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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Bluehazel's LiveJournal:
| Monday, April 26th, 2004 | |
| 9:16 pm | kidnapped It amazes me how life can be so different here. My social world is so seperate from the academic at this university - there is no one in my classes that i socialize with, no mutual stressing over papers and exam times, no hands raised in class. I'm even starting to slip out of my "can't sit still, must be doing something of significance" mindset. I started doing better in my econ class when i stopped reading the text. I'm unofficially dating an ex-drug dealer. I'm still singing, i'm still dancing, i'm still watching the colors in my life turn brighter and duller between days and experiences and seasons - but it's all with a different bed to sleep in, isn't it. So much more becomes apparent when there exists an "other". |
| Tuesday, March 30th, 2004 | |
| 3:48 pm | two weekends later Feeling a bit better about myself, I must say. Funny how emotions work... Spent two weekends back doing crucial amounts of work and going out on saturday night only to return around noon on sunday (teehee). Oddly, it was really a big part of what I just needed to find myself a bit. And no, i didn't do *that* - but i had a nice time. *wink wink* This past weekend my parents visited and it was great. They spoiled me right out, really - bought a stock pot for my flat, mom even cooked us all dinner, and then we went up to Tianu and Queensland for the weekend. We took a night cruise to a tour through underground caves full of glow worms, explored the Doubtful Sound (which had views and waterfalls more amazing than I'd ever seen before), and rode a jet boat at 80k down the Dart river monday morning. Great food, great company - and thismorning they went on their way, and I will miss them but see them soon enough in July. The sound of a waterfall always makes me think of Jayne. I really wish I could travel here with her. Perhaps someday. |
| Friday, March 19th, 2004 | |
| 5:30 pm | the complications of kneeling And now for some actual personal reflection... So I have some issues. We all have issues. Everyone here seems to be in shape - and i mean like, run-seven-miles-every-morning in shape. I think i saw a public health ad "warningly" stating that 3% of New Zealanders are overweight. Ha! There's a statistic that's grandly overshadowed by the states. To add, i don't think even a fraction of one of those percentages goes to school here - and it's making me feel a bit self conscious. And when I sat down and contemplated it all, even talked about it with my flat mate, I came to the conclusion that it really helps me to feel good about myself when there's someone in my life to tell me that i'm attractive. Like a guy, preferably, maybe one i'm in a relationship with? Which, of course, hasn't been around for...geez, a year and 3 months now. I know, that sounds pretty obvious - but for me it's even a little dissapointing in the sense that i shouldn't need that, right? It's all part of that horrid cycle where i gain some weight when i'm depressed, and then get more upset with myself because i've gained. Granted, when it all comes down to it, i'd never trade my curvy size 12/14 for an anorexic skeleton. I just...grrrr. I'm lonely, eh? I try not to let it get to me...but sometimes it just does. |
| Thursday, March 18th, 2004 | |
| 2:56 pm | *crack* I was dreaming quite vividly thismorning. I was a young girl and on a trail deep in the woods with a group of about 6 other people - none of which i could relate to someone i know in real life. I walked over a hill and a wolf walked right out in front of me, followed by two goats who trotted off into the woods. The wolf stood there and stared at me intensely and i felt a moment of fear in sharing him with the others, but it was too late. A large bloke from the group came up from behind me and grabbed the wolf up into his arms. I screamed and came at him from the other side, telling him to let go and not hurt it. As i stared directly at the front side of the wolf, his eyes on mine as i struggled to get him free, the man snapped the wolf's back and neck and it died right in front of me. I was devastated. Next thing i know I'm walking through the woods as a young woman, although my hair's much longer than it is now. A little boy comes up to me on the tracks and bears his teeth, growling like a wolf and laughing. I say to him "You know the legend of the wolf in these woods? I'm the little girl in that legend." - and he gives me a strange look and wanders off. That's when