[

mood

|

contemplative

]

"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."

"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."

"All right then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."

"Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen tomorrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind." There was a long silence.

"I claim them all," said the Savage at last.

-- brave new world, aldous huxley

[	mood	|	peaceful	]
[	music	|	someone is playing the piano	]

mzmzmzmmzzmzm

this was a good weekend. friday night i went to the lacrosse game with brian, brian, and tanya. stauber made signs that said "marry me dave klemens" and "sw 3:16." alas, despite this show of support, we still lost. however, we did go to tanya's and played dance dance revolution, which is quite an amusing game. actually, they played while i sat in a corner reading BNW and petting an large ttuffed leopard. but that was only when i got tired. besides, i was really bad.

yesterday i worked with manwiller, then she came over and we watched "win a date with tad hamilton!" entirely predictable, but amusing nonetheless. we considered watching kill bill, but we were too chicken. someday....

anyway, in a few hours i will be going to madison- sorry magster, i don't think i'll have time to visit- for a scholarship thing. ruthann reynen is meeting us there. woot for hanging out with rar on weekends. maybe she'll still be wearing her medal.

unfortunately, no studying for ap tests has yet taken place. oops?

[	mood	|	giddy	]
[	music	|	LIBRARY TIME WITH VICKSTER	]

we have finally triumphed.

FIRST PLACE FIRST PLACE FIRST PLACE. that's right preble. not only are we prettier, we're smarter too.

the english team competition is so stressful, but in a good way. i couldn't eat dinner last night until they posted the scores (19 points ahead of preble going in to the final!) and then i was frantically reviewing canterbury tales. disappointingly, there were only three easily answered canterbury tales questions. after i read it too. oh well, i really liked it, so i guess its fine.

everyone had something to contribute. our rotations worked out very well- mr. hildebrand played the shakespeare sheet, mr. baumann played the poetry analysis sheet, wheelock had the german and world lit sheet. everyone knew most of the stuff, but we all had our areas- me and the canterbury tales, jo and burns/twain, liz and fitzgerald, brenna and hemingway.

the final round was tense. we overheard preble say they got two wrong on the first sheet, and we had four wrong. however on the next sheet, we only had one wrong, possibly none if they gave us credit for saying that "to the virgins" was a lust poem. the final sheet of the final round was perfect. we started cheering, then preble started cheering, so we felt uneasy.

unfortunately, they decided to announce the winners in reverse alphabetical order. preble won the first two categories, social studies and science, but we still screamed pretty loud for social studies' fourth place. i really would have appreciated social studies winning, because the obnoxious economics boy from decathlon was on preble's ss team, but i guess you can't have it all.

we were sitting next to the math team, and streck said, "if we don't beat preble, you have to," however, they got first and we outdid ourselves cheering.

finally english team. i felt literally sick, curled up in a little ball in my chair. west depere, east depere, then they announced preble!! we tried to be polite, but we couldn't control ourselves. we started screaming and pounding on the table. everyone was hugging everyone else. hildebrand like dived on top of me, and later he picked up liz and spun her around. then ms. beyer hugged me like three times. brenna and i could barely speak. we both had been so doubtful about that final round. it was so shocking. finally finally finally. it's been so long since southwest has taken first from preble. the tables have definitely turned. after all, in the first round, preble beat our b team by one point. our b team actually took third, i believe, but two teams from one school can't compete in the final. still, that's so fantastic. i'm so proud of everyone.

we promised ourselves we'd wear our shirts again today if we won and risk everyone thinking we are dirty. oh well. we also brought our medals to school (my precious...) and brenna wants to wear them. apparently reynen's wearing hers. we're going to wear them in lit, at least.

wooo we all went out for breakfast so i'm really tired and on a total sugar high from the extremely large choc chip pancake i consumed. i didn't do any homework last night either. ehh calc test. it's the end of the year. last nigh i called wenzel to tell him of our victory. yay. apparently brian called mr. fowles too.

we didn't make it to the coin laundry though. sad. another time perhaps.

w00t.

