Domino Effect [9:33 am] Hokay. So. The world has been going round and round for a little while now. Time to re-cap these last few rotations. Last week, I discovered that my mother had, once again, changed my AOL passwords. I haven't used AOL for anything in months now, but it was interfering with me signing onto my well known tricksterpriest SN. Well. That name is no more. It's kaput. After my mother gave me the password that she's 'been using' and it just 'works' cause she most certainly didn't change the password herself. Well. I deleted it. Nope. I'll be forevermore AIM name Juujinkan. So original yes? Totally fresh and clean. I should make a Juuji~san name to go with it. I li~ike Juuji-san. However. During my deleting spree, I also put parental controls on my mother's own AOL screen name. Master name, she does not have. All was good on that count. Friday. I got contacts. They seem to be helping, but the weird thing is that I have to use my reading glasses over them ANY-way. To add that, extra spice, as it were. The doctor didn't want to fudge up my distance vision, so he gave me these instead. Still. It seems sort of pointless. The inside of my eyes don't feel like they're getting as strained, but the contacts give me every bit of the heavy lid, sleepy eyed, headache problem that I had before. We'll see if it's going to be worth it. Contacts. I go in on Friday night to get my pupils dialated. That should be interesting. I'll have to drive home during traffic on that. I'm sure I can squint or something. Saturday was a long, long day. My previous post implied that morning. While I was getting ready to go to the reptile show. That was nice to wake up to at 8 A.M. But I packed up my computer and woke Anthony up and headed over to his apartment to go to the reptile show at the Jax fair grounds. Unexpectedly, anifirebird was also there already and joining in the festivities for the day. It's always ~such~joy~ to be the three to a two. I need to teach my cat to walk on a leash so I can take him places too. Then it could be doubles! That would be great. ;-; The reptile show was actually quite awesome. I bought a 50 gallon long for Draco for like 80 bucks. Of course, when I took my ticket to the semi out back, they accidentally gave me a 75 gallon long, lid and all. So~ He's going to be one damn happy lizard. He'll have a damn condo all to himself. After I got back, I made bitemenavy go with me to PetSmart to return the tank I had bought from them. It was more expensive. ~~ And then I decided that it was time to get jigging on that house so that I could just move into it since I wasn't wanted around at 'home' anyway. Lots of sugar to shinigumi, her gimp lung-ed man and bitemenavy for being super help that day. Much cleaning was done, and bitemenavy helped me move some furniture from my mom's house. Who was finally asking questions about the parental controls, and still denying that she changed the passwords to my screen names at all. She just happened to try a password that worked on both of my names, even though the one I had used for a year didn't work. Mmhmmm. But I got the bed and my futon chair and dumped them uncerimoniously in Dani-sama's soon to be bedroom. I'm gonna paint my room before moving into it. Sunday involved an early morning move-a-thon. I got nearly all of my stuff in one load. otaru and bitemenavy were moving the stuff with me, and we unloaded quickly, but not quick enough. When we went back for the last of it, Allan was there. In the laundry room, actually. So. That was the sight that greeted me before I even got through the door. 'Well, you're just in time,' he said. For a moment I was unsure if I should be thinking about this sentence in the horror movie butler sort of cryptic way, or if he was just being normal. The nodding of his head, however, told me that this was like an angry black woman about to give me a piece of her mind. And start he did. His voice grew a few octives and he told me that I was not going to treat him like 'my father' and that he wasn't going to just take it and not say anything about it. Anthony had gone back with me in the van, and he told me to tell him to leave. Turn around. There should have been a tumbleweed going by, cause that spot was completely deserted. 'Tell him to come back later. You're going to come back later, right Anthony?' It was half yelling even then. 'yes sir....' I heard, meek and muted from somewhere out in the driveway. I was then ushered in by Allan as he was snorting like a bull getting ready to charge. 'Come on in here. You, me and your sister are going to sit down right now and have a talk.' I wasn't about to sit down though. I don't think I was actually given the chance. As soon as I stepped into the kitchen area, he went off on a large, puffing tangent. I can't rightly remember everything he said actually. Something about not being appreciative of anything, and that I could have stayed as long as I wanted if not for that. And that when I left I'd leave my key and the pass to the gate and blah blah. But he was so puffing mad and leaning forward even if he wasn't close to me, that I almost had to look down to see his face. Suddenly, I remembered that I've never seen anyone get that angry at me and not strike out at me at some point. I didn't move, but I know I was leaning away from his little onslaught. He kept on about how my cats wonder around like they own the place and how I never try to help my sister and show her that I appreciate her and blah blah blah. When he actually started calming down, I realized exactly why people used to wonder at his sexual orientation in high school. That boy should just wear a retro shirt with 'Mind on Sleeve' written on it. He's transparent. And his body language is all over the place. I mean. Hips movin around, head bobbing, hands goin. Wow. It was like he was breakdance yellin. 'I know I make you angry and I know I'm not perfect,' he said just before he really calmed down, 'So go ahead. No more of this silent crap. I know you can talk, and I know you're thinking some nasty things. Go ahead and say them to my face!' I still think I had to have gotten a spittle bath during that first half. 'I'm not angry at you at all,' I answered him evenly, 'and I'm not thinking anything nasty about you either.' And I wasn't. If he wants to be angry, that's his right. If he wants to be insulted, he can go ahead. I respect him more than he thinks I do, but he was just raised differently and doesn't understand it. That, however, was probably his breaking point. He slumped on the counter and shook his head and started half chuckling as the adrenaline rushed out of him. 