the phone rang and woke me up. It was my parents who arrived safely to NZ. They're coming to visit Dunedin *next* weekend however. They had sent me the wrong dates! Oh well, I'll try to catch up on work this weekend instead... Right. Then my watch broke when i went to put it on, I had an amazing lecture for my 10am class, and fudged up my econ exam quite a bit. I didn't have a calculator - quite honestly, i wasn't even sure they were allowed, let alone not knowing that we needed one for the exam. Gruf. It was multiple choice, so I took some educated guesses - but it would have been nice to be sure, ya know? I'm slightly perturbed. I'm going to a play tonight though - "Once We Were Warriors". It's based on a very popular book/movie here in new zealand about modern Maori culture. Should be very interesting. |
| Monday, March 15th, 2004 | |
| 6:22 pm | *baaa* Well, the tramp ended up being a bit of a physical challenge for me but it was worth it. The views were absolutely amazing. Just this past weekend I took it a little easier and went to stay on a farm. We do the "farm stay" through my study abroad program, Butler. Essentially, we're broken up into small groups and sent out to the country side to bunk up on a farm for the weekend. The farm I stayed on was owned by Russel and Ann - it was a sheep and cattle farm with 2,000 acres. Their home was absolutely gorgeous and the food was amazing! I did discover I'm not a big fan of mutton (sp?) but all of the vegetables were fresh, the bread was just baked every morning, and the sweets...my goodness, home made ice cream, fresh fruit, lemon cheesecake...tea time was to die for. Best of all, Ann and Russel were so happy to have an open home. They've proclaimed themselves a sort of host family for all six of us in my group and invited us back any time. Farmers in this country seem to have such a different lifestyle than farmers in the states. Agriculture is such a big part of the economy here, and farms have grown over generations, being passed down and accumulating wealth. Ann and Russel were surprisingly well off, with three beautiful homes in different parts of the country, valuable livestock, and amazing gardens. They didn't act snooty at all however - just kind and open to visitors, always giving and gracious. They even took me to church on Sunday morning with another one of the girls where I met some other older couples from Dunedin - one who invited me and my friend to lunch and another who offered to teach us how to cook scones! Now it's back to classes for the week (and an a capella audition tonight!!!). Mom and Dad come on Wednesday though and will stay through to monday so i'm VERY excited about that! |
| Friday, March 5th, 2004 | |
| 1:49 pm | kia ora Yes, it seems for a bit there that I fell off the edge of the earth. New Zealand's been an adventure so far. The weather's a little crazy (three seasons in one day sort of thing). My program's orientation started in a park outside of Auckland called Shakespear. I hiked, swam in the ocean, kayaked, and met some fun people in the program. We headed down to Dunedin the day after registration ended for classes. None of us really new wtf Butler was thinking when they planned this time of arrival. It was a pain in the ass getting things sorted out and I just got my student ID card yesterday - on the 4th day of classes. Speaking of classes, I'm taking two 300 level econ courses (Industrial Innovation and Labour Economics) and one 200 level course for sociology, a gender class on Masculinities. The lecturer for the gender course is great and the material looks really interesting. I'm hoping to focus one of my papers on guys&gaming.; The industrial innovation course only has a midterm and a final, and the midterm even has plussage. The labour course, however, is probably going to kick my ass a few times over. I'll just have to teach myself calc(wee). Oh well, all i have to do is pass it, eh? My flatmates are great - we're kind of like a family already. There's Caroline from Sweden, Jonathan from Michigan (who makes a mean stir fry), Michele from Italy, and the lone Kiwi Julie. I've gone out with Julie several times and met a bunch of her friends - attended a 12-6am rave with them one saturday night, went to a few pubs, and learned the drinking game "pyramid." This weekend I'm packing to go to Paradise (near Queenstown) with the tramping club. I'm not as in shape as i used to be so i'm a little nervous about the whole deal but hopefully i'll keep up with the bunch. It should make for some beautiful scenery none the less and hopefully a fun time. It's good to get out and see the country now before the weather gets too nasty. My apologies to all about not sending out a mass e-mail yet. I'm having a hell of a time getting my lap top on the network here and there's no internet in my flat. It'll come soon - with pictures, i promise! |
