Thank God
17 Zilhaj 1424

An irregular post, something slightly uncommon for me now.

Thank God I am gay. And. Thank God I am psychotic. These two situations make me much much better than average sane and hetrosexual humans. I wallow in the wonders of my particular situation.
- posted by Jalal @ 19:40

 
16 Zilhaj 1424

I love having guests over. Last night was fun. I was sitting with people who are either too old or too young. Noone had anything to talk about. It was getting very very awkward. Since I am the perfect gentlemen and the apple of humanity's eye. And since I can not bear to be in awkward situations and have to defuse them no matter what. I kept introducing all these interesting topics. And all of whome were deliberated upon for a time period of 2-3 minutes and another silence began. It was very very exciting. And the shocker was that I ran out of topics. The topics left were 'dildos and gay sex' and 'eating rotten eggs'. I am sure both would not have been acceptable in Pakistani society. Hence I kept quiet.

Next time when I have to spend more than 2 hours with people more than 20 years my age or less 4 years my age. I will burn myself using the huge stove that we have in the kitchen. That way I will get to spend the time in bed and save myself the agony (Yes you heard it right, burning is a lesser evil in this case). What ? You don't know. You weren't there ok. If you were there you would also choose burning.

Oh, and the guy who was 5 years yonger than me. My gaydar says he is gay. And unfortunately it doesn't seem as if he has accepted this by now. Which is a pity. But I did get a vague idea that he was hitting on me. Now why the hell can't people I am interested in come onto me. Why do I have to bear this. And yes yes I know I know what you are going to say. I will stop before this turns into a full blown rant. That is to say. I will stop it now.

An interesting search today,
I want to send my pictures to take part in Pakistani channel PTV dramas ---> Now that is the correct usage of search engines.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.
- posted by Jalal @ 23:39

 
15 Zilhaj 1424

So here we are. The ides of Zilhaj. Since the Islamic months do not fall in the same seasons I can not find an interesting thing to say about the weather on the ides of Zilhaj. So it is pretty much normal weather.

As you saw yesterday I deleted a post. I had written a long post about my first quasi sexual encounter. No No. I havent told you guys about this one yet. It will be posted inshallah in the future when I get time to write about it again. So to give you a small thing I will tell you about my first crush in university.

It was summer. It was my first semester. I had walked into an air conditioned cafeteria to see what hunks inhabit it. Me and my friend took a table and I sat with a view of the inside of the cafe. Checking out the guys that walked in. Since I was not out to my friend by this time I could not tell them the usual 1-10 ratings of the guys that walked in. I was getting bored and decided to actually pay attention to an argument going on, on our table, about pants / jeans. Then I suddenly look up and a guy is standing next to out table. And he was what I would call a '9'. And for the next one year I salivated whenever I met him. He used to wear tight shirts and he has muscle growth that would have scientists clamouring for his hormones. And he used to be 'it'. Then he left ... I didnt even get a chance to tell him how I feel about it. Thank God. With those muscles. One minute of beating would be equal to being bludgeoned by a mace for an hour. So here I sit talking about this and seeming more and more like a complete loser.

Oh and I am very excited to say that on a scale of 1 (Macho) - 10 (Effeminate) I was judged to be a 1.5. By a friend who said that the average is 4. So from now on I will not feel sorry for myself about being effeminate. This can open up a whole world of opportunities for me. I have no idea why. I am just saying it because that sentence sounds cool.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.
- posted by Jalal @ 23:37

 
14 Zilhaj 1424

i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.i will never delete my post again.
- posted by Jalal @ 23:40

 
13 Zilhaj 1424

Ahhhhh. The wonder of nights out with my college buds. Eating at horribly overpriced restaurants. Talking more than one human should in a night. Laughing loudly. Searchig for cabs. Getting rejected by two cabs because they aren't going my way. Discussing why we dont like each other's way of eating.

I might that at one point Coke was gushing out of my nose. I really should learn not to laugh with my mouth full.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.
- posted by Jalal @ 23:19

 
12 Zilhaj 1424

Today I got up at the friends house. Dazed with all the tea and coke we had last night. A big big hangover. The specific coke and tea hangover when you want to keep sleeping. But we got up. The most interesting thing was that we got up only to ruin each other's sleep. The basic reason I forced myself to get up first was to wake the others and see their expressions full of hatred and malice. I didn't miss one. I love myself. And when you meet me, you will too.

