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what i meant to say was ... the word on the street 7 days a week achin' to be my reading livejournal Previous Previous
i don't know how to make up my mind.
but neither do you.
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the 23 entry, 5th line meme
"they bought it for me at work, but it was plain and icky."
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ritalin shmitalin
so it's not even six in the morning and i'm already struck by a keen sense of accomplishment because i just e-mailed a bunch of assignments to my "the public library" professor. it almost doesn't count because his assignments are actually, gasp horror, fun to do. but i'll take it. that keen sense of accomplishment that comes from crossing things off lists? yeah, i'm all about it. now comes either more endless readings (although we're never going to talk about them, so to do or not to do?) or maybe work on the catalog that now looms as "the big assignment" now that others are turned in. decisions, decisions.

i might just opt to read a few pages of "up in the old hotel" and fall asleep for awhile, since i technically haven't -- slept, that is. i feel asleep after class yesterday, snoozing past the point that i was supposed to go to a friend's house and watch tv shows on dvd and waking just in time to flip between "the gilmore girls" and "law and order: svu." since then it's been doing said assignments when i wasn't consumed by a variety of procrastination techniques.

and tonight i drink beer! well, one or two, which is enough to get excited these days. remember when i had some tolerence? me too, although just barely.

listening to modest mouse, which qualifies as the last record that i bought.

i really want to go do some target shopping. although i no longer need an umbrella.

last night i did a little bit of knitting for the first time in ages and it felt really nice. i think i have to come up with a new project, before i get out of the mood again.

i should clean.
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i really hate that that bob dylan song is in a victoria's secret commercial. and i'm not even much of a dylan fan. especially compared to most dylan fans i know, who tend to be on the obsessive side. but i do love that album and don't want listening to it to bring up visions of lingerie.

and i say this now because i'm thinking of putting that record on. it seems a good night for it. stupid sunday night melancholy, which i've posted about mulitple times before.

i don't know what to do with myself. right now. this instant. there's things i should do and things i could do, but nothing that i particularly want. i'm antsy. i wish that i could find a book to read, to take me away into someone else's world, just for a bit. and i could feel slightly guilty because i was reading it instead of doing one assignment or another. but the pleasure of escapism would be too lovely to give the guilt much creedence. but everything i've lain my hand to lately has flitted in out and made me sigh and captured absoultely nothing. i need something weighty. i need to be occupied. and books with promising titles and interesting jacket descriptions but nothing of substances within just don't work.

maybe i'll write my own instead.

or just a letter. a poem. something.

i wish that i could paint. i want to stretch canvas and mix colors and make something appear out of nothing.

i wish that i could play guitar. i want to finger strings and figure out the note that should come next and express it all without the complication of words.

i wish that i could say the right things. i wish that i could know the truth. i wish that i could get back what i've lost. i wish that i could let go of the things that aren't worth holding onto. i wish that i understood. i wish i weren't so skilled at making excuses. i wish that things were different.
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if i were to make an entry, simply saying "argh!," or better yet, "arrrrrrrgh!" it would be enough to nicely sum up my existence as of late. details be damned. unless it's true that the essence really is in the details? i'm not sure anymore.

anyway, the end of the semester is draining. it eats me and all my time and most of my mental energy up. there's no excess left for posting here. or even reading entries. i'm in total skim mode, so i hope i haven't missed much.

and i should be finishing up the paper due tomorrow right this moment. but allow me my moment of reprieve. i promise that i deserve it.

i cut my hair. it's shorter than i intended, but i think i like it.

i need to buy an umbrella.

coffee is my friend.

remind me the next time i'm up all night working on homework, that if i think i have time to take a quick nap and that i'll certainly leap out of bed when the alarm rings, that i am fooling myself.

as much as i dislike waking up alone, it's probably good that no one is around for me to be mean to when i do, as i'm incredibly grumpy upon waking.

the neighbor wants to give us a dog, but i don't think my mum's going for it.

"the little friend" is a book that moves incredibly slowly, after the initial burst that hooks you. but i finally finished it and i think i liked it. but then i read "the blue angel" in a few hours, and thought it was rather "eh" and overrated. reading journal entries coming, well, someday.

i just wrote a little political rant, but have deleted it because nothing came out right. the "argh" thing still sort of works, i suppose.

i still love "freaks and geeks" with an unholy devotion.

happy national library week.
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am feeling a little glum.
it's nothing spectacular. it was a nice weekend and now i'm having the requisite sunday night comedown.
tra la la.
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i would like a job at oclc.

did you know you can now use google to find titles in worldcat? it's in beta right now, but i find it very exciting.

tonight in class, some girl commented, w/r/t a library program in rural ohio, "if they're having budget problems, they should stop mailing books to those poor people." which strikes me as the antitheses of something a good public librarian would say. but maybe i'm a snob.

i thought it was enough, that i finally decided that i wanted to be a librarian. now i have to decide what sort of librarian i really want to be, and every positive experience i have in one library or class sets me off in a different direction. "oo, i want to be a y.a. librarian. oh no, i want to be a cataloger. oh wait, wouldn't it be fun not to have to worry about budgets and work in a corporate library? hey, special collections and archives are neat."