[

mood

|

confused

]

children what's going on for senior ball? are we going to mankiller's before? what's this limo thing? also do we have to sign up for tables when we buy tickets, because i have heard that they are selling them this week already? also also does anyone have plans for afterwards??? my parents said i could have people over, but ehhh my house is not that exciting. but if people are interested... let me know.

i feel so planned out. last year wenzel called me at three thirty and was like "i'll pick you up in awhile."

[	mood	|	mellow	]
[	music	|	toxic- britney spears	]

today was fun, other than the hellish calc test. oh well. it doesn't really matter anymore.

i was amused to learn i scored the highest on stauber's data match. that's what comes of filling it out together in music lab.

on that note, we must do urban jedi for our final project. that would be hilarious. (hey we never watched sars yet. also must do that.)

tonight, i am probably going to loaf around the house "studying" for the ap calc exam, then go to kavarna to work on EAT.

[

mood

|

contemplative

]

i started "bridget jones: the edge of reason" last night and i still enjoy how bridget and her friends are obsessed with pride and prejudice/colin firth.

i almost had to call someone when i got to this one part where they were trying to cheer bridget up because her boyfriend is being an ass to her, so they fast forward to the part in the movie where colin firth jumps in the lake.

also, oddly ironic because in the movie, her boyfriend IS colin firth.

Happy Easter to all.

[	mood	|	cheerful	]
[	music	|	daft punk- "digital love"	]

soy yo (jamie).

tonight we were supposed to work on the urban jedi, but alas, plans fell through. however, i went to the mall for a little while with rachel, parisi, and stauber. exciting. due to a sad lack of funds, all i could purchase was a dutch ice from auntie anne's and some "adhesive" from victoria's secret (don't ask.)

WHO IS EXCITED TO SEE PHANTOM?

i am. do they have rush at the PAC? i've only been there once, and i really really really really want to see phantom again. i haven't seen a musical since 42nd street. i'm feeling deprived.

also, i am find myself enjoying hilary duff. WTF happened? as spencer defined it, most of her songs qualify as "musical rape."

i have weird phases of music. here are some of the ones i have defined:

1) the musical phase: aida, the producers, thoroughly modern millie, starlight express, and rent were my musicals of the summer.
2) the strokes/white stripes period
3) the dance era, mostly basement jaxx
4) the trashy phase: britney spears, christina aguilera, kelis, justin timberlake, beyonce, etc.
5) the old school music: elton john, the beatles, billy joel
6) the mellow period: dave matthews, guster, john mayer, rufus wainwright etc.

currently i'm in phase number six. however, i'm feeling a shift back to basement jaxxish stuff. curiouser and curiouser.

[

mood

|

content

]

i finally attended battle of the bands. every year prior to this, i have had some reason like a forensics competition, or going out of town, or a birthday party, or something so i couldn't go. it was a good time. too bad i'm not musically talented. for the most part, i was very impressed by all the bands.

afterwards i witnessed the mystery which is a lan party. that was interesting, especially as i know nothing about computers.

meh does anyone want to read my pointless blather?

i didn't think so.

[

mood

|

jubilant

]

florida was phantasmagoric, but i missed you all terribly.

i especially want to see the college kids before they return, so call me tonight (brent i have a present for you heheheheh).

also, i am inwardly screaming with joy.

bet you wanna know why.....

[	mood	|	cheerful	]
[	music	|	ants marching- dave matthews band	]

verdict: not guilty

the trial was so intense i felt like my brother was really accused of murder. i'm not joking. i was literally shaking the whole time; i couldn't tell you why. i was so happy when i heard the verdict.

the atmosphere in the room was tense. all the objections, and crosses, and redirects, etc, etc. the costumes really added to it too. i seriously felt like i was there.

maybe i'm stupid, but nothing makes me happier than playing a role and really becoming your character, ie thinking, acting, essentially being that character. considering how they would react etc. i've been considering majoring in drama with a minor in theatre, if that is possible. i love it when i see a scene appear.

anyway, best moments of the trial would have to be:

1) sam, as pulcheria, about rodya, "he's a good boy...."
2) joanna, as katerina, about raskolnikov, "a prince among men!"
3) kevin o'leary, as razumhin, dressed in his three piece suit, when asked if he loved dounia, just pulling at his collar and acting embarrassed to admit it in front of everyone.
4) brenna jenny, who was practically worked up into a frenzy of excitement and anticipation over the trial, leaping out of her seat and objecting, even though we technically weren't supposed to do that.