'Well, you should be! I would be~!' And at the calmer tone of the conversation I could actually get into it a bit more. I can't participate well in totally serious conversation. The only times heated words ever left my mouth when I was growing up, I got a swift back hand straight across it. Or nearly hit with a broom a time or two. And there was that one time I got shoved back into the wall. Nope. I don't have the capacity for arguing. But jokingly jabbing at honest points, I can do. And he finally calmed down enough for that, and my sister started joining in. So. We ganged up on him with logic. Especially once he realized that he had gone completely off his rocker and asked my sister why she hadn't stopped him from being an idiot. 'Oh yeah,' my sister snorted, 'like I could have stopped you. You've been boiling about this for weeks now.' And we started jokingly poking fun at his bad mood swings and habits, and showed exactly how transparent he is. Especially my sister. But she's been married to him for more than a decade. 'How am I supposed to know what makes you angry if you don't say it?' I asked him after he was talking about some of the things I do that irritates him. And my sister pipped in behind him, 'I know what's bothering you, but you've got to remember that I've been married to you for years.' Not to mention that my sister is much much more intuitive than I am, I wanted to add. 'You're right,' Allan said with a good deal of amusement, 'basically. I'm the woman, and you two are the men.' Which is the truth, and he said it himself. 'I expect you to know what's bothering me. And normally it would be the man saying 'how am I supposed to know that?' And he's also nitpicky which was picked at. Because, the things that bother him, don't bother my sister at all. She's laid back and could care less about most of it. And he knows it. 'You two are just alike,' he said eventually while we poked fun at him. 'I thought we were completely different last week,' I inquired with a raised brow. To which he just laughed and basically said we were the men in the house again. My sister even got brave enough to bring up the fact that he's jealous of the relationship that we have. That we'll hole up in corners during lifeboat or the gatherings at the house and what not. And he started to deny it before he realized that it was futile because it's true. 'I feel comfortable around her. And I like the people from church. They're all really nice, but I have to be sort of fake around them, you know?' And Allan was like, 'you don't have to be! There's nothing wrong with you!' And she said there wasn't. But I do the exact same thing, though I can't exactly say where we learned it. Maybe it was mom, and her obsession with appearance. If not the appearance of her house, then at least her perfect facade when people are around. Until you look in her eyes, that is. 'You've got to remember,' my sister told him patiently, 'She knows just as much about me as you do. And it may be different things, but still.' I actually was quite flattered about that. She even admitted that she's 'interested' in the anime stuff I like. And that he thinks it's ridiculous and useless. 'I do not think it's ridiculous!' he sulked like an indignant child. 'Then what do you think it is?' my sister was enjoying teasing him now. 'Well, it's..' he crossed his arms and sat on the back of the couch thoughtfully. 'Uh huh.' And he couldn't help but laugh at that. So pathetic. My sister also told him that the biggest thing that bothers her about him are his mood swings. And we specifically brought up the fact that he can be set off by stuff. That he gets angry when we're not doing anything and he's outside working his buns off. And I told him that he's never asked me to help him. 'And that's another one of my problems, I guess. I wait around for you to offer and never ask.' 'That's partially my fault,' my sister pipped in. 'Everytime she'd ask anything, I'd tell her not to worry about it.' And I put in that I understand that too. Because I don't like being helped with work that I see as my own. And my sister agreed. It's just part of it. Wanting to do it yourself, because you don't think that anyone else should do it but you. At length, I finally brought up the weekend before. That he thought I was insulting his intelligence, but that I had this giant wooden platform hovering above me. Of course I'm going to get a bit cross. And that I had meant that it was a 'better' idea. 'It could have worked!' he was practically whining like a little kid now, but he knew he was wrong. 'At first, I didn't even know what you were talking about until I realized that it could be offensive. You said, 'You know. Sometimes you are just really ugly' and I was like... sometimes? This is it 24/7.' And he cracked up at that, because there's nothing he finds funnier than making fun of yourself. He does it too. 'See. You can just be hilariously funny.' 'Is it really that bad living here?' he finally asked, and I was suddenly aware of the fact that I hadn't seen any but one of their children through the entire ordeal. Hrm. So they have some self preservation after all. And I had thought they were just dense. 'No. I like it here. Truth be told, if Dani didn't need a room mate, I wouldn't be leaving.' And his head tilted slightly, his back went straight, his hands gripped to his knees tighter and his eyes started to water. At that moment, I pointed straight at him, 'Oh, hell no! You stay yourself on that side of the counter, boy!' 'Oh, did you see it comin?' my sister remarked with a shudder, 'Even I didn't see it that quick.' But he still looked like he wanted to hug me. 'Well, then don't go! Don't move!' I wanted to roll my eyes. Not one of my natural responses. See -kidra who has turned it into an instinct. 'I'm five minutes down the road. Geez. I'll be over here all the time ANYWAY, I'm sure.' Though I know I might not be over there ALL the time. Once I'm able to DDR and play video games again, and have Dani-sama to work on comics and stories with, I know I'll get sidetracked. But I still plan on going by everyday to walk with my sister. And I do mean to stick to that. Basically. He finally said that when someone was silent in his house, it meant that they were angry about something. And my sister isn't as quiet around him as she normally is, so he's not used to it. To my response about him saying that we were exactly alike, he had said, 'I guess the difference is that she loves me and you don't.' 