it's spring.
the snow is melting.
but now there's deer poop on my lawn.
ryan's going to shovel it. aha.
he's such a good boy.
i hate the states.
my insurance is all fucked up, they're behind on their payments, so i keep getting bills from my radiologist.. thing.
it's terrifying. i do not want to grow up.
just leave me be.
we may have to move back to canada, if this shit keeps up.
mm, beer.
i bought luigi's mansion, today. i'm getting to be so freakish. games. they keep me amused.
heh. i despise the praries. at least until the deer poop and snow are gone.
things are fucked up.
my head hurts.
i feel like hurting a lot of people.
or just.. taking myself out of the picture.
not life. just. this life.
ha.
or maybe not.
all i can say is, misery loves company. hence the reason i'm bringing everyone i know down with me.
selfish bitch, i am.
or so i hear..
it feels like my stomach is on fire. inside.
really.
that's all. it hurts. ryan keeps trying to make me eat corn and raisin bran, for my.. movements.
mm, feminine.
yeah.
also, i'm having blood, still. it's been more than five days. but maybe it's a side effect.
done.
i'd forgotten about this bitch.
but it's still here. and i'm still here.
i'm entirely all too sick of the winter, already. snow makes it impossible to leave the house, also, it makes my car .. unable to move. fucking fords.
mm, that was the redneck in me, coming out. her name is bobbi sue. .. or something.
so, my period doesn't feel regulated yet, nor are my cramps subsiding, and that kind of sucks. i thought i was using birth control for a reason. wink. wank.
my mental state is improving, however. i'm not quite a zombie, but i did nearly sing in the shower, today.. a disturbing feeling of happiness and the urge to love everything suddenly overcame me. but, that could just be one of my "highs".. which i totally deserve, after the lows i've gone through lately.
i'm trying to find a not too shitty job, so that i can leave the current one.. not that anyone who actually reads this is interested.. i'm just feeling the need to justify myself not wanting to go to school at this certain point, because i am consistently harassed about it, on a daily basis.. mostly by my mother. she probably wants 'the best for me'.. but right now, that's not it. all i need is ryan, and money. and.. cigarettes. mm..
in that order.
i'm in love. it's sick.
that is all.
thankyou, come again.
everything is fucked.
my ear is ringing, the left one.
i may be diseased.
i may be despised.
oh well.
i keep fucking up. everyday. everytime my eyes are open, i'm fucking up.
i don't mean to.
i don't even realise i'm doing it.
maybe i'm easy to blame. maybe they like to see me cry.
who the fuck knows.
i feel like screaming, but there's really nobody to scream at.
well, one person. but i do enough screaming at them. and it's ending horribly, lately. it needs to end. i don't want to be like my mother, and he doesn't want to be like my father. i know we're both sorry.
i hate these drugs. they're not making me feel better.
i despise my surroundings. i don't even feel like getting out of bed anymore. i want to sleep forever.
i'm finished now.
insanity.
even 11am is too early.
at least it's friday.
i need a cigarette. breakfast.
yeah.
oh, and my hair won't do anything nice, today.
stupid hair..
more than usual.
things are so fucked up.
i'm insane.
but so are you.
so don't try to pin this on me.
blame the parents.
grandparents.
god.
it's been awhile since someone has been able to say something to me that felt like a punch in the gut.
maybe it's not the words, but rather who said them..
i feel like such a fucking girl, right now. crying over nothing.
always over nothing..
maybe it isn't nothing. maybe you're nothing.
fuck it.
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
i don't seem to be able to get well.
i just keep getting sicker and sicker. i've taken all of my pills, and all of my cough syrup, and i'm still sick.
it's like god is punishing me for something, ha.
either way. i'm sick of being sick.
i don't really have anything else to write.
other than, i love you. aw, sappy shit.
yeah.
 distortion's LiveJournal Slut StatsThe below percentages indicate what distortion has done with the 52 people on her friends list! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| What are your LiveJournal Slut Stats? Sponsored via Adult Friend Finder. Keep this meme and others like it checking it out or getting free account! You may meet the match of your dreams! |
i'm still sick.
it's never going to end, i swear.
at least before i was coughing shit up. now it's just a dry cough, which makes it all the more painful. and my period certainly does not help.
eh. you're not here. i keep checking.
oh well..
1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Kroll's Kitchen. It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Minnewauken, Rolla, Gackle, Osnabrock, Cando, Walhalla, Wildrose, Zap, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.
3) Don't order a bottle or a can of soda here. Up here it's called Pop. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your ass.
5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to to make a living up here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick
their ass.
6) Don't laugh at our giant fiberglass cows and our turtles made out of car parts. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. When you're in Jamestown don't point at the genitalia on the giant buffalo or we'll kick your ass.
7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your ass.
8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well-done like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake! Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your ass.
9) Don't try to fake a NoDak accent. We don't have an accent. Do NOT mention the movie "Fargo" as that will incite a riot and you will get your
ass kicked.
10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big-city hell-holes like Detroit, New York, and LA, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Northwest Airlines is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.
11) Yes, we know that ice fishing is "not your thing." We don't care. If you don't understand the beauty of being out on a lake when it's 10 degrees then you should go home and try fishing in New York Harbor. Also, don't hog the heater in the fish house or we'll kick your ass.
12) Don't complain that North Dakota is flat and that there aren't enough trees. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your ass all the way back to Cleveland.
13) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet, little grey-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into
your ass just like they did ours.
14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the prairie? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy,
smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your ass.
15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how the prairie should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your ass shot
(right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass. Enjoy your visit in the Peace Garden State!
i am content.
perhaps.
i think about my hair a lot, i've noticed.
maybe i am self absorbed. just maybe.
ha.
moving on.. i have to go to the eyedoctor tomorrow. i despise the eye doctor. they shoot things in my eyeballs. horrific.
and then the dentist. i hate needles.
my life is so fascinating. not really.
sometimes it takes doing something really fucking stupid to realise how much life and love mean to you.. and love does mean a lot to me. and HE does.
also, sometimes it takes someone talking some sense into you, and verbally slapping the shit out of you for behaving like a child, to make you realise these things.
.. thanks, jim.
i hate hate hate being sick.
i'm coughing up bits of my insides. it's not pretty.
sigh.
what a sickening fucking place.
but at least people smile, here.
i don't know what to do.
i hate not knowing what to do.
i do know that it would be good for me to be gone.
somewhere.
oh well.
Seer
The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
Navigate: (Previous 20 entries)