Our family suddenly decided that we should go boating. Which includes going to Kaemari / Port (Which is at the other end of Karachi for us). Then getting on a boat and sailing off to a slight distance. Look at the lights and eat the food cooked right there on the boat for us. As it turned out the trip to the port was uneventful. Then when we got there a swarm of locust like marketeers engulfed our hapless family. Fighthing for the market share that we represent. Eventually one of the best bids got us. The boat was small. Twenty feet. But enough for a dozen people.

I have never been on water. So this was the first time I was going to sail. Excitedly I boarded the thing which moves violently due to my weight. Then everyone joined in as if it were normal for the boat to ricket like a twig in a hurricane. I decided to like it and not obsess about the eventuality of the boat capsizing and everyone swimming to shore and me being led off on a swift current to a far off island inhabited by me and three women. Disgusting. So I didnt think about it.

It was a wonderful feeling. The boat was moving on the waves. It was slowly moving away from the lights into the inky black waters. We could see the stars. I like was the first to pinpoint Polaris (like every time). I am the best at it. With a lot of reservations from the rest of my family of course. But we wont mention that.

Oh and the food was wonderful. Fried Crabs, Crab soup, Crap lollipop, Spicy Crabs and Potato Curry. WOW. WOW. WOW. A complete delight. It was wonderful food. I would suggest everyone in Karachi to take their family there immediately. It would be an evening to remember.

Oh and I learnt one thing. I suffer from sea sickness.

Awe inspiring searches for the day.
stock guid karachi stock exchange ---> Khushi say mar na jatey agar aitebar hota.
Inside Cafe "karachi" ---> I live in Karachi. But honest to God, I have no idea what this is about.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.
- posted by Jalal @ 23:14

 
11 Zilhaj 1424

Second day of Eid. Everyone's holiday. And everyone's holiday tomorrow. A friend from college came to Karachi. So we got together at another college friends house. I usually need a heavy dose of my college friends ever so often. But unfortunately there aren't a lot in Karachi. So every chance we get, we use. Well suffice to say that the evening started young and ended old.

There was the usual exchange of information about who is doing what, who is planning to do what, who failed in doing what, people's results, (how sad that) they got such awful marks, who is not talking to who now and last but not least who said what in retort to their boss and left the job (these are very rare and since none happened this time we used an old one from last time and oohed and aahed like we heard it the first time).

Then we had a dinner (No chicken due to the chicken flu scare) and a lot (and I mean a lot) of coke and tea. Since we dont drink alcohol like all normal Pakistanis we have to make do with coke and tea. Which doesn't get us drunk but makes us feel good (I have no idea how or why).

Charged up on coke and tea the evening really began. As the evening progressed and we got sleepy and as the effect of the coke and tea started to sink in we started making all those semi-retarded semi-funny semi-interesting jokes that we so lovingly remember from our university. Ahhhhhh. The good old days. With time we had started making jokes that would have been demeaning to any normal human intellect not charged up on coke and tea.

We decided that before we go over the brink we should let others make the jokes. So we put on a few episodes of Mr Bean. To which we laughed our brains out (and I mean it ... I had to pick up my brain from besides the bed when I got up the next morning). At some point during the episodes we all went to sleep.

Those of you who think alcohol induces hangovers are so seriouly lacking in knowledge. Tea and Coke have an effect as well. You dont want to get up. It takes you more than 5 minuted to wake up. I call it the party night hangover. You have NO idea what it is like. In those five minutes you feel as if you will not want to wake up at all. A severe physical as well as mental state it seems to be.

As an eid gift to myself I saw 'Casablance' earlier in the day. WOW! That is one good movie. "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine". It is a classic. It must be seen.

you must remember this
a kiss is just a kiss
a sigh is just a sigh
the fundamental things apply
as time goes by
and when two lover woo
they still say i love you
on that you can rely
no matter what the future brings
as time goes by

Now the interesting searches for the day
pakistani,indian Khanay In Urdu Language ---> Ohk Ohk why the hell is google telling me that I am fat ???
temprature of karachi ---> As I always say ... What heavenly weather doth thou have, O Karachi.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.
- posted by Jalal @ 10:46

 
10 Zilhaj 1424

Ahhhhhh. Eid.