i'll end up where i end up. if/when i can find a job at all.

in non-geeky library student news, i think i'm going to pop in a dvd and let it lull me into slumber.

for most of tomorrow, at least until the evening, i have no plans. which, i think, is a lovely way for things to be.
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because i was reading over some of my old entries and realized that i talk entirely too much about sleep patterns -- which i'm sure is only interesting to myself -- i should refrain from mentioning that i woke up just before six this morning after sleeping for eight+ hours on the couch. but i won't. or didn't? whatever.

since waking, i've been listening to the shins on repeat. i miss loving music so much it makes my heart hurt. but i'm slowly finding that feeling. i think like so much it just goes in cycles. a year ago i was so disillusioned by music that i swore i wasn't going to listen to it anymore. but that doesn't work. how do you strike out something that has been part of your essence since you were an angsty adolescent?

as such, i've been requesting cd's at the library like a fiend. it's sort of fun, although i really need to go pick up reserves tonight, or else i'm going to work my way onto that annoying patrons list, and nobody wants that.

anyway, it's just after nine and i'm wide awake and i've no idea what i'm going to do with myself for much of this day. class in the evening (and it should be an interesting one, because the message board is all abuzz with griping. which i'm sympathetic too, but only to a certain extent). but until then? there's an assignment due tomorrow night that i should probably work on, but screw that. i want to do something fun. what does one due for fun at nine-thirty in the morning? i mean, besides random livejournal posts?
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i wonder what time the coffee shop opens on sunday mornings? the idea of sitting around in one, just reading or writing or thinking is particularly appealing right now. it always holds a certain amount of appeal, but at the moment especially.

i've been awake since three-thirty, after falling asleep yesterday, sometime in the mid-afternoon. it's sort of a kick to experience the early morning hours on this side of sleep. as nocturnal as i am by nature, i've always been fascinated with those who get up early and are able to function fully before noon. in college i liked the idea of being a morning person so much that i enrolled in a spanish class that met everyday at seven-thirty in the morning. to catch the bus and get there on time, i had to wake up at six. it didn't work, though. i managed to get through the quarter without skipping too many classes, but it didn't convert me into some "hello, sunshine" type of person. although i did enjoy watching the world wake up, and being the first person to make tracks in the snow on the oval.

more recently, the best thing i can say about being sick last semester, was the way it messed with my usual sleep patterns and i'd wake up, much like this, in the middle of the night and go to sleep before the nightly news was over. i feel sort of like nick, in the great gatsby, if you'll forgive me the pretension of drawing that analogy. i'm fascinated by the life that i know is not mine.

lately, i've been thinking too much. and reading lots of bits and pieces by other people who think too much. maybe you can tell. it's always been a weakness of mine, truth be told. and the more time i have on my hands, with little demands on how to occupy it, the worse it gets. and it rarely ends in any sort of conclusion that i can actually do something with. more often than not, i'll just reach the same conclusions that i came to last time around. about myself, about other people, about life. but it beats not thinking at all. or only coming up with thoughts that i equate with people of whom i'm contemptuous although, i've lately been trying not to do that so much. be contemptuous. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

there's so much more that i want to say, but i don't know how.
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this is maybe the worst thing i have ever read. say it ain't so, jerry.

as for the rest of my life, i will do one of those silly +/- summations, because i am in not-thinking mode.

+ "ref. for children" class is over. it should have been way more useful than it ultimately was.
+ spring break means waking and sleeping at leisure and without an alarm clock
+ hanging out lots with friends i've known longer than some of you have been alive
+ sitting on the bed, reading zines and eating dry cereal
+ easter time means a cheap and ready supply of cadbury caramel eggs at the grocery store
(although i do have to avert my eyes from the cream eggs, which i think are disgusting)
+ i've paid all my library fines and watching not-very-good movies for cheap is in full effect
+ graphic novels and chick lit
+ a fair number of thrift scores on monday
+ lots of paper journaling
+ i like to put things in order
+ nice weather. cloudy, but nice

- descriptive statistics assignment
- and along those lines, excel, i hate you
- i'm sleepy and need a nap
- my lips are chapped
- my internet connection is too slow
- i still keep not doing at least half the things i intend to
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hi. i think i am cranky. i don't like it.
i just wrote a much longer post on why that might be the case, but i don't like what i had to say, so this is all you get. it's better that way. trust me.
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and now, i can't sleep. feh.
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you know who i miss? jodie foster. she was one of my big celebrity crushes growing up. not crushes in the i-want-to-do-her sense, but crushes in the man-she's-so-cool-i-want-to-be-her-or-at-least-hang-out-with-her sense. i just watched contact on cable and it reminded me that i wish she'd be around more, doing stuff other than anna and the king (although what do i know? i didn't see it so maybe it was good). low and behold, imdb tells me she's in the nexr jean-pierre jeunet's next film. be still my heart! she's also in post-production to direct claire danes and meryl streep in a movie about circus freaks, which works too. i hope.
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dear venti mocha with raspberry syrup,
i love you.

