Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in Anthea's LiveJournal:

Monday, March 25th, 2002
8:55 pm	It's 9 PM... I should be studying for a math test tomorrow, but I can't bring myself to do it. Instead, I'm taking online tests and ends up I'm Which is higher than the average, surprisingly. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 13th, 2002
5:06 pm	What a niiiice day It's beautiful. It's FINALLY spring! There's no longer a duel of winter and spring. I took a nice walk downtown this afternoon and the warm breeze against my body felt so good. I knew that's all I needed for a positive kick was the change of seasons. Things are going well, too. It's amazing how much positivity can come out of a relationship when there's mutual communication. I've never had that before. I love to have someone around that I can shed my skin with in good ways. A friend of mine is moving back up here from SC for awhile, which kicks so much ass... I've missed her so much. It's going to be the first time I get to spend some quality time with her in a few years. School went well today...and I even feel better about the class I've skipped three times in a row. It seems I didn't miss much. The scary thing is every time I go back, my teacher says something that's factually incorrect. That's partly why I've been skipping. It makes me really really uncomfortable. And if you try and correct this teacher, they argue back. But... I just have to fudge it somehow since I'm getting a pretty B in that class right now and a B's a B. When student evaluations come along, though, I'm definitely writing that one down under unsatisfactory. Someone suggested to me that I write an annonymous letter to the teacher, but since they believe their false facts, I don't think that will work. But that's....okay. I did some birthday shopping for my mother and myself (I don't have any family to spoil me, so I might as well spoil myself :) today. I got her a collection of Vonnegut's short stories and a book by Aldous Huxley. The name escapes me, but it sounds really interesting. I got myself a book of different Goddess deities from different cultures, and how to invoke them for certain results. It looks really good and I can't wait to use one of them for the Spring Equinox! Yay! It's almost here! The thing i'm most excited for is coloring some hard boiled eggs and sacrificing the shell to Mother Earth (burying it in the dirt). That just sounds so enticing right now. I have to wait another seven days, though. It shan't be too long. Anthea Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Kraftwerk - Showroom Dummies (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 7th, 2002
8:56 pm	hm... I'm feeling a bit better now.. The sun is starting to slowly peek out of the ground and shine its delicate rays upon me.... in a figurative sense, that is... It's almost 9 pm and I'm actually tired. Movies always make me tired.. Tonight, I watched Nostradamus and Almost Famous....both were pretty good and I got to escape reality for a while...even a shitty movie is good for that. I think I'm going to get out of the house now. 'Tis time. Meow. ~~Anthea Current Mood: drunk Current Music: the voices in my head singingggg songs of insanity (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 6th, 2002
4:53 pm	more troubles........ It's strange how all the shit hits the fan at once in life. I was having a really sad day yesterday....and then I had a mishap with someone...Someone really close to me. I hate that feeling when the pit of your stomach feels like it's going to hit the floor...But somehow with what little remaining energy you have, you keep it from falling out of you. I don't know what to think at this point. It could be a "falling out"....and that really saddens me. But this person really hurt me...and said things they shouldn't have said... There was no reason to besides a blatant fact of insecurity, uneasiness, fear of closeness. Those reasons behind the situation don't make me feel any betteror reassured at all. When I accidentally ran into this person today, I didn't just want to pass them without doing something, so I knocked them in a friendly way on the arm. And that's when I remembered all of the things said....Things became dizzy and surreal... I didn't know how to handle being in their presence....After getting something I was to borrow, they said goodbye and sort of held my arm in a caring way, I didn't know how to take it. I felt sick and dizzy. I still feel sick. Things are on the verge of discipating. I have no idea what this person is thinking or feeling or anything... In a way, I want to talk to them about things, but then again....I don't want to give energy away by calling them. Then they might get back on their ego trip....their freaking ego trip with me. I shouldn't have said so many nice things. I shouldn't have made myself so open....and so willing to do things. I don't know why they treat me as they do. I don't understand it. Am I too passive, too willing to be taken over by things? I don't know. All I know is that when this person speaks, it's like they are the center of the universe and I am next to this center. And that is annoying. I'm still too pissed to talk reasonably. I guess I should just wait it out until Sunday when I call them... And hopefully we can talk before one of us breaks up with the other one. I don't want to give up on this. I just don't know if this person is willing to admit to things. On a positive note, I am borrowing The Score by The Fugees. I missed it so much. annnd, i'm going rollerskating this weekend and bleaching a cheeka's bangs and adding a lovely colour....woooooo. Love, Anthea Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: The Fugees - The Score ...!!! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 5th, 2002
4:43 pm	ahhhhHh... I feel like hell right now. I don't know why, but I'm really pissed off at the world and I feel malnourished and depressed and I have a sinus infection, which is really not helping at all. Sometimes it's strange how i'll go through bad phases, and yet I can't quite put my finger on what's bothering me. It might be that I'm finding that some people receive a lot more from me than they give....and that gets tiring. I'm worn out. It could also be that my grandmother has passed...and I haven't dealt with it yet because I haven't received any sort of message from that side of the family that she indeed HAS passed. It's hard not having a real family that cares besides one person....and that one person is your best friend and mortal enemy mixed and intertwined all at the same time. It's confusing. Which brings me to another problem.....an old friend who's in trouble who is like family reached out to Christine & me recently.. We don't know what's up but I do get the feeling she's having major problems in her life right now. And all I want to do is help her and let her know that there's someone who's out there that cares and isn't sketchy. She needs to know that. And now she's disappeared again. It really hurts me. I'm just left dangling here without knowing whether she'll get in touch or not. So I'm floundering.....but at least I know why now. And it feels really good to vent out this pain. I just started drinking some "Tranquility" tea and that seems to be helping. I think I'm going to go and meditate now. Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: crisis - the hollowing (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 13th, 2002
5:07 pm	Tomorrow is V-Day and I'm expecting a special package that i'm so very excited about. Let's just say it'll make my V-Day orgasmic! I have no idea what I'll be doing besides that...perhaps Chris and I will friggin remember to plan our trip to Toronto. I guess we're just distracted by other things... Besides sex. School fries my brain. When it is not homework time I sit there and stare into a pretty little space I can call my own. The semester is nowhere near ending. It sucks ass that this semester has no vacation whatsoever. Well, except Martin Luther King, Jr., day. I have no idea why my school doesn't have a spring break. It does not make sense. I can't wait until I transfer... Well, off I go to study and do homework so I can play tomorrow... Love, Anthea Current Mood: hot (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 9th, 2002
9:21 pm	Freaky I thought my journal was not open to public viewing, but I guess it still is. Oh well, c'est la vie. I figured Live Journal would have gotten rid of my account by now...since it's been a couple of years...But now I can use it again! YaY! Current Mood: energetic Current Music: Hendrix - Axis Bold As Love (Comment on this)