First!!!

I was FIRST to invent snowboarding.

Yeah, i almost got killed by a secret service agent who fell out of the sky while i was snowboarding.

Third!

I also invented meaningless superficial gestures like throwing someone else's medals over the White House fence, and agreeing with everyone on every issue.

Check out my cow rental reciepts when I was campaigning in Tennessee.

Yea, but wait until this afternoon. I will reverse my rock solid position. But as of now it is an extremely positive maybe.

And if I now say FOURTH, someone else will still be posting at the same time!

Snowboarding is sport of imperialist western devils that are mercilessly working to destroy Islam with a new crusade! Now, camel-towed sandboarding, there's a real sport of men! And afterwards, we show special affection to the camel. Inshalla!

Senator Kerry added:

"In much the same way I voted for the 'Helms-Burton' legislation to get tough on companies dealing with Cuba, I'm 'pretty tough' on snowboard manufacturers.

Of course, we'll make some allowances for certain companies who voluntarily contribute to worthwhile charities founded by rich widows; and naturally we will have the usual exclusions for application to members of Congress who own fabulous homes at ski resorts or who can commandeer an entire ski slope for private use.

After all, DYKWIA? I knew you would --I'm just ordinary John Kerry, man of the people, n'est ce pas?"

Aargh! I knew it!

Junior Samples,
Aren't you supposed to be going to church this morning (see other thread), instead of mindlessly trolling Scrappleface to be ready to pounce on "FIRST!", like the rest of us poor, lost souls?

One day, JF Kerry is a snowboarder, a day later he's on skis.
Listen, if this isn't the most classic flip-flop, I don't know what is. Real skiers HATE SNOWBOARDERS! With George Bush, you get baseball in the summer, and golf anytime you can get a few rounds in, and tennis with the Old Man on family vacations.
But with John Kerry, NOOOOOOOO!
He's gotta be all things to all people. Let's bet we see him playing that sissy soccer (it's so French!) thing this summer with a bunch of suburban, preppy kids, then basketball with bunch of inner city kids.

I was at the great art fair in Foley, Alabama yesterday, which continues today, should you wish to attend. There are hundreds of exhibitors, as well as some very nice shops in that city. Went to IHOP for brunch and Lambert's Cafe ("Home of the Throwed Rolls", had a GREAT, HUGE prime bib for $17 with all the fixin's) for dinner and noticed something. A lot of restaurants down here have switched to Hunt's Ketchup vs. Heinz, and I'm sure I know why. We (the South and other "flyover people") do NOT support Senator Heinz-Kerry in any way, shape or form, and restaurants are showing that by their subtle shift to alternate brands. Whenever we are out to eat, let's make it a point to ask the manager for Hunts or another brand, other than Heinz, shall we?

"Insta-moron" posted:
Real skiers HATE SNOWBOARDERS!

TRUE!!! An issue I can actually agree on; but Kerry will probably change his mind...I won't.

richard clarke on 60 minutes tonite.

"This Secret Service agent should thank his lucky stars that I am not already President, or he would be looking at facing a firing squad, (NOT to be confused with 'The Republican Attack Squad'), for making the most important Vietnam Veteran to take a spill.

BTW, where is my Purple Heart for this latest injury? It was MUCH more of an injury than the other's were!"

Not to worry, my faithful legions...it will be somebody else's snowboard that I toss over the White House fence. Mine carries the Heinz Dynasty family crest, and I can't bear to part with it. But it's the thought that counts.

FREE THE SNOW MASSES!
DOWN WITH HILLS!
DEFEAT NUCLEAR ARMS. DEFEAT, DELEGS, DEHIPS, DENECK, AND DEHEAD TOO!
Fast Freddie:
I take issue with Foley, Alabama being the home of thrown rolls. I was at a restauant in Mazzeruh who claimed to be the home of thrown rolls. As a matter of fact, I was severly injured when a secret service guy jumped to stop a launched roll and fell on me, causing the salad fork to pierce my lower lip. Boy did I cuss him out.
The restaraunt was near Cape Giradeau,I believe and was featured in USA today.

And what is up with changing topics again so soon. Why I was just working up to a full head of steam, when viola, everything changes. That will teach me not to go to church.
As always, in a loathsome disposition as snow has returned to flyoverland ):
NASCAR mom

"I don't like Castro, but I DO enjoy Cuba Gooding Jr.!

So I can remain on topic, there is not a lot of snow boarding in Cuba, BUT I can fall off surf boards with the 'worst' of them!

I have also been thinking that if I, or my reckless driving buddy Teddy can bump off, "Heinz Chick" now, then her money becomes, MY MONEY, and can be used for my campaign!

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

Here's an idea "Ole Leather Face". Do to her what you are doing to America,-----BORE her to death!

Wait, -------never mind, if it hasn't worked by now, she is going to be hard to do in!

Amid Natural Splendor in Idaho, a dimwit-o-ratfink emerges to soil the last of the snow for the season. The first one to emerge this spring. The rest seem to have died off durning the winter months.

