Monday, February 09, 2004
Obvious answer - invade Saudi Arabia....
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons with which they could have fought back?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam
Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American
corporate
gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in
Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-ass.
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in theUnited States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudis - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million
dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.
Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different
name.
A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends
for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they
decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we >want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our >friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is
automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless unAmerican Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Good night, Daddy"
Sunday, February 08, 2004
Tactical genius...
"Last weekend one disgruntled driver escalated the war against the cameras, known as Gatsos, to a new level. The camera, which stands at a lonely crossroads near the village of Emborough, was blown up early on Sunday morning.
Police called to the scene could hardly believe their eyes. The back had been blown off the box and all that remained of the camera inside was a blackened mass of wreckage.
...
Five cameras costing up to £40,000 each have been destroyed in the past year on one four-mile stretch.
The Emborough camera had been replaced only in December after a previous attack using a rubber tyre filled with petrol.
Four miles north stands the pole of another camera that was set alight in January and had already been replaced once. Between the two the white marks on the road in the village of Farrington Gurney show where another camera once stood.
...
Avon, Somerset and Glou-cestershire Speed Camera Partnership, a coalition of 18 organisations including police, local authorities and the Highways Agency, operates 50 cameras. Twelve have been destroyed.
The partnership’s spokesman David Gollicker said: “We are concerned about the escalation in attacks, particularly the most recent in which explosives appear to have been used as it is putting at risk the lives of local people.”
The explosive did such a clean job in taking out the camera that it has already been replaced. Mr Gollicker said: “We were able to replace the head almost immediately. When a camera has been burnt with a tyre or knocked down by a vehicle the whole thing needs to be replaced, including the support. That is why some of the other cameras haven’t been put back yet.” "
"Bob Dylan: Like A Rolling Stone (1965)
What the grown-ups say: "Dylan drives his inspiration and imagination to even greater heights... Anger, hatred, disgust, defiance, disbelief, apathy, ignorance, repugnance; it's all here." (Earthsound)
What the kids say:
Beth This is not good.
Holly He said bums.
Ben Brilliant, this is just brilliant.
Sophie He sounds like he's just smelled something really bad, like cat poo.
Holly Bums on sticks.
Ben It's great. I actually really like it.
Benjamin Twenty trillion out a septillion.
Holly This sounds really really old.
Benjamin It's like mouldy old bread.
Attention span: 15 seconds.
Better than Busted? "It's stupid, Busted aren't stupid.""
Yes, but...
"SAO PAULO, Brazil (Reuters) - The second American in a month was arrested while entering Brazil for making an obscene gesture while being photographed by an immigration official, police said on Saturday.
Federal police in Foz do Iguacu on Brazil's border with Argentina and Paraguay said retired U.S. banker Douglas Allan Skolnick, 56, was jailed overnight for flipping his middle finger in a photo now required to be taken of all U.S. tourists entering Brazil.
Brazil began fingerprinting and photographing Americans entering the country in January after the U.S. government imposed a similar process on foreigners, except for those from 27 mostly European countries.
"Mr. Skolnick went before the judge this morning and opted to take the public prosecutor's offer that he pay a 15,000 real fine ($5,000) to avoid prosecution," said officer Marcos Koren of the Foz do Iguacu federal police.
Skolnick, who came into Brazil on a charter flight with 91 other tourists -- mostly American -- from Chile on Friday, is being held in his hotel room under police guard until he pays the fine, said Koren. He will then be free to leave Brazil.
Skolnick declined to comment.
On Jan. 14, an American Airlines pilot was arrested upon entry into Brazil via Sao Paulo, after flipping his finger in a photo. American Airlines paid a fine nearly $13,000 to free the pilot. "
Saturday, February 07, 2004
The New York Times and astrology
1. PRIMARY SCOOP: "ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT" AND MORE.
Like other Americans, we at What's New follow the Presidential Primaries closely. But where could we turn to get beyond campaign rhetoric to the very character of the candidates? The New York Times, of course, the venerable "gray lady" of newspapers. We hear they've had some problems at the Times lately, but they sure scooped the competition with this one. It was on the op-ed page, which is not easy to get on. "The Stars Have Voted" by Erin Sullivan, relies on astrological charts of Democratic candidates. Did you know you can learn all about people if you just know
their birthdays? It turns out the paper, then called the Daily Times, began on 18 Sep 1851.
