head. “I really don’t need this now,” he groaned. “Who else in the family knows about the assassination attempts?” “Just Stephen,” I told him. Merlin was quiet for a moment. “I can’t ask you to keep this a secret,” he said finally. “It will look like I was protecting the perpetrator if it gets out. Aunt Fiona, could you contact Uncle Random? I might as well make an official statement king to king and try to keep things up-front and open.” I made a face as Fiona pulled out Random’s trump. True, we were saving Merlin’s reputation, but I was about to end up in deep water with Dad and Benedict. If Fiona and I could have caught the culprit and disposed of him or her, it would have been different. But now with Random knowing, my father and husband would be notified and they would not be happy men. I sat quietly as the situation was explained to Random – only adding information when directly asked. As I expect, Random insisted that Dad and Benedict be brought up to date as soon as possible – and both kings felt I should be under guard at my research center, while both kingdoms tried to figure out who was after me. We had narrowed it down to a personal vendetta, since there was no political advantage in killing me. I was no longer Countess of Kwaibee and my title as Heir to Arden was mainly to make Dad happy and meant nothing more than I was his only child. I suppose technically it would make me the future Duchess of Arden, but they would have to kill Dad too. And it would take more than a demon to accomplish that feat – assuming anyone in Amber outside the Royal Blood, who all had duchies of their own, was capable of contacting a minor house of Chaos.        Post   Something's not quite right here...    06:31am 07/11/2002   I considered her words as I studied the spectrum of light streaming through the prism table art in front of us. Dad had taught me a long time ago how to identify a sun based on the color spread. It was an old game we use to play when he would take me to different shadow worlds. I had memorized this world’s spectrum a few weeks back. Or so I thought. “Is there something wrong, Rendel?” Fiona asked. “The white light spectrum of this world had change,” I told her. “See, here and here? These two bands should be wider and this band was much thinner yesterday.” She stared at the spectrum for a moment. “Let me check into this,” she said. “This is probably an unrelated side-effect of a nearby shadow storm.” “You’re the expert,” I said. Shadow storms were definitely outside my area of knowledge. She moved from my parlor area to the dining area and began summoning arcane instruments. Above a steaming brazier, smoke erupted and billowed into itself, until it condensed into a glowing ball. In it, energy planes of various colors danced and convoluted before my aunt. At her command, the view would tilt, spin and change. Her emerald eyes became hard and dark. “Something wrong?” I asked. “It’s not from a shadow storm,” Fiona answered. “Someone deliberately altered the sun of this world.” “How badly?” “Very badly. It’s no longer stable.” “Can we stabilize it?” “No,” she said, “not in time. And if we could reach the sun in time, the space vessels of this culture will not get us close enough to manipulate it.” “It will take out this whole system, won’t it?” I said. “Yes, we better leave now.” “How much time until the sun explodes?” “Seven, maybe eight hours,” Fiona told me. “What do you hope to accomplish in that time?” “An evacuation,” I stated. “Rendel,” my aunt scolded, “these are just shadow people! Just one set of probabilities in creation. A few veils away, their counterparts are completely safe in an alternate universe. You and I are the only beings of reality here. Risking your life for these people is utter foolishness!” “I am a Master Healer. Death does not differentiate between shadow beings and those like ourselves and neither do I. These people have would never been endangered this way if it weren’t for my presence.” “And how do you plan to evacuate these people? Their ships aren’t fast enough and you have six populations to care for – it isn’t possible.” “Perhaps not for me, but maybe for someone else,” I said thumbing through my deck of cards. I pulled out the card of my cousin Merlin and activated it. The King of Chaos greeted me warmly from his breakfast. “Hello, Rendel,” he said. “You’re looking better these days. Marriage definitely agrees with you.” “Thank you, Merlin,” I smiled. “I hate to interrupt you, but I have an emergency to take care of and I was wondering if Ghostwheel would be willing to help me.” Merlin gave me a suspicious look. “What is this