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LiveJournal for Lord "LEVIATHAN"/Shari Vegas/Barson Eesani.
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Monday, March 4th, 2002 |
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[Lyrics] The Eesani Bassist, Barson says, "It's been awhile, since I could... hold my head up high. It's been awhile, since I first saw you... It's been awhile, since I could stand on my own to feet again, and it's been awhile, since I could call you..." [Lyrics] The Eesani Bassist, Barson says, "And everything that I can remember, as fscked up as it may seem, the consequences that are rendered, I've stretched myself beyond my means..." [Lyrics] The Eesani Bassist, Barson says, "And it's been awhile... Since I can say that I wasn't addicted, and... it's been awhile, Since I can say I love myself as well, And it's been awhile... Since I've gone and fscked things up, just like I always do... And it's been awhile, But all that shxt seems to disappear when I'm with you..." [Lyrics] The Eesani Bassist, Barson says, "Why must I feel this way? Just make this go away! Just one more peaceful day...." [Lyrics] The Eesani Bassist, Barson says, "And it's been awhile... Since I could look at myself straight... And it's been awhile... Since I said I'm sorry... And it's been awhile... *starts in sobbingly* Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face... *cries a little harder* And it's been awhile... But I can still remember just the way you taste..." [Lyrics] The Eesani Bassist, Barson says, "And everything I can't remember...As fscked up as it all may seem... to be, I know it's me... I cannot blame this on my father... He did the best he could for me..." [Lyrics] The Eesani Bassist, Barson says, "And it's been awhile... Since I could hold my head up high... And it's been awhile... Since I said I'm sorry..." |
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Here's your dagger |
Saturday, March 2nd, 2002 |
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God, I feel so dead. Like an axe has been taken to my heart, and I'm dying, and I can't do a fucking thing about it. I don't want to lose her... Everyone and everything that heard my prayers that night, and saw me crying for so long after I saw her back online... They all know what Angel means to me. What am I going to do, now? My expressed pain has... chased her off, I guess. I hear what she says, and it doesn't register. I don't want her to go away... I... just want it all back to the way it used to be. And better... Why did I have my prayers answered, only to have me be the martyr in the end? Didn't I tell them my reasons? Most weren't selfish... I didn't want Anthony to go without her. I didn't want her to go without Anthony. I wanted everyone to stop fucking with her.... And I wanted to see her someday, and maybe even, hopefully, start a relationship with her... But just like Carolina, they kept Angel here, I think. But the price was... my heart. (Yeah, guys and gals, thanks a whole lot for telling me... Doesn't matter, I would've done it anyway, but shit, at least tell me before I do, please?) And now... she's probably thinking I want her as far away from me as possible... I didn't say that, but I think she thinks I hurt like that... No, no, it's not that. Yearning. I put my blood, sweat, and tears into it all, because she's worth that and so much more to me. I'd put myself on the ground zero of a nuclear bomb, if it meant leaving Angel and Anthony untouched. If either of them were on the table, and to save them meant killing me... I have a soul, I'll come back. So do they, and they'll come back. But I don't want them abruptly separated from each other... It doesn't matter anymore. All of the things I say don't matter anymore. What's done is done, my heart is destroyed again, and... I need some sleep. |
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Here's your dagger |
Friday, March 1st, 2002 |
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While this isn't 100% me, it's damn close. today you told me that i'd hate you forever i can't believe what's really going on somehow i knew that you felt guilty for something but tell me why you'd do this to me today you told me that i'd hate you forever i can't believe that you wrecked my life i was betrayed how can you say that you feel sorry inside it's devastating losing close friends i've gone away you make me stay but i can't deal with the lies i've gone insane losing close friends today i made the worst mistake i put my trust into someone i don't know and now i know because you've done everything possible to me made me so upset and now i know just who to trust because you're laying in bed you're thinking 'bout all that fucked up shit i was betrayed how can you say that you feel sorry inside it's devastating losing close friends i've gone away you make me stay but i can't deal with the lies i've gone insane losing close friends i'm so weak the closeness of your skin the smell of this place makes me go insane |
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1 dagger| Here's your dagger |