| Thursday, February 19th, 2004 | |
| 12:17 am | still dry I can't sleep. I have a savage beast of a butterfly ravaging my tummy. Let's see...packing checklist... toiletries, clothing, bathing suit, alarm clock, laptop, books for the plane, tickets, passport, sleeping bag, insurance papers, prescriptions, journal, postcards for my wall, camera, umbrella, raincoat, hat, gloves, scarf, CDs EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee anything else? uhh hummana hummana hummana... towel! hair brush, plastic bags whew. here we go. *takes a deep breath* *goes in for the PLUNGE* |
| Wednesday, February 18th, 2004 | |
| 6:10 pm | individualism as a national past time I just watched American Splendor and was quite impressed. It better win that adapted screenplay nomination - although i haven't seen city of god, the technique used for this movie was refreshingly unique (maybe slightly mirrored off of man on the moon, but so much better). In addition, Paul Giamatti was genius. |
| Tuesday, February 17th, 2004 | |
| 12:47 pm | "Whatever satisfies the soul is truth" Walt Whitman So now I'm 22 and, of course, it really doesn't feel any different. I expect everything between 21 and 30 to be of a similar calibur. The weekend was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster but in the end, I'd have to say it was a good ride. It started on thursday night when my friends invited me out for dinner and we stopped at Amanda's house to pick her up and, what do ya know, they had a surprise party for me there. Amanda had baked a heart-shaped cake and balloons were all over the cabin they'd set up. There were great snacks, her father's 12-year-aged hard cider (which tasted a lot like a manhatten up) and a chicken fajita dinner. I felt so loved. :} I really am incredibly blessed when it comes to this sort of stuff. My surprise last year from all of my friends was a comically memorable stripper, and the year before that a party was thrown for me as well. Beautius! Friday I planned a dinner because I wanted to cook for everyone. I figured it would be good practice and i...well, i don't get many chances to spend the whole day making something. I made alaskan crab and avacado dip for a starter. For the main course i broiled a spiced pork loin with rosemary root vegetables simmering in the pot - potatos, parsnips, carrots, and scallions - and a white wine, smoked bacon and currant sauce poured over top. I served this with a salad of red bib lettuce, topped with suateed pears and sprinkled with toasted pecans and goat cheese then drizzled with a cranberry ginger balsamic vinigrette. For dessert I baked a strawberry rhubarb pie and plated it up still warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. The meal was a hell of a lot more work than i had expected but it all turned out quite well - besides the fact that Sam got sick, Tim, Raf and Amanda had to work, and chris didn't show, leaving just Mark, Stu, and I to eat it. My gram joined the table to fill some empty space. There were just a lot of leftovers. Sam came up later with Raf and we all played trivial persuit which was really fun. Saturday, my birthday, I worked - breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I scalded my hand and arm with hot water from the tea maker and nearly lost my favorite rings in a barrel of garbage that i had to search through by hand. I had to wear the ugliest most uncomfortable black dress to work dinner after being told we'd be uniformed in our tux shirts which i spent all morning ironing. I wasn't all too happy to go home and change. I didn't really have time to eat all day and my hand was killing me every time i had to pull a dish from the heat lamp. Needless to say, i was happy when it was all over. Sunday I worked again, but it was a nice banquet. For dinner we had a family gathering complete with champagne and birthday cake. It was wonderful - especially since it was all followed up with Sex and the City. I'll miss this place. |
| Sunday, February 15th, 2004 | |
| 11:40 pm | iron jawed angel Perhaps we have just started to rewrite history in a manner that deletes the blinders of euphemisms and stirs up the ghosts of uncelebrated heroes. What a leap it will be to take this notion and saturate the documented world in which we are living. But... Is it possible to tell stories without influencing them with present sentiment? Would they even be worth telling at the time without this? Is it necessary, for the ways of the world, for stories to be truth - or is it more important for them to be inspirations? |
