| long long time | |||
| 10:31pm 07/10/2003 | |||
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it's been a long time since i updated this journal.. thats because i have a new journal and i couldn't remember the password for this one in order to sign in and update. so i'll be commenting in each of my friends journals.. and then adding you all to my new friends list.. add me back :) thanks guys! |
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| survey | |||
| 11:16pm 19/09/2003 | |||
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[01] what's your first name? Allison [02] middle name? Faye [03] last name? blaaaaaah [04] nicknames? ali [05] age? 20 [06] gender? f [07] birthday? 9/7 [08] your sign? virgo [09] where do you live? in my very own apartment oooh [10] do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? yeah [11] if so what's her/his name? mark [12] have you ever been in love? i love myself [13] who are/were your crushes? i was never such a crush whore sorry [14] do you have any piercings, or want any piercings? got em [15] if so what do you have/want pierced? ears, tongue.. i want my helix back though [16] do you have a tattoo or want one? have [17] if so what kind and where? pretty kinds and they're on me [18] where do you shop at the most? wherever i wanna buy something [19] what color is your hair? brownish [20] what color are your eyes? green usually but they change colors [21] how tall are you? 5'4" [23] do you smoke? nope [24] do your friends smoke? a few do [25] who are your closest friends? uhm.. jeanette and andrea [26] who are your friends? depends on my mood [27] who are your best friends online? same as my best friends offline [28] do you like bath & body works? it always makes me sneeze [29] kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? suave or pantene pro-v [30] is your hair short or long? long, i needa get it cut [31] do you like to shop? yes, sometimes i like to blow money i dont have on stuff i don't need [32] what sports do you play? i miss playing soccer [33] what turns you on? you baby ;) [34] what turns you off? richard simmons.. unless he's doing those hot 80's moves oh baby baby [35] what place do you go for fun? anywhere [36] what do you do for fun? i'm simple [37] how many phones do you have in your house? i have one thats not hooked up and i have my cell that actually works.. but only when i'm outside [38] how many tv's do you have in your house? 4.. that's kinda sad [39] what's your favorite food(s)? pasta [40] do you look like anyone famous? not that i know of.. do i? [41] do you think ricky martin is muy guapo (very handsome)? not so much no [42] who are the most attractive people you know? most of the people i know are somewhat attractive [43] are you a virgin? ... [44] do you wish to be like your parents? ya know i used to say fuck no, but in all honesty they are happy with each other and even though they yell, they don't hide their feelings from eachother and they have a pretty good marriage.. so i wouldn't mind if i turned out like them. granted, i don't have a desire to be as crazy as my mother, but i don't think that'll happen. [45] what cologne should a hot guy wear? as long as it smells good it's all good [46] what are you listening to right now? Friends on TV [47] what time is it? 11:24 pm [48] how many hours per day do you spend talking on the phone? not much.. it depends on the day [49] do you have your own phone line? i have my cell.. i haven't put the phone line in yet.. quit reminding me [50] have you ever kissed someone of the opposite sex? uhm yeah [51] what are your favorite shoes? i used to love my black ones but the zipper broke back in like april but i haven't had the heart to throw them out yet.. i just keep moving with them [52] what kind of clothes do you sleep in? t-shirt and pj pants or boxers [53] what's your favorite soda? most pepsi products [54] what things do you say a lot? 'i dont like you' [56] who is the coolest person in the world? me. duh. [57] do you think you're weird or funny? yeah [58] what would you prefer thong or bikini? depends on the mood [59] who was the last person you called? sadly i had to check that.. it was mark [60] where do you wanna get married? vegas [61] who is the hottest girl/guy in your school? well besides me? do you know how many people are in my school? cause i sure as hell don't [62] what are your favorite girl names? i dunno.. i'm not the type to name my future kid sorry [63] what are your favorite guy names? check above [64] what's your worst memory in the past 5 years? uhm.. none that i can think of off the top of my head. i've had some pretty shitty days but none that are sticking out over the others right now [65] what's your favorite childhood memory? hmm.. right now i'm remembering being with my sister and her