emergency?” he asked. “I’m trying to evacuate a planetary system of six populations before its sun blows.” “Is there a specific reason why you feel it is necessary to do this?” “Because I believe these people are only endangered because someone wants to kill me. I don’t have much time, Merlin. Can Ghost help me or not?” “Someone is trying to kill you?” he exclaimed. “From which pole of creation?” “Yours and I only have seven hours over here to take care of things.” “Bring me through,” Merlin ordered, putting his hand forth. He bowed slightly to Fiona. “Hello, Auntie. What are you doing here?” “Trying to save your cousin’s life, but as you’ve seen, she’s taken leave of her senses again.” Merlin walked over to Fiona’s braziers and used it to analyze the situation himself. My heart dropped as he frowned, yet checking my cousin with my empathic powers, I sensed no distress. Finally, he fixed his green eyes on me. “I can stabilize the star,” he said, “but if I do, I want a complete briefing on the attempts on your life.” “Agreed,” I said. He pulled out a trump and summoned his creation Ghostwheel. It agreed to get him close enough to the sun to work on it, while calling him “Dad” the whole time. During the exchange, Fiona brought back the bodies of the senator and the demon. Merlin gave the corpses a dark look before Ghost took him away. “We are only staying here for four hours,” Fiona said. “If Merlin is not back by then, we will trump to Kwaibee and wait for him.” I informed my staff not to disturb me and sat in the parlor with Fiona and the bodies. “I suppose I should be bringing Dad and Benedict on this now,” I said. “Tell Merlin first,” Fiona advised. “He deserves the courtesy for what he’s doing for you.”        Post   She may be right.    06:27am 07/11/2002   After living centuries in the Courts of Chaos, the politics of a shadow world are hardly worth reciting. Today, I just assured everyone that everything was going as planned and smiled sweetly, while waiting for another assassination attempt. Perhaps if I had been the original creator of this master plan I would have had more interest in it, but frankly I thought the whole thing stupid and unnecessary. My aunt quickly reminded me that not everyone had special powers that allowed them to have my leverage among the true poles of power. “You know as well as I do, Rendel,” she said, “that if you were to denounce both Amber and Chaos, there isn’t a person in existence who could stop you.” “Save my father and husband,” I answered. “Through emotional means only,” Fiona countered. “Politically, you’re almost untouchable. You have no need for the Logrus and you barely use the Pattern. Even if the Pattern were to vanish, you could still travel the shadows. Amber and the Courts need you much more than you need them. Many would kill to be able to say that.” I laughed at the irony of her remark. “And there are times I would give it up for the ability to kill,” I told her. “Why?” she asked. “Because I hate feeling so helpless. If someone can’t be reasoned with or nullified, Dad and Benedict – and the rest of you – can just kill them. But me, I have to heal the bastards and continue to deal with them screwing with my life.” “What has Dara done lately?” I made a face. “It’s just a minor annoyance,” I said. Fiona shook her head. “What did she do?” she asked again. “Whenever I visit Stephen, she keeps making comments about how I am not worthy to be Benedict’s wife, because part of me still treasures Chavik’s memory.” “And how does Benedict feel about this?” “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t want him to consider the possibility.” “So, you haven’t told him about Dara’s words. Is it because you are afraid she is right?” I sighed and lowered my head. “I will always love Chavik,” I said softly, “but I do care for Benedict more than any other man alive, save my father and son.” “I don’t think that is anything to be ashamed of,” said my aunt gently. “But I think you should tell Benedict what Dara is doing. She is a distant descendent of his, he will want to correct the situation.” “What if he agrees with her?” I asked. “I’ve known your husband longer than your father’s been alive,” Fiona said. “Benedict is no fool. Mark my words – he knows that you will always have fond memories of your late first husband. He married you with that knowledge. He will not end your marriage because of it.”        Post   Another day of non-agreement...    