| Sunday, February 8th, 2004 | |
| 3:29 pm | pasturized I used to have this pin on my backpack that stated "no regrets". I went to a special church service today commemorating the 175th anniversary of the presbyterian church where my grandfather preached for 15 years. My great grandfather was in the service of the church as well, along with my great uncle and my dad's brother who's currently a missionary in Central America. My father, however, is about as atheist as they come - but I know the spirit's in his blood, in its own way. How he treats others, his deep morals. Even if he doesn't believe in God, he certainly believes in the moral lessons of the christian faith. I, as well, believe in the spirit of bringing a community together. I see compassion and kindness as invaluable attributes and I value the traditions my family has grown with - and I have to regard the roots of these traditions as deeply set in my forefathers faith. My semi-rebellious nature (i don't even know what to call it - maybe a specific kind of passion?) leads me to walk my life's path separate from the institution of the church, the rules of a conservative lifestyle, and the practiced belief of a particular higher being. I guess I'm pretty self-centered to think I can figure anything so vast and spiritually complicated out on my own, and sometimes i'm utterly jealous of those with blind faith - real, true, solid FAITH. Anyway, I'll take it one lesson at a time. Today I really started thinking about forgiveness. I have decided that forgiveness is an extremely important part of life. Whereas "no regrets" is a nice notion - forgiveness takes it a step further, because it allows one to recognize that which is "wrong", think about why they see the certain behavior in the light that they do, but still forgive themselves or someone else to a point of no regret - yet with a lesson learned. A step forward - a growth. So... I will forgive my father for coming home last night at 2am, drunk and stoned and having worried me and my mother nearly to tears. Today it's anger. A simmering anger that leads to a talk about it in the morning with me and an argument about it in the afternoon with my mother. But I know, deep down, he doesn't mean to or want to hurt anyone, himself or us. Having no regrets won't do him good, but maybe forgiveness will. But he needs to deal with himself - and I wish i had some magic words that would help him do that. (Don't we all.) |
| Wednesday, February 4th, 2004 | |
| 12:29 pm | chipmunk So I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday and learned the sad fact that IV sedation doesn't really work wonders on me. Now, I've gotten teeth pulled before, and although they just gassed me for that procedure I became perfectly familiar with the whole idea of kind of knowing what's going on but not caring because of a happy little tramp through lala land. I expected the same for the removal of my wisdom teeth from how the doctor described it and i was perfectly calm. They put in the IV, i took deep breaths from the gas mask placed over my face, and let it all take its course. I guess it worked for a few minutes, because I missed the whole process of setting up the procedure, but when my eyes opened to see the shiny silver tool in front of my face, and my ears consciously registered the conversation going on, I knew it wasn't just "in the back of my head". They were on the upper right molar at that point and the sounds and feeling made me moan - so the doctor said "you have to make it work, you have to let it work". (Uh...i was trying? I want it to work more than you, buddy!). I blinked the tears out of my eyes and concentrated on the machine that measured my heart rate and blood pressure and tried to distract myself by noticing that my previous bottom number reading of 70 had gone up near 90. I was just glad to see it all over with. Recovery has been fine. There really isn't much pain and I slept well last night. I look like a chipmunk today but I'm sure that's normal. My cheeks are somewhat chubby to begin with. :) There's stomach pain but that's probably just from the medication. I guess my body just rejects weird chemicals pretty adamantly. In this case, I really wish it wouldn't. Oh well. Cheers to mashed potatos! |
| Thursday, January 29th, 2004 | |
| 4:05 pm | soon to grow from 11 to 13 with New Zealand and Fiji! create your own visited country map or write about it on the open travel guide |