all i know is, if i ever have to go to court, brenna jenny will be my lawyer.

mad props to everyone in my lit class. it was good fun.

by some strange coincidence, i actually did my homework right away last night, so when magster called me to go to kavarna, i was free. aww i missed magster. it was lovely to see her.

we saw hildebrand and the staubé there, who i knew were going to be there but forgot about until i actually saw them, so that was a nice surprise/unsurprise.

agggggggggh nothing to do. two hour delay. i hope we can get the shield finished.

thanks to all for the "u" bands. and i thoroughly enjoyed dave's post.

[

mood

|

sick

]

I've never.. (put an X next to the things that apply to you)

(x) been drunk.
(x) smoked pot.
( ) kissed a member of the opposite sex.
( ) rode in a taxi.
(X) been dumped.
(X) shoplifted.
(x) been fired.
(x) been in a fist fight.
(x) had a threesome.
(X) snuck out of my parent's house.
(x) been tied up. (sexually) (if you remove the sexually, then yes)
(x) been caught masturbating.
(X) pissed on myself.
(x) had sex with a member of the same sex.
(x) been arrested.
(x) made out with a stranger.
(x) stole something from my job.
(x) celebrated new years in times square.
(X) went on a blind date.
( ) lied to a friend.
( ) had a crush on a teacher.
(x) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
( ) been to europe.
( ) skipped school.


Using bands' names, spell out your name.

Led Zeppelin
U what the fuck starts with u
Counting Crows
Yanni hahahahhahahaha

a p p e a r a n c e

Height: 5'6"
Hair color: brown
Skin color: pale and blotchy
Eye color: brown
Piercings: ears
Tattoos: no

r i g h t n o w

What color are the pants that you are wearing? dark blue
What song are you listening to right now? umm none
What taste is in your mouth? DIRT CUPS
What's the weather like now? snow
How are you? sick but cheerful
Get motion sickness? nope
Have a bad habit? no. i am perfect.
Like to drive? i hate it. mostly i mooch rides off others.

f a v o r i t e s

TV shows: i don't know when anything is on
Conditioner: leave in. or else i don't use it.
Book: Little Women, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Anne of Green Gables, TSL, also C&P; kicked ass
Non-alcoholic drink: COKE. also gatorade.
Alcoholic drink: uzu
Thing to do on the weekend: do all the calc homework. i love calc. no actually, go to the weidner/kavarna/perkins.

h a v e y o u

Broken the law: not in a significant way. like i make right turns on red sometimes when i'm not supposed to, but that's about it.
Ran away from home: not within the last ten years
Snuck out of the house: no. it is impossible.
Ever gone skinny dipping: no
Ever tipped over a porta potty: haha yes. when ben jenny was inside of it, nonetheless
Used your parents' credit card before: yes
Skipped school before: yes, multiple times
Fell asleep in shower/bath: close, but no
Been in a school play: six at southwest, but there have been many others

l o v e

Boyfriend: no ma'am.
Children: two or four.
Current crush: i have an extreme aversion to the word crush. everyone is such a chicken about this. as am i. on a side note, mike dupont told me who my sister likes.... heheheh
Been in love: nope
Had a hard time getting over someone: no
Been hurt: nope
Your greatest regret: going along with other people for the sake of harmony
Gone out with someone you only knew for 3 days: no

r a n d o m

Do you have a job: indeed
Your cd player has in it right now: well the strokes are in the shield office
If you were a crayon what color would you be: cerulean, aka prussian blue
What makes you happy: books
What makes you happiest: other people
What's the next CD you're going to get: probably les miz or something trashy like in the zone

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t

Time you cried: a week ago
You got a real letter: eeeh from magster a few weeks ago
You got e-mail: ten minutes ago
Thing you purchased: a shamrock shake
Movie you saw in the theater: girl with a pearl earring... i think

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n

Abortion: pro-choice
Teenage smoking: fucking nasty
Spice Girls: <3
Dreams: messed up, yet reflective of your inner thoughts.

