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It was tough leaving on Tuesday. I mean, I've been on missions before, and I've been hopeful that it would be the last time before, but it was always smaller scale, nothing like a full-out attack where if we failed this time, we'd be fucked for good and for all. No pressure on the Boy Who Lived, oh no, not at all!
Hermione was trying to be brave and strong, though. When I got home from the Quidditch pitch, Remus was already there. They'd had some private best friend time, and Severus showed up about the same time I did, so we all sat together for a while, and it was nice. Hermione said that she loved all of us and she was proud of us, and we all agreed, even me and Severus, but if you're not going to be honest about stuff like that when your life is on the line, when are you?
Then Remus and Severus left so we could all have some time alone before we had to go, and I held Hermione and told her I was sorry if it ended up that I was leaving her alone, but that I didn't regret any of my choices, and she said she didn't either. I was glad, because sometimes I've wondered if maybe it was selfish of me to rush just because I wanted a family so badly, but I know she meant what she said. Then she told me that if I didn't come back, she would be okay. She'd miss me and love me for the rest of her life, but she and James would be okay. I already knew that, though, because I know how strong she is. If I'd died, she would've been hurt and mourned, but she would've been okay in the end, and she wouldn't have been alone. I knew that there were people who would've looked after her and James, and that was a relief.
When it was time to leave, I told her it would all be over before she knew it. Then I'd be home -- but it didn't work out that way! She said the strangest and most upsetting thing for her was that the war was over, Voldemort was dead, and everybody was happy, but I wasn't home. I was trying hard to get home, though. It just took longer than I expected.
Anyway, once we got to Dunotter, I was with a small team of people, including Remus, Severus, and Mr Fletcher. We had ward-breakers with us who were familiar with the area -- I think they helped map out the wards and traps, but I don't remember -- and could guide us through the defences. Well, the ones we knew about, anyway. There were some surprises along the way, but nothing we couldn't handle at first. The problem was that once we got into the castle, that's where we were totally on our own, so that slowed us down. We didn't want to rush and blunder into a trap or trigger any nasty surprises, so we went slow, but we still didn't get through without any problems or losses. We lost Mr Emerson in an explosion, but it took out some of Voldemort's people, too. These guys were more powerful and better trained than the usual lot, so I guess they were his personal guards or something.
We took care of those who hadn't been caught in the blast and moved on, but another group of them showed up, so Severus, Mr Fletcher and our other two ward-breakers stayed to deal with them, and Remus and I kept going to try to find Voldemort. We were almost there, but there were some more Death Eaters in the way, so we took out one of them together, then Remus stayed behind to handle the rest, and I went on by myself.
I was scared. I'd kind of hoped to have some back-up with me when I faced off with Voldemort, but it didn't work out that way, so I had to do the best I could on my own. Kind of typical, really -- I always end up facing the really tough situations alone, but then again, I guess we all do, when it comes right down to it. You can be surrounded by people who love you and want to help, but in the end, there are some things only you can do, some problems only you can fix. Nobody can do it for you.
I was even more scared when I realised he put up a barrier so no one could get to us, but at least if I couldn't have back-up, neither could he. I thought he'd try to kill me on the spot, but he didn't. He gave me this spiel about how he'd 'long awaited this moment' and now he intended to savour it, so that's when I figured out he was going to try to cat-and-mouse me a while, just play before finishing me off to make it worse for me. I don't think he counted on me being able to fight back. I'm pretty sure he didn't count on my spells to pack such a punch, either, so the first time I landed a hit, and it sent him reeling, he had to do some quick regrouping.
That's when he got serious -- when he figured out that I was more powerful than he anticipated. At first, it just seemed like he was trying to stun me, like he wanted to incapacitate me so he could... well, I don't really want to think about what he might've planned. It wouldn't have been fun, that's for sure. But I blocked or dodged all his spells, so finally, he said something like, 'you've been a worthy adversary, but now it's over'. I figured that meant he was finished playing and planned to bring out the big guns. So I did too.
