RAGE MORE

10:13am: Transgender Games Night - LAST CHANCE!!!


LAST CHANCE TO R.S.V.P.!!!!!

TRANSGENDER GAMES NIGHT
Are you FtM, MtF, Intersexed, Genderqueer, Gender Variant, Androgynous ?????

Come to Transgender Games Night!

March 27th @ 7:00 PM
Raleigh, NC

Bring your favorite board game and a potluck dish of your choosing (preferably veggie/vegan friendly)

This is the first night of an event that I hope will become a monthly thing so come out and show your support for the community. Meet new folks, play some games, have plenty of good conversation.

Please e-mail Nykolas at nykdanger22@aol.com
or call 919-781-3448 to RSVP and for directions!

*alcohol is allowed but only if you are 21 and over.


X-posted EVERYWHERE!!! (sorry)

8:17am: stolen from Shayna


Who You Are...

Name: Nykolas
Age/Birthday: 23/Dec. 3rd
Zodiac Sign: Sag
Location: the college basketball playground
Hair color; it's all kinds of fucked up now
Eyecolor; Contacts/Natural: natural blue/grey
Stuff you wear most often/your style: baggy pants and hoodies
What they call you; your social label: i dunno if i even have one
Where You like to shop for clothes: i can only afford Wal-Mart
Where you like to shop for other stuff: Wal-Mart is my bitch

Favorites...

Music Types: ummmm...there are soooo many. i just like them all!
Bands: KMFDM is my band of the moment
Movies: whatever is GOOD.
Actor: Michael Pitt!!!!!! Leo Fitzpatrick, Gregory Smith
Actress: Clea DuVall, Mia Kirshner, Michelle Rodreguez
Food: i'm hungry
Perfume: Bone Daddy cologne from Hot Topic (i know)
(other) Scent you like: fabric softener
Song: i hate this picking out "just one" shit
Female Singer: Theo, Jenny Lewis, Morgan Lander
Male Singer: Meat Loaf, Andre3000, Pall Jenkins

Sex...

Marital status: i'm engaged
Sexual orientation: as queer as queer can be. i like EVERYTHING!
In lust or in love: can't they both happen at the same time?
Person you'd like to date: i'm not "allowed" to think like that. LOL! you'll never know!
Person you find sexiest/most attractive: besides Jess.....well, she knows who she is
Turn-ons: confidence, fun loving, honest, good looking, sarcasm
Turn-offs: BREATH, weird body noises, never shutting up, narsacism, facial picking
Submissive or Dominant: the way things are now....hehe...i'm the master
Openminded or kinky: you kinda have to be one to be the other. they go hand in hand

Right now, what...

...Are you wearing: pj pants and a t-shirt
...Time is it: like 8:40a
...Song are you listening to: i'm not
...Else are you doing: waiting to hear back from work
(Who) are you thinking of: my kitty
...is your mood like: i want to go back to bed
...is the last thing you bought or received: starbucks (i know)
...is on your computer desk: lots of meaningless junk
...are you drinking or eating: gum
Do you think of this survey?: same as all the other ones.

10:53pm:

12:53pm: some pics i've been meaning to upload


here are some random pics from this week. lol...me and my sister downing the brew and me and jess, me being crazy of course!!!!

( pitchurs, pitchurs, pitchurs )

4:13pm: cause i'm OBSESSED!!!

Your a HED-HEAD!


The Ultimate Hedwig & the Angry Inch quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

what did you get?

