1. I'm a real sucker for lists turned into shows, like "The 100 Greatest Metal Moments" and "The 50 worst songs of all time" on VH1.
2. Apparently the worst song ever was Jefferson Starship's "We built this city (on rock and roll). I mean, it was numero uno. As in Achey Breaky Heart by the Billy Ray Cyrus character ranked higher than We Built this City. Please excuse me while I completely disagree.
3. And thanks to either odiedragon or lathari, everytime I hear said song, I hear, "We built this city on ale and whores" instead of the correct lyrics. Thanks a lot, guys.

Current Mood: bored

...but since I specialize in dumb, I thought hey, what the hell.

TYPE YOUR USERNAME WITH YOUR...

nose: justjay
*note* my nose is rather pudgy, but I didn't do this one so badly. I discovered that my keyboard smells like rootbeer. I don't know why.

elbow: ujikui8d6juikaszyh7
*note* oh come on, this one isn't fair. My elbow isn't pointy, it's rounded like the rest of me. I also have no technique, if there in fact is some kind of technique to typing with your elbows. No, I'm not going to Google for that. This is the internet, people. Someone's gotta have an online tutorial for elbow-typers anonymous. WHAT WOULD THE ELBOW TYPERS OF THE WORLD DO WITHOUT A LEADER?! It'd be like post-WWI Germany. Indeed.

tongue: justjay
*note* *waggles her eyebrows* and there's more where THAT came from. I can also operate the touchpad of my laptop with my tonuge. I discovered that during Ethics, I think.

chin: njhmuhjysdxtg65jnhumazYH7U
*note* Refer to elbow-typing line. Note the similarities. I am however particularly proud of the fact that I managed to nail the CapsLock. I'm just one step from AOLamer, ladies and gentlemen.

feet: justjay
*note* No one said holding a pencil between your toes wasn't allowed. Allow yourself flexibility with the utter lack of specificity here, folks. (Why yes, I *DO* want to be a lawyer one day. Why do you ask?)

eyes closed and one finger: juastjsayu
*note* Let the record show that I have one of those "natural" split keyboards.

back of your hand: jujsrtjasyu
*note* I used my fist. Sue me.

palm: juh7sat6kjaQYU7HJ
*note* Score two for the CapsLock.

mouse: justjay | justjy
*note* The first was with my trackball explorer, the second with my serial 3-button logitech. Materials count.

wrist: judst56jsay
*note* I used my fist again. If you can in fact type with your wrist, you're either broken or lying.

Current Mood: amused

Your freakishness is alluring. People stop and
wonder if it's cultivated or comes naturally.
People also stop and stare. Some take pictures.
Some keep their children away from you.


Smythe Reisner Abnormality Index (aka Freak Quiz!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: chipper

Now stop it right there.
This is about guitars, not THAT.

For being, you know, like 6'4" I have really small hands. For my size, I mean. For anyone else's size, they'd be fine. Unless you were taller than me, then we'd hit the same problem.
Nod like you got that. Goooood.

(I also have really small ears, for the size of my head. Like, from the highest point of my skull, to my chin, is about 10 inches. My ears, from the highest point to the bottom of the lobe? 2.25 inches. Yeah. See? Small ears.)

We continue:
I swear to god I must be the only guitar player ever who can't manage to finger any of the B chords. Especially not Bm. Or B7.

Damn damn damn.

And of course, all the songs I want to play have bloody Bm in them.
It would work out that way, wouldn't it.

Current Mood: frustrated

And once again, our heroine (that would be me) answers another one of Life's Burning Questions:
If you're already, you know, dark-skinned, how much darker can you get if you apply tanning foam?

The Answer:
You don't get dark. You Get Orange

...oops.

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathtub with a loofah and a sugar scrub.

*does that little 'raise the roof' celestial benchpress-looking arm thing*

My GPA for this semestre, you ask?
3.77.

I repeat:
WHO ROCKS THE HOUSE? JAY ROCKS THE HOUSE.