For the first time in my life, I cast an Unforgiveable. Not just any Unforgiveable, but the worst of the three. I cast the Killing Curse at Voldemort, putting all the force I could behind it, and at the same time, he cast the Killing Curse at me, and the two spells met in the middle. It was like what happened in the graveyard, only worse, because if I lost this time, I'd be dead instantly, and I could feel him trying to push his curse forward and mine back, so I pushed back. I thought about Hermione and James and everybody else I know and love, and what would happen to them if I didn't fight back with everything I had, and I kept shoving back as hard as I could. It was tough, and for a while, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do it, because I could feel my energy draining, and he was pushing back so hard, but I just kept thinking about my family and how I didn't want them left in a world where he was in charge of things, and finally I felt something give. That's when both curses hit Voldemort full force at the same time.
It was pretty gross. It was like he exploded and dissolved at the same time, and the whole room was filled with green light. I could feel the walls starting to shake, and I figured I'd better get the hell out while I still could, so I Apparated, but I guess all the magical energy caught in the room messed it up somehow, because I ended up in the Ural Mountains (I didn't know that's where I was at the time, though), and I was too drained to try Apparating again. Actually, I think I passed out for a while, because one minute, I was in Dunotter, and the next, I was lying flat on my back on a rock somewhere, and it was the middle of the day.
I was really tired and too drained to manage even a weak Lumos spell, but all I could think about was getting home, so I started walking. I had no idea where I was or where I was going, I just started walking, headed down, because I figured eventually, I'd wind up somewhere I could rest and get some help, even if it was from Muggles. I stopped while I still had enough time to use my glasses to start a fire, then rested for the night, and started walking again when the sun came up. I had to stop and rest a lot, but I kept going, and finally I found a small village -- a wizard village in fact, so I was doubly in luck.
We used translator spells to communicate, and they fed me, because all I'd had was water from a stream for two days, and took care of my injuries -- nothing major, just some scrapes, burns and a few bruises left over from the fight -- then I asked them for a quill and parchment so I could write home. They gave it to me, and I wrote a note for Hermione, told her where I was and gave some directions for whoever came to get me. It wasn't long before Hedwig showed up with a note from Hermione, and not long after that, Remus came to take me home. I was so happy and relieved to see him and to know I was going home, I grabbed him and held on tight, and I couldn't stop smiling. Dumbledore had given him a Portkey to use for the return trip, which was good, because I still wasn't up to Apparating myself, and it would've been a long flight, especially with Remus flying us.
I was surprised to see a whole bunch of people in the infirmary, but it was nice, too, because it was everybody I couldn't wait to get home to all in one room. Madam Pomfrey wanted to examine me herself to make sure I was okay, so Dumbledore suggested that I tell everybody what happened while that was going on, so I did. By the time I got through telling the story, Madam Pomfrey was finished, and I was ready to go home and get some rest. I hugged Neville first and told him I'd make up for missing our potions session next week, and it felt good to be able to tell him it was over -- really over for good -- this time. Voldemort's finally paid for everything he's done to Neville and his parents, to my parents, to Ron, to Severus, to all the innocent people -- wizard and Muggles alike -- who died because of him and his followers. It's over.
Then I hugged Ginny and thanked Justin for coming with them, and then I asked Hermione if she was ready to tuck me into bed. Of course she said yes, and I slept just about all day, woke up for a while, had something to eat, and watched a movie and a half (I fell asleep during the second one) with Hermione, and rested Saturday until it was time for the Quidditch game.
Gryffindor won -- 230 to 140. It was a pretty short game, too, only about 2 1/2 hours, but that was good, because I don't know if I could've lasted if it'd gone on for hours and hours. Slytherin played a really strong game, but Gryffindor edged them out, and I admit I'm happy with the outcome. Oliver and Percy were there, but we had to postpone going out to dinner with them after the game. I just wasn't up to it yet, but we said hello to them and promised to get in touch about getting together soon, after things have settled down and I'm not so easily tired out.
Tonight, we're having a party at the Three Broomsticks for anyone who wants to come, and I'm looking forward to it. It'll be good to relax and unwind with friends and celebrate the end of a war that's been hanging over us all for far too long. Tonight, we celebrate the beginning of peace.
Tuesday: Family Farewells
Tuesday: Departure
Friday: Returning Home
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happy
worried
indescribable
excited
gloomy
nostalgic
okay
melancholy