'Thank god for that!' And he laughed at that too. After that, he told me to keep my keys and come by whenever I want. And said, 'If things don't work out with Dani. You know that you can always come back and live here.' At which point he started cracking up at my incredulous look and my sister's snort and added, 'if you really want to that is!' Then the conversation turned to 'Poor Anthony' and Allan felt guilty about it and wanted to apologize. But we were laughing anyway, when I recapped the fact that there was nothing but an empty garage behind me when I looked back. Also I told them about earlier that day, when bitemenavy was backing his van up to the house and told Anthony to go on the other side of the van and watch the tree to make sure he didn't hit it. Anthony, so absorbed in watching the tree, didn't noticed that the side door was open. Instead of hitting the tree, it hit something else. From the other side of the van, all I heard was *THUNK~!* 'AHH~~! ASIAN!' At least he knew exactly what the van had hit. Finally, the phone rang and Mandy answered. Allan was dissapointed. He had wanted to mess with them somehow. I found out that Anthony had gone home, told Elbie what had happened, to which Elbie had said, 'and you left her there alone!?' Patheticness insued when Anthony said, 'shouldn't I have?' and they started debating who should call. Anthony wouldn't call because he knew they'd recognize his voice and knew he had been over there. Then Elbie tried to call, which was probably the earlier hang up that had occured. But he realized that they had seen his van, so that wouldn't work. So. The two men called up MANDY and had HER call to make sure that I wasn't walking home by this point. Anthony and Elbie showed up and Anthony sat on the floor with his legs curled to the side which bothers people. I gotta admit. Sitting on tile would hurt even my legs sitting like that. But I was over by my sister while Allan was apologizing and making conversation, so I leaned down, pointed and went, 'see. Japanese school girl!' And she started laughing her ass off, and I told her it wasn't that funny. To which she whispered back, 'not that. I'm just imagining when Allan started out in the garage. I can just see Anthony back there going blue and an outline with no face like in FMA and skittering sideways.' And we started giggling like girls, but my sister added, 'damn right. You wouldn't have even seen that. I would have been stuck to the roof hissing like a cat.' Nope. There are no heros here. Eventually we left and went as a group once Mandy and Brian showed up and picked colors and bought painting stuff. Then went to Cici's pizza and stuffed our faces full of all sorts of things. otaru got a phone call while we were at HomeDepot and said, 'I'll be right back, I gotta go stop by the house. Don't eat without me!' And he wouldn't say WHY he had to go, no matter how many times he was asked. Like it wasn't obvious. 'Asian pushover,' I said, shaking my head as I got into the car. Elbie just laughed. And we were almost done eating by the time he got back. I also got Draco on the way out from my sister's house the second time. And Brian squealed like a girl when he saw him and started going on about the fact that he used to have one and they're awesome and sweet and he wants one again. That was funny. But not much else got done that night. I had to work on Monday, and I was alrady exhausted and sick of cleaning and working and scrubbing and all that. Of course, I didn't get enough sleep Sunday night, so I was tired Monday too. But I did go pay for the water on monday. Though, we had discovered that they hadn't locked the water mechanism down. So yes. We had plenty of water this weekend reguardless. But that also meant that the utilities people didn't have to come by and turn it on. 'It never got turned of,' I said. Like they don't know. And they dont' care either. Elbie had left his duty folder in his van back at the house, but had me check my car too. 'Where are you going?' Allie asked me. This was the third day in a row that it's been overcast and rainy as hell. 'I'm going out to my car to get something.' And Allie offered to go for me. It's hard to tell when he's teasing and when he's being serious though. After a few momenets of going back and forth I just shook my head, 'No. I'm going to have to dig a bit. Elbie said that he thinks he left the duty folder in my car this weekend.' 'Uhh huh. And how did it get there?' My co-workers tease me constantly about Elbie. Because I went with him to that stupid barbeque before I even got hired. They had laid off for a while about it, but that was like a trigger. And they started talking about valentines day and telling me to tell him to commit. Someone said something about him and called him that boy, and then Allie said. 'Boy? Naw. To Liz he's a MAN.' or something like that. I was silent for a moment. 'Aren't you giving him a little too much credit?' I leered. I thought Chris was going to spit coffee on himself. 'Man.' Chris said. 'I have worked with Elbie for years. And I've gotten in some good hits. But never like that. Damn. That was just low.' I adore Chris' sense of humor. He's always slow and calculated to say things, but it's always worth it to wait for that final punch line. He keeps talking about putting flames on his lawnmower. It was pretty low of me though, hrm? Gomen gomen. At last Allie and Chris know better anyway. Didn't keep them from teasing me for the rest of the day though. 'So. What do you think about getting flowers for Valentine's day?' I didn't know if it would be good to give my normal 'dying plant genitals' comment so I just said that plants are better whole than flowers chopped off. 'Man.' Allie loves it. 'Elbie was gonna get you some nice flowers too. Don't go hurting his feelings now. If he gives you something you don't want, just give it back. Don't be like those women who keep it.' At which point they started talking about Jay-lo and Janet Jackson. Elbie wonders why I tune much of their conversations out. Allan finally found out that I got contacts. Even though I had said it right in front of him before. 'You didn't hear it,' my sister teased him more. 'You were stewing by that point.' She also told me online while I was at work that he was horribly and funnily embarassed over the entire thing. 'Why don't you stop me from doing stupid things like that!' He told me when he came home later yesterday that he felt a fool too. 