friend and staying up all night long making this tape of funny commercials and whatnot.. it's probably not my fav memory but i like it and its what sticks out [66] what is your favorite fast food restaurant? i'm liking mickey d's lately [67] who do you really dislike? its too much effort to not like someone.. i just have no feelings whatsoever towards some people [68] do you have any brothers and sisters? yes [69] if so, names? melissa [70] do you have a pool? no :( i used to [71] do you have a spa? no :( there is a hot tub though.. [72] are you stupid? i'm a fucking genius [73] what are you addicted to? you [74] do you like jewelry? to a degree [75] who do you wish you were? i like being me and im doing a decent job at it.. so i'm gonna stick with it [76] who has it easier, boys or girls? boys [77] would you rather be short or tall? middle [78] do you like to dance? oh yeaaaaaaaa.. ya can't stop me [79] do you like playing pranks on people? hey, have you met me? [80] what's your least favorite subject in school? sciences [81] what's your favorite subject in school? anthropology and philosophy [82] what time is it? 11:31 in the pm [83] what college do you wanna go to? i'd rather not be going to college but right now i'm stuck with stonybrook [84] what school do you go to now? sbu [85] do you have a playstation or nintendo 64? i got a n64.. it's still packed up in a box in the barn tho.. [85] if so, what are your favorite games? n/a [87] do you sleep a lot? i try to [88] what are your favorite radio stations? i dont listen to the radio [90] are you a morning person? sometimes [91] what's your favorite tv station? wb and fox and tlc [92] do you shave? yeah [93] how often do you shower? usually daily [94] do you get along with your parents? as long as i dont live with them [95] what room do you spend the most time in? this one probably [96] how many rooms does your house have? 2 bedrooms, bathroom, living room.. its not so big [97] what do you wanna be when you're out of school? i dunno stop asking [98] do you curse a lot? depends on my mood [99] are you ticklish? yes very [101] what are you wearing right now? perfume that's all ;) [102] do you go to church? yes every sunday [103] do you like the person who sent you this? it wasn't sent to me [104] do you believe in god? sometimes [105] do you like to watch pda's? nope they're fucking annoying [106] do you show pda? not really [107] do you believe in love at first sight? it could happen [108] what color tooth brush do you use? its purple and clear [109] how many times a day do you brush your teeth? twice [110] who is your favorite cartoon character? Lance [111] do you have a job? shut up [113] what's your favorite fruit? i like apples [114] what's your favorite veggies? carrots and broccoli [115] what's your favorite candy? i dunno [116] what was the best day of your life so far? there's not one specific day that's sticking out sorry [117] what are you gonna do today? absolutly nothing :) [118] are you momma's little angel? of course [119] do you wear body spray? sometimes [120] who is the sweetest girl? meeee [121] who is the sweetest guy? i dunno [122] are you wearing nail polish now? on my toes [123] if so, what color? red [124] how many rings or necklaces do you own? a bunch but i only wear one necklace and 2 rings without that i feel naked [125] do you wear a watch? yup [126] did/do you have braces? i did when i was younger [127] are you tired? always [129] do you have freckles? yup [130] what are you thinking right now? i'm kinda mad [131] are you having fun? not anymore [132] what time is it? 11:36 stop fucking asking [133] who makes you laugh? i like to laugh.. so it's not too hard to make me laugh [134] who's your favorite teacher? this semester? or overall? i'm quite fond of my kindergarden teacher cause she let us have naptime [136] what is the best concert you have ever been to? eh i dunno [137] what is your favorite dream? i dont know [138] what is your worst dream? none that i can think of [139] are you tired of filling this out yet? duh [140] who of your friends do you think will get bored with this? all of em [141] have you ever cheated on anyone/been cheated on? nope.. but i have found out that i was the one he was cheating on his gf with.. ain't that lovely? [142] do you believe in santa claus? i was santa claus [143] do you believe in ghosts? no but i've seen em |
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| i'm freezing | ||||
| 07:41pm 12/02/2003 | ||||
