17 years in prison for a blowjob if you're gay? Still just hunky-dory! And let's quote insane sexist laws from 1904 in holding it up too, why don't we? Oh, and check out the part under "parental responsibility" - same-sex statuatory rape should be punished more harshly because in opposite-sex statuatory rape we should keep them out of jail so they can financially support their illegitimate kids. WHAT?! Are these judges on crack?!

Don't get too complacent. Don't fool yourself into thinking we've achieved equality in this society. Don't assume it's over.

I'm SO fucking angry right now I don't know what else to say.

Addendum: To contrast, today in Germany that gay cannibal guy got eight years. Argh.

Those of you who remember my New Year's resolutions may wonder whatever happened to the scarf I was going to start.

How's this for a mangled mess?

I finally figured out what I was doing to add stitches, but not before thoroughly screwing up the edges on this. So tonight I learned another new technique: frogging.

Tom used to live in the same town in Kansas where I used to live. I never knew him back there but I've gotten thoroughly drunk with him twice, as he was at my last two parties. On both occasions I thought he was awfully cool. He just started blogging recently. Check him out, why dontcha?

I feel so totally Seinfeld right now: my psychoanalyst just dumped me.

Yuh huh. He most certainly did.

This whole thing is as amusing to me as it is baffling. My therapist broke up with me! What the fuck am I now, a character out of a Woody Allen movie? Bwahahaha! Hahaha! Ha.

Fuck you, Florida Department of Children and Family Services. Fuck you, 11th Circuit. Fuck you, Jerry Regier and Jeb Bush.

Fuck all y'all.

Playbill covers "Worst. Sex. Ever."

(And no, I'm not a man. And I don't get how telling funny stories about bad sexual experiences, which just about everyone has at one point or another had, makes us "bitter" and "lovelorn" but whatever. Woohoo!)

Everyone (that is, if everyone means Gothamist and Jimmy Legs) has already said it far, far better than I, but here I go nonetheless: this cold is really getting me down, man. I could rattle off a litany of complaints, but everyone else in this city is feeling exactly the same, so I can't even enjoy my own goddamned complaining. I do want to note, however, that I'm just as freaked-out-fissin'-to-lose-my-goddamned-mind-stir-crazy SICK of winter today as I was last year, except I was in such a state a month later than it is now. Argh.

My disposition would be improved thoroughly if I were to get laid, but the weather is not the least bit conducive to booty hunting. Instead, inspired by Phoebe's divinely feline inspiration I've just reread "The Colony of Cats," my favorite ever (since I was six, anyway) fairy tale. It's this wonderful old Sicilian folk story. Know what? I feel a little better. Not as good as getting laid, mind you, but it is a nice temporary solution.

Lucky you: you can read it too.

Bonus: Two other things I found while Googling for the story - a nifty nonprofit that takes care of NYC's feral cats and Torre Argentina Roman Catsanctuary.

Obligatory photos of my girls:

1. "Neely. Neely, look over here! Neely. I'm trying to take your picture, come on. Neely?" The narcotic effects of makin' biscuits on my bedspread.

2. Apollonia, devil-eyed princess of the sink.

God help me: I'm blogging about my cats.

Addendum: Andy says I must include a link to Little Gray Guy (not safe for work!) now. I concur.

So all that hinting and nudging about this thing I've been working on? Drumroll, please...

Featuring:
Choire Sicha (editor of Gawker)
Kiri (NON, C'EST RéALITé)
Paul Ford (F Train)
Andy Horwitz (Andy's Chest)
Blaise K. (Bazima)
Jennifer Landry (Moufa Is Bad)
Faustus, M.D. (The Search for Love in Manhattan)
Dori Mondon (SaranWarp)
Josh Bernstein (My So-Called Strife)
Brian Grosz (Doctor Grosz)
and me. Woot!

(Huge thanks to the delectable UltraSparky for his graphic design snazziness!)

So spread the word, kids! Pimp it far and wide! Post it on your own damned sites! Here's a larger JPEG if you'd rather have that. Or you can email me for a black-and-white 8"x10" printable PDF flyer, of which you should then print out tens of thousands of copies and plaster them all over the damned place. Most importantly, be at P.S. 122 on February 11 to laugh at our sexual misfortunes!

And if you've had sex with me and are wondering whether I'm going to be talking about you: there's only one way to find out.

"Men are afraid of women. And you know what? With the way they treat us sometimes, you'd think they'd have figured out why by now."

Oooh, snap.

By the way, if you're not doing anything next Sunday, make plans for this.

Supposedly this link will only be good for the next 14 days, so get crackin'. (Thanks, Christopher!!)

Addendum: One more.

Do any of you guys have any experience with any of the one-time-fee services that hook you up with no-broker apartments (Rent-Direct.com, EasyRent.com, MLX.com, etc.)? Which one did you use, and how good was it? My Lower East Side apartment possibility is looking less likely, and I probably can't afford a broker fee when I move March 1.

"Are you okay, mami?"

I didn't stop pawing through my bag in search of Kleenex but looked up from my seat on the bench. A young man stood before me, his brow creased in solicitude.

I must have looked a fright. Three nights of the heat at my apartment not working had left me with some serious undereye luggage, and I'd just walked ten blocks in fuckittyfuckFUCKit'scold weather to get to the 2nd Avenue F stop, so my eyes were watering and I was having issues with what my friend Dianne calls "nose drool."

"Oh, I'm fine," I told him. "Just cold. Thanks." I turned my attention back to excavating for tissue, thinking he'd walk off.

I thought wrong.

I spent a lovely chunk of last night with my boobs squished up against this semi-nekkid gentleman's chest, then his wife came home. And we all ordered Thai food. Delightful people.

Something will be posted soon that will make all of this make sense, I swear.