'I should have realized when you walked in the door with us here that you weren't trying to just sneak out and avoid me. I mean. If you had been trying to you wouldnt' have just walked in like that!' He smacked himself in the forehead, still feeling a fool. And I didn't correct him. My friends know better though. I liked that logic though. We had a conversation about contacts and I brought Draco over to the house because I don't want him inhaling fumes when we paint the house. Since we're gonna do the whole thing. Allan finally saw him and commented that it was probably the coolest thing he's ever seen and that he was gonna get a female and we could breed them. Another incredulous look for him. After all that whining he'd done about it, and now he's asking me how hard it is to take care of them. 'Oh, that's too easy!' When I commented that you can walk them outside on a leash he looked like he was about to sparkle and said that he wanted to see that! Of course, I realized that I wouldn't mind breeding the thing and stopped myself there. Don't get me started raising animals. It like. Runs in the family to have too many pets. And I'm about at my limit already and would still try to take more on. No one would come help when Elbie called for us to start painting, and we still need sheets and what not. But I went to meet him at the house as tired as I was. 'Alright. I'm leaving.' I told Allan. He hadn't been gone long, and one of the things he'd whined about was the fact that I seem to dissapear whenever he gets home. Everyone seems to. I silently thought that he needs to keep his moods under control if he doesn't want that. 'And It's not because of YOU!' 'Okay, good~!' he chuckled. He's been in a good mood since that little blow up on Sunday. My sister wonders how long it will last. He lives for arguments and stuff. Weirdo social man. However. Sanding those walls. I've never felt so coated in my life. There's barely any paint on it, so dust was going EVERYWHERE and I knew my decision to take Draco out was a good one. Remind me never to pick up a full 30 gallon long full of rocks and a lizard. My sister told me I was insane when she helped move it in. But yes. My hair was coated grey from the dust, and my skin looked like it glowed since it had like a halo of white on it. Elbie was cracking up, but I was tired and decided that I didn't want to stay up late into the night painting walls. So, we just spackled so that when we CAN get some people over to help then we can just sand and paint and be done with it all in one shot. We also still needed the spare sheets to lay down. I found out later that my sister has some old sheets that she uses for just that. Finally Tuesday. Elbie's exchange server crapped out, so we didn't do anything. Feel bad for saying, but yay! I wanted a full night off. I'd been running empty headed since Saturday morning and wanted some rest. I went to bed at like 8:30 and slept right till I had to get up at 5. Though I did wake up at 3:30 on my own and could have woken up then. I felt I had had enough sleep. F-that, says I and cuddled closer to my cat. (17 Snacks |Eat the Human!)

Banzai~~~ [9:09 am] Family just doesn't stretch as far as it used to. You know. When you're all cute and cuddly and smart and had better grades than your sister. And then you take typical prodegy child status as soon as you're not cute, or small, or cuddleable. I'm getting kicked out. ~~<3 Yes I am. For what happened last week. For not talking to him. For alienating him. For making him feel like a 'stranger' in his own house. Because I'm disrespectful by it and he takes his own meanings from my words. So yes. So kicked out am I. Cause he's tired of em 'dissin' da home owner. So. Um. I have to figure out how to move all my stuff tomorrow while he's not there. Hrm. Staying in a house with no water. That should be neat-o. On the other hand. I just got contacts. I have a whimpy perscription. But it's mine for now. We'll see how it works out when I go in for the follow up. They make my eyes blurry. And this morning they were all crusty before I put them in. I hope I don't get an infection from it. I haven't had those since I was little. Money Moneeeey. I've never been kicked out before. Though, I guess most of the rest have kicked me to the curb in the last two years. ~~Banzaiii. (7 Snacks |Eat the Human!)

[12:33 pm] [ mood | busy ] I want to find out what it is about men that make them think that giving someone poetry is somehow going to make them understand. It happened when my father got told that he couldn't co-sign for me on my car. That stupid poem about 'I wish for my children to learn everything the hard way, and appreciate what little they are given.' Yeah. Maybe if I had more stuff and money and didn't buy it with my own, I'd sympathize with that. 'Well.. maybe... it's not right for me to spend the money that I EARN IS IT?!' So much for. 'I'll support you as long as you're in school~~<3!' Freaking lying Care Bear. Full of crap. Allan sent my sister a poem to show me too. I didn't read this one. Aparently it was something about finding Jesus and being saved and going to hell. Yeah. You snapped at me. I just don't want to talk to you. So why not send me a poem, telling me that I'm going to GO TO HELL!! Fooooook. ( Time to utelize some planning time ) I'm going to have to find out how I'm going to move all that stuff from my mother's house. I don't exactly want to use Allan's truck. I'll have to figure that out soon. And starting this weekend or next week, I'm probably going to have to skip anime Saturdays. (1 Snack |Eat the Human!)

[5:07 am] Yay for rolling out of bed too quickly!! Queue alarm clock. Roll out of bed. Stretch and suddenly feel dizzy and drunk at the same time. Good thing I always look before I fall. 'Oh look, there's the table edge!' *CRACK~!!* Mmhmm. In other news. From one end of my groin to the other. I've been feeling my uterus getting pre-cycle pissed offness. Mmhm. Hate that. It will either start today. Tomorrow. Or it will wait for Saturday because my uterus KNOWS that I hate it when it starts that shit on days that I'm going out. And I'm gonna be gone all day Saturday. My body is a snickering shit splat. Lastly: What the crap?! 34 degrees outside right now? Holy crap I'm cold inside already. Allie said it's supposed to snow this weekend. But I know he's messing with me. Snow is something that they made up to scare small children and lab rats. *laughs* It's not real! Fools! (2 Snacks |Eat the Human!)