I am sure you must have read my hysterical post about the qurbani. I am relatively calm now.

Like every eid we went to the house of our oldest relatives. This year it was my mother's aunt and uncle. Like every eid we had Yakhni Pulao and an assortment of other things to eat. Kind of a traditional Eid lunch. The turn of hosting the Eid lunch has passed from one couple to another at least since our family migrated to Pakistan in 1948. But it is an interesting tradition. Specially the Yakhni Pulao. Ahhhhh food.

But there is one thing that I find disturbing. The meat that we have form the qurbani always has a strange smell. What we call heek in Urdu. Very seriously off putting. I have no idea why but it has a different taste as well. Hmmmm. Now I will try to move on to more appropriate and palatable topics.

Oh and last but not least - the conversations from hell. Due to eid people who vaguely know come over to meet. Then all the women start talking about clothes, colours, food, recipes and at times shoes. And all the men sit about uncomfortably. Without any idea what to talk about they keep quiet. That is what I did for at least two hours today. Horrible horrible thing to do. There was a time when I had a strong desire to start swinging from the fan. Then I shut myself up and killed the budding child inside me. Then the food tray came and we all paid a lot of attention to it. To cater for the lack of alternate amusements.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Eid.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.
- posted by Jalal @ 23:07

 
Animal Qurbani
OH MY GOD !!!

OH MY GOD !!!

OH MY GOD !!!

OH MY GOD !!!

OH MY GOD !!!

OH MY GOD !!!

OH MY GOD !!!

OH MY GOD !!!

OH MY GOD !!!

I just slit a goat's throat with a knife. Dagger rather.

OH MY GOD !!!

OH MY GOD !!!

OH MY GOD !!!

This is too violent for me. I still can not think about it. There was a pulse and I cut it. Then there was none. It slowly ebbed out of my fingers. I am in shocks. I am not eating meat for the next few days.
- posted by Jalal @ 11:48

 
09 Zilhaj 1424

Today I have good news and I have bad news. Bad news first.

Tomorrow I might have to cut the throat of the animals in my house. I am pertified and I am dreading it.

And now the good news.

One thing that I had time to do today. Watch a few works of Rembrandt. One of my favourite painters. And all I can say is - wah. My favourite is 'Philospher in meditation'. If you try to feel it you can hear and smell that picture. It is as if you are transcended into that place. It is a must see.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.
- posted by Jalal @ 23:03

 
Baqr Eid 'Feevah'
Every year muslims (about two million) from all over the world go to Makkah to perform the great pilgrimage of the 'Hajj'. On the 10th day of the 11th month(Zilhaj) the Hajj in complete. To mark the completion of the Hajj a celebration is held all over the muslim world called Eid ul Azha (also called Baqr Eid). On this day every man who earns makes a sacrifice.

Here in Karachi it is usually a Cow or a Goat. (No No. It gets much much more interesting later on, I promise, Unlike the last time). So basically people buy a cow or a goat usually during the week preceding the Eid. So in a city of 11 million people the number of animals waiting for the sweet relief of a cold blade becomes very very large. So people buy animals and then they tie them in front of their houses. Why? Because generally they would prefer to have the Drawing Rooms to themselves rather than creatures who would have no use of yesterday's newspaper.

In front of every house you will see cows and goats. An occasional sheep. A very very uncommon camel once in a while. All ready to be slaughtered on the day of Eid. For such a large number of animals there have to be markets right? well, there is one huge market outside the city. It is huge. And it is full of animals and people. You have to look and haggle a lot. So after hours and hours you will have the animal of your choice at your prices. This is how we get things done.

The scene of a group of children holding ropes, that bind the animals heads, and going to greener pastures is very common. Everywhere you go. You will see animals roped to differnt things. Electricity Poles, Gates, Posts and Trees. And on top of that excited children play with the animals as if they were the greatest present ever. Ahhhhhh. And I used to be just like them.

Every street will give you a whole crop of animals to look at and talk about. Differnt kinds and different breeds of cows and goats. Everyone is talking about them. They are like the new cell phone. Otherwise everyone shows off their cell phones. Now they show off their cows. It is much easier I tell you. Cows are much bigger and can be shown off easily.