That makes the New York Times a Virgo, the only zodiacal sign represented by a woman. She is somewhat older and intelligent, but she can be rather pedantic and spinsterish. Yeah, that's the New York Times all right. But what if it's not true that a person's character is determined by their birth date? Wouldn't that mean the story was made up?"
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
On July 18, 2004, the people of Argentina will commemorate the tenth
anniversary of the bombing of the AMIA Jewish community center in Buenos
Aires. This tragedy took the lives of 85 people and injured over 300
others. TEN YEARS have passed and no one has been convicted of this
crime -- the largest anti-Semitic catastrophe since World War II.
Recently declassified documents indicate that members within Argentina's
own government and police force may have collaborated with the
terrorists in this heinous act.
Please read and sign this petition to President Nestor Kirchner
requesting that JUSTICE be served. This petition will be presented to
President Kirchner at the 10th anniversary commemoration ceremony this
summer. President Kirchner, as well as the Argentine government, is
very conscious of world opinion and your signature will contribute
significantly to the wave of support for action on this matter. After
signing, it is very important you forward this to your family, friends
and colleagues.
The petition can be found at http://www.AMIAJUSTICE.org
IT TAKES ONE MINUTE. YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
Please note that after signing you will be sent a confirmation e-mail
for verification purposes. Only after clicking on the link will your
online signature be authenticated as a new entry.
Thank you for your time and consideration!
Tee-hee
"Canada's left-wing New Democratic Party is crusading against fast food, reports the Daily News of Halifax, Nova Scotia. The paper quotes Irene Healy-Vihant, "a dietitian and nutritionist who teaches at Mount Saint Vincent and Dalhousie Universities": "What we've done with Joe Camel and the Marlboro Man, can we not do with Ronald McDonald?"
First they came for the camels, and I did not speak out because I was not a camel. Then they came for the cowboys, and I did not speak out because I was not a cowboy. Then they came for the clowns, and I did not speak out because I was not a clown. Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak out for me."
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Wow
"Hello, sorry for the group nature of this email, I have just found out
that an abstract I wrote for a paper has been accepted for the
forthcoming volume "James Bond and Philosophy". This is to be the 4th
book in the "Philosophy and Popular Culture series" (Vol 3, "Buffy the
Vampire Slayer and Philosophy", a must for every bookshelf). My paper
is on moral psychology - Plato, Dostoevsky, and JAMES BOND.
I cannot tell if this makes me very cool or very sad.
Will let you know if they give me Pierce Brosnan's contact details."
Sunday, February 01, 2004
"Patriot Act Permits Search of Panthers Playbook
(2004-01-31) -- A little known provision of the so-called Patriot Act allows federal authorities to confiscate the Carolina Panthers' playbook and carry out sneak-and-peek inspections of the team's pre-Super Bowl strategy sessions.
U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft said, "This is nothing that we couldn't do with any other combatant against the finest American Patriots. There is no privacy issue here. Of course, I can't comment further on this ongoing case, but let me just say this: take the points."
Welcome to the house of fun
"Once in the admissions unit, Rosenhan was led to a small white room. "What is the problem?" a psychiatrist asked.
"I'm hearing a voice," Rosenhan said, and then he said nothing else.
"And what is the voice saying?" the psychiatrist questioned, falling, unbeknown to him, straight into Rosenhan's rabbit hole.
"Thud," Rosenhan said, smugly, I imagine.
"Thud?" the psychiatrist asked. "Did you say thud?"
"Thud," Rosenhan said again.
The psychiatrist probably scratched his head. He could have been confused, bemused."
More cheap topics
Highlights - rooms for big rollers with strippers poles installed, and a strip club with sky-boxes....
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Opinion on the Israeli dividing wall:
""Bush is naive," said [Kofi] Annan. "He's a lemming who blindly went along with the judgment of U.N. experts, the CIA and other international intelligence agencies, the U.N. Security Council and former President Clinton. What a moron! How did he ever think that the U.N. inspectors could get accurate information as long as Saddam was terrorizing his people?"
Shudder....
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The trouble with the Tank cartoon...
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Friday, January 30, 2004
Show me the money-maker!
Whilst I love Super Bowl TV ads, I can't help but think that the choice between US TV ads, and a pay-per-view half time show featuring lingerie models playing American Football would be great, I think I know what I'd pick...