Familiar Antics [10:14 pm] Being born 12 years after my second youngest sibling did not earn me getting spoiled or coddled or bigger checks from grandma. Nope. Being born 12 years after my second youngest sibling earned me very last bit of teasing, bullying, irritating, taddle-taling and joke playing that any other kid gets. Only when my siblings all hit their late teens they jumped ship and didn’t come by very often to do those things to me anymore. No. And by the time I was old enough to get cheques my grand parents were DEAD. Or good as. What I got was a hoard of father figures all thinking that they could raise me the right way. My mother tried to overlord me into being a quiet inanimate household accessory. My father was like that uncle who picks you up now and then to take you to a movie, but you don’t REALLY know how to interact with him. My oldest brother tried to be fatherly to me for a little while, which ended in me getting shoved against a wall and him giving it up to live his more laid back lifestyle. My youngest brother decided that I should ‘learn’ from all of HIS mistakes, which were plenty, and that he could somehow guide me into victory. And my sister. Well. She used to play that she was fishing for birds when she cleaned my ears out with a Q-tip. Fast forward nearly two decades and here I am. Add ANOTHER father to the pile before. My oldest brother gave it up. But the other male that I've known since I was six years old is my sister's husband. And it seems that LIVING with them brings that back into light. He compares me to his children. 'I won't ever let my kids sit around on a computer like that.' Etc. etc. He hates how quiet I am. How unsocial I am. How neither I nor my sister are quick to argue. He loves verbal battles. But I stay in my room to AVOID him. I hate listening to him yell at the kids to be quiet when he's around. I hate his doubting personality that second guesses everything he's ever done in the past tax period and puts him in a foul mood. And his moods radiate like swamp gas. As soon as he walks in the room you can feel it even if you're back is turned. It'll burn the hair right off your head. We don't have anything in common. He thinks reading is a waste of time, anime is a waste of time, art is a waste of money, and so on. And my entire family hounds me about my 'eccentric' hobbies. It's part of why I don't want to talk to any of them. They all go into father mode like I should like something better, like drugs or sex. Something more normal. I had a little encounter with Allan over this a few days ago. Over my obsession with animals. A-'What do you need to go to Debbie's for?' J-*shiftyeyed* K-*sigh* You might as well go ahead and tell him. A-*level look* J-She's getting rid of her lizards so she's giving me one. K-You remember those ones that she got Tyler. A-Well, why is she giving them to YOU? J-I was over there at Banko and she asked me if I wanted one. A-So why are you taking it? J-Uh. A-What are you going to do with it? J-Put it in a tank? A-what are you going to do if things don’t work out with Dani and you have to move again? Where would you put it then? You already have three cats, and now you're going to have something like this on top of it. J-It's not really that different from fish in an aquarium. That put me in a right spiteful mood towards him to begin with. What I REALLY would have liked to say was that it wasn't his damn business what I do or don't keep as a pet. And it wouldn't matter if it was a god damn living vibrator that craps quarters. It's not his business. But that would have gone against his 'man of the house' mentality, and the mood resulting from that would have come down around my sister's head and done nothing for either of us. And that's the problem with arguing with the man right there. You can't argue with him. This is his mentality. Seriously. He's really said this about people like me or my brother living here: 'I don't see why they don't just do things like we want them to while they're living under our roof. It's only kind and considerate.' Meanwhile, my sister doesn't give a damn what any of us do. Not on the petty crap that he tries to stick his nose in. So basically. It comes down to what HE thinks we should do. And he uses the bible to back him up. I respect him. He's a good father. A nice person. But holy crap, the moment he utters the words 'you should respect me as the rightful man of this house' there are images of gorillas dancing in my head. And I'm a poacher. It's an automatic 'GET ME A TAZER NOW!' sort of feeling. I HATE that crap. You as woman should respect me as man. Sorry buddy. If you wrong me, I'll freaking sodomize you with an auger before you get me to respect anything about you. I think, perhaps, that sometimes Allan forgets the simple fact that my father moved out when I was a very young child. And my 'other' younger brother father figure jumped ship when he was 17. No. My mother was the man AND woman of the house, and I didn't respect her either. It's EARNED. And he has it. Until he opens his mouth and inserts his foot straight up to the rectum. Now. It didn't end there. No. We've been on shaky grounds, but good dry ground for a few weeks. I just don't feel comfortable around him. He's a psuedo-christian-conservative-republican. More than that, he became completely not fun once he had children. Too worried about doing the right thing, and raising his children right. He wants a hand in everything they do and say. And god damn it, he dishes out teases and jokes but can't take it worth a damn. He's like my mother. You can say 'you look fucking ugly today' one minute and he's fine. The next thing you know, you say 'I want to eat some cantaloupe' and he's like 'what do you mean?' And that's what he does. He'll question and question and question. Thinking. If he asks the RIGHT ONE you'll