06:01am 06/11/2002   It's amazing that these people enjoy doing all of this negotiation without progress. Anyway, Aunt Fiona is going through a mothering phase I think. She made a comment about how hard it must had been for me to grow up without my own mother. She doesn't understand that I still have memories of being with my mother and her father and none of them are pleasant. Besides, I did have a mother - I had Arlene, the head of my dad's household staff. When I pointed that out, Fiona looked a bit crestfallen. I was about to offer to help her have children of her own, but I don't think that's the real problem. I think it still hurts to realize that Dad didn't want her around as my female role model while I was growing up. Which wasn't exactly true, Dad really does admire her and she was a role model for me in an indirect way. She just wasn't a mother figure to me. I probably should have said that to her. I don't know why I didn't. I do like her, but I don't trust her much - if that makes any sense. But then I don't trust many people and it really sounds like it's that trust she wants from me.        Post   Finally something interesting!    06:15am 05/11/2002   Still arguing over those trade agreements. How does Dad stand this stuff? There was a break this afternoon, where we began discussing medical supplies. That I could relate to better, but I had to be careful not to show that I had more medical knowledge than Ambassador Ledner, the wench. I know, I know, I'm going about this all wrong. I should work harder at understanding why all of this is so important, but it's so hard when I know everyone is full of it and no one really cares about coming to an agreement anyway. My update to Aunt Fiona was short today. We're still miffed at each other.        Post   Have I mentioned how much I hate politics?    07:30am 04/11/2002   Today was beyond miserable. We spent the whole day setting up trade agreements only to have them fall apart because someone would be unreasonable over a minor point. I have come to the conclusion that death is too good for these people. By the mid-day meal, I was plotting everlasting torment for most of the people I was trying to deal with. Aunt Fiona was absolutely no help at all. She thinks it's about time I learned to be a real politician like my father and the rest of the family. I pointed out that my father was a general too and no one expected me to become that. After a brief argument, she left to find my assassin-sender and I went back through the Ambassador's private files. I still am not sure what to tell her guards about her plans. It would probably best if I didn't say anything for awhile.        Post   And all the time it was staring me in the face...    07:20am 03/11/2002   While today wasn’t my personal version of Hell, it did tax my patience tremendously. I prefer to indulge in diplomacy in small intervals. Being a renowned physician allowed me a little lead-way in the royal circles I usually frequented and I can count the number of living people I normally defer to on one hand. When the insincerity got too deep for my tolerances, I would entertain myself by deciding what sort of death I would give the worse offenders if I could. Of course, Master Healers are incapable of causing fatalities without experiencing total paralysis, but as I said, I was only entertaining myself. I was fantasizing about leaving one industry leader in a shadow of killer rabbits, a concept my cousin Rinaldo introduced me to while I was acting as a medical consultant to his little kingdom, when someone touched my arm and cleared their throat. “Your plans are going well, Orphelia,” said Kaville, leader of the miners’ guild. “At this rate, we will be ruling this system in a few months.” I gave him a warm smile and put a finger to my lips. Acting on a hunch, I nonchalantly glided near the leader of the agricultural consortium. He leaned over and whispered, “It won’t be long be we control everything, will it my dear?” “Indeed not, Frakon,” I said. “Indeed not.” I made my excuses and left the gathering before I lost control of my laughter. Back in my quarters, I summoned my aunt. My beaming countenance was not lost on her. “So, you found out who is behind the conflict,” she smiled back. “You’re looking at her,” I announced, chuckling. “Why I’m impressed!” Fiona exclaimed with twinkling eyes. “I would have never expected such ambition from the Gray Physician.” I laughed at her jest. My disinterest in political intrigues was almost legendary. “So, what shall I do now?” I asked. “Play along or correct the situation?” “Play along for a little while, until you know the whole story,” she suggested. “If we haven’t found out anything by then, you’ll might want to correct the problem. A war would make it harder for us to complete our investigation.” “Well, speaking