so whats going on? i dunno really. supposed to go out tonight.. think we're going bowling? i dont really remember. school sucks. hate astronomy. for an intro course it's hard. i hate sciences.. always have even when i understood them. i had something to say and i don't know what it was. i don't think it was too important and now i'm just babbling so i can avoid doing my statistics hw. i didn't go to my classes today. i should have. but i felt crappy. so i decided to screw them and sleep. and i know i know i'm just screwing myself in the end. but hey, it happens. i think this weekend is a 'pat weekend' meaning i gotta be outta here.. but i'm not really sure if he's actually coming cause ilene hasn't said anything to me about it.. and i think it would be nice if she told me. so whatever i dunno what i'm doing.. |
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blah| crazy stuff | ||||
| 02:23pm 07/02/2003 | ||||
mike leaves in a condo. there's is some crazy suicidal manic with a gun in his complex. the cops blocked off the exits.. no one is allowed in or out. mike walked down to a cop and asked him what was going on.. the guy said something along the lines of a suicidal maniac and they don't know where he is. so mike runs home (obviously) locks the doors and windows.. smart kid.. and then goes back outside cause the cops are in front of his house and this time the cop goes 'there's a man with a gun we don't want anyone shot get inside'. now if i was me.. at the first mention of a gun.. i would be in my room under my bed.. how about you? so right now he doesn't really know whats going on or anything.. its not on the news (yet anyway) so i guess that's a good thing cause it's not major deal (again i say 'yet'). yeah so thats crazy.. and this snow sucks. i moved back to long island cause i didn't want snow. but school was canceled this morning.. but if it doesn't end soon i probably won't be able to go anywhere / do anything tonight. sucks. i'm gonna go see how mike is doing. |
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| blah | ||||
| 09:42pm 29/01/2003 | ||||
there doesn't seem to be enough days in the week to get anything done.. yet i have free time to do nothing. i'm good at managing my time eh? i haven't even looked for a job yet. i have about 2 bucks in my wallet.. i really should at least apply cause who knows when i'll actually get a call back or whatnot. i also haven't gone down to financial aid and signed my loans / grants. i was going to do it today.. but i couldn't cause dumbass me forgot to bring my license or id. not good. i'm really tired. and i feel like poo. linda is supposed to call to hang out. but i dont wanna do that.. for the above stated reasons.. plus i can't ditch mike and then hang out with linda.. thats just mean and i'm not like that. i really have nothing of importance to say.. i just feel like writing in here. so i am. and now i think i'm done. have a nice night kiddies :) |
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thirsty| quick catching up.. more details to come.. | ||||
| 07:34pm 24/01/2003 | ||||
jan 3rd: went to buffalo by bus almost didn't get there though cause of the crazy ass snow. jan 4th - 11th: went down to florida and disneyworld and whatnot. it was fun for the most part. i was kinda annoyed with andreas constant 'i miss todd i love todd' considering they've been dating (at that point) for a little over 2 weeks maybe? but yeah whatever.. i'll get more to that later jan 12th - went home and packed all my stuff up.. well a lot of it anyway jan 13th - drove out to li jan 14th- had orientation.. met a few people.. registered for classes jan 15th - got cable installed yay jan 16 - 18th - went back to pa to get the rest of my stuff.. ended up being sick on friday and seeing cassandra, heather and michael on saturday jan 19th - drove out to long island.. for the last time with all my stuff yay! jan 20 - 21 - had 2 more pointless orientations random hanging out with friends and whatnot jan 22nd - classes started and i've been busy so now here i am.. exciting huh? yeah, not really.. but that at least explains the lack of updates. school: my classes seem to be okay. i'm taking statistics (mon/wed/fri), astronomy (mon/wed/thu), the later middle ages (tues/thurs), and computer literacy (tues/thurs). Computer Literacy is pretty much an easy A. Astronomy seems interesting. Statistics, well hopefully i'll remember that stuff from back in high school. History, i suck at it..so this should be just greeeeeat. I spent $320 in books. fucking crazy. i'm only taking 4 classes. blech. family: as far as i know they're all doing good lol.. haven't really spoken to them too much. my aunt keeps calling.. we're going out on sunday to tag sales to look for a desk for me.. cause right now my computer is set up on the floor.. not cool. my grandfather told me i shouldn't take astronomy cause the stars are so far away who cares about them? i should take something more useful like knitting. asshole. friends: i love being back on long island. i've had plans every day / night. soo much better then pa. i'm getting along with mike (from ny not the same one as in recent entries) and we have plans tomorrow. it was hysterical last night cause him and jeanette made me and his mom dinner but then later on he gave jeanette a hickey by accident and he's like 'your turn!!' and i'm like ooh no, i'm not letting a gay boy brand me sorry hun. good times. lol. i really do have odd friends. speaking of which i'm going out / meeting mark tonight.. so that should be interesting. i thought i had more to say. well i said a lot.. but i thought i had something interesting to say.. guess not.. i'll update more later on... bye bye :) |