somehow realize how WRONG you are and how RIGHT he is. But he loves to argue. And he's not selfish or anything like that, nooo. But winning isn't worth it. If somehow you DO win, he goes into this little dank depression. And you can only do that through emotional blackmail of some kind. Then he bitches and mopes and is in a foul child yelling mood for DAYS. It's not worth winning. It's better to let himself think he's superior. But then he also gets mad if you DON'T argue. Jesus. He decided on this day to go out and try to put the giant swing set back together. I followed them out there being in rather good spirits (this was a while after the first lizard talk.) He started trying to maneuver and figure out how he would get the platform back on top of the side steps. Well. Those side steps reach over my head by quite a bit. And my sister is shorter. He had her brace the side ladders up, and then him and myself lifted the actual platform. Probably weighing in at around 80 pounds or more. I was suddenly aware of how painfully out of shape I was. Especially while trying to lift a giant platform OVER my head, and stand on my tip toes to get it over the actual side ladders. Needless to say, the platform got stuck on a tree, and then knocked into the side ladders, twisting them. And pretty soon, we were doing the Nut Cracker suite with two by fours. It held up, but only with us HOLDING it up. It just took a little of the weight and shifted perilously. And I was directly underneath it. And my sister just gave birth two months ago. And there are five children ages 10 and under in two year decreasing age groups running around. I knew then that the sky would fall on me that day. And then Allan began to see the error in this plan. A-How did we do this last time? K-I think we bolted on the sides and then pushed that up to lift the platform. J-That sounds like a much smarter idea than this! *goingtodie* I was suddenly assaulted by a cold feeling. Like when ghosts try to fondle you through your clothing. You know. Only like.. I was gonna die from more than one angle today. Yeah. It was like waging war on an ice cap between Germanic tribes and Europe. And I was Rome. And those bastards had submarines. With torpedoes. A-You know. Sometimes you are just really ugly. * (*It should now be noted that, at first. I wondered what he meant by ‘sometimes’) A-No really. Sometimes you just say the nastiest things you can think of. That was just ugly. ^ (^At this moment, my brows furrowed in confusion, and I suddenly realize that he thought I was insulting his intelligence. And that I should have said ‘better’ rather than ‘smarter’) That went on for a little while before we finally ceased that plan. Put the platform back onto the ground with little injury, and I made a break for it as soon as he turned his back. Chivalry once again restored to the world. That was three days ago, I think. Day one involved me making a hasty retreat into kidra’s skirts for a duck and cover maneuver that ended at Chili’s because of otaru and his obsessive-compulsive lust for fajitas and restaurants. Day two involved me flitting around him once he got home late. Taking a long shower. And going to bed at 9:30. He told Kathy that he thought I might be avoiding him. Today has involved me keeping a sharp ear out and waiting for the sign that I need to barrel head first through the window and run out into Black Creek to fall forever into legend of some kind. On the full moon my spirit will slosh about in the bog or something. Maybe on a new mood. No body needs to see that. And there’s a very good reason for my avoidance. I don’t feel like hearing it. I knew it was coming as soon as the words flew out of his mouth. A later recount would tell me that my sister had no idea what had set him off until he specified. And that he wondered if he had been harsh. I personally don’t care. If he takes insult to something I’ve said, then that’s his right. But It’s the AFTER. Because my mother got here right before I rushed off to neesama’s apartment. Because while my mother was here, he told her more details about sherrasama than I had given her. ‘So. How do you feel about your daughter moving in with somebody that she met online?’ Because he finally REALIZED that he was being an asshat and now he fells guilty. The ‘I’m sorry.. but I’m right’ speech is the worst possible human interaction ever created in modern pop culture family life. Because he can’t admit defeat. And I’ll admit that I can’t either. But I wouldn’t have gotten petty like a little spoiled brat. Neither would I try to corner someone alone to give them a speech. ‘I’m sorry for what I said. But I’m the man of the house, and you shouldn’t talk to me that way.’ Despite the fact that he could be mistaken as having a questionable sexual orientation, I can’t help but visualize him banging his mid-sized fists onto his hairy narrow chest cavity. And in his uncertainty. He’s sticking to my sister a bit. Which is actually sort of funny. Because apparently my sister was in this room on my computer and he came in and sat down on the bed. Then proceeded to look to his right and up onto my art dresser and see my pile of manga. Then came the question that probably about made my sister choke. ‘What is FAKE?’ He even went over and picked it up, though he didn’t open it. Good lord the spiel that could have come about THAT. How un-christian and un-wholesome and I couldn’t give a flipping damn. I have nothing against Christianity or the like. Well. A few things. But it doesn’t bother me. And I might actually like it if it didn’t dictate what I had to do right down to my flavor of frosting. That’s not exactly living. But I agree there are things you shouldn’t do out of plain freaking common sense. That said. He can fucking shove it if he ever finds out either way. Still I imagine my sister, wide eyed and watching him out of the corner of her eye as he looks at it. Cause she’s the one who makes me buy them promptly. Oh, I’d get them anyway. They crack me up. But I’m not the on going ‘Onna! Where’s the next one, damn it?’ every month. And it only comes out every OTHER month. MOVING ON! My mother thinks that I’m out to get her. And her stinky house too. Or something like that. I don’t know HOW MANY TIMES I’ve told her this. She is convinced that having a master AOL screen name is somehow equal to having an administrator account on her actual computer. I’ve explained this. Time and time again. Gotten her to repeat it back to me. Gotten her angry when she found out that I had the administrator account on her computer. And that I had taken away her install rights because I didn’t want her accidentally doing something stupid. READ THIS PART IF NOTHING ELSE! So. For the second time. She changed my password for ‘Tricksterpriest’. If no one reads any other part of the damn thing but this, then fine. Take caution when IMing that name, especially in the early parts of the day. It might not be me. And my mother is terrible. Let me illustrate. She might try to talk to my friends out of some weird curiosity. If this happens, and you can tell that it isn’t me. Then by all means. Tell her that I’m on drugs, pregnant and have had sex with Bill Clinton at least five times. On the roof of his house. But still realize that it’s my freaking mom. And bother the hell out of her. My mother is slick like rubber on cement. Always remember this. She kept denying that she had changed my password. While SIGNED ONTO MY OWN SCREEN NAME. She kept asking ‘Tell me what password you use, and I’ll tell you if it’s different.’ Somehow, this was supposed to outwit me into giving her my password. Which is a different password from the one I use for her administrator account ANYWAY. Despite the fact that I’m laughing my ass off. I want my name back. I was signed onto my AIM name here while she was, and told everyone I saw online at the time to IM me with profane things. That was sort of funny. I had to keep IMing myself like some weirdo with multiple personality disorder, and she kept going ‘WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?!’ Yeah. That was fun. She probably thinks that I stalk her in her sleep. However. The tone that this year has set seems to be one of health related to parents. My mother’s doctor has found that she has polyps in her uterus. She has no health insurance. Let the math competition begin. She’s getting tests done soon on all that. Allan’s mother has just been diagnosed with bladder cancer and is about to undergo surgery for it. She played it off as not being too serious. But we’ll see. And last time my father was here for Christmas we confirmed once again that his head shakes involuntarily when he sits still. My mother asked him about it, but he said that he didn’t know what she was talking about and that he was most sure that he didn’t do something like that. But we’ve noticed it every time we’ve seen him recently. Not that that has been much. And his wife is a nurse. Surely she would have noticed. And he is a bit of a health fanatic who rushes to the doctor at the first sign of anything. This has lead we siblings to the conclusion that he knows something is up, but is refusing to tell us anything. Which bothers me. If he goes, then so does my mother’s way of supporting herself. And she doesn’t have health insurance to begin with. Yeah. This year is looking guuuuuuuuuud. ~<3 (4 Snacks |Eat the Human!)

Moments Worth Forgetting [3:43 pm] sherragrausherra: holy shit! juujinkan: O_O' sherragrausherra: this porn clip juujinkan: ~_~ sherragrausherra: this guy can fuck with his TOUNGE sherragrausherra: weee sherragrausherra: looks fun juujinkan: x_x sherragrausherra: XD sherragrausherra: poor Lizzie-sama sherragrausherra: putting up with my antics juujinkan: Antics is right! juujinkan: You raunch! sherragrausherra: still sherragrausherra: this clip is a keeper juujinkan: -_- sherragrausherra: I'm gunna show it to Carly and go "do that, ho!" juujinkan: @_@; sherragrausherra: XD sherragrausherra: your poor ears juujinkan: More than sherragrausherra: poor baby juujinkan: SHUT YOUR MOUTH! People seem to have been talking to me about sex a whole lot. Anthony seemed confused by the fact that I said that peanutbutter captian crunch was better than sex. There are plenty of foods that I think are better than sex. And plenty of feelings. Calm and quiet ones in the world that are better than it too. And he said that captain crunch was better than masterbation MAYBE, but definitely not toe curling sex. He has his opinion and I can have mine. I have little interest in things of a sexual nature. The idea of it is fine and dandy, and that goes for love too. But the actual thing is slimy and messy and not plesant at all. Maybe one day I'll make a list of foods better than sex. My piscean tendencies are perfectly sated by reading warm stories or even fanfics done by good writers. The concept of love and what not is as plesant as communism, but neither really work in practice. Speaking of sappy fics. I was foolish enough to pick up a freaking LotR one. I need to find something more productive to do with my work time, sure enough. Rather than reading this and that. Though, I'm still reading my work for school, so it's no big deal. The Making of Samwise is a fic that I've seen mentioned in a lot a lot of places. I was compelled to read it after reading the authors note and found an intelligent and good writer. *shrugyawns* Today is a rather amazingly apathetic day for me. Expected to make an appearance tomorrow at otaru's appartment. I'll have to see tomorrow if I'm up for actually going, or if I'm still this compelled to simply not answer the phone and skulk into a corner. (4 Snacks |Eat the Human!)