A matter of mere semantics, Freddie, but the South definitely ain't flyover country. When you die, whether you're going to Heaven or Hell, you're going to change planes in Atlanta.

On topic, JoKe has just announced he's going to wait until after his shoulder surgery--to repair severe injuries sustained in the Iowa steel cage match with NWA professional Mad How--is completely healed, before attempting the snowboard toss.

"This may take a while," the junior premier of the People's Republic of Massachusetts added. "I'm still suffering from the traumas sustained in Vietnam, where I was a war hero, y'know."

Did you hear that Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein once got together for a meeting to discuss their common problems?
They both had Kurds in their whey.

As always, sorry about the joke, but not to sorry.
Ms RightWing

John "Flipper" Kerry actually voted for snowboarding before he voted against it.

And I agree with Possumtrot--in this part of the country, you just can't get there from here!

Why is Kerry making so many "statements" from vacation? I thought that when he said that he was going into the mountains for some family time, he would be in a cabin with no phone or outside access. Yet he has to make a crack about each and every little thing that is news-worthy.

Go on vacation already! I don't think that I can take eight months of news conferences with Lurch Kerry. His hordes cannot even put a logical arguement together. AAAGGGGHHH!!!

It's a shame Kerry doesn't like snowboarding. He's got the face to pull off wearing a jester hat with a hint of irony. I'll bet Bin Bush has a trunkload of them, fool that he be.

To ensure everybody knows where not to find John "F'n" Kerry, go to the Home of the Throwed Roll. You'll find three restaurants, Foley, Ala, Sikeston, Mo (near Cape Giradeau, Mo), and Ozark, Mo (near Branson, Mo). Great food and no liberals of the Kerry ilk hanging around and lining their pockets while purporting to be a "man of the people". As an added bonus, they serve Hunts ketchup! Go to these restaurants, but only when hungry.

SHRUBBERIES!!!

Ooopz, I'm LAST!

Sorry this belonged one story back but everything moved to fast. An ad from my radio theater days.

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You can purchase the Ben Laden labels at all area flea markets, convenient stores, motels and of course, your favorite yak supply emporium.
Remember if the label says Ben Landen it likely won't be where you last placed it--that's half the fun of owning a Ben Landen Robe. All colors expected to run.

NEWS ITEM:
Massachuetts Senator John "bad boy" Kerry took time out this weekend for a little R&R;, as the Viet-Nam war hero likes to call it, by heading to the slopes in Idaho.
After engaging in conversation with a few young men who raved over his Rolling Stone article, Kerry looked them in the eye and said, "It may be a new morning in America, but just another day for this crazy dude."
Kerry then borrowed the snow board from one of the enchanted youth, hit the snow packed slope and yelled. "Gooks, look out for papason is going down."
About 90 seconds later Kerry lost control, did two flip flops, waffled for a few seconds and just as he nearly gained his stance, hit a Bush.
"I'm not sure someone didn't plant a Bush there but one **!##*! thing for certain that was not my secret service guy in the way," he angrily told reporters.
After being treated at a local hospital for a few broken promises and a bruised ego, Kerry retired to his 130,000 sq. ft., multi-million dollar home in Sun Valley.
Later, in a phone interview, Kerry told National Public Radio, for a second he felt like he was back in Nam taking enemy fire. "It was like a flash back. There I was holding off armed resistence then suddenly realized it was only the secret service. I quickly regained my composure but somehow lost my medals in the snow."

I just don't know what all the fuss is about this snowboarding stuff. I remember when all we needed as kids was just a hoop and a stick to have fun.

Gee, Wally do you think our parents are really that old.
Sure Beav, why just look at the way they dress.
I guess you're right Wally. Do you think we will ever get that old?
Heck no, now quit asking so many questions, will ya.

vhat, sure dat Kerrinski he's a pretty fun comrade. Love da vay he yumps and kwaffles. He'st gut my yote. Lets celebrate with a pirogi down at da mills.

ATTENTION SCRAPLE FACE POSTERS ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Road Runner internet service just detected two viruses. I can only guess they came from a disgruntled reader.
Their e-mail adresses were
W32.netskyK@mm.com and
p00001316@hotmail.com
THIS IS A REAL ALERT!
Ms RightWing

Ms. Rightwing:
If the lefties can't convince us, they can try and take us out. That would be my guess. There's a lot of out-of-work computer people over at Moron.org...

Ms Rightwing,

We all had trouble after the worm came out, and began to put characters in the email address which a thinking person would take out, but a program would not (such as OMITCAPS in your email address). This way, if some program is harvesting email addresses from comment sections, they will go to never-never land, not to your in box.

Sorry you're having trouble.

Ms. Rightwing, I don't want to alarm you, but if you have the virus I think you do, there is nothing you can do to save your computer, if you want to save the computer of everyone in your address book, you are going to have to set your computer on fire, IMMEDIATELY!!

Roger That said:
"There's a lot of out-of-work computer people over at Moron.org..."

I resemble that remark, in more ways than one (well, maybe two ways, but that's all!)