| 1:54 pm | temporary band-aid My mother has told me that I remind her of herself at my age - leading to the point that the reason i have trouble finding a guy is that they're intimidated by me. "It's not that there aren't guys out there who like a strong-willed woman, they're just hard to find." Greeaaat. First of all, it saddens me a bit that whatever i am is considered strong willed. I love to cook, I wear make up when i go out, i'm not even all that confrontational, and i certainly don't blame the world's problems on the imperialistic, patriarchal capitalist system (well, not all of them). So I state my opinions pretty blatently in converstaion. Isn't that...normal? Then I started paying a bit more attention to myself at the recent UN conference in relation to other women around me. Ok, so I supported one of my points with a background of Marxist Feminism and corrected at least one guy on the "all-girl's school" thing (all-WOMAN's school, please). *tinge of guilt* I'm not meaning to be harsh or to come across unapproachable. I just...well, what real man would a want a woman who's a doormat anyway? I guess a lot of them. It makes me think of this lovely couple I served lunch to over the summer. "Oh, so you're a sociology major! That's great! My sister's a sociology major...she never got married, of course. Very colorful woman, very independant. *crooked smile*" Right. Well, by gosh. This is who I've grown to be and I certainly have no regrets. Maybe I can attribute my year-long singleness to the small-town/all-woman's-school environments i live in. Certainly sounds like a decent excuse. |
| Tuesday, January 27th, 2004 | |
| 11:11 am | passing go It's been a busy few weeks here. Two Sundays ago I went to NYC with my buddy Mark and we saw Rent on Broadway, ate at a cute little french bistro, went to the Met all day monday, scarfed up cuban sandwiches and attended a great comedy show at Caroline's comedy club with a waived cover charge and free drinks (wow, it's great to know someone). After the comedy club we ended the evening at a little piano bar. By wednesday I was driving up to Smith. I stayed the night and left early Thursday for Montreal, Canada, to attend a Model United Nations conference with 7 other delegates from Smith. We represented both Switzerland and Palestine; i specifically represented Switzerland in SOCHUM with the topics of child soldiers, trafficking of women and children, and the implimentation of the summit on social development. Although the conference was really great all together, Montreal was FREEZING and i've decided that General Assembly committees are just too big. It's harder to make friends, get resolutions drafted, or even get up and speak your case. On top of that whatever delegate that was representing Germany totally let me down because he did NOTHING, i even sent Germany notes and got no response. SO frustrating. I ended up semi-breaking character and making a case against the legalization of prostitution through Marxist Feminism. Heh. I just had to leave out part two of the arguement that i would give personally because, well, Switzerland's clearly against the legalization of prostitution and i'm honestly not. Overall, I'm always thankful to walk away from these events being significantly less ignorant of the complexities of world interest. You can't help but to see Isreal behind you raising their name to vote while Palestine, sitting to your right, must shamefully restrain from the entire process. You learn to chuckle at resolutions sponsored by non-regionalized nations or, even more idealistic, pakistan and india or DPRK and Korea. You watch the U.S., although laughed at and repremanded, walk away with the passed resolutions while the struggling developing nations quietly fail over and over again at getting committee consensus. You learn about power. Now I'm back at Smith spending the week saying goodbye to friends, selling books from last semester, hanging out with my cherished meg, molly, and xoria and practicing with the smithereens for two performances this weekend. I'll stay for the superbowl (go pats!) and then vroom on home on monday. Tuesday I get all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. Now THERE's something to look forward to. They better knock me out cold. :) |
| Wednesday, January 14th, 2004 | |