of investigations, I’m going to have to visit a burial ground soon and see what Death is willing to tell me about the late Orphelia Ledner. There’s only so much I can bluff.” My aunt tsked. “With your background, you shouldn’t have any trouble with a group of shadow politicians,” she said. “So you don’t think anyone from the Courts is behind the intrigues here?” I asked. “It’s looking more and more like just a quick training session,” Fiona said. “Most of your reflected selves in the shadows surrounding this one have also been killed, which means that someone should be curious as to why their demon hasn’t returned yet.” “It’s a shame they will probably be too cautious to come see for themselves,” I sighed. Fiona chuckled. “Your false sincerity has improved,” she said. “We might just make a politician out of you yet.” “I would hate to give you competition, Auntie,” I said sweetly. “And to think I ever doubted your paternity. Tread carefully, my niece. You don’t have your father’s ability to kill.” I gave a real sigh this time. “Yes, I know. So, I will play the game a little longer?” “That would be the best tactic.” “All right. Let me know if you come up with anything.” “Rest assure, I will.”        Post   It's so hard to find good help...    08:39pm 02/11/2002   "Now,” I said to the guards, “someone needs to brief me on matters.” “Of course, Ambassador,” said the second guard, “this way to your parlor.” I followed him into the next room, where two of the guards stationed themselves at the door. “First,” I said as I sat down, “give your comrade I just healed something to eat or his stomach will be growling soon.” They again looked at me and then at the formally wounded guard, whose jaw had dropped in shock. “How did you know?” he asked. “My healings usually leave people hungry,” I told him. “And according to my empathic powers, you had not eaten for a few hours before I healed you. In fact, I sense that all of you are due for a meal. Please have something brought in and we can talk over dinner or lunch, whichever time it is for. It’s hard to tell without external light.” “Ambass-Master Healer,” corrected the second guard, “are there any other powers you have that we should know about?” I began ticking the list off. “Superior strength, healing, empathy and shadow walking and manipulation are what you already know of. I suppose I could add regeneration, a resistance to most magic and several centuries of practicing normal medicine. Not to mention raised as a princess and being a former countess.” “I suppose we should call you ‘my lady’ then,” he said. “Considering the fact I am suppose to impersonate Orphelia Ledner, I think it would be wiser to stick to ‘Ambassador’. Now, why doesn’t someone order a meal and begin introducing me to everyone here. I doubt the Ambassador was ignorant of the names of her guards.” A guard I had mentally designated as “third”, ordered a meal from an intercom unit. His name was Riley. The first guard, who had informed me of his ambassador’s importance, was Kale. The levelheaded second guard was Lancore and the wounded guard was Gilaron. The two guarding the doors were Matlin and Gray. During dinner they briefed me on the political situation. That night I reported it to my aunt. “So, what you are telling me,” Fiona said as we sat in the ambassador’s parlor, “is that recently a major quarrel has come up between the mining colonies of the outer planets and the agricultural inner planets.” “Yes,” I answered, “and Ambassador Ledner was the one moderating the conflict.” “Sounds like an overused novel plot,” she said. “Both groups need each other too much to disrupt the relationship between them. You said there were no religious or ethnic differences between the two groups – only location and industry. There has been no reported shortage of resources. No threat to normal survival. This can’t possibly be a natural conflict. It sounds too concocted. Someone staged this.” “I must agree,” I said. “Both sides sound very unreasonable and yet there is no history of this being a regular occurrence. The original trade agreement was a work of diplomatic art. To just throw it out…” “Is insane,” Fiona finished. “I agree. So that leaves us with greed and ambition.” “Someone is playing both sides off the middle to gain power for themselves.” “That would be my guess.” “Hmm. I wonder who it is?” I asked. “Whoever it is, eliminate them and there’s a good chance you will get rid of the problem,” Fiona replied. “I’m more worried about finding who was behind the demon,” I said. “Let me handle that,” she suggested. “You go ahead and play bait and I’ll see what I