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TABLOID BULLETIN SURVEY!
   

Vote Early and Often!

TABLOID is sick of all these CNN-ABC-Washington Post-USA Today polls about Monicagate. After all, the White House is spending good money to do its own polls, so why should news organizations be wasting cash on surveys of no real consequence?

SPECIAL TABLOID SURVEY SAVES THE NATION!TABLOID believes the only worthwhile poll for these pages is one that will truly help solve the presidential crisis. It's simple: If you don't care who Clinton screws, click the appropriate answer. If you're some puritanical fraud who thinks Clinton's gross sex life matters to anything but his shamed family, there's a response for you to send, as well. Finally, if you pray for a diversion -- say, the savage bombing of Iraq -- select the third response.

When you've made your decision, fill in an e-mail address (optional) and hit the "VOTE" button. Your opinion doesn't matter to us -- that's why your vote will go straight to the White House. That's right, babies; as a public service, we've set up this page to direct your answers to president@whitehouse.gov. Don't check TABLOID for results of the survey, just keep an eye on Washington, D.C.

So, vote early and often. Let's get this country back on track.


TELL BILL CLINTON WHERE TO GO!

  Get packing, fat boy!

  Whatever you do is OK with me, Bill! Keep on rockin' in the White House!

  I think we ought to bomb the living crap out of Iraq so I don't have to think about this!


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