Current Mood: ecstatic

A poem I found; it involves God, signs/omens, and chickens. You should read it.
Not only is it funny, it also has a *point*

( Celestial Favor, by Ethel Pochocki )

Current Mood: silly

Because gaymafiakingpin's post made me curious...

Poll #301353 Multilinguality, and politeness.
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Question. Two bilingual people and one uni-lingual person are involved in a conversation. The two bilingual people start talking to each other in a language that the third person does not speak or understand. Rude or not?

If "Depends" or "Eh," explain?

If you could magically add one language to your repertoire, what would it be?

Current Mood: blah

You are Woodstock!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: hyper

When I die, I hope I either Spontaneously Combust, (which is just exciting) or die in a Funny Way.
I'm totally hoping for Funny Way.

I can just hear it now, one of my friends talking to the police, a la Law & Order...

"I saw the whole thing. She put her money into the snack machine, and her Twix didn't fall. It was stuck.
And then she started shoulder-butting the machine, and I told her not to! There are warning labels all over the machine, telling people NOT to rock it.
But you know Jay, she never fucking follows instructions or warnings on stuff. She was so strong-willed.
And I yelled "JAY, JUST LET THE TWIX GO. LET IT GO, MAN, IT'S NOT WORTH IT!"
And just as she rocked it one last time, and just as the Twix was about to drop, she lost her grip on the machine and it tipped forward and SMUSHED HER TO DEATH."

*dissolves into laughter*

Current Mood: amused

Poll #300162 Themesong.
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

If you had to pick a few tracks for either your own personal themesong, or tracks on the soundtrack of your life, what would they be? And I mean, either emotionally resonant, reflecting your life and experiences, or just a song for your Grand Entrance.

Current Mood: mellow

1. I want to be in this woman's brain. Troy in Fifteen Minutes
2. Today was Cooking Day. I made Poulet a Quarante Gousses d'ail, or Chicken with 40 Cloves of Garlic. And let me tell you, it was 40 cloves delicious. If you want the recipe, I'll email it to ya. Just lemmeknow. I used some brut champagne in the place of vermouth/dry white wine in the sauce, and it turned out *amazing*
3. Tomorrow is gardening day. Going to plant some sunflowers etc.
4. And now, it's Sims time.

Current Mood: relaxed

Saxy Jaye!

(Far, far too much champagne. I was cooking with it. Which, as you know, means a cup for the sauce, the rest of the bottle for me and mum)

Current Mood: ditzy

Aw yeah, totally me.

Current Mood: ecstatic

Monday @ 11:35 am my broadband cut out, as did my cable tv service. Spent a few hours in complete disbelief, and proceeded straight on through to lost, irritated, irate, bored, and mischevious.
So now, gentle reader, I will recant to you (in no specific order) what I did, and discovered between 11:35am and 2:30pm today.

1. Played guitar on my roof. Part of my roof is flat. So I got a ladder, slid the guitars up there (classical acoustic, standard rock acoustic), and shimmied on up after them. Sat down. Played. Stopped after Unfriendly Neighbor Man started up his chainsaw and looked at me. I maintain that it's just because he's a cranky old codger, not because I'm a bad guitar player. I tried to laugh off the chainsaw bit by telling him I took requests. He sawed off part of a tree. I left.

2. Went to the mall. Remebered that I used to hang out at the mall a lot before I became a nerdtastic netjunkie. Nothing interesting except for two rival pubescant junior high gangs trying to start shit in the food court. The guys, in their new tweeter/woofer cracking voices just yelled at each other, while their respective eyelined and lipsticked teenybopper latina girlfriends attacked. I took pictures. They didn't find it as funny as I did.

3. Took a nice 2 mile walk around Lake Elizabeth. Chased geese. Geese are still faster. Went to the playground and had little children laugh at me while I navigated the cargo nets and monkeybars.
Had their guardians sneer at me as if I was a paedophile; like I'd been hanging out in front of an elementary school with a van, a kitten, and a pocket full of candy.
Wandered over to the swings, pumped my legs until I was really high up, and jumped off. Just like I used to do in school.
Caused many other children to try the same, explained to them that the higher up they are, the *less* likely they are to hurt themselves on landing. As sandboxes are soft, and if you jump too low you don't have enough time to tell your feet where to be, and may get clocked in the back of the head by the swing.
Brought happiness and light to the Little Sandbox Dwellers, and panic attacks to their parent-things.
Felt very good about myself.