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Depression is a freaking bitch, I tell ya. I spent about three hours today, sitting in my bed, holding my chest and crying. Something... noone should have to do. But all good men must be hurt enough to turn them to bad men, you know the type, the ones that use women and stuff like that? Dunno, just thought about it, and I wondered: Is this how bad men are made? Putting their hearts into ladies... that just fall out of under them? And then, those same men being stupid enough to do it again too quickly again afterward? Even though... I don't know, but I never had a 'too soon' and 'right'. Between Heather and Carolina was... a forever. Between Carolina and Angel? A few months. And I dare have ideas to 'jump right in'? Aurora said I shouldn't, but then again, I have a feeling she's holding some back... Dixie doesn't, however... but she scares me, too. *winces and tears up* I should go do some RP. After I post a song... |
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1 dagger| Here's your dagger |
Sunday, February 24th, 2002 |
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Here's your dagger |
Saturday, February 9th, 2002 |
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"Its so easy for your friends to give you their advice; They'll tell you, just let it go; its easier said than done. I appreciate it; I really do, but just leave me alone." - Fred Durst "To the world you may only be one person, but to only one person you may be the world." - ??? "You know what, I like you better as a friend than a boyfriend" - Jen and Christy, in agreement... "Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a teardrop" - MayAngelGirl "I pretend that I'm glad you went away, these 4 walls closin more everyday, and I'm dyin inside and nobody knows it but me, like a clown i put on a show, the pain is real like nobody knows, and I'm cryin inside, but nobody knows it but me, why didn't I say, the things I needed to say, how did I let my angel get away, now my world is just tumbling down, I can see it so clearly, but you're nowhere around, the nights are lonely, the days are so sad, I just keep thinkin about the love that we had, and I'm missin you, and nobody knows it but me...." - Baby face |
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2 daggers| Here's your dagger |
Tuesday, December 18th, 2001 |
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I hate her. Yeah, Carolina. Damn that... Damn her. Just... damn her. Damn her because her evil heart-tearing presence still haunts me. Damn her because I can't just blank her out with my love Angel. Damn her that I ever had anything sexual with her. Damn her, because she haunts my dreams. Her and Francis, both, have at least twice I can remember. Damn them both, because... Damn them. And damn the fucking fact I can't be with Angel, that I can do all my very absolute hardest, and I can't open my eyes and be in her arms, the best I can do is give her presents of things that are naughty by nature, give her things in nature that are beautiful, and type words that just... come out as 1s and 0s. That's the best I can do, 3k miles away. I miss the feeling of being with someone, and loving them with all my heart, and that them being right next to me, one I can cry into, and hold... *takes a deep breath to take the tears away* Y'know... I always wished... to wake up, and the first thing I saw was the lady I loved ever so deeply and dearly... That has, unfortunatly, happend only once, for about five minutes, and she turned out to be a bitch and take my heart out with a trough. And you know what? Pearl harbor is a good movie. And it's not Disney-ish. Everything dies in the end, lots of bodies, it's all bad. The lead characters are friends, and the third is the lady of the first, and the first's friend dies in battle, invading Japan, part of the Dewey's Raiders, and the friend who didn't die, ends up taking care of his love, and her kid, who was his father. What I typed didn't make any sense to me. But, the moral of the story is: I hate war. And I wouldn't want to die, or I wouldn't be able to be with my baby Angel. Or the other way around... I don't want to lose her or Anthony... if I did... I'd just go and call myself dead, because I would feel as if I was... Y'know, how could I go on without them? I'll continue later, sleep wants to beckon me. |
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1 dagger| Here's your dagger |
Monday, December 17th, 2001 |
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![]() [Public] Shari Vegas as Barson just imagines a dude made up to look like a strangely familiar phallic object. LOL :) [Public] Max Boyce as Gelosik nods. "Aye..the world's a messed up place...and if Barson was running it, it'd be even worse." :P [Public] Radik returns from getting cereal and ... facepalms. [Public] Shari Vegas as Barson says, "Nuh-uh! You just wouldn't reconize the difference between the men and women!" ![]() [Public] Radik winces, "That would be hellish.":) [Public] Shari Vegas as Barson says, "If you're the intensely masculine type like I'm not, sure. Or, if you'd rather have your penis." [Public] Max Boyce as Gelosik isn't the buffest person in the world, either, but..I still think that would be a tad..dissettling. [Public] Shari Vegas as Barson tries hard not to fall out of the chair in laughter. [Public] Radik peers. Yeah, he's masculine.;) [Public] N-N-N- Nika repeats. It's a strange, strange world. Ladies, whaddaya say, hmm? Wouldn't it be nice? A dream? Yes! *shuffles back off to talking about phallic objects, or the lack thereof* |