10:29am: MY I Nevers


(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK
(_) I NEVER HAVE SMOKED POT
(_) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(x) I NEVER CRASHED A FRIEND'S CAR
(x) I NEVER BEEN TO JAPAN
(_) I NEVER RODE IN A TAXI
(x) I NEVER HAD ANAL SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN LOVE
(_) I NEVER HAD SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX IN PUBLIC
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPED
(_) I NEVER SHOPLIFTED
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FIRED
(_) I NEVER BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT
(_) I NEVER HAD A THREESOME
(_) I NEVER SNUCK OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN TIED UP (SEXUALLY)
(x) I NEVER HAVE BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING
(_) I NEVER HAVE PISSED ON MYSELF
(_) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(_) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(_) I NEVER BEEN ARRESTED
(_) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A STRANGER
(_) I NEVER STOLE SOMETHING FROM MY JOB
(x) I NEVER CELEBRATED NEW YEARS IN TIME SQUARE
(x) I NEVER WENT ON A BLIND DATE
(_) I NEVER LIED TO A FRIEND
(_) I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER
(x) I NEVER CELEBRATED MARDI-GRAS IN NEW ORLEANS
(_) I NEVER BEEN TO EUROPE
(_) I NEVER SKIPPED SCHOOL
(_) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FISTED AND/OR HAVE NEVER FISTED ANYONE
(x) I NEVER HAVE THROWN UP IN A BAR
(x) I NEVER HAVE PURPOSELY SET A PART OF MYSELF ON FIRE
(_) I NEVER HAVE EATEN SUSHI
(x) I NEVER HAVE BEEN TO MARS
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN SNOWBOARDING
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN HAPPY WITH MYSELF
(x) I NEVER HAVE BEEN TO MEXICO
(x) I NEVER HAVE SAILED AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS
(_) I NEVER SAW THOSE PANTIES BEFORE IN MY LIFE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY CAME FROM

10:12am: time for the truth


to most of you lovely people out there, i have a good life. HAH!! now you will know the truth. i'm the loniest person on earth. with the exception of my sister, fiancee, and parents, i have no friends. i never hang out anywhere, no one ever invites me to do things, my phone never rings, i'm constantly inviting people over and they never show up, no one has RSVP'd for my Trans Games Night, no one ever wants to hang out with me........i have no friends. i've met all these people since moving back here, but no one that i guess i have something in common with. cause they sure don't ever want to be near me. there has to be something wrong with me. i cried so hard to jess last night. i feel so shitty all the time. so alone. so lonely. i'm not used to things being this way. i used to have soooo many friends. people to do things with, talk to on the phone, whatever. now i have nothing. the only people i ever hang out with are my sister and jess. i reach out all the time but no one seems to care. i'm involved with groups, organizations, communities.......it doesn't matter. people still don't want to hang out with me for some reason. am i a bastard? i tend to think i'm pretty damn nice. am i boring? i remember all the fun times i've hard. i don't THINK i'm boring. am i fat and ugly?.......hrm. that might be the one. i've gained a bit of weight since moving back here. not a whole lot but enough to notice. am i a freak? yes, but i thought that wasn't a bad thing? why am i scaring people off?

i think i just have to face the fact that i'm a deadbeat loser....who used to be a somebody.

2:30pm: Thursday


i'm beginning to dread thursdays. i used to think it was such a nice day of the week. compared to monday that is. hehe. but now it sucks. i work a split shift (the most horrible thing imaginable) at capital (the most horrible place imaginable). this morning, it was soooooo dead. we had three orders the whole time i was there (4 hours). then to top it all off, josh and i were doing prep cause the truck finally came and then the health inspector walks in. no one bothered to enlighten us to the fact that he was coming. i could see josh internally freaking out. i don't think we did too well on the inspection either. somehow we always get a 96 or something out of it but i think this guy wasn't the usual guy. i mean, that place is soooo nasty and no one really cares about it. it's only a matter of time before it goes under i think. well, my store at least. it's falling apart at the seams. it would be cool if it went under. then i would never have to see the damn place again. and i'd be able to get another job instead of being so dependent on the store. lol...i need some motivation regarding the whole job search thing. it's not something i'm looking forward to. *sigh* oh well. only three more weeks till our California trip. SOMETHING to look forward to.

4:46pm: what are you doing tonight?


so i've got some beer and i'm thinking of going to berkely tonight. anyone want to join me? good times, drinks, conversation, maybe a little flirting....hehe...*sigh* anyway...if you wanna hang out tonight. either message me here or call me at home 919-781-3448. if i'm not home, leave me a message and i'll call ya back. later all.
-Nykolas

3:26pm: Stolen from Josh

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Empathy
In a survival situation, you:	Fight, but reluctantly
Your hidden talent is:	Discrimination
Your gift is:	Cunning
In groups, you:	Get the party started
Your best quality is:	Your indomitable will
Your weakness is:	Your jealous nature
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

10:23am: Money, Success, Fame, Glamour


this time last week, there was snow on the ground. now it's in the 80s.

this time two weeks ago, the nazis and kkk were protesting in downtown raleigh.

my how times change.

anyway, that was my random introduction. last night was pretty chill. went to see Monster after i got off work. that movie is absolutely incredible. i can DEFINATELY see where charlize's oscar came from. she blew me away. i've been dying to see a truly good movie for months. a lot of the ones i've seen were good but just didn't set me off like Monster did. they didn't make me feel. when it ended, i was totally in shock. FINALLY! the feeling i was looking for. what a good movie. i think i'm going to see it again this week. gotta take jess because she MUST see it. i want to see The Dreamers too because it's Michael Pitt's most recent movie (since Hedwig i think) and it's NC-17.....does this mean i get to see ALL of Michael Pitt? OOOOOOOOOH!!!! i do hope so. he's the hottest man alive.