4. Discovered that my TV was recieving exactly one channel. Telemundo.
Became too emotionally invested in Spanish soap operas, like Angel Rebelde, and Mujeres something something. Actually did not answer the phone when it rang because the plot thickened.

5. Wandered around Target at the mall, saw a sno-cone ice shaver thing for 10 bucks. Got far too excited about it. Returned home with cleaning products. Cleaned EVERYTHING.

6. Watched the Girls Gone Wild : Dorm Room Fantasies softcore DVD I never returned to evilgoddude last summer. Good times, good times.

7. Hung upside down off the side of my bed for half an hour, staring intently at the fig tree in the backyard, as have not seen it from that angle yet. Tried to slide off it into a handstand, but ended up wedged between my window and the side of my bed. That Hurt.

8. Read a bit from Kevin Mitnick's book "The Art of Deception." Discovered that my manipulation skills already employ a lot of tactics from what is called "social engineering."

9. Applied aforementioned skills to Comcast Phonemonkey, when I called to complain, and he said he couldn't answer my questions because my name isn't the name on the bill. Told him that my father's name is on the bill, and he's dead, so I don't think he'll be calling to complain anytime soon, as graves do not have phones nor broadband access. Got awkward silence, stuttering employee, and was transferred to a guy named Richard who didn't solve anything either. He did however file a work order, and I was told that someone would come between 12 and 4 the next day.

10. Affirmed that I can still peel a banana with my toes while doing a headstand. Did headstand in a more open area, as had learned from earlier debacle involving window and bed.

I'm back. Love me.

Current Mood: energetic

Love me.
Poll #297720 New Hotness
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

I need new music. So, you get to tell me which bands/artists/groups are your New Hotness. Those who know me, know how ecclectic my tastes are. So, shoot.

The 'pure unadulterated shit' quotient of today's new music is absurdly high compared to that of decades past.

Current Mood: relaxed

1. The tattoo is courtesy of midnightfae, which is so wickedawesome of her. How cool is that, ladies and gentlemen. Friends Buy Friends Body Modifications. *laughs*
2. I don't understand that one Orbitz commercial where the albino-looking cubicalmonkey plays hide and go seek with a Sea Lion. It's really REALLY weird.
3. Does anyone else remember that one drink from the mid 90s, vaguely lavalamp shaped bottle, and the beverage inside had those weird squishy pink-coloured ball-bearing shaped things in it?
4. I vote they bring back Crystal Pepsi.
5. o/` I like pleasure spiked with pain, and music is my aeroplane. It's My Ae-Ro-Plane.
6. ROCK ROCK ON.

That will be all.

Current Mood: excited

Ganked from the lovely temptress lonnerz ;)

Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

Current Mood: flirty

And once again, my grandmother is berating me for not liking anchovies.
Folks, I don't like fish. PERIOD.
I haven't ever liked fish, for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, and they'd feed me fish, I'd smother it in ketchup so I *wouldn't have to taste it*
All that in mind, it stands to reason that I would probably also not like.... small, salty, smelly looking fish.
That would be the logical conclusion.
So I tell grandma this, and she screeches "EET EES NOT LIKE ZHEE OZER FEESH. EET DOES NOT TASTE LIKE ZEE OZER FEESH."
(@#*&$@(#*$

Meanwhile, in other news, at this point in my life I feel I can safely come to the conclusion that I will never be a ballerina.