So with the animals here we wait for eid.
- posted by Jalal @ 00:12

 
08 Zilhaj 2004

Well! I hope you are all happy now! Making me blog so much about myself. People come upto me on MIRC and start talking as if they know me. I ask them if they know me. They say yes. Then I, out of shame and embarrasment I tell them that I dont know them. To which they tell me they read my blog.

I have to admit. I am very happy to chat with people who read my blog. But I feel slightly bad about them knowing a bit about me and me not knowing bits about them. Embarrasing but very very nice. Not your usual cup of tea. I dare say.

And now I would like to add that, strangely, I seem to be in a good mood. Shockingly, no fights with ammi (mom) today. No sudden depression causing agents. Nothing. I can not for the life of me understand. Why it is so.

I was listening to a little bit of John Denver yesterday. And i'll say that "Annie's Song" is one helluva song to listen to. So is "Leaving on a Jet Plane". Good Good songs.

I have had a share of strange searches. But I have to say todays search of "turk bear hasan" beats them all. By far.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.
- posted by Jalal @ 23:13

 
07 Zilhaj 2004

Why in the name of all that is pure and violet would someone say that I smell like Cabbages. I smell nothing like Cabbages. I smell more like Mercury than I smell like Cabbages. Nerve of some people. To talk about how others smell like things they do not smell like. It is an outrage.

It has been raining for the last two days in Karachi. It never rains here. Oh well. All the more better with the cold weather. Thank God the weather is cold I guess that is something that you will never hear from Americans or Europeans.

In other news. The flowers (boar) have come on the Mango trees in our house. All three of them. The hammock is in as big a shamble as the Gordian knot. The Bananas are ripening on two of the trees on the third my cousin decided to swing and we lost a nice big crop of Bananas. The Chikoos are ripening daily along with teh Sharifas and me and my mom have regular fights as to whice of the two fruits is better than the other. Which side am I am? DOH! I have some class and an education. Of course I am with the Shareefa.

When someone searches for "urdu love later". They either have horrible spelling, or they should not be using English as a tool for making their lives easier.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.
- posted by Jalal @ 23:19

 
06 Zilhaj 1424

First of all. Oh my God. FUCK!

Yesterday I was very happy to have gotten a chance to talk to an interesting guy. Today. Destiny shocked me. Another guy who has become a good friend by now told me that he has a hot body. He also called me and he had a hot voice. Oh no. Not common hot. It was hot. You could melt steel with it. So now I am extermely happy at my new found luck. Thank you destiny.

Today I was called an adorable bitch. I have no idea how to respond or how to take it.

Tomorrow I will blog about the Eid ul Azha or Baqr Eid, a muslim festival, and the things leading upto it. For today suffice to say that we have bought a Cow and two Goats and they are tied in our back yard.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.
- posted by Jalal @ 23:13

 
05 Zilhaj 1424

There was a hammock in our lawn. Till today. When I decided to enjoy myself. It broke. No I am not that fat. It was weak from all the dew and the sunlight while it was wet. Oh! but I insist. That is exactly how it happened. And that is exactly what was the cause. No STOP IT !!! I AM NOT THAT FAT !!! Yes that is better. You should trust me now when I tell you this. Since it was my sister's. I will have to get a new hammock. Damn it.

I was chatting with a very nice guy today. He came up, at some level, on all of my criterion. He was educated, he was khandaani, he was able to type English and Urdu without my getting horrified at the murder of two languages (A very very rare feat), he had a sense of humour (rarer than the last) and lastly he seemed attractive. Well at least from his picture. I know I know people select one from 508 so I can not go by that alone. But I am going to. This is the first chance of happiness in about two weeks and I will take it. Thank you very much. In case of positive developments more information shall ensue.

I am sure you must all have very interesting online chats with people. But I am also sure you would have never said to anyone else what I said to someone online today. "Serenade me ... Biatch". It has a rustic/classical medieval whorish/slutty charm/attraction to it. I am sure you would agree.

And on this very note I shall end todays post. And with your permission I bid you adieu.

P.S. - And a regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.
- posted by Jalal @ 23:14