| 7:48 pm | i wish i could touch love because i've never touched it before 7/26/91 vanes are the quietest thing in the world but i wouldn't want to be one because then i wouldn't do anything 3/27/90 light is the fastest thing in the world anyone would want to be this fast because speed is such a power 4/21/92 I was just looking through two old workbooks i filled out when i was little. Really, my views haven't changed too much - give money to the poor, don't pollute (of course i referred to it as "poluteing" and i felt it needed to stop because i didn't want "the world to dissapear"). Oh right, and i wanted to be a "teatcher". I'm glad i keep all of this stuff - brings me back to my senses. Like old photos that you forget you even have. |
| Thursday, January 8th, 2004 | |
| 11:31 pm | behind the soft wrinkles her hands pressed against her cheeks We sat for a long time after dinner tonight, listening to my great uncle ronnie and my grandma spin time-dusted stories over their cups of coffee. My grandmother, the eldest, and Ronnie, the youngest of 8 children - their family worked on a georgia plantation whose owner was brothers with the CEO of coca-cola. "Oh sure, we were poor, but we always had food." They talked of picking cotton and caramel cakes, their momma's strict ways and their father's heart failure...watermelon days on the porch in summer and the demise of the farm. My grandma always dreamed of living up north and so she married appropriately for the task. The drab town of Hawley PA was no spitting image of New York City's classy intrigue, that's for sure - it was quite the opposite. But she moved in with her new husband, a chemistry teacher whose family owned a butcher shop and the apartment building they raised their two daughters in. I can't imagine the change. A cotton farm in georgia during the great depression, struggling through University starting at age 16 ("oh yes, why of course, they only went till 11th grade back then, sugar"), living with relatives and doing chores to make her keep. She worked for sears as a phone operator for sales, then got married and moved to this frigid little valley. After raising children she went back to school herself and graduated as an elementary teacher the same year as my own mother. I watch her face move, her brow sulking with age, her eyes still bright with expression, and her lips that seem to frame words in slow motion. It is indescribable - the story that lies behind that woman, the wisdom and warmth. And Ronnie, out of the war, two wives later with a gradnchild on the way he travels every holiday season visiting us all with a car full of more stuff than i own. He wears a polk-a-dot shower cap when he bathes and runs 7 miles a day. Not quite 70, where as my grandmother's past 85. I can only hope that i have a family to sit down with and share such stories once i am at such a rich point in my life. A failing body but a past full of pure gold. There will be so many stories to tell - i've learned to make sure of that. Can i even touch on the feelings that fill my gut at the idea my grandmother - the feelings surrounding the alternative of never having the opportunity to grow up in her house - to kiss her soft, wrinkled cheeks and to smell her fried chicken as i walk into the kitchen. I've learned more from her than i'm sure i will ever realize. There is more to learn in that woman than in the largest library on earth. So beautiful. |
| Monday, January 5th, 2004 | |
| 10:16 pm | ok, next. This day moved in steps. First, I went to work at 7am only to serve two (count 'em TWO) people breakfast. At least i got to read some harry potter and part of a book on new zealand history. Then there was lunch. We got one table but the other server took it since, well, technically i'd already had a table at breakfast. Ha. But hey, I got to go home early! - went to the bank and exchanged a large chunk of money into NZ dollars - delivered my mom's overnight clothes to her - filled gram's car up with gas - mailed out my visa application (it cost $68!!! $%#&^%@!) - went out to dinner with amanda and sam - picked up detergent for gram and bought some lip gloss (teehee) - watched "britney vs christina" on VH1 - don't ask me why, all it led to was me learning that my dad thinks britney's hot...eerrrrgghh Finally, listening to music in my room and running a nice hot bath. mm. Gonna read some more. |
| Wednesday, December 24th, 2003 | |