Current Mood: mischievous

1. On Friday, mom found a lizard in the house. When she screamed, it scurried behind the ginormous china cabinet that's flush to the wall. Today, I had to take all the knicknacks and plates and fancy glasses and all that happy bullshit off the cabinet, and tilt it forward. Because mom needed affirmation that the lizard was gone.
2. It wasn't.
3. It was hiding under a lip of carpet that wasn't fully tacked down, in the corner of the room. It was, by my reptile standards, pretty big. And moved fucking fast. So I called evilgoddude, and he came over and caught it.
4. Mom's favourite drink is still a gin and tonic (heavy on the gin) on the rocks, with a twist of lime.
5. I have to say, it's quickly becoming mine, too.
6. I have one right now.
7. I feel like I used to be braver when I was a kid. I suppose "growing up" sometimes exposes the foolhardyness of schoolyard bravado. I'm kinda embarassed I had to call evilgoddude to take care of the lizard for us. I really was too afraid to get near it. That annoys me a lot.
8. But I still poke things with sticks; I don't think that will ever change. I poked the refugee lizard with a coathanger.
9. If you watch TV/TV commercials, you start thinking that maybe you *do* have all those problems that match up with the remedies they're trying to sell on you.
10. Apparently a lot of women have moisture/skin firmness problems.
11. Hey, I'll be happy when my hormones decide to turn down the oilslick quotient of my face.
12. Today, I went running full-tilt through the grocery store, just to see what would happen.
13. Nothing happened.
14. Third Eye Blind has been my favourite band since Sophomore year of high school.
15. It's been a long time since I've done something completely crazy.
16. It's funny how I don't necessarily like confrontation and friction, but I feed off conflict like it was ambrosia. It gives me energy.
17. Don't watch the Food Network when you're cooking. It'll make you think you have skills you don't really have. Oh. and tossing knives around like they do on TV doesn't work if you lack basic fine-motor skills. And I should also stop shouting "BAM!!" when I add pepper to something.
18. Someday soon, I'm going to go to the beach by myself. And lay there and read.
19. Recently, I've thought a lot about becoming a chef.
20. Teetering on the edge of an impending sneeze is one of the most uncomfortable sensations I've ever experienced.
21. I've never had an urge to learn how to play golf.
22. Don't tell people that it itches inside your head, if they don't understand that your sinuses play tricks on you sometimes. They'll look at you strangely.

Current Mood: calm

Alright, I purchased The Sims : Deluxe Edition.
When I try to play it, the sound is WRETCHED. It sounds akin to a badly-ripped low bitrate mp3.
For the record, I have an Audigy 2zs (Gamer edition), and Creative 7.1 speakers.

I've updated DirectX as well as the Audigy drivers, and that didn't work.
Did anyone else have this problem? How do I fix it?

*EDIT*
After reading a bit more of the documentation for the sims/audigy, it seems there's something up with the DirectSound drivers? I don't understand how to update those, though. The Sims guide says "If your sound card driver does not have DirectSound support, you may experience choppy or stuttering sound...." so I'm guessing that's the problem. But, as stated above, I don't know how to update those. I'm pretty sure the Audigy supports DirectSound; it's one of the specs.
Thwarted, man.

Current Mood: blah

why. am. i. still. awake.
Poll #292759 insomniac.
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

If you had to narrow your 5 senses down to 4, which would you drop?

If you could add a superhuman power/enhancement, what would it be?

Other?

When faced with the decision between Flight and Invisibility, which would you choose?

Explain yourself, citizen. (Why one, and not the other?)

Current Mood: bored

1. An electric guitar
2. A new laptop, because once you run it over with your car, it's all downhill from there.
3. The people on Telemundo and the other spanish-language channels to stop dancing and looking happy ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
4. Another shot at my Comparitive Politics final.
5. A Law & Order: SI marathon.
6. Another betta like Lefty, but red and black.
7. A club sandwich.

Now, is that so difficult?!

Current Mood: hungry

It's been awhile since I've inflicted a poll on you fine folks. This cannot continue.
Poll #290797 I bet YOU'D like to know.
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Complete these lyrics. "You've been the hole in my sky, my ... "

"Feeling like a freak on a ..."

"With a little help from ... "

Word Association : Lentils

Word Association : Brood War

If you give a mouse a cookie...

Current Mood: calm