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bouncy| catching up before i leave | ||||
| 09:55pm 02/01/2003 | ||||
funny part though, we were uhm.. ''talking'' yeah lol and my phone rings and i'm like what the fuck and i see it's jeanette and i'm just like 'hey lemme call you back' and she's just like 'where are you?' i go 'at a friends house' and she's just like 'is it michaels?' and i'm like 'lemme call you later' and i hang up and mike is just like does she know about me? and i'm like no.. i really shoulda said 'should see?' cause i dunno what is going on with us. whatever i'll talk more about that later. so i'm going to florida tomorrow. i'm actually kind of excited... so yay. gonna catch up with andrea.. so yay. finished all my packing.. so yay. but it's snowing like a motherfucker out there now.. my bus better not have any problems or else i'll be really upset.. although then i could come back here.. but i wanna go to florida. the day after i get back home i'm going to li.. then its orientation and getting cable put in my room and then coming back home to pack up the rest of my crap and going to long island for school.. crazy shit. lets hope nothing happens on the plane or bus rides to and from florida and buffalo. and let's hope i don't meet a nice guy cause i don't want to complicate things more. and let's hope i have some fun.. and i'll see ya'll (that's the first time i've ever written that.. i really gotta go back to civilization) in about 2 weeks or so. i'll miss ya! loves and hugs :) this is ali signing off for now... |
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| happy new year.. | ||||
| 01:56am 01/01/2003 | ||||
tomorrow i'm going out with michael.. sometime.. don't know when though.. and then i have to pack all my crap for florida.. fun fun stuff. yes so i will go now.. and you will have a wonderful night. |
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| la la la | ||||
| 10:54pm 29/12/2002 | ||||
and it's good that i have it and it's rather inexpensive.. because i've decided that i'm not going to have a phone line put in at all when i go to long island.. i'll just get cable for the computer and i'll have my cell. it'll work. hopefully i'll get reception in her house. so after my dad and i went out today to go food shopping i came home and bummed around the house then decided i would go up to Kmart to get my aunt her bday gift. hmmm.. why ever would i want to go to Kmart? saw michael. obviously since he's weekend security. i honestly didn't think i would see him but he saw me park and practically ran out to the parking lot. we're standing in the middle of the road and he's hugging me. he's really sweet. he came to kmart with me and helped me pick out a gift.. yeah, he's doing his job well. i gave him my number and he actually called, but i didn't call him back. i always feel bad calling peoples houses past like 10.. so i'll call him in the morning. we had dinner tonight with some guests.. they're booking the place for their wedding in august. they are the cutest couple. they might online i believe? he's from england and she's from around here in pa. they'll be moving to england once they get married and whoa. i dunno if i could do that. move halfway around the world. crazy stuff. i need to talk to jeanette about her 'date' today and whatnot so i'll go. |
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| uhoh | ||||
| 12:15am 27/12/2002 | ||||
i have a 2,500 limit and only 3.9% interest rate. this isn't good. a 19 yr old should never ever have that much money available to them at that low of an interest rate. but hey, i'm not as screwed with florida anymore.. just in a few months i will be when the bills start piling up. yahoo. |
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mischievous| good day bad day who knows | ||||
| 11:30pm 26/12/2002 | ||||
