I do not know why I watched it but I did. In some ways I felt that I had to watch it. I think I might have some actual nightmares now.

SO it has been a while since I made a general update about what is going on in my life.
( Random Thoughts )

I did a reading about my decision to go to law school. It was a nice reaffirmation of my decision. It was also the most major arcane I have ever pulled in a single whole deck reading. For those of you that care, I used the OSHO Zen Deck, did a celtic cross and here are the cards in order 1 to 10. For those of you that are unfamiliar with Tarot, I have included the card placement and what that means, the name of the card and a copy of the commentary from the book.

( Creativity )

( Slowing Down )

( Completion )

( Silence )

( Control )

( Participation )

( Intergration )

( Courage )

( Aloness )

( Sharing )

All in all a very positive read, that is why I just had to share.

1. Put your birth month in an entry.
2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
3. Bold the four that best apply to you.
4. Put all twelve months under a journal cut.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
( Read more... )

I am just worn out. I have been going so hard for so long. I need a break. Sleep is calling me. I have barely been at work today. I think this whole week is a wash. Part of the reason for all this is that I have been trying to buy a new car all week. It has been emotionally taxing. Making a purchase this large and on something used is just plain hard.

Well, i finally got the car. It is a 95 Toyota 4Runner 4X4 V6, sunroof, power locks and windows, auto, running boards and nice big tires. It is in pretty good shape for a car that old. I took it to my mechanic for a good once over before I signed the papers. But it is now all mine. The only thing it needs is a new stereo.

I am ashamed of my country. This whole Iraqi prisoner thing really beats on me. Being ex-military gives me a slightly different perspective. If some serious heads do not roll it will just end up as more proof that the higher ups all knew what was happening and turned a blind eye. The whole contractor angle to this story suggests that it was set up like that just so they could torture and humilate this prisoners. It makes me mad and sad. I look at and barely recognize the country I find myself living in.

I have been thinking of trying to sell my Male White Priviledge on eBay. See I no longer get it. I guess I need to start working on how I would word the ad. Need to think.

test

I just got a call from one of the wonderful people I met during my weekend in DC, Mara Keisling. She is the executive director of National Center for Transgender Equality and was just recently appointed to the GLBT advisory board for the John Kerry campaign. She was calling to help put me in contact with some national people that want to help ensure that I will be a delegate to the Democratic National Convention in Boston. How freaking cool is that? Of course, I am still going to work my end and try to get elected in the more traditional way. Gotta keep my fingers crossed.

Does this qualify as name dropping? Even if the name is one no one has heard of.

I have finally done it. After years and years of talking about it, I have decided that the time is right to head off to law school. This will be for the school year starting 2005. So plenty of time to get it all together.

I am currently sitting in a hotel room in Washington, DC at the National Conference on Gender. I just got home from the International Drag King show. It was simply amazing. Some of the hottest people in the world strutting their stuff on stage. The production value was out of this world. The numbers were fun, irreverent, boundary pushing, gender confusing, and just plain sexier than could be imagined. The numbers highlighted what we have been talking about all day, well since I got here on Thursday.

To say that this weekend has been eye open would probably be an understand. It will take some time to fully process what has happened.

If I was not so tired I might try to write up a real review. But instead I will simply say;

STEREOLAB ROCKS!!!!.

I just found out I have to come into work tomorrow. There is this super hot project that just absolutely needs my immediate attention. The thing is that in order for me to do my job I need another person to be around as a safety precaution. I work in a chemical lab for part of my job with chemicals that could maim or kill me if something bad were to happen. Well, the manager that has made the request that I work is the one that is going to come in to watch me as I work in the lab. Once I am done with the chemical lab work, I will be using some devices to measure and evaluate the product. Well, the manager told me that he will not be sticking around to see the results because he has a game with his kids. What I do not understand is that if this job is so important that I have to be in at work why does he feel that it is ok to just leave. What just because my son does not live in Austin, my off time is less valuable.

This means that most of the weekend will be spent with work. I will be at the office/lab most of the morning. Then I will be driving to Houston to attend a banquet as a company representative. I will get to spend Sunday in Houston with my son and then drive back to Austin.

