Hat Diaries

Time:	12:36
Mood:	crappy.

Tough luck. Thank you very much, employment office, for making me wait for a month before being allowed to talk to someone, because during that month, next spring's trainee posts have been taken. Isn't life grand. Jkl libraries - full. Bookstores - same thing. My best shot now is to simply go ask elsewhere. Palokka, Vaajakoski, all the nearby places. Crap.

Or maybe I'll just stay at home and rot away doing nothing.

It's probably hopeless to ask at Fantsu. I really doubt they'd take anyone.

And no sign of Dev. Her phone's off.

Anyway. Thank gods for Avatar, the net café satisfying my need to go whine.

2 notes | sing

Time:	22:36
Mood:	melancholy.
Music:	Apulanta - Onttosydän.

Liekinmuotoinen sydän on
Varjohahmoinen rakkaus

Arven arvoitus - salaisuus
Jokin sussa paljastaa sen minkä peität sanoilla
Ja sillä kuin sä käännät katsees pois

Onttosydän pakenee taas arvoituksiin
Piikkisydän

Liekinlämpöinen huokaus
Sun demoneittes juhlissa mä ootan riistan osassa
Ja vuodan kun taas suoneen isketään

Onttosydän pakenee taas arvoituksiin
Piikkisydän

Merkit ihollasi kertoo enemmän kuin kaikki maailman sanat yhteensä
Niinkuin musta runo sun sanas jokainen
Veitsen kosketus iholla
Niinkuin tumma verho
Kynttilät ja viini jättää salaisuudet pimeään

Onttosydän pakenee taas arvoituksiin
Piikkisydän

sing

Subject:	Snatched from worldsong
Time:	22:45

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

3 notes | sing

Time:	22:50
Mood:	kind of... something.
Music:	Angra - Heroes of Sand acoustic.

I can be a manipulative lying treacherous bastard. I'm pretty good at it, actually, if I try. Most of the time, I try to steer clear of that behavior. I've never felt much guilt over lying and cheating on my family members (except maybe little sis, but she's different), but me and my family relations are what they are.

I'll admit to manipulating and cheating friends and acquaintances, too. Most of the time, I don't really mean to. I don't purposefully manipulate anything, not their words or mine, or them. But the occasional lie slips in easily. In truth, I spew out little white lies all the frigging time.

Big deal. Life is manipulation. Everybody does it, whether or not they do it on purpose and whether or not they admit doing it.

I tell little white lies to, well, everyone. Everything from "yeah, I only came five minutes ago" to "no, it was only this much (much less than it was actually)". I have only a few times in my life tried to manipulate people purely for my own ends, purposefully, planning.

I would never do that to someone I really cared for and wanted to be my friend.

Lyth manipulates. She manipulates me, too. I guess the only person she would never majorly manipulate is her little blue witch... then again, that's them. They're such a completely different story, and I don't know all of it. But I get something from Lyth, too. Not that it's a valid excuse. It's not.

The validest excuse there is is that everyone manipulates. Simple as that. It's how society bloody well works. The badass do-it-on-purpose only-after-own-gain people are something else. I'm not one of them. Except very rarely. Maybe once or twice so far.

I just needed to say that. I have things and neuroses and behavioral patterns. I'm sorry if I occasionally make someone feel bad, or uncomfortable, or, well, manipulated. Most of the time, you can count on that I honestly didn't mean to. Or I didn't know, or realize. I'm not that good with people.

All the heroes go down
Shed their blood on the land
Dreaming somehow
The divine will now stand

heroes go down
With their hearts in their hands
Building their castles on the sand

3 notes | sing

Time:

19:09

I adore Nemi, that Norwegian comic. They've another album of it on sale now, yesss! It's even more adorable than the first one. ^^ She has wonderful thoughts ("They should have dogs for rent in the pharmacy..."), she is in denial about reality and would rather live in fantasy, she has a crush on Morpheus (you know, Sandman?), she has problems with every non-gothy person alive, she has an adorable cynical-comical- attitude... and the faces are a killer. X) Every metalist, fantasist, roleplayer, goth, non-Christian and assorted things should read Nemi.

sing

Time:	12:01
Mood:	weak-legged.

I knew today was going to suck transportation-wise the moment I stepped out of the front door... and slipped after one step. Can I just say, OW.

This was followed by a desperate effort to get to the bus stop in time, when the road was covered with slip-slip-slippery ice. Of course, that does in no way compare to the bus ride itself. The old road, 15km, full of bends, bumps and hills, no asphalt, and most importantly - today of all days, no sand or salt. Oo; Was so scared of even getting on it, and was pretty much clenching my teeth the whole time.

But no, we didn't crash. Of course... this was followed by a driving lesson. ^^; My gods. But yet again, luck - only almost drove off the road three times. (And noticed that I had yet again forgotten how to switch gear all smooth and proper. Argh.)

I should go have piccies of me taken now-

sing

Time:	19:18
Mood:	awake.

I now have my cap. Funny, really. When I was trying it on in the store, the first thing that sprang to mind was "such a fuss over a silly hat." And that's really what it is - all the pain and fussing over a black-and-white hat thatyou can wear once a year, on May Day. It's nice, new and velvety, but otherwise... nah.

Also remembered to buy the brooch. It's traditional to buy your mother a little golden lyre brooch when you pass the matriculation exams. I exchanged the brooch my brother gave her last spring for a double lyre.

sing

Time:

17:06

This weekend's been heavy on... stuff. Yeah, I haven't been around.