and this damn trip that is ''free'' is fucking costing me and arm and a leg. i have to give them 500.. plus pay for my bus -- which luckily came out to only 80 bucks roundtrip when it shoulda been somewhere around 140. but then i think i also have to pay for meals and whatnot. and of course people are expecting souveniers. so this trip is gonna blow all my savings. i won't be able to afford books for school. which, hey, that will cut out a lot of time cause we know i don't do homework anyway. but still, ya gotta buy the books. how else will i be able to complain about only getting 75 cents back on a 25 dollar book? not to mention the fact that since i'm moving back to li i'm going to need to get a new (newer) car. being a college student again surely does suck some ass. i need a job where i can make a lot of money fast. anyone need a kidney? i could sell some drugs, but that's not really my scene there. ooh, how about prostitution? that's a great way to pay for an education. do we have any takers? |
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| merry christmas? oh wait.. i'm jewish | ||||
| 05:18pm 25/12/2002 | ||||
when i went to bed though there was only like an inch of snow on the ground. so when i actually looked outside around 3:30 and there was at least a foot.. i was shocked to say the least. i went out and helped my dad shovel.. but since i'm such a kid we know i had to play in the snow. i made the absolute most perfect snow angel.. then my dog comes and runs up and jumps on me.. bastard. its okay though cause he was covered in snow in the end cause he's a dog, he can't throw back :). so now i'm wet and cold and i want to talk to michael. hmm. weird. i don't even know what made me think of him. but i can't call cause it's christmas and who knows what he's doing. ah well. tomorrow is another day. and so is friday. yay |
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| bleh | ||||
| 02:04pm 24/12/2002 | ||||
but i have to go out and buy her a card cause i can't print out the certificate and the card.. thats just wrong. so yeah.. i'm gonna finish my beautiful salad bowl cause its yummy and then go |
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| two long days... | ||||
| 12:09am 23/12/2002 | ||||
oh near the end of our conversation she just goes 'can i give you a hug i want to give you a hug' i'm like awww rita doesn't hate me lol yay. she said i absolutely have to without a doubt come back a visit. and she'll give me my discount. i'm like oh yay. not really but i will visit cause i'm good like that. so yeah we got a new security guard yesterday. i thought he was really nice and everything.. better then josh and tony. he was talking to cass when i came in yesterday and then by the night he's like i know cass better then i know you or something to that degree. i'm just like whatever like i really care? so then today i opened and i saw him when i was walking to the bank and i'm like 'you're out early' and he's like 'oh wait allison i have something for you' and i'm just like okay? suuuuure. he made this xmas cards last night when he was bored. i thought it was cute. i was like 'i'm jewish but this is really cute thank you' cause i think its just the people out here.. they don't realize that not everyone in the whole fucking world celebrates christmas. geeeeez. anyways... he came in to the store around 12:20ish maybe? and we were just talking and whatnot and joking around and i was being sarcastic.. like i always am. i told him i loved him and he's just like damn that was quick. and i'm like yeah well i am quick. so he goes well i can be your last meaningful relationship before you go back to ny. and i go meaningful? naaaaah. and ya know, right there.. i'm thinking now.. he got the wrong idea. around 1 cass comes in to work and he was still there talking to me.. he's doing a good job securing the place huh? he left after a while but came back maybe an hour later? and he was hungry and wanted to go for lunch. i don't get breaks. so cass and him decided that him and i would go to subway and bring back our subs. so as we're walking there he brings me to the store that he turned into an office / bedroom / whatever. and i'm like okay ya know i really don't care to see this but hey whatever i'm out of work lol. he's like staying there cause he doesn't have a car. and didn't want to have to walk all the way home and then back again for work this morning. makes sense i suppose? so as we're in line he starts to braid my hair.. pretty much just so he could get to my ear and tickle it.. oh man i was like no no no you can't do that here lol. so then he starts massaging my neck and i'm like 'ya gotta stop or my leg will start shaking like a doggy' don't ya love how i can just ruin a moment? such talent yay :) fast forward.. he gave me a total back massage and more when we were in the backroom.. i made him do it to cass to cause i'm like yeah he don't like me. he didn't do it as good to her.. the little bastard. so then he's walking around with me and hes like i'm gonna leave.. i'm like yeah you really should serve and protect some of the other stores.. and he kisses his fingers and places them on my forehead.. so cute. and then he's just like screw that.. and i thought he was just going in to kiss the forehead with his lips.. like he had done when we were in subway.. but no blam splat right on the lips. that shocked me to say the least. pretty much now i'm like what the fuck. i'm all ready to go back to long island and have no ties or anything here and not miss it at all.. and this really sweet really great really nice guy comes along. guys suck they really do. pssssssht on all of you. and of course i'll only see him again on friday.. which is my last day of work. whatever i'm done and over it. florida here i come and then long island. yay :) |