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2 daggers| Here's your dagger |
Sunday, December 16th, 2001 |
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You know, I told myself something way back when, back in '98, as I was trying to find myself. Something I remember saying, ever burned into my mind, my heart, and my soul, that I wouldn't ever let someone hurt another lady. Well, so much for that. I'm not fucking God, I can't help any of that. But, the least I can do is keep my sweetheart from getting hurt. Or, try to, at least. Which, of course, horribly fucking fails in and of itself. Yes, Angel... well, I've already got the story in a previous entry, but the guy hurt her, and now I wanna rip his fucking balls off. Or... just pray and exasperate all my energies again, like I have before, into finding a way to move away from here, and closer to my baby Angel... I can't stand to see her hurt like this. I can't fucking stand here and watch this happen to her... I'll try posing more later, when I'm a little more cooled off. For now, be aware, all but Angel, and especially males, don't come near me, or I'll kill your computer and have your significant other chew your balls off and suck you of all your testosterone. Yes. Or... I jsut wanna be with angel... |
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1 dagger| Here's your dagger |
Friday, December 14th, 2001 |
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Well, suffice to say, it's been a very long week. I had an extra three days tacked on to it. Gah. First: My dad didn't get his speed til late late Monday... Second: Someone came across Angel, and now I fear losing her... Third: Tried crank. It sucked. Fourth: Barson falls in love, again... and Sarpedon almost kills him for it. I'll start from the second one on... Angel goes for training in this new job of hers, and a guy... Okay, nevermind, I'd rather not repeat the story, but in short, I'm scared I'll lose Angel. This hasn't got me started well this week... Second, my speed run... sucked. Lame shit, lame run, lame first time. I don't at all think I'm doing it again. I could elaborate on it, but I'm too depressed to. Third, Barson. Well, yes, hes fallen in love with another character. But, remember that Barson is considered, basically, my avatar, meaning he's me in almost every way. So, when Barson professed to Favianna Teraloka, I put the stresses into the RP as if I was in the same situation with my sweetie Angel. And with the later, Barson meets Sarpedon, and dares to face his bow, that even if he did die, he'd die having been in love with her. Insane, sure, but still. And again, I'd do the same thing if I were in the same situation with Angel. I love her so much... I think I'm just gonna go cry for a moment... |
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1 dagger| Here's your dagger |
Monday, December 10th, 2001 |
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[Cockatrice] !Emperor! of Big Beef Burritos Supreme, Barson goes and curls up in Ska's lap. He's upset again. [Cockatrice] BorkBork! Shaska pets Barson. [Cockatrice] !Emperor! of Big Beef Burritos Supreme, Barson sighs, "Never fails. Find a /really/ sweet lady - and get her quite possibly taken out of under me." He goes and kicks his Barson, the lucky SOB who can get over things like that. Try, die, try, die, and try again. Never fails. I can't win. Lost Veronica, Heather, Carolina, and I might lose Angel. I'm gonna go cry now. |
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1 dagger| Here's your dagger |
Saturday, December 1st, 2001 |
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Angel Aerosmith I'm alone I don't know if I can face the night I'm in tears and the crying that I do is for you I want your love Let's pray, no walls between us Don't make it tough I'll put away my pride Enoughs enough I've suffered and I've seen the light Baby, You're my angel Come and save me tonight You're my angel Come and make it alright I don't know what I'm gonna do about this feeling inside Yes, it's true Loneliness took me for a ride Without your love I'm nothing but a begger Without your love a dog without a bone What can I do I'm sleeping in this bed alone Baby, You're my angel Come and save me tonight You're my angel Come and make it alright Come and save me tonight You're the reason I live You're the reason I'll die You're the reason I give When I break down and cry Don't need no reason why Baby, baby, baby You're my angel Come and save me tonight You're my angel Come and make it alright You're my angel Come and save me tonight You're my angel Come and make it alright Come and save me tonight Come and save me tonight Come and save me tonight Come and save me tonight Come and save me tonight |
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Here's your dagger |
