Allah Is In The House

Peace be upon MSNBC reporter Tom Curry, whose recap of Bill Clinton's remarks at the DNC dinner on Thursday night proves he's mastered the art of one-handed typing. Allahu Akbar!

Here's Clinton talking about Republicans. Paradise shakes from the force of the irony!

"They love power. They know how to get it and they know how to keep it," Clinton said . . . .

The creator of worlds is not ashamed to tell you that he nearly shit himself when he read that. Still, it is the following juxtaposition that has Allah feeling more than a little funny in the pants this lovely spring evening.

"If people think in this election, if they think about the choices that have been made and the vision John Kerry offers, we win. Therefore they (the Republicans) have to get people to stop thinking and they're real good at that. We already see what they do. They've got to turn John Kerry from a three-dimensional human being to two-dimensional cartoon. It’s what they know to do." . . . [Clinton added] at another point, "They've always got white shirts and ties. They're the 'mature party,' they're the 'Daddy party.' They remind me of teenagers that got their inheritance too soon and couldn't wait to blow it."

Peace be upon you, three-dimensional thinker!

P.S. Thanks for the freebie, fuckface!

Allahu Akbar.

One thing about the virgins that Allah hasn't mentioned before: In order to get to them, you have to take public transportation.

Allahu Akbar.

Writing from Egypt, Allah reader "Ahmed" comments on the Arafat/Yassin "Eternity" ad:

Boy you are disgusting, I never wanted to believe your disrespect could get to this point. You do deserve everything that happens and will happen to you. But I guess this kind of behaviour is in your blood. It doesn't bother you that history will always remember you as the vultures of mankind, stealing land that doesn't belong to you, killing its original owners claiming it's your land. I bet yall baboons got an erection when you killed that poor old paralysed man on his wheelchair, didn't you?
And to the shithead thats running this site, put it down kid, you won't like it if a similar one was made about YOUR people. This is a game that can be played by two. And believe me, yall have a lot more to lose than we do.

In fact, there already are similar sites about "my people" and I like 'em just fine. But oh well. Peace be upon you, Ahmed!

P.S. I forgot to wish Ahmed a happy 25th anniversary. Mazel tov!

Allahu Akbar.

Via Kathy Kinsley, Allah sees that the Muslim Michael Jackson has his own website now. Go and hear him speak--and speak and speak and speak--about a wonderful, unimaginably glorious place known as . . . "Isratine".

1) Return of Palestinian refugees and displaced persons to their homes.
2) A single state — Lebanon is an example.
3) Free elections under UN supervision on the first and second occasion.
4) Removal of Weapons of Mass Destruction from the new state and, if any, from the Middle East.

Allah likes where this is going. You trust Qaddafi, don't you, you unfortunate people?

The Jews are an unfortunate people. They have suffered greatly at the hands of governments, leaders and other peoples since ancient times. Why? Because this is the will of God, just as the Quran makes clear in the accounts of Egypt’s Pharaoh, and as their treatment at the hands of the rulers from Babylon, Roman emperors, from Titus to Hadrian, and the kings of England, such as Edward I, illustrates.

So too, if civil war were to break out within the State of Isratine and the Arab population were to . . . but Allah is getting ahead of himself. For now, let us celebrate the fact that Qaddafi has ended the conflict. "Isratine: A final solution for the Middle East."

Allahu Akbar.

"This one's for Saddam!"

UPDATE: Hard as it is to believe, this isn't a Photoshop. Click the image.

Tremble before Allah

Israeli border policemen patrol the beach in Tel Aviv March 25, 2004. Israel stayed on high alert following the recent assassination of Hamas' founder and spiritual leader Ahmed Yassin. REUTERS/ Nir Elias