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calm| good times good friends good fun | ||||
| 11:21pm 20/12/2002 | ||||
monday: went straight to pats house.. got a little lost took some extra time no big deal. we went to pick up linda and then met jeanette at the mall...that night i went with mike linda and justin to the movies to see maid in manhatten... which we thought just plain sucked. but hey, whatever floats your boat right. jeanette got her gifts which she loved all of them and i got the rest of mine which was this 'friends forever' type book thing. and we put pics in it and then like right stuff like how we met, what we like to do, why we're such good friends. it's really cute. and she also got me a puzzle that is a pic of us blown up and says 'best friends forever' but it's not ready yet lol. tuesday: had my thingie with stonybrook.. i got in yay! i honestly don't really remember much else happening that day.. hung out with mike... i met russ.. he wasn't what i pictured at all. and i'm kinda glad jeanette broke up with him cause she can do soo much better. wednesday: jeanette had her last final and i gave mike his xmas presents that day. me and jeanette went to dinner at the diner.. and then met up with linda and pat at friendly's so they could get their gifts. i think they liked them. pat paid.. it was his gift. i didn't want anything from him but whatever. and then we hung out in my car for like an hour or more.. and then we all went to the old theater for a while and shortly reminisced and i got to see bruce. told him i was moving back.. fun stuff. we went back to my car for another hour or two. lol we just talked and whatnot. shoulda stayed inside where i wouldn't have to waste gas but whatever. okay, so on to wednesday night... we all left there around 1130. and me and jeanette went to the supermarket to pick up daiquiri mix (cause we were gonna get drunk) and saran wrap. well we kinda sorta maybe saran wrapped pats car. it was so fucking funny. we were so loud and there were lights on inside his house. plus at one point jeanette hit his car with the saran wrap. and let me tell you.. that is a BIG noise. but no one woke up or heard us or anything. then we got drunk. watched liar liar. good times. i love my friends. i can't wait to go back and i actually am excited for school too. even though i can't even register for classes until jan 14.. which really sucks cause i'll probably get nothing that i want. but whatever. so yesterday pat imed me with a big ole angry face and i'm like what and he did it again and then was just like WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY CAR??? and i'm just like cause we love you :) i swear when i go back there me and jeanette have already decided it has to be a weekly occurence.. the best part is i was telling him that we have to do josh's car when i come back and he was all hyped up for that. i'm so horrible. but we really need to do josh's car.. cause his is what started it all...i mean we've done pat's 3 times now. ah well.. i still have to tell my manger im going bye bye. i was going to tell her today.. but i didn't think i had to work till 430 and so i was late (supposed to be there at 3) and she left early. grr on her.. but i'm not letting it ruin my good mood :) |
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anxious| yayaya | ||||
| 10:17pm 19/12/2002 | ||||
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ecstatic| weeeeee | ||||
| 10:12am 16/12/2002 | ||||
i still don't really know what i'm doing once i get there. i know as soon as i get there i'm going to pats and i also know on wednesday me pat linda justin and jeanette have to all hang out. and tuesday at 2pm stonybrook. besides that though it's all up in the air. so yeah. i'm gonna go. let's cross our fingers for no MTA strike and no snow. cause then driving would suck... see you all on thursday... maybe lol |
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| the good days are better with the bad days. | ||||
| 12:58pm 14/12/2002 | ||||