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Theres alot of these out there... maybe I need to start collecting lyrics like I do quotes... Waiting for a Girl Like You Foreigner So long, I've been looking too hard, I've been waiting too long Sometimes I don't know what I will find, I only know it's a matter of time When you love someone, when you love someone It feels so right, so warm and true, I need to know if you feel it too Maybe I'm wrong, won't you tell me if I'm coming on too strong This heart of mine has been hurt before, this time I wanna be sure I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life I've been waiting for a girl like you, your loving will survive I've been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life You're so good, when we make love it's understood It's more than a touch or a word can say Only in dreams could it be this way When you love someone, yeah, really love someone Now I know it's right, from the moment I wake up till deep in the night There's nowhere on earth that I'd rather be than holding you tenderly I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life I've been waiting for a girl like you, your loving will survive I've been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life I've been waiting, waiting for you, ooh, I've been waiting I've been waiting (I've been waiting for a girl like you, I've been waiting) Won't you come into my life? |
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Here's your dagger |
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Shut Up And Kiss Me Mary Chapin Carpenter Don't mean to get a little forward with you, don't mean to get ahead of where we are Don't mean to act a little nervous around you, I'm just a little nervous about my heart 'cause It's been awhile since I felt this feeling that everything that you do gives me It's been so long since somebody whispered Shut up and kiss me Didn't expect to be in this position, didn't expect to have to rise above My reputation for cynicism, I've been a jaded lady when it comes to love but Oh baby just to feel this feeling that everything that you do gives me It's been too long since somebody whispered Shut up and kiss me There's something about the silent type attracting me to you All business baby none of the hype That no talker can live up to Come closer baby I can't hear you, just another whisper if you please Don't worry 'bout the details darlin', you've got the kind of mind I love to read Talk is cheap and baby time's expensive, so why waste another minute more Life's too short to be so apprehensive, love's as much the symptom darlin' as the cure Oh baby when I feel this feeling, it's like genuine voodoo hits me It's been too long since somebody whispered... Oh baby I can feel this feeling that everything that you do gives me It's been too long since somebody whispered Shut up and kiss me "This one goes out/To the one I love..." |
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Here's your dagger |
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I saw a song that hit me deeply... as if I was going to run into it eventually... from ![]() Morrissey - angel, angel, down we go together angel, angel.. don't take your life... tonight. i know they take and they take in turn they give you nothing real for yourself in return.. but when they've used you and they've broken you and wasted all your money and cast your shell aside.. and when they've bought you and they've sold you and they've billed you for the pleasure and they've made your parents cry.. i will be here.. oh believe me. i will be here... believe me. angel don't take your life some people have got no pride. they do not understand the urgency of life but i love you more than life. *blows a kiss to the girl out in the crowd this goes out to* |
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Here's your dagger |
Thursday, November 22nd, 2001 |
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Bruce Cockburn - If I Had a Rocket Launcher .....here comes the helicopter -- second time today everybody scatters and hopes it goes away how many kids they've murdered only god can say if i had a rocket launcher...i'd make somebody pay. i don't believe in guarded borders and i don't believe in hate i don't believe in generals or their stinking torture states and when i talk with the survivors of things too sickening to relate if i had a rocket launcher...i would retaliate on the rio lacantun one hundred thousand wait to fall down from starvation -- or some less humane fate. cry for guatemala, with a corpse in every gate if i had a rocket launcher...i would not hesitate i want to raise every voice -- at least i've got to try. every time i think about it water rises to my eyes. situation desperate echoes of the victims cry if i had a rocket launcher...some sonofabitch would die I don't know, its just interesting to me :) |
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Here's your dagger |