*random insert*.....Harrison, someone told me that you look like Michael Pitt. what a lucky boy you are.

if i looked like him, i would probably never leave the house. hehe. but yeah. i have no idea what i'm going to do tonight. well, besides the mad sexin i've been told i'm getting. (YES!) they released the COMPLETE family guy boxed set or whatever in Europe already. i can't wait till it comes to the US. i mean sure, i've already got the third season on dvd and full access to the first and second but i want them all, together, and the extra features i don't have. NOT TO MENTION ---> the family guy figures that they are going to release. that's going to be super exciting!!! i will have all of them the moment they hit the shelves!!!

hrm...i must be bored cause this post didn't really have much to do with anything. kinda a lot of useless babbling. but hell, that's what i'm best at! it should be a career track!

5:25pm: an actual good day


i just realized what a good day today has been. not in a superficial or tangible way. i notice it within myself. i feel free today. i've been working here since this past june and finally i don't feel so awkward. maybe it's because there is someone new so i'm no longer the "new kid." maybe it's because they have seen my face for months and are finally used to me. i don't know what it is but i'm getting respect from everyone. even some of the artists who were snobs to me for months. the people who thought i was too young, following in my mom's shadow, too weird, wouldn't do a good job. TAKE THAT!!! it's about time i got respect from you. just wanted to share that with everyone. FINALLY (after 9 months) i feel like i belong........

............now i just have to come out to them as being trans. hope i still belong after that.

3:55pm: survey-ish junk


( Stolen from Morgan )

3:04pm: this is AWESOME!

FAIRY TALE

nce upon a time there has a young MORTICIAN named NYKOLAS. He was QUICKLY POOPING in the SMELLY forest when he met SCARY OLIVER, a run-away ARTIST from the MIDDLE-AGED Queen JESSIE-KAHHH.

NYKOLAS could see that SCARY OLIVER was hungry so he reached into his TUPPERWARE and give him his UNWANTED CHURROS. SCARY OLIVER was thankful for NYKOLAS's CHURROS, so he told NYKOLAS a very HUGE story about Queen JESSIE-KAHHH's daughter MEREDITH. How her mother, the MIDDLE-AGED Queen JESSIE-KAHHH, kept her locked away in a HIGH RISE protected by a gigantic SALAMANDER, because MEREDITH was so INCREDIBLE.

NYKOLAS SPAT. He vowed to SCARY OLIVER the ARTIST that he would save the INCREDIBLE MEREDITH. He would RUN the SALAMANDER, and take MEREDITH far away from her eveil mother, the MIDDLE-AGED Queen JESSIE-KAHHH, and FUCK her.

Then, all of the sudden, there was a SOUPY THUNDERSTORM and SCARY OLIVER the ARTIST began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic SALAMANDER from his story. MIDDLE-AGED Queen JESSIE-KAHHH SHOT out from behind a TOILET and struck NYKOLAS dead. In the far off HIGH RISE you could hear a BEEEEEEEEEEEP .

THE END.

Make your own Fairy Tale at fuali.com

11:45am: it's gonna rain


so i'm sitting here at work and i noticed that i either look like a soccer playing lesbian, or a really preppy dude (like all the guys who go to NCSU...heh). i don't want to look like either. but oh well, i think this shirt looks nice. maybe too nice.....lol. haven't been doing much lately. working and shit. the usual. hung out with jorge, dana, gary, and dan the other night. it was cool. i got off work early and it was such a nice day out. so we all hung out for hours getting drunk. it was pretty cool. i think dan wants to bone my sister. lol....i'm not surprised. EVERY guy i know wants to bone her. i got really drunk and probably spent more money on beer than i was hoping to. it's alright cause it was my once-a-month party day!