can ferret out.” “I better let Stephan know what’s going on,” I said, pulling out my deck of Trumps again. “After all, he might be a target too.” Fiona nodded. “He can check out things in the Courts,” she agreed. “I wouldn’t suggest worrying Lizette. She should be safe enough in Amber.” I selected my son’s Trump from the deck and activated it. He looked to be about my age, but I was born forty years before him. He had his biological father’s looks, but my father’s mannerisms. “Stephan?” “Hello, Mom,” he said calmly. “Death just informed me of the assassination plot.” “Good, so you know what to research for me,” I said. “Why aren’t you back at the Center?” “Fiona and I are going to look around here to see if we can come up with some clues.” “Does Granddad know?” Stephan asked. “There is no need to worry him about this matter,” I stated. “I will give him a full report after Fiona and I are done here.” “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mom.” “You will not tell your grandfather. He will hear about it from me. Do you understand?” “As you wish, Mother.” We ended the connection. “He wants you to tell Julian,” Fiona stated. “Yes,” I said. “Do you think he’ll tell him anyway?” “Not unless something else comes up.” “Well, let us sleep then,” she suggested. “We have a full day ahead of us.”        Post   Blackmail should always be kept within the family...    08:34pm 02/11/2002   “Perhaps if you took the Ambassador’s place for awhile,” said another guard, “you might get another chance to find out.” I considered the option. I realized that the guard only suggested it as a means to save his planetary system, but that didn’t mean it was without merit. Thoughtfully, I pulled out a thick deck of cards. They resembled an extended deck of Tarot and were icy to the touch. I by-passed the people cards and casually focused on a card that depicted a glass building. The scene came to life and I watched as a bird hovered mid-wing beat in the air before it. Wherever I was currently, the time stream was much faster than it was at my research center, which made it even faster than it was back home. I could easily spend a month here without either my husband or father realizing it. “Yes,” I said more to myself than anyone else, “I can afford to stay here a few weeks to see what happens.” “But what about the Ambassador’s body?” the first guard asked. “I can put it in a slower time stream,” I said. “That way, when it is time for me to leave, I will bring it back and it will appeared that she had only recently died.” “But they will be able to tell if the body has been in a cooler.” “You’re not understanding me,” I stated. “I am not going to slow down the decomposition, I am going to put the body somewhere where time creeps so slowly that decomposition will not have enough time to happen before we bring it back.” “You can do that?” “Yes, I can – as a matter of fact, I can also have it in a stasis that will ensure nothing happens to the corpse while I pretend to be her.” I glanced through my deck of cards again. I needed a sorceror I could trust. Correction – I needed a sorceress. I pulled out a card of a flame-haired beauty dressed in green. As I focused on the card, the scene behind the woman changed into a laboratory. “Hello, Aunt Fiona,” I said in Polares to alert her to the culture I was in and to give the guards some hint about what was going to happen next. “Could you help me with something?” “Is it critical?” she asked. “I think so. Do you mind coming over here? The time stream is much faster.” She smiled and offered me a delicate hand, which I clasped with my own as she stepped from the world she was in into the one I was. The guards were startled, but held their fire. She chuckled a little evilly as she surveyed the scene – demon and all. “Someone’s is planning to kill you, I see,” she said, summing up the situation as she picked up the dagger. “And you are thinking of sticking around to draw them out. What did you want me to do?” “I was hoping you could put the bodies in magical stasis in a slower time stream somewhere.” She grinned. “Your father would be proud of your foresight, assuming he could get over the fact you are placing yourself in danger.” “You’re not planning to distress him with the news, are you?” I asked. “I wouldn’t dream of it,” she purred, “as long as you report into me frequently.” I gave her a raised brow. “What about Benedict?” I asked. “Now would not be a good time to distract my eldest brother from his military campaign with the fact his wife is playing cat and mouse with a potential assassin.” I wished she hadn’t phrased it that way. I didn’t like