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================================ OOC Comments ================================ Message: 2/111 Posted Author 88 Lines About 44 Women (Firan Sty Wed Nov 21 Pangaros ---------------------------------------- 88 LINES ABOUT 44 WOMEN--FIRAN STYLE (with apologies to the Nails) Leyla was a Zutiv girl she held out till the bitter end Dania was a different type she's the one who put it in Cleo was a Bonduin girl I was afraid of a girl like that Pia painted pictures sitting down like Kamnestra sat Meysa was an aimless girl a geographic memory Neshi was an Uf-fy freak she liked that kind of misery Deelia had a special way of turning sex into a song Kameelya, who couldn't sing, kept the beat and kept it strong Taria was an archetype the Ticanee queen, the queen of wrath Zoey thought men were second best to chatting loudly in the baths Zeysani was a feminist she really had that gift of gab Bashona's point of view was this take whatever you can grab Selene was another girl who left her mark upon the map Zutiva liked to tie me up and left me hanging by a strap Teddi had a nightclub walk that made grown men feel underage Ziella, who had a son, said I must go, but finally stayed Adriana, the last taboo was shattered by her tongue one night Ristana brought the taboo back and held it up before the light Niteti, who knew no shame, was never ever satisfied Yasha came and went so fast she didn't even say goodbye Rezzana had a house in Sarkell lived on lamb stew and red wine Wylma had a house in Warrik lips like ripe grapes on the vine Fiorenzia thought her life was empty filled it up with alcohol Fidelia was much too pretty she didn't do that s*** at all ...uh-uh, not Fiddy... Delicia thought that love was simple turn it on and turn it off Eliana was complicated like some Idham of Emran plot Junia was the perfect lady always had her hairpins straight Castalia was a rich O-Cer silver spoon and a paper plate Ajila was a modern dancer lean pristine transparency Aldrissa wrote bad poetry in a crazy kind of urgency Saturna, Bonduin, liked to Eesha while wearing leather military boots Udette's strange obsession was for certain vegetables and fruit Suphi was an artist's daughter the deeper image shook her up Kachina's father left her mother took his money and his bar Petrina had no such problems perfect Ista Aldrik home Anitra, 18, had a baby left her parents, lived alone Vana joined a neo-noble family changed her name to Cyrani Jennette, who played the harp, sang songs about whales and guards Jazayeri didn't give a s*** was just a...nihilist Charissa was much more my style cause she did paintings just like this Fiyana spent some months in Hell living in a Ticanee cell Taha rode her griffon's claws into the Shamibelian horde Lucretia came from Caldera City, she's a Firgalik opportunist My dear Moira, here's a kiss I chose you to end this list. ...88 lines about 44 women... ======================================== ================================ OOC Comments ================================ Message: 2/112 Posted Author The last post Wed Nov 21 Pangaros ---------------------------------------- Apologies to anyone it offended, it was all in good fun. It's based on a song by a group known as the Nails (1981 or 84 I think) called 88 lines about 44 women. I hope you enjoy. :) ======================================== |
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Here's your dagger |
Wednesday, November 21st, 2001 |
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Heh, wish I could make a poem out of this... I have before, but I don't quite remember where it went, it was so long ago... You know, I have multiple levels of love, I do. So do many others I know, but all mine are passionate, but in different ways... You know, you have your basic love of family. I always have had love for my family, and I've always noticed how I could never hate them, even when my mom kicked me out from her place, I fucking hate what she did, but I still love her, she's my mother, for christ sake. And my brothers, I can't count how many times they'be pissed me off, but I'll always love 'em. And then, theres my love for friends, its kinda like family, y'know, same feeling, I feel the same for them as I do my family, except they're not family. I'd do for them as I would my family. Quite simple really. but I've always had one very special way for people, someone who gets the feelings from me that I don't give everyone else, people I can confide my deepest everythings in... but they, at the same time, fill some hole in my heart that noone else fills, and I have a whole nother set of feelings that go with all this... and sometimes, they not just try to fill it, but they do, and that's only come to two people, so far, our of four or five I've felt this way for now, but they're... You know, how you used to listen to those love songs, and were like, "Bah, whatever," and they suddenly make sense when you fall in love with someone? Or, how its just so damn absolutely... ah, I can't get my finger on it, but have you ever looked up at the stars, and a feeling hit you, that made you say "Oh my God"? Not many, I'm sure, have a fascination with human reproduction as I do, I'm sure, but have you ever been so close to a female friend of yours, and were just... sooo amazed by how little babies can grow in them? Or the whole wonder of the female reproduction system... or the wonder of females, period? I don't know, but I've also had that feeling with two people... and one of them has already slashed my heart. Whee. You know, I could go on and on explaining beauties to my love, but I've hardly the span of energy, or the vocabulary necessary, in any language known to humankind, to do such a thing. But, when I can freely express it with her... well, she'll know, and hopefully feel it like I do... Yes, I love Angel, this is true. I just wish I could leave Seattle, right now... wish I was 100% certain to, too. I wish I was with her, so I can express it all to her... I wish... I'm gonna go cry now. |