dear make-a-pathfinder assignment,
i do not love you.
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i seem to have lost my notebook.
mostly i am just telling you this because, historically, declaring "i lost this," has foretold finding it rather quickly.
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last night i fell asleep on the couch around ten-thirty or eleven, awakening this morning about three-thirty to the sounds of conan's monologue, on the "nbc up all night" rerun of last week's show. yes, i am dorky enough to know that when they play the rerun of last conan and jay leno, they call it "nbc up all night." anyway, i had to wake up to put the finishing touches on the reference class assignment that's due this afternoon and i was planning to get a few more hours sleep when that was finished, but then i spent lots of time clicking around and i eventually decided to just stay up for the day and sleep lots tonight. that's the problem with having to do so much of my research online -- it's so easy to get distracted by other internet goodness that i invariably find myself taking longer to finish something than i should, just because i get spent lots of time doing other stuff.

anyway, today's assignment was fun, if only because i love doing acquisitions stuff, which is what it was essentially based upon. i just hope that the class itself is interesting enough to make me not start yawning. frankly i'm a little concerned. but i brewed a nice big pot of coffee, the last of which i'm now drinking and i'll probably buy another when i get to campus and that should help. i just hope it doesn't make my stomach twitter, as it sometimes does in large doses.

i'm thinking that i'll head down to school a little early, and maybe do some pen-and-paper journaling in the coffeeshop, since i've been somewhat neglectful w/r/t that chronicle of my life. although not nearly as neglectful as i had been in the habit of this fall. i may also go to the university library to hunt down some articles, but that's not really vital at this point, so i don't know if it will happen.

i did go to the public library last night, although i failed to make it to the state library as i'd sort of intended. i hate that they close so early, because it really is a nice facility with a lot of stuff that's helpful for class in a more accessible place than the university libraries. i checked out a few dvd's, a few jazz cd's (man, john coltrane's version of "my favorite things" sure is longer than the one in "the sound of music"), some children's reference books to analyze and a few john belairs books, because i still don't feel like tackling grown-up literature, and who can pass up gorey illustrations?

that's it. i find my writing here somewhat unengagig at the moment, but i'm not sure what to do about it. it's not very exciting, but you know. it goes and goes.
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because i enjoyed the 5-question meme the last time it went around, and have liked reading people's answers this time, if anyone wants to "interview" me, ask away.

also, in the constant search for amusement, why don't you fill out the recommendation one as well?

1. a movie.
2. a book.
3. a band, song, or album.
4. an LJ user not on my friends list.
5. a fact about yourself.

someday i'll make a real entry.
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i am lacking motivation.

tonight i made potato soup. it was only okay.
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least productive day ever. seriously.

don't you want to entertain me?

you know, prior to livejournal, there were a bunch of independent online journals that i used to read on a regular basis. and even after i started this, i'd keep track on them pretty well. but then my old computer went kaput and i lost most of the bookmarks and it was too difficult to remember many of them, so they just sort of faded away. i've slowly built up a collection of links on this hard drive, but, truthfully, i rarely open the folder. except on days like this, when i should be doing a lot of other things and i hunt them down and read the backlog, instead of doing all the other stuff i should be doing. like a ton of text book reading, or going to the library or writing letters or half a dozen other things. out of curiosity, what are the non-livejournal personal sites that you all read regularly? just, you know, for the next spate of inactivity.

my amazon wishlist has grown by leaps and bounds as well.

but at least i'm drinking a mug of hot chocolate, so at least a little is right with the world.
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so, i've been pretty a.w.o.l. from these parts lately. or on hiatus, maybe. and i am going to make a real entry soon, probably later today after i've had a bit of a nap. but in the meantime, i'm posting the track listing of my "2003 in music" cd, that i made for the glitter/get crafty music swap, for the benefit of those who want it. the point, which made me more keen on this swap than on other year end trades, is that it didn't necessarily focus on "best of the year" so much as "what i listened to during the year" -- an oh so key difference, at least in 2003. because i'm losing my edge or something. so anyway. here you go. )
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so i've resisted doing my "books read in 2003" list until now, because i'd like to get them all in. but now i'm reading the very long "collected stories" of raymond chandler and i doubt i'll be finished by new year's. plus i'll be on a train that day and won't be able to post, so here it is. a bit of new stuff, a bit of classics, some y.a. things and random mysteries/graphic novels/whatnot tossed in for fun. comments on many of the books are available on [info]bibliofiend, where this list is cross-posted. thus, the list. )
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aqua seafoam shame
User: [info]quietjenn
Name: aqua seafoam shame
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Back May 2004
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being
drinking: pepsi
watching: the clock, freaks and geeks
reading: up in the old hotel by jospeh mitchell
listening: old sitcom reruns
thinking: is it over yet?
killing: time
how i entertain myself