| 9:20 pm | landscape Here it is. A new year. Part of me is just itching to find out what it has in store, and part of me just wants to slow down and reflect. I think...what was the happiest year so far. My thoughts are drawn back to...when was that? 2001, I believe. Earlier in the year was a little harsh, Argentina took its tole on my views of class, culture, and body image...what difference can feel like. Perhaps out of revolt, I lost 30 pounds. I was actually full of energy - i felt beautiful and in love. I remember one day, putting on a coral colored halter top, running through my woods, stopping to take in the summer air and light through the trees, and running back to the porch feeling - i don't know - bright. I also remember going to the airport to pick up Dave, wearing a slimming dark green top. It took forever to find him, but when i did, the way it felt when he put his arms around my waist, my new waist, it was wonderful. And then he lived with me, and it was different than optimistically anticipated...but we could sneak away during parties, i could fall asleep next to him while he read, and he could take my hand as I stepped through a patch of ice...and I could cry with jealousy when he played pool late with other girls instead of coming upstairs, and as odd as it sounds, it was nice to be there enough to even know. Granted, he also left that year, and there was that long hard time when he cut me off, but I had elizabeth - the most amazing room mate ever. She even massaged my face after a particularly long crying fit on the phone. My first year at college. It was a good year. Now this past year...well, it started off - i don't know. January was just an overwhelmingly extreme mixture of emotions. An amazing trip to California to visit Dave - i got to meet his friends and run off to mexico for an incredible weekend by the ocean with red wine and lobster and him buying me a flower from that little boy at dinner in a way so perfect i couldn't even explain it. And the Lion King, the musical, the best gift ever. Then flying home, leaving all too quickly for smith and suffering some home sickness. I went to canada for a model UN conference and came back to a phonecall of him breaking up with me the day before classes started. I think i went numb, i don't know, i cried a lot and tried to justify how independant i was by throwing myself right into my work. There we go, the start to 2003. The rest was picking up the pieces. Thank god for music. So here we are now: 2004. No kiss at midnight. I worked...i made a lot of money and was told that i look like Loretta Swit (i think it's just the big lips). I have no lack of friends though, that's for sure. I think there's an adventure to look forward to. If any, now is my time for adventures. But my new year's wish - it's peace. It's cliché, i know, but it's just that simple. |
| 12:29 am | rustle Dirty Harry, my fluffy Maine coon cat, has found his christmas present - i can hear the rustle of bags in the other room. He's so clever. Part of me wants to go in there and take it from him, spare him the excitement until christmas morning, but most of me is just amused by seeing him run through the hall with a plastic bag still stuck to his head, desperately trying to rip the fluffy mouse toy free from cardboard display-backing. Other than Harry and his personal crusade, the house is quiet. The christmas tree is decorated to the theme of "Sleigh Ride" with glass icicles, brass jingle bells, gold-beaded garlands, little red flannel mittens, and gingerbread snowflakes and sleighs tied in gold, red, and green ribbon. The dining room is cleared for festive meals, the wrapping paper is piled up on the butler's table, and the porch is chilling massive amounts of food. I spent all day cooking with mom. I made home made marshmellows and cut them out in snowflake shapes to give to the kids on christmas eve. We cooked up two batches of chile-con-queso ( a sublime combination of roasted green chiles, soft mexican melted cheeses, stewed tomatos, garlic, and a thick cream sauce), a swiss chard casserole, roasted winter vegetables, and huge amounts of creamy mashed potatos. Three birds were seasoned for christmas day dinner and about 20 loaves of bread baked with flavorful, crisp crusts and soft, chewy centers. For dessert we poached pears in a port wine, rosemary, and black pepper syrup so that they can be served with candied walnuts and crumbled blue cheese. After putting together little tarts with blood orange custard and a sweet cranberry glaze we made a dark chocolate and pecan torte and a salad of oranges, jicama, mesclun greens, and a blood orange vinigrette. We also toasted almonds with olive oil and sea salt until they were crunchy and buttery. Even beyond all that there was much more made - and thus will be much more to be had come the next few days. My house is like a culinary explosion. All i can do is to keep myself busy. Sometimes if i stop to think about all that warms my heart, i'm still left with a chill. It's like the deep breath in before the plunge |