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Here's your dagger |
Sunday, November 18th, 2001 |
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My hacking case has come to an end, and as with almost every single case of 'teenage hackers', I've been charged and my 6th amendment right had been infringed upon; I had no trial, I was charged via a governmental agency on charges of computer trespass of a government computer, and given the rest of the school year suspension. Because this is a governmental agency, this means that. in theory, the WA state gov't has charged me with computer trespass, and has made the punishment suspension through June 2002, without a trial. I'm too litigious, don'tcha think? I'd make a good lawyer, except lawyers get shot for being lawyers, so I'd rather not :) (Forget what the 6th amendment is? http://www.law.cornell.edu/constitution/c l First, before I present the list of evidence given against me, and my commentary on it that hasn't been heard, the meaning of a NDA. No, not a looking to protect their interests in things they're showing you. An NDA, in school terms, is a record, one for your school, and one for your parents and you, that shows what high er-level disciplinary action (anything like kicking you off the school grounds for the day and higher) was taken, why, and any details. I was given an NDA earlier saying I was given an emergency expulsion while an investi gation took place. This is an amendment that overrules the text of the NDA. (My real name is hidden for my own privacy) Amendment to NDA C-99 Other Crimes: Computer Trespass D-01 Disruptive Conduct Shari Vegas intentionally (1) attempted to compromise the primary domain controller for Franklin High School, Shari attempted to create an administrative user and insert that user in the administrator group to give himsel f access to restricted areas and operations; (2) Shari used an unattended and unlocked console to put himself in a power user group to give himself access to restricted areas and operations; (3) Shari installed the file C MD.EXE on his share, which gave him access to normally restricted areas and operations regardless of the policies applied to the computer; (4) Shari installed a Unix shell application on the primary domain controller; (5) Shari had a copy of a host file on his share, and inserted the name of host LOGIN.OSCAR.AOL.COM into the host file to create a way to evade a District firewall block; (6) Shari set up access to multiple types of chat app lications, all of which are blocked by the District policy and CIPA requirements; (7) Shari installed Pegasus email on his share and, via that email application, subscribed to various sites that provide technical details on security issues and weaknesses in computer systems. Shari’s computer trespass of a government computer is exceptional misconduct warranting suspension from Franklin High School through June 2002. This amended Notice of Disciplinary Action supercedes all other prior notice s. Okay, so I did a bunch of things they didn't like; none come under the definitions of 'computer trespass' in the state of washington (See RCW 9A.52.110 and RCW 9A.52.120). The Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1986 only deals with federal and interstate crimes, doesn't count here. The evidence found here was all in my home directory for my login. None of this speaks of logs, and theres even misleading and missing bits! I'll elaborate... 1) I never attempted to compromise the PDC. The PDC in question was not for Franklin High School, but for the FHS Business Ed Lab, the PDC's name, SFRKEDPD01, it's domain, FRKBUSINESS, which also happens to be the file se rver. The 'compromise' used was these three lines: net user Admin /add /expires:never /passwordreq:no net localgroup "Administrators" /add Admin net localgroup "Users" /del Admin These commands, unfortunatly, don't work without having Administrator or NT AUTHORITY/SYSTEM access already. And, it would be workstation admin access only, this wouldn't be able to go beyond the workstation machine, beca use passwords wouldn't match, thereby rendering this exploit useless beyond the existing machine. 2) I never went to a 'unlocked, unrestricted console' (aka a 'sysop' (teacher logins) who was logged into a machine) and put myself into a power user group to give myself access to restricted areas and operations. Sysops are not allowed to make or do anything more than create, delete, or modify _student_ accounts. Trying to do anything beyond that results in a 'Access Denied' message, and our NetAdmin was very smart: No lookies over shoul der, lock workstation if he's not at it, I didn't get access that way. However, I did this at Cleveland, and I will not deny that. 3) I installed the CMD.EXE file (Windows NT Command Line Interface) into my home directory. It did not give me access to normally restricted areas and operations regardless of the policies applied to the computer and my a ccount. I was playing around one day in finding