i need a hair cut. it's getting all long and emo-ish but i'm waiting to cut it and dye it right before we go to cali. so i can look all hott. it's been in the 80s these past few days. it sucks. i mean, with a breeze it's nice, but not all humid and hot and shit. i mean, c'mon! i work with two 550 degree ovens! 80 and i are not friends. been making progress with someone who used to not tolerate me very well. i think we are making strides that are needed to become friends or whatnot. been taking dexatrim natural but i don't think it's working. don't feel like i've lost anything. probably a waste of my 8 bucks.

there isn't really too much to talk about....can't wait to go to california. it seems to be all i think about lately. can't wait to show jess around and see all my friends and such. i've been suffering without them. a whole YEAR away is a lot of time to not see people AT ALL. been calling a few people lately to chat and catch-up and stuff. i'm amazed at all the phone numbers i remember!!!!! but anyhoo....on to the big news of the week (can't remember if i posted about it or not)

MY PARENTS AGREED TO PAY FOR MY INITIAL HORMONE CONSULTATION AND BLOODWORK!!!! THIS MEANS I COULD BE ON TESTOSTERONE BY THE END OF THE MONTH!!!!!!!

3:18pm: bored on a beautiful day!


i just got off work and i'm bored outta my mind. it's such a nice day outside!!! i want to go drink in the sun or something. but everyone is busy.

want to drink free of charge on this lovely march day? have nothing to do? send me an email!!!! come hang out with me!

good times, good drinks, good company.

10:00am: i can smell your poopie!


jess and i are running around chasing eachother naked!!!!

4:06pm: "NUDIST!!!! My dad's a tailor you jerk!!!"


i made a wallet out of blue duct tape last night. it's rockin. much better than the first one i made with the jumbo size tape. this one looks like a wallet as opposed to a CD case. i'm trying to make a messenger bag but i can't seem to locate any patterns/instructions and i'm not talented enough to do it myself so i'm puttin that on hold for a bit.

i bought PARTY MONSTER and CAMP last night!!! you know this made me the happiest boy on the block! finally!

i'm really DESPISE 40-something women that come into my job and want me to be all cheerful with them and say things like, "welcome" and "hello!" ugh...that's not in the description. i sit behind the desk and answer the phones all day, do computer work, and pass out the bathroom key. i'm not your doorman. FUCK YOU!!! come work this job

that is all.............

3:02pm: more snow pics


( it's snowing today!... )

11:29am: Transgender Games Night


THIS EVENT WILL TAKE PLACE ON SATURDAY MARCH 27th AT 7:00PM (till whenever we feel like it)

E-MAIL ME AT nykdanger22@aol.com FOR LOCATION, DIRECTIONS, AND TO R.S.V.P.

please bring a dish of your choosing (preverably veggie/vegan friendly) and your favorite board game or more! ANYONE HAVE TWISTER????

thanks and i hope to see you there!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------

My fiance and I are thinking of having a
Transgender Games Night for Triangle area
transfolk and their S.O.s. it is going to
tentatively be held near the end of next month.
it will be held at my fiance's apartment in the
West Raleigh area.

The night will consist of board games, potluck, video games, movies, and good conversation
for anyone who is interested in attending. Please be prepared to bring a dish of your chosing (preferably veggie friendly) and whatever games you have a desire to play.

If you want to bring alcoholic beverages that is
fine. just remember, it's not a bar. the
purpose of this night is to get to know more
transgender folk in the area in an attempt to
strengthen the community. if you would like to
get together afterwards and go to a bar, that
would be fine. (i'll probably join ya)