[9:45 am] bitemenavy has inflicted my posting upon the sorry lives of all. And it would especially be painful since I'm not really doing much of anything these days. otaru seems to have shacked up as of late and doesn't call anymore. Which is fine. kidra seems to have disapeared into the mists. And bitemenavy is sort of wandering about, buying useless computer parts as he goes. He said something about a ray to ray last time I talked to him. Which is all fine, since I don't like going out all the time ANYWAY. But this also means that I don't go out at ALL lately. Which means that I have more time for my homework and the horror that my other classes start in like a week. More importantly. It saves me super money so I can start thinking about all the things I would rather be buying than food. Like the fact that they've gone and released pre-orders for the Golden Hall of Edoras or Helm's Deep. And while I don't want either particularly, it gives me hope for a future Minas Tirith. Which would kick my ass. But I'll have to keep a close eye, considering EVERYTHING is going to be limited edition from here out it seems. Even Orthanc sold out since only 750 were released. They seem to also be releasing an answer to the Ringwraith on steed statue that I bought in a more Gandalf and Shadowfaux sort of way. At 15 pounds, it seems it will only be slightly smaller than my 18 pound backordered wraith. And that interests me. The lack of picture in the Sauron pre-order, leads my mind to think of those little plastic eyeballs that are inside of clear plastic balls and in water. You know the ones. That you roll around, and the eye is always pointing up and wiggling around. You get them at Spencer's. Yeah. That. Only a big flaming one. And 15 pounds of plastic eye. Mmhmm. That'd be fun. I'd also consider getting the Morgul Lord statue. Just because people go absolutely ape-shit over Nazgul it seems. The release of the non-limited edition Balrog statue looks like it will hurt the first limited release that is going for something stupidly over a grand on ebay these days. Serves them right. I'm still considering Theoden and Gandalf the White because they are both just fucking badass and I love them. ;-; All in all. I could hurt myself if I actually went for all that. But at least the pre-order stuff wouldn't ship for quite a while, or charge. Hrm... no. I think I shall control myself. Of course, if I wanted to be fucking awesome, I could always buy kidra what she's been looking forward to: Eowyn. Make one hell of a Birthday present. Yes? Then again, so would Gandalf's White Staff. Wonder how many brownie points I'd get for either of THOSE. XD I can just imagine her clutching the staff and sitting in a corner. 'It's my own. My very own birthday present~<3' Hrm... she hasn't been online lately. I wanted to flirt with her too. Which brings me to a good point that I don't really know anything half that expensively awesome that I'd get anyone else. Not even sherrasama. Damn shame too. Then again. Dani-sama has a SHITHORDE of stuff. So it's hard to know what she does and doesn't have. All of this reminds me of the fact that I got Sting, and it was damn pritty. I didn't get to fondle it nearly enough. That, or that lizard which will be mine. BTW. I hate Gollum. Yes. Really don't like him. Thought he was cool and all, and the CG was awesome and yes. But I hate him, precious. I hates him good! Don't want to buy anything with nasty stinking Gollum on it, noooo. Which makes me think. I wonder if they'd ever do a 'Gollum biting off Frodo's finger' statue. They could call it... The Making of Nine Fingered Frodo. That's just bad. XD Oh. And yes. FMA. KICKS MY ASS!! It has this wonderful balance of angst and humor. So very very bad assness. And episode 15. BAD ASS!! Armstrong is tha shite! It takes a REAL-BUFF MAN to shine in pink sparkles! Holy crap! And Ed. That boy totally loses rational thought when he freaks out. Then he always has this like... adrenaline low after he calms down. I think he should check his sugar levels. Poor guy. But yes. Episode 15. I just heard mom's voice. Baka. Even if we almost died, don't go dreaming dangerous dreams. I'm terribly off on those lines. But it was basically that. Good stuff. Very good. In shambles aren't we? It's not even ugly anymore... I think the translations I downloaded are a little screwy though. So, I want to redownload the anbu version or something. And yes! Announcement! I don't like the new opener song that much. Cause you know? I DON'T LIKE LARC'EN'CIEL! OMFG BLASPHEMY! But I don't. Noo. Not much at all. Though, the new opener has bouncy Al, Ed, Winry dogpile action that makes it amusing. And mean flashes of suffering Ed that make me grin. But NO! Larc'en'ciel! UGH!!!!! Hrm... yes. Post! So useless! But I really don't have much of anything else going on right now. And everyone should be glad of that! (Eat the Human!)

[10:51 pm] Today seems to be a day for aquiring things. Sting came a day early, and I had to pack it away before the kids got ideas about it. It was quite sharp, and it has to be packed away in the closet. A shame. I wanted to fondle it much more than that. My sister made me sub for someone who didn't go to Bonco. It was at Debbie's house, which is about five houses down, so we just walked there. Little did I know what was waiting for me. They had two tanks in the living room with bearded dragons in them, and I made a comment about them and said that I had been thinking about getting one. (VERY VERY THINKING. I wasn't going to) But she said 'oh, I'm trying to find homes for them' and proceeded to trick me into taking one. The other is for her nephew or something, but I got to pick which one I wanted. I took the smaller, but more colorful one that looks sort of like this. I can't keep it here, so she's gonna hold him until I move out. I want to move out soon now. He doesn't have a heating pad. Only an overhead lamp. I hope that lamp is a low enough wattage not to fry him. Still. They've had him for a year, and he was quite healthy. They had to seperate the two of them and just never got a heating pad for the bottom tank. He was cold when I picked him up, and he just slept on me the whole night during the game. Very tame. And she's planning on giving me the tank he's in, his set up, the ten gallon with the crickets and what not and an outdoor wire pen so I can let him sun outside in the summer. Much freeness. I think it's worth the cost of a heating pad. Then we gave him a bath and he got all indignant looking. They named him Draco. I might go ahead and keep that name. Silly as it is. I think that he might replace Chelsea. I wanted to take my dog. But she got very stressed when I moved her here for even a few days. And she's 13. I don't want her getting depressed. Somehow I don't think that she'll adapt to the different living conditions. So. I suppose I am one reptile richer. Dani-sama's not the only herp owner now. Or something. (6 Snacks |Eat the Human!)

Waves of Honesty [11:17 am] 'What are you talking about?' 'What?' 'I see you walking around with that smirk on your face. You haven't been as broody. What's up with that?' ( Un-Interesting ) (Eat the Human!)

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