an easier way to get a command line. Any operation I should not have access to (net user, for example), I didn't have access to. I could not read other home directories or o ther machines the computer was connected to across the network. How did I get this access, anyway? First, in the afflicted room, the computers did not have a program installed in that lab, which resulted in a broken shortcut that kept trying to get looked for. I pointed it the right w ay, C:\WINNT\SYSTEM32\CMD.EXE, and it came up with the command prompt. That's the tech's fault. Then, they fixed this the next year, but not the ability to run a file I download off the net, so I just ran it off the net. But, one day, *gasp* No net, and I needed a command-line. Run Word 2000, open "file://c:/winnt/system32/cmd.exe". It makes garbley. close Word2k, go to start > documents, what do you see? A shortcut to CMD.EXE, of course. But, this valuable information is not to be used, period. And if I find this out, I'll kill you. Or sue you for using my information without my permission, to fix your fucking hole you didn't figure out earlier, you dumbs hit. 4) No, I did not install a Unix shell application on the PDC (Sorry, it's my fucking fileserver, so fuck off). I simply copied the files necessary to run it to the harddrive of the fileserver. And it's not a "Unix Shell A pplication", because a unix shell application wouldn't run on Windows. The "Unix Shell Application" is called Cygwin, it provides a POSIX-compliant API for running Linux applications through Windows. And that isn't the ce ntral library I was running, but a slightly modified version of bash, modified to use the cygwin api. Dumb fuckoffs, it's called I didn't like using the default CMD.EXE, so I dumped it for cygwin. What, now I can't have m y freedom of choice for Command Line Interfaces either? You people force me to use WinNT, you're lucky I don't blow it all away for Linux+XWin, like the smart University campuses computer labs use. 5) I had a copy of a host file in my home directory, and inserted the name of host login.oscar.aol.com (AIM's login machines) into the host file to create a way to evade the proxy server. It was not meant to evade a Distr ict firewall block, altho I very well could through IP tunneling through my home system, if I wanted to, which you'd have no control over because I'm evading a firewall block by using my own damn machine to do it, using e quipment I own, to do it. And, fuckheads, what was the IP for login.oscar.aol.com created in that file? Hmm? Was it perhaps, oh, 64.12.161.153? or 64.12.161.185? Yeah, well, that's still login.oscar.aol.com (bucp2-vip-m.blue.aol.com). So fuck off or I'll feed you to the pigs. So, no, it wasn't trying to get over a firewall, it was trying to go around the proxy, but I figured out that the firewall was blocking it anywho, so I quit. 6) I set up access to multiple types of chat applications, all of which are denied use by District policy and CIPA (Actually, CIAP, Computer Internet Access Policy, dipshit) requirements. Sorry, I never agreed to either of them for the past five years, and they are not legally binding documents. And, while you're at it, get it off all your machines in the building, lazyasses. If I couldn't do it on that computer, you've got about five machines in 216 that have MSN Instant Messager. And then, go charge them with c omputer trespass too, hmm? 7) I copied the files to run Pegasus Mail into my home directory, and, via that application... got my email. I was, at the time, subscribed to BUGTRAQ, NTSECADV, HOWTO, KERNEL-AUDIT, RAILGUNNERS, EUPHORIA (later known as EUFORUM), and VERA-PROJECT. I had filters set up for the first three, but about Feb-Mar 2001, I unsubscribed to all those lists; I didn't want such a load on my email box. So, at the time of their bust, I was not subscribed and receiving mail from those lists. Okay. Misleading, yes? They love to do that to teenage hackers. Okay, missing bits: I had my SDK (Software Development Kit) on that server too. Once again, not installed, but merely copied to the server to run off the server. This contained a suite of tools for Eup horia. This being: Euphoria's core components, the Eu-to-C converter, the Borland compiler, and the Win9x and WinNT SDKs, as well as programs I was working on. Due to the fact that they have _my_ code and _my_ passwords in their posession, this could be used to make a profit, patents, etc... basically, money. Due to this, I need to have a NDA and Non-competition contract against them. Yes, and I mean bad, mean, nasty M$ style contracts that lock them into, basically, giving me a copy of the disc, destroying the original and letting me make a new copy, completely encrypted, if I wanted. And if th ey _think_ about using my passwords, I can sue them til their pockets are dry, and this time, it would be computer trespass from the gov't to a citizen, which could be taken to federal level, because it's called wiretappi ng without express search warrants. If they think about continuing development on my programs without my permission, they could be sued, those are my programs, I own the sole right of those programs. If I wanted to be ver y nasty, I could own the media they're on too, which means... well, I could manipulate all