-Nykolas

10:01am: *whew*


last night was so nervewracking it seems almost unreal. i got off work and went to jess' apt. we made dinner, smoked pot and were watching american idol (yes, i'm addicted. sad i know). then my sister dropped by with her friend gary and some other dude i've never met. we were all hanging out in jess' bedroom watching tv. my sister and her friends were all drinking. then gary and my sis go out to the store to make a cigarette run for the house. when they got back, that gary dude was hanging outside smoking one. he came in the house, said, "you, come here" to jess and they went back to the door. there was a cop there. apparently they were looking for some dude i've never heard of and thought he might be there or something. then when the cop was talking to gary, he smelled alcohol on his breath and found out he was underage. so (not knowing that you don't have to) gary let the cop into the house. the came in the bedroom and started questioning us about the dude none of us had ever heard of. then he asked if there was anyone in there over 21 and who bought the minors beer (gary's parents bought it for him). so jess, me, and the new guy gave him our IDs and stated that we didn't know who bought the beer. the cop gave me back my ID but kept the other two. then he took jess outside and was talking to her. when he came back in, he started bugging the new dude about all sorts of things. because the man he was looking for was black and this guy was black. we were all sitting in the bedroom and i kept saying, "dude, you all better speak up about where this alcohol came from because you know damn well it wasn't here when you got here. i'm not going to jail for your asses. " so finally gary fessed up so the cop called his parents and asked them if they drank Newcastle brown ale. they said no so he asked them to come pick gary up. then he was giving gary shit for taking the rap for us (mutha fucker, gary was the one who brought it). so gary and the cop went to wait by his car for gary's parents. we were all a little freaked out by this point. i'm glad he didn't look into it any further once gary fessed up. cause i've got Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor on my record and jess has drug charges. that's what they were looking for. we could have gone to jail and the rest of them set free. i was not about to let that happen!

but it's all over now. the cop left when gary's parent's picked him up and then jess and i went to my house to have a change of scenery. the bottom line is, there will be NO MINORS in that apartment drinking ANYMORE. even my sister. i can't run the risk of this happening again because i don't want them to think the apartment is doing all sorts of illegal things. and be constantly watching us. i don't need that kind of shit anymore. i've come so far from those days. i made a pact with myself that years ago was the ONLY time i'm ever going to jail. i don't need to be in the system EVER again. it just sucks. and i'm doing so well now. ugh. i don't even want to think about it.

so everything is good thus far. we'll see tonight if they come back looking for more people. i hope not

10:18am: what a day...what a damn day


yesterday was crazy like woah. i'm working at artspace all week and yesterday Meals on Wheels rented the building for an afterhours fundraiser. they started setting up at noon and didn't stop bugging me with useless questions until i left at 6PM. every time they would come ask me a question and i would have to calBeth, she would tell me that she already told them three times. why did they keep coming up to me when they already knew the answer? i didn't get a chance to do anything because i was running around all day helping them. then they blew out several different fuses. the lights in the ed room, the track lights in gallery 1, and a whole socket in the ed room. it was nuts and we still aren't able to fix the lights in gallery 1. the whole room has a dark side. but oh well, at least i finished up cleaning their mess and setting up the gift shop all over again. now i get to sit here in the sun and i can't even see the computer screen very well. i hope the back of my neck is getting tan and not red.

in other news, well...i can't really think of other new right now. grrrrr....more later

5:03pm: Stolen from LINDO!!!


Firsts

First job: DayCare assistant for YWCA
First screen name: iluvspty (yes...spice girls)
First funeral: my grandfather when i was 11
First pet: Hampstamp (hamster)
First piercing/tattoo: ears pierced when i was 16, tattoo when i was 21
First credit card: does a check card count?
First kiss: Aaron, my 6th grade boyfriend
First love: Jessica the high and mighty bitch
First enemy: that girl in elementary school who used to beat me up
First musician: lol...mariah carey...(sick i know)

Lasts

Last car ride: just now when i moved my car
Last kiss: this morning when i dropped jess off
Last library book checked out: When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodrom
Last movie watched: Resivoir Dogs
Last beverage drank: always water
Last food consumed: cous cous with corn and peas
Last phone call: some girl wanted to know if we had job openings
Last time showered: this morning
Last CD played: The Breeders - the one with cannonball on it
Last website visited: Livejournal...duh

Now

Single or Taken: ENGAGED
Sex: i'm a dude, everyone knows that
Birthday: Dec. 3
Sign: Sag
Siblings: 1 sister, Dana
Hair color: brown with some blond in it
Eye color: Blue-Grey.
Shoe size: 6.5
Height: 5'4"
Right now what are you...
Wearing: jeans, binder, socks, sweatshirt, hat, t-shirt, shoes, boxers, watch, ring, necklace
Drinking: nothing.
Thinking about: getting the hell outta here before the event goes off
Listening to: the meals on wheels people clanking dishes

11:03am:

11:14am: Random pics and such


here are some random pics from the protest downtown yesterday. the nazis and kkk were demonstrating and there was a huge anti protest. i got there before the nazis did unfortunately and then my lunch break was over so i had to leave. but i got some interesting pics none the less.

( Protest Pics )