First on Friday, much going back and forth. Doctor's appointment (just a normal check-up, for my licence), then driving lesson, then back home. In the afternoon, hop back on another bus to Jkl. After coffee, much wandering around, a bit of arguing and carefully picking salted licorice, I dragged Dev to the movies with me. Love, Actually - a romantic comedy, and I actually liked it. :p I'll never be able to think the same way about British politics again, though. Or Snape... god damn you, Alan Rickman.

After movie - ran for the station. Bad idea to pick a movie that ends at 19:55 when my bus leaves at 20:05. Picked up the Snogster from there and went home. And that horrible, evil young man had bought me a vibrator as my birthday/christmas/whatever- pressie. x) I hate you. Though I guess it was inevitable, he's been telling me he'll buy me one for the past, what, two years... (Inevitbale. What an interesting typo.)

Then there was much cursing my family, of which luckily just the siblings were home. There was also much watching Buffy. I just sat him down to watch OMWF, but then we kinda ended up watching half of season six anyway. There was also much... I don't know, there was much stuff. Much Marvel? I pointed Snog to the two boxes of old X-Men issues, and he read nearly all of them. Intellishunt, really. :p

He left this morning, after much confusion over bus timetables. I tagged along till Äki, wandered about there for some time and came back home. I was supposed to be at theory lessons at 16:20, but, errm, I was so bloody tired that I just slept, and of course ended up missing the bus. I also had a weird dream with, umm. There was a skating court and my sisters and some people from BtVS, and then in the end we were at a fur farm that was built on the roof of a police station. There was either Kalin or Velkyn there - never could tell them girls apart, and for once it's not just me - with whom I had a deeply philosophical chat. Then she let out a couple of... bunny rabbits. And since I was standing there I was arrested and stuff. And at that point, my cell beeped for a message and I woke up. Bugger. (No, the sms wasn't bugger at all, it was good...) Need to attend those lessons in December.

Now? Now I'm tired from too much sleepage, kinda hungry, needing to go clean up and cook anyway. Tomorrow's employment office appointment - and dear gods, if they cancel it on me again... there might be a slight change of plans about my life. 200km change, or so. (Says something of my values and feelings, I guess. I dun care.)

sing

Time:	12:00
Mood:	calm.

Snoggone. He should be in Saarijärvi by now, soon in Piispala... he was here for the weekend. Going to visit a post nearby - well, maybe 40km from my place, though with the bus, umm, at least 100km. Gawwaaa. And I'm stuck here at Äki, I was just supposed to walk him to the bus stop, but there I figured, whattahell, and hopped on. Dumb me. :)

I definitely need more coffee. And schtuff. Stopped by the pharmacy, got pillsies - damn antibiotics, eww - and now am at the library. Got a lot to think about.

Need more coffee.

sing

Time:	00:30
Mood:	surprised.

Okay... so I was watching the cut scenes from the From Hell DVD. And I browsed through all the rest of it, and now I would just like to voice one little question.

Why the fuck is there text in fucking tengwar running along the sides of the menus?!

O_o
o_o
o_O
O_O
O_o

Yes, I'm sure it's bloody tengwar. I know my Tolkien well enough. Take a look yourself, small screencap from DVD2. Now what the bloody hell is it doing on From Hell DVD?!

Edit: I went through some of the writing with the LotR Appendices as my guide. I can't make out most of it, and my knowledge of the letters is limited strictly to what is in the official appendices... and I couldn't get anything sensible out of it. Not a whole lot of vowels there - the most I could make out is "ntrgjinez" or something along those lines. O_o Not very helpful, is it. Of course, it's entirely possible that 1) I got it all wrong or 2) it's not even supposed to make sense. Any of you guys actually know a little bit of quenya and tengwar? Right now I'd appreciate a few freak&geek; friends. :p

This is the kind of thing that is sure to bother me for all eternity. x)

4 notes | sing

Time:	16:13
Mood:	impressed.

Oh. Dear. But From Hell is an enticing movie. Rented it. I like Johnny Depp even more now. :p It was bloody, but hell - can a movie about Jack the Ripper be something else than bloody? (Well, yes, but I'd feel let down if it was.) Inspector Abberline was a fool. A fool who chased the dragon... of course. Somehow Depp's characters all seem to be fools, in one way or another.

Yes. Good movie. Had a great atmosphere. And it combined the Victorian age and the supernatural, two definite affections of mine, and threw Depp into the mix - how could I not have liked it? I wanted a bit more of the supernatural and the dreaminess, though. And Depp. :p

sing

Time:	12:22
Mood:	jubilant.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The results came in. Snog, don't worry about receiving bitchy rants about grades. ^^ ^^ ^^ There won't be any.

LEEMBB.

English, laudatur, 287 points - I got a bloody 99 points on the essay! That's, like, the max. O_o I got the l, I got the l...

Finnish, eximia, 88 points. Thought so.

Humanities, eximia, 31 points. I was expecting a magna, but the limits came down a point, and I got e. ^^

Swedish, magna, 234 points.

Math, lubenter, 18 points.

German, lubenter, 175 points.

It went better than I expected. My overall grade will be magna, instead of cum laude, as I expected.

Damn, I'm so good. :D Or at least feeling good about me. All about me. Me, me, me. Me too. (I'll link the post about the grading system here later, I know some of you aren't familiar with it.)

Wheeeeee!

4 notes | sing