the school's computers to fall under my control... just because I'm the creator of those programs, and that I can make a license s tating that if they have ever even looked at the source code, I could sue them for anti-competitive practices. Would it be true? Fuck no, but it'd certainly be a hoot to see them scramble on that one, eh? Yes, I've worked for M$ once, I used to be their chief lawyer. Not. And, oh, I haven't added: All this 'evidence' was retrieved from my home directory. They couldn't search their logs, because they never kept any. Last nite, I was online and telling Angel about what happend, and it scared me so bad remembering it that I started crying. No, not jsut that scared crying, but deep, emotional damage tears. Lastly, I need to sue the principal of the school district on civil grounds (John Jackson Vs. Me, not Principal Dr. John Jackson versus HS Student of SPS, me), for harassment of a minor, firstly, and secondly, for a socia l minority. He wanted information that didn't exist, first. Second, he threatened to call the Feds on me. As we all well know, you can call the feds if you even have a suspicion of criminal activity. And, as we all well know, what do the Feds do with teenage hackers? They point big nasty guns that could put 600 holes in your body in about 20 seconds at them, or guns that, with a slip of the finger, put a precise hole in your head, and drag them on the ground to their cars where they put the arrestees, deny them all their rights, and seize all computer and phone equipment that the person has ever touched in his whole life. Just about. You know, that day, November 1, 2001, was one of the scariest, coldest, lonliest, and did I mention scariest, days of my life? It's scary when you think that your whole life has come to an end, because of something noone understood. It's scary that you could be locked up in a federal penitentiary, for charges that aren't federal. It's scary that you know exactly what you did, and they tell you that you did something far more heinous and a nti-social, and you don't really know what, because you know what you did, and you didn't do such a big thing. It's scary when a black dude twice your size and 8x your social power (I'm talking about physical threats here ), tells you that he's going to call the Feds if you don't tell him what he wants to hear, which isn't the truth, but he wants to hear it, and he tells you to go get a lawyer. Now. It's scary when you have a woman that yo u want to be with, and that if you get locked up like this, you're scared she'll just disregard you, forget you, not want to know you, because she'd be ashamed to have been falling in love with a convict (This was, actual ly, the scariest thing for me). It's scary that you can't play your sport like you wanted. You're scared because your family would be harassed about this too. You're scared this will make your whole life go away, because of something noone understood. Fuck man, that scares me to fucking tears! I'm crying trying to write about it! This has, unfortunatly, caused deep emotional upset, something I haven't recovered from. I don't want to sue for money, actually, I want Dr. Jackson to feel what he's caused me. But, the next best bet is suing him on civi l grounds. Oh, wait... I was arrested too, by the way, on unknown charges. I was arrested, ran for photos, and released. But damnit, those fucking cuffs hurt! And the fucking officer didn't want to arrest me, I was being so damn cooperative, he didn't want me to be arrested. Fuck, he didn't even want to run me Downtown, but he was just following orders. And, I was formally arrested! Damnit! I'm done, now. |
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1 dagger| Here's your dagger |
Friday, November 16th, 2001 |
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*sigh* Gotta love it when this happens... Setup: Khalida is a servant for a noble, but a _very_ shy one at that, low self esteem and all. Barson, is me. I decided to take her out, just for a friendly outing, making a friend... Barson doesn't quite know how to take this, not sure if she's uncomfortable, but certainly wishing to see more than the top of her head, he puts a anxious, shaky, eased finger under her chin and limply lifting her chin, in hopes to see her eyes instead of hair, "Mes, like I was saying back at the forum, I do wonder about your shyness, Dear, and where you got this from." Khalida eeks and throws herself backwards, almost knocking her chair over! Khalida starts to cry softly. "Y-you said y-ou wouldn't t-touch me." she whimpers. Oh he lied! It was all a horrible scheme to get her to the Diplomat Inn and touch her on the chin! Barson's stomach goes instantly uptight, he goes into an anxious shock and starts searching for words, he retracts any part of himself onto his side of the table, and strains out, "Oh dear me, Mes, I meant nothing by it... but I do hope..." He quits out as his throat closed up from his anxiety, but he prays she'll calm... I've had such a good morning... |
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Here's your dagger |
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LiveJournal for Lord "LEVIATHAN"/Shari Vegas/Barson Eesani.
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