having to admit I was married to one of my father’s older half-brothers. Not that I didn’t care for Benedict, it’s just a long story that I prefer not to retell. “I will report in every couple of days,” I told her. “Daily,” she said. “That will be interrupting you a lot,” I pointed out. “I will return to this shadow after I have put the bodies safely into stasis,” she informed me. “Your reports will be daily or I will have to contact the rest of the family with the news that you are tracking down an assassin.” I sighed. If there was one thing my family excelled at, it was blackmailing each other. “All right,” I conceded. “Daily reports.” “You might want to match your clothes to hers before I take the body,” Fiona suggested. I nodded and began walking around the room. A shadow walker needed movement as well as will to change the “reality” around them. By the time I completed my circuit, I was dressed as the former ambassador without the tears and bloodstains. Fiona raised a hand and levitated the bodies into the air. Pulling out a trump of her own, she concentrated and then became two-dimensional, before disappearing with them in a spectrum of after-images. I took a few more steps and removed the blood from the carpet.        Post   My uncle said this would happen someday...    10:35am 02/11/2002   Call it one of those duty-bound things. The price one pays for the power to heal. Either way, it was the reason I came face to face with a dead version of myself. She was petite, dark blonde strawberry haired, pale skinned and gray-eyed. She was also beyond my abilities to heal. Her guard was not, but I had more important things to do that moment than to heal a stomach wound. And I had to act fast. Walking quickly, I warped the reality just enough around me to keep the laser weapons held by the other guards from killing the monster that just attacked. I needed answers and I wanted it alive. It, of course, knew exactly whom it was facing and tried to magic itself away from me. I stopped that from happening too. I grabbed it by the scruff of its neck and lifted it into the air a few inches. "What house do you serve, demon?" I asked in our native tongue. It said a very choice obscenities and I slammed it down on the ground just hard enough to cause bruising. Not an easy thing to do to a demon, but then I am much stronger than I look. I should have slammed it down harder, though, because once it was free from my grip, it popped a poison capsule into its mouth and died before I could interfere. ::Death!:: I yelled in my mind, ::who sent this demon?:: ::Thazar - a minor house of Chaos,:: came the answer in my mind. ::You're guess is correct - it was practicing to kill you.:: ::Someone must have neglected to mention that I carry a death curse with my own death,:: I mentally muttered. ::Correct again,:: said the voice in my mind. I went to the woman and pulled out the dagger that killed her, while shocked guards stood back from me. I turned it over and grew more enraged as it changed form in my hand. ::No minor house produced this,:: I thought to Death. ::I agree, but the was nothing in the demon's memories to suggest which major House his master was working for.:: ::And Thazar isn't formally associated with any of the major Houses. Its members aren't even true lords of Chaos,:: I thought back. I looked back down at the woman. ::What language is spoken here?:: ::Polares, but heal the guard before I have to take him too.:: I nodded and placed my hand on the guard. In a few minutes, I had him completely healed. The guards around me stared on in disbelief. "Who was she?" I asked one of the other guards. "Ambassador Orphelia Ledner. She was our last hope in the efforts to keep our planetary system from going to war." "Interesting," I said. "Who are you?" he asked back. I gave him a cold look before answering. "Chief Master Healer Rendel." "You're an exact copy of her," he said. "You are very wrong," I told him. "She was the copy - a shadow of me. That is why she was killed. And there isn't any exactness outside of the physical appearance." "She was killed to ruin our chances at peace," he insisted. "Don't flatter yourselves," I said. "The demon that killed her didn't give a damn about the politics of this shadow. Have you ever seen a weapon like this before?" I handed him the dagger. It shifted its shape in his hand and he dropped it. "No," he said, "but I'm assuming you have." "Indeed I have. It comes from the Courts of Chaos, as did the creature that welded it. Someone is training demons to kill me and I need to know why."        Post

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