Another weekend with out getting to let some real steam off. I think I need to blow my horn. Or maybe it would be better if I could blow someone else's horn (bud-a-bing)

The Stereolab show is next Tuesday April 27.

Anyone out there want to go see Stereolab with me? I promise it will be an amazing show. They are touring for what is the best album since Dots and Loops. This is Stereolab at its finest, combining pop, psychadelic guitars and Moog synths into a wonderfully jazzy combination. This is one show you really do not want to miss.

I do not think I have mentioned it lately in here but I am totally in love with this girl. At times, I feel like I can barely contain it. It feels that I might just explode. I do not know if I truly show her how much she means to me. All this, and having to deal with the very real possiblity that she will be gone in a month. She has become such a big part of my life. I wonder if I will be able to function at this same level without her. In some ways, I feel that I am pushing her away to make the transition easier, even though in my heart all I want to do is to grab her, hold her and never let go.

I just got back from lunch. It took a little longer than normal due to the fact that my car crapped out. I was able to creep back to the office but now am stuck with no vehicle. I was planning on getting a new vehicle next month when I became eligible to take a loan on my 401K. But now I have no idea how I am going to be getting around the rest of this month and into next month. I am now completely and totally fucked. Anyone have a spare car?

My mother came to visit me for the first time in over a year. The last time we saw each other was at X-mas 2002. At that time, the whole family knew about my transition but since I was still presenting myself as a man at work, I dressed that way for the holidays.

This was the first time my mom got to see me as I live my life now. Some might say got to see the true me. Whatever, I got to see her. I love my mother. She has always given me such strength and love.

I picked her up at the Airport on Thursday. I got the early which is pretty unusual for me. So I parked the car and went into the terminal. I watched as she descended the escalator. We hugged at the bottom for about 5 minutes. The kind of hug that says, I love you and will never let you go. My eyes teared slightly as I let her hold me. Eventually I became aware that we were kind of blocking the path and we headed out on our way.

The weekend was pretty busy. Friday consisted of a solo trip to the Wildflower center, and then I joined her for lunch at Shady Grove, shopping on South Congress, dinner at Kim Phung. That evening I took her to the Wanna Funk show where I spun my first DJ set in a night Club. It was very pleasing to look down and see my mother bobbing her head to the songs I had selected. Saturday saw us going to County Line on the Hill, pretty pink princess party and a quick visit with zenith_the_high, dancegirljen and chikimonki then back home to prepare dinner for some friends that were suppose to stop by to meet my mother. I had three friends show up but they are not on LJ. And then we watched the Chris Rock special on HBO. I laughed so hard I cried, choked and almost peed my pnats. After that we watched Gifting It, (the best doc on Burning Man I have seen to date).

All the while we talked about life, love, my partner, what it means to me to be trans. We spent a fair amount of time on the topic of my transition and helping her understand how i feel and why I am not really thinking about getting "THE SURGERY". We also talked about sex, my mother is now the only other person in the world that knows about my sex life. To say that was weird is an understatement. But I figured since she was asking that she really wanted to know. And hell, she is my mother, she has seen my at my worst and best, she changed my diapers, and cared for me when I am sick. So if she wants to know about my sex life, then I am going to tell her. This does not meant that any of you can ask.

I was nice to be able to connect with her again. I can only hope that I get to see here again much sooner than it took to get to see her this time. Now I just need to get the rest of my supporting family down to Austin to meet me.

I know the pictures are really large in data size but I do not currently have the ability to resize them that I am aware of. If anyone knows a free program that can do that on the Mac please let me know.

And thank you all for the compliments. I am flattered.

Email me psyntist at livejournal dot com and i can tell you who did the make-up and took the picture. (two different people by the way)

Edit: It is now fixed with smaller file size for your repeated viewing pleasure, hehe.

While I was chatting with a Showtime marketing rep, the topic enivitably turned to my career transformation. It seems to be the topic of a lot of my conversations lately. The man asked me what my dream job would be. I was totally stumped. However, on the flight home as I was falling asleep a thought came to me. I have been working on figuring it out all day and have come to this conclusion. My dream job is to be a muse. I am talking old time muse notion. Someone that inspires others to create/enhance their reality. Now I just need to figure out how I can actually do this and get paid.