Thursday 01 Apr 04
The Undersea Bunker of the Forking Paths
It has suited my purposes to have you all think that my relatively laconic output of late has been in the service of my quest for academic employment. My actual activities, however, have been directed toward far more enlightened, not to mention groundbreaking, goals. Here now is the first (of what I assure you will be many) hint of the progress we have made: a transcript of a recent interview with noted Argentinian magic realist Jorge Luis Borges. My thanks to Rex for standing steno.
GL: First Mr. Borges, I’d just like to say what an honor and a privilege it is to talk to you here today. I know that you are remarkably reclusive, and so I’m particularly gratified you decided to take the opportunity to meet me here today.
JLB: Well, at times one has little choice in these matters.
GL: I trust the boys didn’t rough you up any.
JLB: Let us say that they brought me over to their point of view without much difficulty.
GL: I do apologize. But it was difficult to track you down — most people consider you to have died in 1986 of liver cancer.
JLB: In the autumn of one’s years a certain seclusion seems necessary, even if the price of its purchase is an untruth.
GL: And the ride was fine?
JLB: There were certain difficulties boarding the submarine.
GL: I am sorry. I assure you it’s the easiest way to get here.
JLB: While I have consented to interviews before, this is the first time I have given one in a secret undersea base.
GL: Just trying to keep it real, Jorge.
JLB: Your cape is also somewhat unexpected.
GL: The supervillain costume is mostly latex-based — it doesn’t breath well and is really unpleasant to wear. Usually I just wear the cape — you know, to keep up the mood, keep my minions in line, and so forth.
JLB: …
GL: So, I know you don’t like to talk about your influences…
JLB: If you ask me about my ‘influences’ I may very well opt for the five minutes in the ‘pain-o-tron’ that you assured me was the ineluctable consequence of my silence.
GL: Well no need to get snippy, there, George.
JLB: I trust you understand this to be a statement of my dislike of such questions, and not a reflection of personal feelings towards you. Continue.
GL: Ok. Hmmm… let’s see. Ok: You’re a world famous prose stylist — what advice do you have for young academics writing job letters for a tenure track position?
JLB: Become enigmatic. They will flock to you.
GL: I see. Uh…what are you reading these days?
JLB: Ftrain.
GL: Ftrain.com?
JLB: Yes. Have you seen the excerpts from Michael Jackson’s son’s future autobiography? They were delightful.
GL: Yeah, I loved that one. It was hilarious.
JLB: A page out of my book, of course - if you see my meaning. Apparently there is even an internet site dedicated to books which exist only in other books. In the late 1950s, of course, it seemed like a new idea.
GL: Wow - so have you heard any of Paul Ford’s NPR spots?
JLB: My retreat is removed from the rest of the world. I do not have a radio and I lack, I am told the ‘plugins’ necessary to use my computer.
GL: What do you do all day? Do friends come around?
JLB: The path to my house can be seen only in the light of violence — the glint of a sword being drawn or the percussive burst of illumination from the mouth of a rifle. I do not receive many visitors.
GL: You’re totally isolated? That sounds terrible!
JLB: It is true that there are exceptions — one can arrive when seeking another location with incorrect information, for example. The misled, thus, have become my companions. To a few of my close friends I have given instructions to my house that are so precisely incorrect that they inevitably arrive at the correct destination. The mailman and the delivery boy can by now find their way through the maze of palms almost with their eyes closed.
GL: Who counts as your close friends?
JLB: Mostly these days I spend time with Joss.
GL: Joss?
JLB: Joss. Joss Whedon.
GL: You know Joss Whedon?
JLB: Yes. That is why I spend time with him — because I know him. I just said that.
GL: What’s he like?
JLB: These days? Obsessed with Firefly. He is also a bit of a coquette. He refuses to lend me Season Six of Buffy until it is released.
GL: Wait a min — did you say ‘Buffy’?
JLB: Yes, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It is a television show about a young wo-
GL: Uh yeah, I know what it is. I just didn’t know that you’d seen it.
JLB: When surrounded by vast volumes of solitude, NetFlix is an inevitable companion.
GL: So you’ve seen Buffy? What did you think?
JLB: As I say, I have only seen the first five installments. Season Six will not be released until late May.
GL: Whose your favorite character?
JLB: Anya. Easily.
GL: Anya?
JLB: She is terrified of rabbits. I find this enchanting.
GL: I’ve never stopped to really think about Jorge Luis Borges’ favorite character would be, but… I don’t know. I figured you’d be more into Giles or Drusilla or something.
JLB: Not at all. Anya is the secret center of Buffy, both the show and the person. Buffy is a youth who is forced by life to face the problems of an adult. Anya is an adult who is forced by life to face the problems of youth. Personally I feel Joss dropped the ball at the conclusion of Season Three. Anya quickly became shoe-horned into the role of the blunt outsider whose lack of mores provided a source of comic relief. To move her story, her struggle with human emotions in the face of her cynical experience, to move this into the center of the story — what a triumph it would have been for Joss! This is my next project.
GL: What’s that?
JLB: I have begun a counternarrative, an anti-history of Buffy. A history of moments between the episodes — filling the lacunae, as it were where the camera and the character’s biographies do not intersect. Of course this story will focus on Anya.
GL: You mean you’re writing… Anya… fan fiction?
JLB: Of course, I must hide my true identity on my LiveJournal for fear of media attention.
GL: Wow. You’ll have to give me the URL.
JLB: Of course. Perhaps if there are no other questions…?
GL: Not at all. Jorge Luis Borges, thanks very much. I’ll be sure to email you any comments I get on my blog about this after I post it.
JLB: I would wish no less.
GL: Great. The submarine is waiting. If you’ll just step this way…