i was on the phone trying to make an appointment with a financial aid advisor because this year i have far less income and they're offering me about half the aid. doesn't really make much sense now does it? so finally i get to speak to a person and i'm like i want to set up an appointment.. and she really didn't want me to. she's like i'll help you over the phone and i'm like okay whatever. so i try to explain the situation and shes not even listening. she looks up my info and tells me i can take out a 4000 loan.. i don't want a 4 grand loan.. i want grants. grants are my friend. so shes done and i still want an appt so she transfers me of course and this lady is like no we're not making appt's till february. and that's not gonna happen. so i'm fed up i call around other offices to find out that the haven't processed my application yet. they do know that the semester starts in about a month right? and the guy said i should have filled one out online. even though 2 people that i spoke to said it doesn't matter paper or online still takes the same amount of time. morons. i really wish someone knew how to do their job. just one. and i'd be happy. sooo, i'm talking to someone at admissions again. asking them why they haven't recieved my application when my mother comes over rips the phone outta my ear and goes 'i'm the mom i shouldn't have let her hande this' and i'm like oh no you didn't. BUT, somehow my mother is amazing. cause now i have an onsite application / interview thing set up for tuesday. i honestly don't know how she does it. or maybe it's just cause they'll fuck around with kids as much as they want. they don't care that you actually want to go to school they don't care that you need money or whatnot.. they just care about their bathroom break or their lunch break. bastards. so anyway, throughout all this if you haven't noticed.. i'm going to long island :) yayayay. i'm borrowing my parents car (did i mention they hit a deer? just the headlight so all is well) and i'm going to long island. i don't know where i'm going on long island yet. i know i'm sleeping at jeanettes and at 2pm on tuesday i have to be at stonybrook. everything else is in the air and i have to finish my xmas shopping like today pretty much. |
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| maybe i do it on purpose | ||||
| 01:14am 13/12/2002 | ||||
no, you're completely right. i'm not a responsible adult. i never will be. and you've made that perfectly clear and made it completely impossible for me to even try. yup, that's the basics of the fight this time. ah well, nothing new huh? i wanted to go to long island. silly me. why ever would i want to visit my friends? why would i want to give them their gifts when it's still the holiday time. they're still thinking 'well, why can't they just visit you in pa?' they do and have visited me. it's technically my turn. i haven't been out there since june. june. that's a long time. and besides isn't it much easier for one person to go out there then for 6 people (thats all i want to even see) to come back here? hmm, nooo of course not. blech. i'm just pissed off. cause now my mom is like 'well fuck that i'm not lending you money to buy a new car'. which okay, cause that has to do with anything. and of course now it's up to the point where 'how are you going to get to school?' and i don't have an answer obviously. my dad said he would help me look for a car. will he? probably not. i'm pretty much screwed. so now that i want to go to school, i probably won't be able to. now i'm crying. why am i crying? i wanna go home. simple as that. i want to go home. this isn't my home and i don't want to be here. just the other day on one of those stupid "fill this out about me" surveys Jeanette wrote as a message to me "come home ali" and maybe long island is home. maybe it's not. but shouldn't i be able to make that decision on my own? guess not. so shes yelling at me about how why should she loan me her only way of getting around if i didn't even make an appointment to meet up with stonybrook and their financial aid office. well, let's see, why should i make an appt if i don't even know if i'm going to li.. wouldn't it make more sense to know i'm going first and then make the appointment? no, that would be logical. maybe i should of just stayed in albany and finish the four years and fake being happy so that everyone else would be happy? damn me for not being able to please everything. what is wrong with me? |
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aggravated| i'm all about the how's and why's | ||||
| 02:36pm 11/12/2002 | ||||
i'm watching lilo and stitch. i'm such a kid. i just had a pickle. my feet aren't cold for once. i dont have to work tomorrow. it's the little things in life that count. happy day yay. i love being simple. well, today anyway. |
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erasesomedoubt |
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