i am becoming very sad. what else is new.

i don't know how derrick does it. each semester he fails each and every PT test except for the one he HAS to pass to secure his scholarship. this says a lot about his personality, in case you were wondering.

my job scheduled me to work on my first mother's day. wtf. this is so crappy.

today we woke up and went to the ROTC commission ceremony. this is where all the senior cadets get commissioned into the army as second lieutenants and it's very precious and cool, except they're being commissioned into THE STINKING ARMY. i cry for them. in two years i'm really going to be crying because it will be derrick up there getting his pins and salutes and sebastian might have to be seperated from him for god knows how long.

i guess i have a lot on my mind. it's a beautiful day out but i'm distracted and i totally hate my life right now. i want to be happy; i don't want to be jealous of characters in sitcoms. i want to be on the road to no paxil. doesn't seem like it will be anytime soon. it won't be.

a friend i worked with at a cafe on duke's campus will be moving in with us today. he needs a place to stay for about a month and i decided for a small fee, this was acceptable. even though we live in a one bedroom ghettohole. :-D !! when i get home from work i expect lots of drinking to ensue.

<3 emoticons.

H8 life, etc.

oh, something absolutely great happened at the commission. i was speaking with another ex coworker and she told me that i had inspired her to get business (style) cards made for herself as well. it was flattering. just the fact that i gave her one of my cards and she thought it was such a cool idea that she had some made for herself. kinda gives me some ideas of my own.

sigh, sebastian needs some love, and a nap. ciao.

for those of you who didn't know:
jon and i were talking for a couple weeks
i'm still in love
he isn't
i decided we weren't gonna talk anymore


there's no milk in the house :(

i can see now why paxil is connected to suicide
you take it at the end of your rope
and it doesn't seem to work
that's it, one might think
nothing will help me
nothing is going to change

not for the next 10
fucking
years