[	mood	|	cranky	]
[	music	|	eine kleine nachtmusic - mozart, bitches	]

jwo: must die.
lesjack: must die.
alyssa: must vanish. (i don't know her well enough to wish death upon her)

also, second hour tomorrow i must dress up like a beatnik and seventh hour like dounia.

I'M SO PUMPED FOR THE TRIAL. IT'S GOING TO FUCKING ROCK.

i need spring break. my throat hurts, the shield is making me stressed out, and i can't do integration by parts.

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[	mood	|	giggly	]
[	music	|	jewel... "who will save your soul"	]

well this was an interesting weekend.

thursday night i attended the long-awaited goldeneye tournament. there's always talk of guys "getting in touch with their feminine side," and i think that this was the direct opposite of that for me. attending this party were the duponts (obviously, as it was at their house), gabe dahl, stauber, gerbig, hildebrand, bj, trevor, matt wilson, and various others. mercifully i called tanya on my way there or else she and cassie would not have come, and i would have been the lone female until ms. conard's arrival at ten.

i would also like to say here that perfect dark sucks. golden eye is so much better. speaking of this, does anyone know of anyone who would want to sell me a copy of goldeneye?

friday was joanna's birthday party. this has been an annual event (for me) for ten years now. cookie cups, costumes, PIT. it made me realize how much i love all my friends, because we are emotionally/intellectually mature, yet we are unashamed to dress up as characters from crime and punishment and dance to crazy irish music. (i was dounia.)

saturday was gabe's birthday. practically the same people were here as on thursday, but more girls came, as well as gabe's sophomore friends. there was a cake eating contest and some intense playing of mario party. i think that's about all there is to be said.

ahhhhh spring break can't come soon enough. cabin fever IS MAKING ME GO CRAZY.

also, integration by parts can fuck itself.

ignore that digression.

everyone is getting senior ball dresses. I WANT ONE. i told myself that i would wear the yellow dress again, and i really really really really like it, but i want to go shopping. mmmmm shopping.

well since i don't actually feel like doing my homework, i guess i'll work on english team.

[	mood	|	chipper	]
[	music	|	AMERICAN IDOL	]

well, it's certainly been awhile since i've written anything meaningful here.

i've been so looking forward to the musical. the sound of music, how i love it. my unwavering devotion to this show is demonstrated best by the fact i have two soundtracks to this: julie andrews (obviously, the movie) and mary martin (broadway cast). i want to be a nun. or the baroness. or really anyone. i was even beginning to dreamcast in my mind. the only definite thing i have is that devon must be max dettwiler. can't you see him as uncle max?

AND IF WE CAN'T HAVE IT I WILL GO BEAT SOME PEOPLE UP. and my mom said she would make angry phone calls. she's good at that.

of course i don't really need another commitment on the old schedule, but we'll deal with that later. after all, who needs sleep? you can sleep when you're dead.

i'm looking forward to this weekend. lots to do, three days off. hee hee i sound like magster.

i am so tired. less tired, perhaps, than my eyes burn. lately my contacts have been hurting my eyes.

i think i'm going to start running. i love running. like at tennis camp....

WHICH REMINDS ME. RANDY NELSON IS NO LONGER SW TENNIS COACH. I DON'T KNOW THE CIRCUMSTANCES SURROUNDING THIS, BUT MY MOTHER CALLED THE OFFICE AND THE RUMOR HAS BEEN CONFIRMED. HALLELUJAH!! I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER!]

news aside, i think i might be experiencing some "underlying inner personal conflict" but i don't really feel like discussing it publicly. something to think about....

[

mood

|

silly

]

i don't know if anyone remembers this, but two summers ago i came across a hastily scrawled phone number in the back of my copy of breakfast at tiffany's at our book club discussion.

i could not remember whose number it was, or why/when i had written it.

i recently (okay, yesterday) i learned about reverse phone directories on the internet, and today as i was perusing my copy and came across the number once more.

i decided to look it up.

guess who it was?

why, spencer t. nelson, himself. i hope he wasn't expecting me to call. i'm two and a half years late.