Then, the traveling Mathmom said:
"We all had trouble after the worm came out..."
I hope you're hitting the Tequila, because otherwise you're gonna be in the same boat as California Cassandra, with that weird early-bird -worm -diet thing she's got going on (who woulda known?), so let's just be careful out there.

As for June and Annette, where have you girls been for the last 40 years? In syndication?

Thankfully the virus was detected before the attachment was opened. I guess that is why I pay $45 a month for high speed service. I never open an attachment unless I know the sender. Generally I get "make her scream" e-mails or something from some dude named Kenneth Carl or Suzan Suchagal selling viagra or whatever. Just wanted to warn y'all.
P.S. Annette has making teddy bears and last I heard she also was in a wheelchair.

Yes, that's right. I believe that Annette has MS.

Scrolling 'way back up, Possumtrot said:
"On topic, JoKe has just announced he's going to wait until after his shoulder surgery--to repair severe injuries sustained in the Iowa steel cage match with NWA professional Mad How--is completely healed, before attempting the snowboard toss."
Can you believe these guys? Mad How was pimping for Kerry this morning on Stephadopolous' show (I think). It's enough to make you gag.

Possumtrot, Ive been on a mission for you. I waded deep into hostile cyberspace in the last two days (Daily Kos, Atrios, Calpundit) looking for the smoking gun evidence that "Scrappleface" will be called a 'Republican Hate-site'. I think we're too far below the radar (drat!).
Well, Ive found nothing yet, except extreme paranoia, borderline psychosis, and excessive vulgarity (in the posts, not by the web-site writers themselves, especially at the Daily Kos).
I need a good brain-washing tonight to get myself right with the world. Brrrrrrrr!

Snowboarding is kerrifying, almost like driving...

Insta-moron:
I din't perceive your comment to be derogatory. Although MS is no joke, those of us who fell under its evil hold still have a sense of humor.
It certainly can screw up ones life. It did mine. For a while all seemed doomed but God has a way of taking care of people.
We have our "bitch groups" that gather monthly and I have an excersize and swim class when I can get there. We laugh, we gripe and sometimes we cry, but we generally vote GOP. Democrats don't get MS, they just die from bitterness.:)

As always, with a three car pile up in my front yard because it can't stop snowing in flyover land
Ms RightWing

And there was the picture of JF'n Kerry on a snowboard carving out a turn, now he hates snowboarding and likes skiing. Is this man pathological or what? Personally, I think PTSD is setting in....can't have that in the White House now, wouldn't be prudent!

MsRightwing,

as a concerned reader of your mails, I must argue against this hasty divulgence of other people's mail addresses.

Here's a free sample of addresses I've recieved virus mails from:

myself@me.com
support@microsoft.com
osama@al-quaeda.int
bill.gates@microsoft.com
goran.persson@rosenbad.se
george.lucas@lucasfilm.com

I can just guess that they either had me in their address book , had their email addresses hijacked or that the addresses are fake.

If I tell you the story of me getting a mail from GOD@heaven.org telling me I was a, quote: "loser bound for the eternal flames of hell", which option do you think I favor?

I would like to see Sen Heinz-kerry go back and play hockey again, only this time on a pond or lake, as he is already skating on thin ice with his comments as of late.

I REALLY liked the one where he said, "--I did vote for that bill before I voted against it!"

I'm sure he only said that because he was having a 'flashback' from some brown acid he took while over at "Hanoi Jane's" house.

No,------not 30 years ago, just last week-end while on vacation!

Where are the papparazzi when we need 'em? I woulda payed money to see a photo of The Gigolo sitting on his brains after taking that fall!

Kerry's certainly the right poster boy for the Shallow-Hal activity of snowboarding, which is perfect for morons of any age who lack the talent, technique, and courage to master the sport of skiing. To snowboard, you need no knowledge, no skill, no practice, and no conscience. You do need to want go fast, to be an exhibitionist, to be out of control, and to endanger others while enjoying yourself. Whether he's on his butt or not, that's Kerry all over.

Dang, I was hoping that JFingK would meet SonnyBono!

More air dammit!!!

"Hey, I thought Bill said that?"

HAIKUS FOR JOHN F. KERRY
Vietnam Hero?
Zumwalt Says "Yes! But then your
Record will haunt you."

Then when he comes home
He hangs out with Jane Fonda
Was she a good time?

In U.S. Senate
He opposes every bill
For our Armed Forces.

So to pander votes
Takes both stands on all issues
What a dumb flip-flop!

Flaming Liberal!
You'll go down in huge defeat
Just like McGovern!

What's next for John F*****G Kerry? Decked out in full biker gear on a Harley to show how macho he is?

All I can see is that great photo op of Dukakis riding that tank in 1988.

Red State Ranter

I find your haikus
To be a breath of fresh air
This campaign season

Your lame poetry
did not rhyme whatsoever
what is your problem

I LOVE THIS SITE!!!! WHOOOHOOOOOOO...GREAT MINDS!!!